


The Lord of the Lake

by gwynndelous (Eristastic)



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Arthurian AU, F/F, F/M, Fae & Fairies, Haru's eyes, M/M, Slow Build, Threesome, sword and sorcery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 12:35:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 95,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4435742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eristastic/pseuds/gwynndelous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With his country recovering from years of war and his people in unrest, only divine intervention could help Sousuke. Luckily that’s exactly what happened.</p><p> </p><p>[Otherwise known as a kind of Arthurian SouHaru AU with Sousuke as the king and Haru as a water god]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> With any luck, this is probably going to be a long one! (If enough people like it, of course). Goodness knows I'm enjoying writing it enough. I'll add tags as we go along.
> 
> I'm almost at the end of my current ongoing story, so I was brainstorming ideas for a new one and came up with this as a total joke and then...grew kind of attached to it...

He hadn’t even been up for an hour, and Sousuke already felt like throwing himself out of the nearest window. Punching the wall would be an acceptable alternative, or perhaps stabbing himself in the arm a bit with his sword: not enough to kill, just something to take his mind off what he’d just heard.

But of course there was no such sweet relief in the real world (and Rin and Makoto would have stopped him anyway), so he just sighed heavily and threw his head back, the sound of his gold circlet colliding with the chair echoing painfully through the relatively empty throne room. Predictably, Makoto began to fuss over him.

“You can’t be serious,” he said, _pleaded_ , as he sat up properly again.

Rin cocked an eyebrow and said, in the delightfully dry way that was so very much Rin, “Would I lie to you, _my liege_?”

“How recent are the rumours?”

Makoto took it upon himself to answer, hurriedly and worriedly. “We’ve only just caught wind of them, to be honest…Nobody’s really talking about it down here, but our informants in the northern area – especially near the coast – say that this man’s been attracting all sorts of attention for weeks now. Apparently he’s very…convincing, and he’s playing himself up as a Saint Prince type, someone destined to take the throne and lead the country to victory.”

“Didn’t we have one of those back around my ascension?”

“Well, yes, but…like I said, this one’s convincing.”

“There’s more to it than that, though,” Rin put in, straightening up from the uncomfortable kneel of submission he and Makoto were obliged to have in front of the king for appearance’s sake despite being his most trusted advisors (‘Guards are gone, appearances be damned’ was Rin’s usual line). “Apparently he’s gained a bit more popularity than we’d anticipated. There’s already talk of him being backed privately by at least one lord in that area.”

“Well, that’s just fucking brilliant,” Sousuke said.

Rin nodded and Makoto put on a scandalised expression that was just a shade too tired to actually be effective, especially seeing as how he had to wear it near constantly when the three of them were alone.

“What do you suggest we do, then?”

“Am I supposed to do all your thinking for you?”

“You’re my advisors, right? Go ahead, advise. I’m listening.”

Rin clicked his tongue. “Lazy.”

Makoto intensified his scandalised look, shuffling his boots and looking around to make sure nobody was overhearing them (a nice gesture but completely unnecessary: Rin’s constant back-talking to his king was hardly a secret, and really more like a great source of amusement for everyone around them when they got going).

“I’m going to be straight up with you here-” Rin started.

“Exactly what I’d expect.”

“Sousuke, do not interrupt me when I’m _advising_ ,” Rin said, the sneer in his voice tangible. “You’re not exactly popular at the moment. We’ve been worried about it for a while, but you’re not doing well with the lords and nobles and they’re the ones who could rally the people against you. I personally think you’re doing a great job, but let’s face it: fixing the problems your father left behind for you, while necessary, isn’t very flashy. The people want flashy.”

“How the hell am I supposed to be flashy while building this country back from how he left it?” Sousuke growled.

“It’s not easy!” Makoto took over, standing up as well so he could make soothing gestures with his hands. “We know it’s not. But not everyone understands how wrecked the finances were, or how messy the social system got.”

“Or how devastated the lands from neglect. Or how dead the people, from the fucking _never-ending wars_ ,” Rin spat.

Makoto gave him a Look. “The peasants, the farmers: they don’t know that. They know what their lords tell them. They know what changes they can see, or what rumours come around about you. And, I mean, it’s our fault too,” he gestured to himself and Rin (who made a face accurately translating ‘speak for yourself’ from words to a wrinkled nose). “We’ve been concentrating too long on getting rid of the old nobles who were still on your father’s side.”

“So what,” Sousuke flung his hand out dramatically, “we should have just left that poison to fester in the court? I’m sure _that_ would have worked out for us: god knows I love the idea of being stabbed to death so some clone of my father can take back the throne.”

“Sousuke…” Makoto said reprovingly.

“Sorry.”

“What we’re saying,” Rin emphasised each word, “is that you need to do something flashy.”

“Again with the flashy,” Sousuke sighed.

“It’s not a bad idea, though,” Makoto said. “If you do something big to show you’re the true king – and _please don’t look at me like that, you know I didn’t mean that I think you’re not_ – then this wouldn’t be a problem. You could keep painstakingly fixing your father’s mistakes, this Saint Prince person would lose his footing, and the country’s moral would lift. It’s the perfect solution, really.”

Sousuke groaned. It made sense (of course it made sense: if Makoto was suggesting the idea, it was a given that it made sense), but he hated ‘flashy’. He hated ceremonies, tournaments, vain displays of wealth and power. They reminded him too much of his father.

“So what am I supposed to do?” he said in a way reminiscent of a man asking which method of torture he’d be getting first. “What great show of grandeur am I to put on now?”

Makoto and Rin shared a look. “We don’t actually know,” Rin admitted.

That was a surprise. “You don’t have a plan? You always have a plan.”

“Not this time,” Makoto shook his head.

Sousuke looked at them, a little taken aback. With another rousing sigh, he said, “Fine. I’ll need to speak to Gou and Nagisa, I suppose.” If he was to try and do something to show how fit for the crown he was, talking to his military strategist and the high priest was probably a good place to start.

Makoto and Rin nodded their agreement and stood aside before falling in easily behind him as he walked out of the throne room.

 

Gou was a breath of fresh air (as she always was) when they found her in the inner courtyard, sparring with one of her generals. When she saw them she waved cheerfully, took a moment to disarm her partner (who’d made the fatal flaw of thinking they’d stop just because the king walked in) and jogged over, somehow managing to do it lightly even half-encased in armour.

“Good morning!” Not quite as informal as her brother, she bowed quickly. “Can I be of any assistance?”

“I’d like to speak to you about something,” Sousuke smiled. “Any chance your partner over there can spare you?”

Gou glanced back at the woman who was now wiping her forehead with a spare cloth and grinned coyly at her. “Oh, Chigusa will be fine.” Then, raising her voice so Chigusa could hear, “I’m off for a bit: practice with Seijuurou, would you?”

Chigusa nodded, blowing a kiss as they left.

 

Nagisa wasn’t so easy to find. It was never really so much a case of finding him as it was putting yourself in the places he usually haunted and waiting until he found you. As such, they went straight for the library and hoped he’d be pestering the chronicler, Rei, as usual. The real issue was that he wasn’t really a high priest, as such: he had the ability to see spirits and those from the fairy world, and Sousuke had quickly brought him on to establish some cooperation between his kingdom and the spirits (or fairies, to use the more popular and vaguely insulting term) because of how badly his father had split away from them. Nagisa, while excellent at his job (as much as ‘occasionally dealing with whatever spirit problems came his way’ could be considered a job), was flighty and wilful and never stayed in one place for long, so it was always a challenge getting hold of him.

Luckily, when they got to the library, Rei was sitting at his desk with the tell-tale put upon look that meant Nagisa had to be close by. He reached to pick up a scroll from one of the piles on and around the desk, looking up at the sound of their footsteps coming down the main aisle from the door.

“Your Majesty?” Rei asked, perking up considerably when he saw Sousuke (not a reaction Sousuke got a lot, and he was touched).

“You don’t happen to know where Nagisa is, do you?”

With an expression of regret, Rei said, “I’m afraid he just left…We, um, had something of a disagreement, and he-”

“AND ANOTHER THING, REI-” Nagisa’s voice came echoing through the vast caverns of the library as he appeared in the entrance, stopping short when he saw the rest of them. Any trace of anger he might have had vanished and, lifting up the rather gaudy gold-spun robes he insisted on wearing (‘I’m the _royal spirit-whisperer_ : of course I have to have fancy robes!’), he ran over to them with a grin.

“What’s up?”

Rei gaped “Nagisa! Have some more respect-”

“We’re kind of fucked and I need your help,” Sousuke put it simply, and Nagisa laughed brightly.

“Then I’m at your service!”

 

The meeting didn’t go as well as Sousuke had hoped. Neither Gou nor Nagisa had any good ideas on how to be flashy (a word Sousuke was now beginning to loathe), although it had to be said that they tried their best. Gou suggested a military parade, or a royal progress around the country to at least show the people their ‘new’ king (seven years late, but still) and Nagisa suggested…many things, none of which could be considered appropriate but were definitely all flashy, but none of it sounded right. A tour of the country wasn’t what would save Sousuke’s reputation.

He called the meeting to an end soon enough and, dismissing Rin and Makoto to their duties that didn’t include accompanying the king wherever he went, he stalked off to his chambers to think.

It had been obvious from the start, really, and that was what annoyed him so much. Everyone at that table had known that a war was the solution: a nice conquest built on blood and power-hunger to show how strong Iwatobi had grown as a country since his father’s time. And war was the one thing Sousuke would never choose, unless it was defensive.

He’d only been a child during the worst of his father’s reign, kept safe and coddled in the fortress capital city, but even a thirteen year old could understand how dark that time had been. Two years later, his father had been killed in battle, and Sousuke had been hurriedly put on the throne with his mother for guidance before she too was killed in an assassination attempt when he was eighteen.  And now, at twenty-two, he was faced with this.

If he was honest, the real surprise was that it had taken so long for the whispers of unrest to make themselves heard, but that was cold comfort. If there was one thing he was sure of, it was his loyalty and love for his country, but it was such a thankless job ruling it that sometimes he couldn’t help but…

But what? There was no one to complain to except himself. Oh, he complained plenty around his trusted friends, but he always pretended he was joking. He could never have a serious conversation about it, about how sometimes he just wanted to give up and be someone else. Makoto would just worry too much, and Rin…

Rin was his best friend, make no mistake there. They’d been together since childhood, since before even Makoto had joined them, but this was the one thing he couldn’t talk about properly with Rin. He’d imagined it a few times, but every time he could only see one outcome: Rin would frown and tell him that he needed to get serious about it, do his job with everything he had, and stop wishing for things that would never come true.

Rin was realistic like that. A great believer in ambition, he’d support Sousuke through anything if it was in the right direction. ‘Sometimes I want to get away from it all’ wasn’t the right direction.

When he got to his rooms, Sousuke closed the door quickly and made a beeline for the bed, slumping down on it and shrugging off the heavy embroidered jerkin he wore over his tunic. It was well-made and he couldn’t remember for the life of him where it had come from – a gift from someone, surely – but it was too much for when he wasn’t in public.

He wondered if a partner might make things easier. He was well past the age at which kings usually started taking lovers, and it wasn’t as if he hadn’t had the encouragement or choice, but he’d always held back. He’d been too busy, for a start, and for the most part he just wasn’t interested in courting. Rin and Makoto were certainly happy enough together now, but he’d lived through the storm that was their early attraction (filled with _so many_ nights spent consoling Rin when he said something wrong or when Makoto spread his boundless affection too far), and he had no interest in anything like _that_. Nagisa and Rei had it somewhat easier (or Nagisa did, anyway, and poor Rei was still trying to hide their blatantly obvious relationship), and Gou…was doing well for herself, with three generals – including brothers, no less – who would do anything for her, but even though he seemed surrounded by couples flaunting their happiness at him, he just didn’t feel motivated.

Whatever his situation, though, having someone he could talk to would be nice. It felt selfish to think it, considering how loyal and devoted his friends were, but he felt selfish for thinking a lot of things. He could handle it.

His private thinking session came to nothing, and after that, the day dragged itself on like a runner who’s realised halfway through the race that they’re already dying inside from exhaustion. At every turn he ran into the charming little question: ‘How can I win over my people now?’ and each time he had to admit he had no idea.

Eventually night fell and he went back to his rooms, hardly comforted by the thought of sleep because after all, sleep meant waking up again to more of the same.

He changed into a loose shirt and trousers and stared out of one of the windows in his bedroom: a small thing bordered by a ledge to sit and brood on. Moonlight flooded the room, and out of the window he could see the sheer wall of the castle leading down to grassy hills that steadily fanned out into a thick forest. It spread for miles, reaching out to the mountain range that eventually joined to the border (although those mountains were nothing compared to the western range, a place filled with spirits but where very few humans lived, and where most of the country’s rivers stemmed from). His eyes scanned over the scenery idly, shifting from the bright full moon down to the edge of the forest, when he heard a small shuffle behind him.

He tensed, eyes darting to the chair across the room where his sword lay waiting, and tried to calculate how far away the intruder was. The shuffle came again, closer this time, and he leapt with all the strength his carefully-trained muscles had to reach the chair, grabbed his sword and unsheathed it, and spun around to see-

…a ball of light. Hovering just above the floor where he’d been standing. Sousuke relaxed slightly but still held his sword out defensively, edging towards this odd thing. It turned, as if it was looking at him, and slowly the light dimmed until he could make out the shape of a small bird. It cocked its head at him, and chirped lightly, but the sound was nothing like any bird he’d heard before: it rung of bells, the dripping of water, the gentle pop of bubbles bursting. With quick hops, the bird moved towards him, closer and closer until finally it was close enough to lean down and peck at his toes.

Sousuke jumped back in surprise, startling the bird into alarmed flight, and looked down at his foot curiously, wondering how the hell he’d been lax enough to let it come so close to him, even if it was, to all extents and purposes, a bird. But nothing had changed. There wasn’t even the slightest mark to suggest he’d just been pecked at. He looked back up at the bird which was by now flapping in place, dropping flickering dust with each beat of its wings.

Then, with some signal Sousuke had no idea how he understood, it motioned for him to follow. Against every scrap of reason and common sense in his mind, he did, leaving his sword behind him.

The castle was empty as he walked through it, following the glittering trail the bird left. It really shouldn’t have been, not so early at night, but somehow they didn’t pass a single person as they made their way down through the stairway to the servants’ quarters, then even further along passageways Sousuke only barely remembered from his decidedly more adventurous childhood, finally ending up at a dead end near some storerooms.

Not to be discouraged, the bird pecked at the wall and it opened up, leading to the very hill Sousuke had been looking at just ten minutes earlier. He should have surprised, he _really_ should have been, but everything seemed so natural, so meant to be that he couldn’t find it in him to so much as gape. And that was the strange part: he’d never been in touch with the spirit world before. He’d never had the ability to see them, and yet here he was, following some spirit-bird down the hill outside his castle in the dead of night like he’d truly lost his mind.

He grinned. This was the most interesting thing that had happened to him in months.

As they scaled down the hill, more spirits joined them. Some were like the bird: small glowing creatures that bobbed up and down as they entered the forest, but as Sousuke was led into the forest itself, bigger ones appeared. Hulking shapes he could barely make out through the trees that had him reaching for his sword (which, of course, wasn’t at his hip, leaving his fingers clutching uselessly at air), shapeless ephemeral figures that detached themselves from trees as if they’d been there all along to walk with the growing parade, and, as the forest grew darker and the winding trail of spirits grew brighter, Sousuke even began to see humanoids walking near him, although they never stayed in one place long enough for him to get a good look.

It was exhilarating, being drawn along by the bird that still guided him patiently, with golden fish swimming in the air by his feet and firefly-like lights darting around them. And yet, there was something dulling his senses: all of the self-protective skills, all of the reflexes that had been bred into him had gone quiet under a sheen of curiosity. He even found himself thinking the ridiculous thought that if the spirits were in fact leading him to be killed or worse, he would be okay with that.

Which was stupid, of course. Rin would hit him for it, of course (if they were in private). But it still rustled in his mind intrusively as the parade flowed like a river of light through the trees.

After enough walking to make him regret not putting on shoes (although that regret had shown its ugly head the second they’d made it into the forest), the parade filtered through to a huge clearing Sousuke had never known existed: an uncomfortable realisation, considering he’d grown up right next to the forest, but he was willing to let it slide. The spirits were moving around the borders of the clearing to circle the sizeable lake in the middle of it, some reaching down to drink the water, but most just buzzing with anticipation and barely concealed excitement.

Sousuke moved to take a place by the side as well, but the bird (upon noticing this grievous mistake) chirped at him almost angrily, and moved to the very shore of the lake, hopping around emphatically to drive its point in. Sousuke supposed he’d taken orders from less intelligent creatures than birds before (his father’s advisors came to mind), so with only minimal self-consciousness because it was crazy what being a king did to your confidence, he moved to the shore and stood there awkwardly with the unpleasant feeling that everyone’s eyes – whether the spirits had eyes or not – were on him.

As the last few stragglers came through the trees, the centre of the lake began to ripple, sending off sparkling waves far too brilliant to just be reflecting the moonlight. In fact, the whole surface of the water was shining with a gleam like stardust. And then the clearing went completely silent as something emerged from the lake, moving steadily towards Sousuke as water dripped off it in glittering cascades.

As this new creature lifted its head, Sousuke realised with a start that they looked for all the world like a human. Sure, this man held himself with poise and grace that you wouldn’t usually expect from someone moving through water, and the loose, gauzy robes hanging from golden brooches on his shoulders did seem to melt into the lake as if they were part of it, but his body was clearly human. And then his eyes met Sousuke’s.

Only a lifetime of dealing with ambassadors and nobles who thought they were important enough to intimidate him stopped Sousuke from taking a step back in alarm, or perhaps an attempt to run away from the sheer intensity of the man’s eyes. Everything else gave the impression of a normal person – from his black hair flattened to his neck and forehead by the water to the slight pout on his lips expressing just enough contempt for Sousuke to know it was there – but his eyes were far from human. That sort of blue, that level of unrestrained spark and life in them left no debate that this was a spirit after all, and Sousuke was utterly entranced by them.

Then the eyes closed as the spirit knelt down a metre or so in front of Sousuke, reaching to pool water in his hands and lift them up in offering. There was a stunned silence and Sousuke realised he had absolutely no idea what to do. Was he supposed to drink? Pray to it? He looked around discreetly for the bird but, in an act of betrayal Sousuke hadn’t seen coming, it had disappeared into the crowd that was now watching him and this astonishingly beautiful spirit.

Luckily, he was saved from complete social embarrassment by the water in the spirit’s hands: it began to ripple, at first slowly, as if the spirit’s hands were shaking, then violently until it bubbled up and stretched out, suddenly solidifying into a sword. Sousuke looked at it.

“My king,” the spirit said and Sousuke was taken aback by just how clear and rich his voice was, and by how ‘I don’t want to be here’ managed to work its way into every syllable without actually being said. “Please accept this offering as a symbol of our support and respect for you.”

It was probably the sneer in his voice, the scowl that only Sousuke could see that made him suddenly look like a petulant child rather than some mystical spirit from the depths, that finally did it. Sousuke burst out laughing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I honestly can't thank you all enough for the INCREDIBLE reaction to the first chapter! I really couldn't stop blushing and smiling like an idiot.
> 
> Also, I sketched out some character/clothing designs for Sousuke and Haru which you can find on my tumblr [here](http://eristastic.tumblr.com/post/125329404492/seriously-rushed-character-designs-for-sousuke-and)  
> I might do them for the other characters, but those two were the priority!

“My…king…?” the spirit said in a voice dripping with ice and bewilderment. Mostly ice.

Sousuke struggled to get a hold of himself, but luckily there was none of the shocked silence or horrified whispers that would have followed such an unforgivable outburst in his own court. The circle of spirits watching them didn’t even seem to react: they just watched happily, which was a lot more than could be said for the spirit glaring up at Sousuke with those bewitching eyes.

He held out a hand in apology, taking a deep breath and, with all the training that had been drilled into him for years, he regained composure.

“My apologies.”

The spirit looked at him, still holding the sword, in a way that made it very clear he did not accept any such apologies and was doing Sousuke a goddamn favour by keeping his mouth shut.

Sousuke tried to be diplomatic. “Might I know the reason for this bountiful offer?” As the glare on the spirit’s face melted into contempt, he realised he might have been laying it on a bit thick. “And could I know your name?” he added, as a final attempt to salvage this whole mess of a conversation.

The spirit seemed more at ease with that. “My name is Haru. I’m the water god of these parts. I offer this sword to you in an expression of my loyalty to you as king.”

Haru said it with a slight air of reluctance to his voice, but it didn’t matter: Sousuke could still barely believe his ears.

“Is…that so…?” he managed to say, fighting valiantly to keep some level of formality to their conversation when really all he was feeling was utter confusion. This couldn’t be happening…could it? Life couldn’t possibly be being this kind to him, could it? There was no way he was having exactly what he’d wished for literally handed to him, right?

Yes, it is so!” Haru snapped, and, still pouting, lifted his hands up again insistently. “Perhaps you might take the sword now?!”

Sousuke got the message, and reached out to lift the sword up with one hand, admiring it against the moonlight. As he did, the spirits around the lake began to buzz happily, some making little chirrups and squeaks of excitement, others just moving to show how apparently overjoyed they were, but Sousuke only had eyes for Haru because he’d finally smiled. It was small – barely there, really – but with his eyes half-lidded in satisfaction, it put all his other already stunning features to shame. And then the sword began to glow and Sousuke had to tear his eyes away.

It was a beautiful longsword, certainly. Shining almost to a fault, even without the eerie blue glow that had grown around it, it was well made and Sousuke could tell it was just the right weight for him, even though he only held it one-handed. It balanced perfectly, the grip was firm but comfortable, and there were twin sapphires lodged in either side of the hilt. They were dazzling enough on their own, but then the glow around the sword peaked and fizzled into shots of blue light that plunged into the jewels, and, after the initial blinding flash, Sousuke could see they’d reached the intensity and depth of colour of Haru’s eyes.

With that, the ceremony seemed over, and the spirits began to turn back the way they’d come, or they strayed out through the trees in different directions: winding golden lights that slowly faded away in the gloom of the forest, leaving Sousuke and Haru alone in the clearing.

“You can go back now,” Haru said bluntly.

Neither of them turned to leave.

“Why are you really doing this?” Sousuke asked.

Haru looked him dead in the eyes and repeated, with monotone accuracy, “I offer this sword to you in an expression of my loyalty to you as king.”

“Okay, but we both know that’s not true.”

“Why shouldn’t it be?”

“Just a hunch I got, seeing as this whole time you’ve been acting like this is some specialised form of torture to you.”

Haru narrowed his eyes, and, as a cloud passed over the moon, he moved around fluidly and began to make his way back to the lake.

“Isn’t this what you need?” he muttered, so low Sousuke could barely catch it. “Just take it and go.”

“Wait.”

Haru appeared to be ignoring him, so (hoping it wasn’t some great infraction of personal space), Sousuke put the sword down carefully, waded into the lake and caught the thin material of his sleeve. “Wait, please.”

Haru jolted at the touch (no wonder: it must have been uncomfortably hot to him considering how cold his skin felt to Sousuke), but stopped and looked back with an indignant expression.

“I’d like to express my full gratitude for this,” Sousuke started and Haru sighed heavily, about to wrench his arm away, “but if you’ve got any…plans, or ulterior motives, or…I don’t know, _anything_ that involves hurting this country for your own gain, just know that I’ll make you suffer for it.”

Haru stared at him, eyes wide with light dancing in them, and Sousuke took that as a sign he wasn’t about to be killed for impertinence. “I don’t really understand any of this,” he explained quickly, “because I’ve never even seen a spirit before tonight, and I don’t know how your culture works at all. I’m honestly sorry for that: if I could, I’d bring our societies closer, really, but I don’t know how.” He frowned in regret, trying to show he was speaking from the heart because he knew that if the conversation turned into a battle of wits and trickery, he’d never be able to win. Sincerity was his only chance.

“So, I apologise if this is insulting, but please understand that I can’t trust you completely. Not with my country. But I need that,” he pointed back to where the sword lay on the shore, “so I accept your gift and thank you for it. Just…please, please don’t manipulate me to bring this country to ruins. Please.” His confused, rambling tirade over, he let his hand fall from Haru’s arm weakly, but didn’t break eye contact.

The whole situation was feeling less real by the second, and though Sousuke thought he really might have fucked it up this time, there wasn’t as much regret coiling up in the pit of his stomach as there should have been. If this had been any other almighty, god-like spirit (and Haru had said he actually was a god, hadn’t he?) he’d been threatening, perhaps there might have been, but he could see understanding in Haru’s expression, and none of the anger he should have expected.

Shuddering a little, Haru nodded, and then he really did pull away and move to the middle of the lake, sinking down until all that remained of him were a few shimmering ripples and the sword left on the shore. Sousuke watched until the ripples had faded away completely, then disturbed the lake’s surface with his own as he walked back to dry land.

He couldn’t really believe it, any of it. Not the sword he held cautiously as he walked back through the forest, not the parade of spirits that he shouldn’t have been able to see in the first place, not the ceremony, not _Haru_ …

But he was used to surprises. He was used to downplaying his reactions, making it look as if he hadn’t been fazed, because when you were in the position of power and public attention he was, you just couldn’t afford to make mistakes like show weakness. His mother had told him that often enough, even as she choked blood on his hands, frantically whispering last words that only he could hear.

So he set his jaw and concentrated on what he could feel. The sword was still in his hand and clearly wasn’t about to disappear like the rest of the spirits had, so he clung to it with perhaps a little more neediness than he might have. It was obvious to anyone who looked at it that this was no normal sword: it shone and reflected the light more like silk than metal, and there was such an aura of mystery and power around it that even without looking at the unnaturally beautiful sapphires, no one would be able to deny it came from the spirits.

Sousuke grinned despite himself: this was definitely flashy.

Feeling really quite good about his life at this point, he decided to do the merciful thing and spare Rin and Makoto the discomfort of being woken up at some ungodly hour of the night. The little door he’d come out of was still there in the castle wall (thankfully, because he would have been in quite a pinch if not) so he pushed the sword inside and ducked into it, not even raising an eyebrow when the stone close up behind him like a bird closing its wings. He was too tired for that by now, anyway.

His good luck held as he walked back to his rooms without meeting anyone, so he just snuck into his bedroom, closed the door firmly, and stood in the middle of the room.

It was still kind of unbelievable. He looked down at the sword. _Very_ unbelievable. But that was apparently just how things were going to play out for him, so he put the sword carefully on the top of a chest and went to wash his face and feet in the basin of water the servants left out for that exact purpose. His clothes had dried a little since his wade in the lake, but going to sleep in soggy trousers sounded miserable, so he peeled them off, collapsed into bed, and fell asleep with blue in his mind.

 

The late night stroll in the woods had him sleeping a lot later than usual, so he woke up to the delightful sounds of Rin crashing through his drawing room, shouting his name.

With great reluctance, he sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Yes?”

Rin stormed in – arms crossed, eyes ablaze – with Makoto not far behind. “What time do you call this?”

Sousuke shrugged. “Haven’t heard the bells yet.”

“Yeah, no shit: you’ve got ten minutes until your first council with Lords Noland and Talley about taxes.”

Sousuke faked an enthusiastic response, still feeling groggy as hell. Rin continued to berate him and, as that faded into white noise, the events of the previous evening came back to him. He perked up.

“Wait,” he interrupted Rin who gave the distinct impression that he was going to take it as a personal insult. “I think we might need to call off that council.”

“I’m not calling off important meetings just because you’re too lazy to go to them!”

“Okay, fair point, but check that out.” He gestured over to the sword, and whatever protest might have been coming died in Rin’s mouth as his eyes widened. While the two of them gaped, Sousuke got up and started to rummage in his clothes chest.

It took a full minute for the inevitable “What…is this?” to come out, as Makoto lifted up the sword and gasped at how it shone in the light.

Sousuke grinned. “There’s our solution to this whole popularity thing. Flashy, isn’t it?”

Makoto cringed. “Can we stop using that word? It’s starting to sound like nonsense to me.”

“Fully agree with you on that.”

Rin wheeled round with an incredulous look on his face. “Where did you _get_ this?”

The explanation went over a lot better than Sousuke might have hoped for, probably because he smoothed the whole thing over (casually skipping over his breaches of common courtesy like the laughing, the confronting and threatening of a god, the constant staring into Haru’s eyes). At the end of it, Rin and Makoto looked like they could believe it even less than Sousuke.

“But this…this is great!” Makoto finally laughed, looking at the sword in wonder. “This basically solves all our problems!”

“Convenient, isn’t it?”

Rin nodded, and then, with a sly smile, “We’re going to need one hell of a ceremony to show this off, of course.”

“I know,” Sousuke said. “Worth it.”

His advisors nodded. “I’ll go postpone your meeting, but you really are going to have to go to it,” Makoto said as they headed for the door. “And then this afternoon, we’ll discuss how to show that sword off, okay?”

Sousuke murmured an agreement and finished getting dressed.

He felt dazed all day. It wasn’t so much recovery from seeing spirits and the whole song and dance the night before: he just couldn’t concentrate on anything properly, so it was a stroke of good luck that Rin and Makoto were more willing to be more lax on him about his behaviour that day. Even the discussion with them and Gou and Nagisa (whose reception of the sword and story had been _very_ energetic, with a lot of _oohs_ and _aahs_ and screeches of delight) about how the ceremony should be planned, a discussion that should have been entertaining enough to keep him interested, didn’t really break him out of it. He kept gazing out of windows, memories of the previous night flashing through his mind, and seeing dazzling blue in everything.

When the planning came to an end – date set, tasks handed out, and letters already starting to be written to various officials because Makoto could not just leave it for even five minutes – Sousuke caught Nagisa before he could leave to go pester Rei or whatever it was he usually did. They waited behind until everyone else had gone, and then they were alone in what had once been the war room, now solely used for private meetings between the five of them.

Nagisa smiled at him encouragingly as he sat on the table and swung his legs, sensing that something was up like he always did.

“Nagisa…”

“Mm?”

“Are there any spirits in the room now? Or have you seen any around the castle recently?”

The question caught him off guard, obviously not what he’d been waiting for. “Oh, um…there was one at the window for like twenty minutes at one point, but it’s gone now? Why, could you see it?” he asked excitedly.

“No,” Sousuke shook his head. He hadn’t noticed a thing.

“Ah…” Nagisa smiled softly as it clicked. “I wouldn’t worry about it, you know. You’re confused about being able to see them last night, right?”

“Yeah, something like that.” And something else, but he wasn’t about to say that.

“That first spirit probably just put a temporary charm on you or something so that you could see them. It’s fairly common. A lot of them do it for kicks when they’ve got celebrations and want to freak out a human or two.” He giggled.

“So I probably won’t be able to see them again?”

“If you get charmed again, you’d be able to. Or if a specific spirit wanted you to see them, then you could. Otherwise, probably not.” He didn’t miss the flash of disappointment across Sousuke’s face. In a quick jump, he hopped off the table and patted Sousuke’s chest amiably. “I know it’s frustrating, but seeing spirits can be a pain too. They always want you to notice them and help them or whatever,” he grimaced. “So…try not to feel too down about it?”

“Yeah,” Sousuke smiled and ruffled Nagisa’s hair, trying to ignore how guilty he felt for letting someone else see that he was upset (even though Nagisa didn’t really know the half of it).

Nagisa beamed and, after making sure Sousuke was still smiling, practically skipped out of the room as if he wasn’t nigh on twenty years old.

Sousuke’s smile slipped.

 

Even as everyone whirred into preparing for the ceremony (which was turning out to be more of a festival, for reasons Sousuke would never understand), Sousuke still couldn’t get back into the spirit of things. He should have been overjoyed, and he knew he would be in time, but for the moment he was too weighed down by the crushing feeling that he’d lost something. With his head in the clouds, he fake-smiled his way through the afternoon and the rousing chaos of dinner, and eventually he managed to get away from the main hall under the pretext of having something ‘terribly important to do, so sorry I can’t stay’.

Yes, he felt guilty, yes, he got the clenching feeling that he was a failure for not being able to act as he normally would (and no, he didn’t miss Rin and Makoto’s worried glances up at him, so that didn’t help), but there wasn’t anything he felt he could do. His mind was still back at the lake, and nothing he could do would bring it back, so instead he was left with the simply charming combination of deep regret and crippling frustration.

His room was cold when he finally got into its haven of peace. That wasn’t the most unusual thing in the world: he’d just come from a crowded room and it was nearing the end of summer anyway, but something struck him as odd.

Cautiously, he moved from the drawing room to his bedroom, fingers casually curling around the hilt of the dagger he carried for self-defence. When he got to the doorway, however, he stopped, the breath stolen from his throat as his eyes scanned over the trail of water leading from his main window to the chair Haru was curled up on.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a lot of trouble working out where to end the chapters, so I think in future I might just keep them going for longer and update less quickly? Not that that means it'd actually be slow: I'm still in the honeymoon period with this one and I can't stop writing it.  
> And really, thank you all SO much for your comments! They make my day!

Haru was still wearing gauzy blue robes but somehow they seemed more casual than the night before, and he’d brought his legs up to his chest, arms wrapped around them, head lolling to the side so he could look out of the window. At the little gasp Sousuke made, he turned his head and looked at him disinterestedly.

“You came,” he said, as if talking to a pet. Not even a favoured pet: more like one that always ruined the furniture and couldn’t take two steps without breaking something.

“This does happen to be my room,” Sousuke shot back. Strangely enough (or perhaps not strangely at all, considering that _attitude_ of his), he’d spent all day thinking that he’d like to see Haru again and now here he was, in all his lazy grace, and Sousuke couldn’t for the life of him remember why he’d wanted it. Considerately, Haru reminded him by glaring, showing the full intensity of his eyes again and, for the first time that day, Sousuke felt satisfied.

Dropping his defensive stance, he sat on the bed and lounged out against the pillows. “What brings you here, then? More offers to show your loyalty to your king?” he smirked.

“Say that again and I’ll drown you,” Haru sniffed, but without any real malice.

“Are you really a water god, then?”

“ _Yes_.” He looked exasperated by the question. “Do you need proof or something?”

“I think last night was proof enough. I was just thinking you don’t act like a god.”

“Care to expand on that little comment?” Haru’s voice had an edge to it, but there was no fire in his eyes so Sousuke guessed he was probably safe to say what he thought.

“You’re not exactly…regal, are you?”

“ _You’re_ the king here.”

“Fair play, but shouldn’t gods hold themselves to a higher standard than kings? You…certainly don’t hold back how you feel. You’d never get anywhere in court like that.”

“Forgive me for not concealing my every emotion like you pathetic humans, then,” Haru said in a voice that was positively glacial.

Sousuke raised his eyebrows. “Is there some history behind that sentiment?”

Haru shrugged, turning his head to look out of the window again. It was tempting to just watch him wordlessly – the way his hair shone in the pink-and-orange remnants of sunset, the way his lips stayed open the smallest amount as if he was about to say something, the long slope of his neck, much paler than Sousuke’s own heavy tan, before it was swathed in blue – but it was unnerving, too. Against his better judgement, Sousuke enjoyed what little he knew of Haru’s company, but he was an enigma: Sousuke hadn’t been lying when he’d admitted to knowing nothing about spirits, and even though he was willing to accept them, he couldn’t bring himself to trust one of them with something as important as his future on the throne (not that he’d trust many people with that). True, he didn’t have much choice in this case, but that just made him even warier.

So, determined to at least _try_ and stay on his guard, he spoke in careful, measured words. “Can I ask what you’re here for?”

Haru looked back at him. He seemed to think deeply about the question, or at least that was how Sousuke interpreted his utter lack of a response, and then he shrugged again. “I thought I’d come and see how you were treating your gift. Not very well, apparently,” he gestured to the sword still lying on the chest where Makoto had replaced it reverently that morning.

“We need to arrange a whole ceremony for it so that everyone knows I’ve got your favour.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“Perhaps not,” Sousuke smiled, “but you want people to think so, and we want them to think it too. So there’s a lot of planning to do first.”

“Sounds tough.” For the first time Haru seemed to be expressing actual kindness, cringing sympathetically.

Sousuke nodded wearily. “That sort of pain in the ass exists in your world too?”

“…something like that, anyway.” He looked to the side again, frowning slightly.

There was a chance, here: Sousuke thought he understood, and every fibre of his body was telling him to show Haru that.

He shifted position a little, bringing his arms up behind his head. “It’s difficult, isn’t it? Being forced into dreary, irritating _procedures_ ,” he rolled the word around his mouth like it left a bad taste there, “just so you can continue doing what you want to. I don’t know if you feel the same way about being a god as I do about being king, but I for one could certainly do without all that. I just want this country to flourish, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen. Things in the public eye…aren’t my style.” ‘ _That’s why you’re so unpopular: that’s why even some upstart with a few pretty words can pose a threat to you_ ,’ his subconscious helpfully reminded him.

Haru watched him but didn’t say anything, not even a nod or some sign that he agreed. But he didn’t look tensed to run, either.

At the risk of getting shot down (and he thought it might be worth it, just this once), Sousuke went further. “I guess that’s just a sign I’m not trying hard enough,” he said with a dry smile.

“That’s not true.” Haru’s response was immediate, and he leaned forwards earnestly. “Why do you think I chose you? You’re doing well. For a human,” he added quickly as if suddenly realising he’d been too invested, and looked away again quickly.

Sousuke wasn’t sure what to say for a while, not that Haru seemed to mind the silence. Eventually, gauging that he might actually get an answer after that outburst, he tried to confirm something that had been resting in the back of his mind. “Haru…did you know my father?”

Something very like a snarl came out of Haru’s mouth as he glared back at Sousuke, jaw set, lip curled and eyes blazing.

“ _Yes_ ,” he spat. “Who _didn’t_ , back then? He alienated himself and his precious human population from us ‘filthy spirits’, didn’t he?” His hands were shaking, gripping the chair rigidly. “No level of violence or insult was too high for him, if it got rid of us. I’m just surprised he didn’t go so far as to try and ritually exterminate us all one by one.”

“I…had no idea…”

“No, you wouldn’t, would you? You can’t see us. He could, and he hated it. Started a war inside his own country just to break away from us. Neither we nor you have been right since: _nothing’s_ been right since. You know that, don’t you?!”

Sousuke got the feeling Haru was begging far more than he was accusing, and he nodded hurriedly. “You’d have to be a fool not to know…”

Haru’s eyes darted away to look back through the window. “He was one.”

“No arguments there.”

Haru flashed him a look Sousuke couldn’t read, for all his years of practice in a backstabbing court. “You don’t know the half of it,” he said, and disappeared.

Sousuke blinked, then did it again and again but it didn’t seem to have any effect (unsurprisingly), so he was just left gaping at the empty chair. Haru didn’t come back that night.

 

In the morning, after quickly delegating various decisions to Rin and Makoto and then not-so-quickly being forced into a meeting on altering the existing hunting regulations, of all things, he finally got some time to himself to find Gou.

“Back in your father’s time?” she asked, relaxing against a pillar while her squad took a break. “You know I wasn’t in charge that long ago!”

“But don’t you have any information about military deployments from back then? Records anywhere?”

“Well sure, we have records, but they’d be in the library, so maybe Rei would be a better person to ask?”

Sousuke shook his head, lowering his voice. “I doubt they’d be there: I’m looking for information on…” he tried to phrase it in a way that didn’t sound downright conspiratorial, “attacks made on the spirits.”

Gou looked at him, a little concerned. “Um…are you sure? I…don’t know much about anything like that…” A sudden thought hit her and she perked up, “But we could go and talk to Miho! She was a high-ranking general back in the day, so I’m sure she’d know something!”

Sousuke nodded, glad for any lead, and let himself be guided through the castle (after Gou had relayed instructions to her squad to keep them occupied).

“How old is this Miho, anyway, if she was a general back then?” Sousuke asked as they moved into the residential quarters for people too involved in court to live in the city surrounding the castle but not involved enough to live in the main building itself.

“Well,” Gou put a finger to her chin, “we call her a veteran because she’s like an advisor to us, but we never say it in front of her, if you catch my drift. She’s not even that old, it’s just that there aren’t that many soldiers left from that generation, especially after you got the new order going.”

Sousuke nodded. He remembered that time well (Rin referred to it fondly as ‘The Purge’), when he’d rushed to get anyone still loyal to his father out of power.

“At any rate,” Gou went on, “she knows a lot, and even if she doesn’t fight anymore, she’s very skilled! She helps me come up with new training regimes, and we practise inventing strategies together!”

“Ah…” Sousuke hummed to show he was listening.

“Oh, one thing though: don’t be surprised at her appearance.” Gou said it with a smile, but from experience, Sousuke could say that wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

“I’ll prepare myself.”

In the end, he needn’t have bothered. He was so used to seeing Gou (who was extraordinarily pretty in her own right) as his top general that it was barely a surprise to have a petite, wide-eyed woman who honestly looked barely past his own age attached to the idea of the experienced war veteran Miho. She gasped a little when she recognised Sousuke, but invited them into her room sweetly, gesturing to a table in the centre. They sat around it, careful not to move the well-worn map of the country that lay on top (with little playing pieces scattered around it, to represent troops, Sousuke guessed).

After he’d repeated it, Miho considered his question with a frown. “Hmm…I think I do remember something like that.”

“Really? Can you tell me about it?”

She looked pained. “No one was really supposed to know about it, you understand. I can’t see spirits so I wasn’t that involved, but I had an…acquaintance who was part of that squadron.”

Gou’s eyebrows shot up before settling back down in a sly smile. “An acquaintance, Miho? Tell us more!”

“He really was just an acquaintance, Gou!” Miho said, flustered.

“Oh?” Gou shrugged in a manner suggesting she completely accepted that explanation, but she was still grinning, resting her chin in her hands.

“Gou!”

“What? I didn’t say anything. Sousuke, did I say anything?”

“You did not,” Sousuke confirmed.

“There we are then. Continue with the story, Miho, please!”

Miho still looked like she was plotting a murder, but she coughed and soldiered on. “ _Anyway_ , he told me a few things. He wasn’t strictly supposed to, so I don’t know much, but he talked about frequent, almost daily attacks on the spirits around the castle and wherever else they could be found. They had orders to kill them on sight.”

“Can spirits be killed that easily?” Gou asked.

“Apparently so. You’d have to ask Nagisa for more on that, I’m sure, but from what I was told they can be killed as easily as humans. The small ones, at least.” Miho’s expression went grim. “As for the larger ones…some of the soldiers on those missions never came back. Far more came back incomplete, in body or mind. Many killed themselves afterwards.”

All three went silent, looking at their hands soberly.

“Eventually the king called it off, though,” Miho continued. “There was so much trouble at that time with human enemies that he couldn’t spare the soldiers, after all. But…I can’t imagine our relationship with the spirits has healed since then.”

“No,” Sousuke said stonily. “That acquaintance of yours…do you know where he is now?”

Miho shook her head apologetically. “He left a few years ago; to the north, I think. I haven’t heard from him since, I’m afraid.”

“Ah.”

Regret flashed across Miho’s face, and she stammered, “I can try and contact him! I’m sure it wouldn’t be… _too_ …”

“No, it’s alright,” Sousuke shook his head, trying to stop her frantic efforts to please him. “You’ve said enough for me to get an idea, at least. Thank you.”

She settled back down, smiling. “It was my pleasure.”

“I should get going, then,” he said, getting up and waiting for Gou but she waved him off.

“I need to discuss something with Miho, so you go on ahead!”

“Alright,” he said, bowing slightly as he left.

The minute he made it out of the building he was swept up by Rin into a flurry of preparation for the ceremony. No matter how much he protested that he had something he absolutely had to do, Rin just fixed him with a merciless stare full of judgement and pushed him towards the next council room. And so, through never-ending run-throughs of how he’d walk along a carpet and hold up a sword followed by hours of holding court (the one thing that had probably saved his popularity among the people all these years), the whole afternoon faded away.

Haru didn’t appear that night either.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New character designs for Nagisa, Rei and Gou [here](http://eristastic.tumblr.com/post/125661985282/nagisa-rei-and-gous-designs-from-my-fic-the-lord)  
> I know I should have done them for Rin and Makoto first but I was just really feeling in a Nagisa mood.

Two more days of his usual duties interspersed with so-called ‘vitally important’ rehearsals and meetings (and daily sparring so he wouldn’t actually lose his mind sitting under the ever watchful eye of protocol) meant that the day of the ceremony came before Sousuke had had the chance to go to the lake again. It grated at him: he knew he had to go back, he knew he had to see Haru and put things right since their last conversation had ended so abruptly, but he wasn’t even sure what he’d do when he got there. He didn’t know any of the details, so how well was it going to go down if he just turned up shouting “I know what horrific war crimes my father committed against you”? Haru wouldn’t even show himself. And that was a prospect Sousuke couldn’t stomach.

Perhaps it was the way that Haru had essentially saved him, perhaps it was how Haru represented mystery and enchantment to him, perhaps it was even just Haru’s eyes, but whenever Sousuke thought about him, he felt motivated. He wanted to know him for reasons that went far beyond the simple mutual gain of the agreement they’d come to.

Logically he should have at least been feeling a little preoccupied by the ceremony (not that he’d ever been one for nervousness), but his mind was miles away all through the morning, and the burning feeling of ‘I need to go there’ wouldn’t leave him alone, so he simply didn’t get the chance. Almost in a daze, he went through the motions of dressing in his ceremonial robes and following servants down to where he could hear the crowd already bustling outside the castle, impatience and determination and guilt swirling through him.

It was with that delightful mixture of emotions that he finally walked out to the top of the stairs in front of the main doors, flanked by Rin and Makoto as always and training a monstrous fur cloak behind him, his finest crown atop his head. He didn’t even feel worried as he looked down at the teeming crowd in the courtyard, spilling through the gates and into the city itself. He was used to this. He couldn’t fail, not with Haru’s sword tucked discreetly at his hip, the comforting smoothness of its hilt in his hand.

With a great wave of his hands, the crowd was hushed and thousands of pairs of eyes looked up at him. Scribes were already beginning to write with wide, scratching strokes, and, in decorated pavilions sealed off from the common folk, lords and other high-standing officials watched him unforgivingly, ready to swoop in like gossip-starved scavengers at the smallest mistake he might make. This had to be everything.

“My people,” he bellowed in a practised voice that carried across the whole courtyard and beyond, “I have a grand announcement. For years, since my late father’s time, our country has been at odds with itself: there has been a rift at our very core, between humans and spirits.” Whispers began to break out, but Sousuke didn’t lose focus: they’d predicted that people might find that a little hard to swallow when his father had done such a good job of splitting the two societies so that a fair amount of humans didn’t even believe in spirits anymore, and there was no choice but to go on and hope for the best.

“It is with joy that I can announce to you all today that that rift is no more. I, as your king, have been blessed with the favour of one of the gods of this land, and with it they have bestowed upon me this spirit sword, as a symbol of my right to lead this country.” With a great, dramatic whoosh of his cloak, he unsheathed the sword and held it above his head, letting it catch the light to show it off in its full glory.

The crowd exploded into shocked gasps and exclamations, and it was then that Sousuke felt some apprehension worm its way into his heart. If this didn’t work – if the people didn’t really believe the sword was from the spirits – he was as good as dethroned right there and then. Despite his best efforts, his hand began to shake just the slightest bit, so he stiffened his muscles and forced himself to breathe deeply. It was going to be fine. It had to be fine.

And then, like a tremor through the wind, light spun through the air beside him and began to pool at his hand, coiling up around the sword until it glowed like starlight, finally bristling and bursting into beams that shot all over the courtyard.

The crowd really erupted then, into shouts and cheers as the message made itself plain: here was a king blessed by a god. Sousuke breathed a deep sigh of relief without making it too obvious, thanking whoever had set up the light show for him (praying it was Haru), and he glanced over quickly to exchange hopeful, encouraging smiles with Rin and Makoto.

It was working. Their last minute, all-or-nothing plan was working: the people looked ecstatic without the slightest hint of doubt in their cries of celebration, even the nobles who were usually so quick to find fault in him looked dumbfounded, and the bitter scent of rebellion was cast far away on the wind.

Sousuke smiled triumphantly.

 

If he’d thought he’d be able to sneak out after the ceremony to get down to the lake, he’d been an idiot, and an inexperienced one at that. He managed to escape the general festivities that had broken out in the city, but back in the castle he was immediately swarmed by people rushing to congratulate and interrogate him. Lord after lord trying to gain favour (despite him knowing full well that some of them had been looking to jump ship on him not a week before), official after official trying to get the full story out of him, and then of course there was the joy of going back to the throne room to give the official speech that would be sent around the country via messenger so everyone could hear his not-so-subtle renewed claim to the throne. He could only hope it was worth it but, as he looked at how Makoto was beaming, at how all of the stress in Rin’s countenance seemed to have vanished, he thought it probably was.

It was mid-afternoon when the whole harrowing business was over, and it was just him and his advisors left in the hall. Escape was still impossible what with the feast they had planned for that night, but Sousuke was just so glad for any moment of peace that he didn’t mind. With an almighty sigh of satisfaction, he sunk back into the throne.

“That could probably be considered a success,” he said mildly.

“No kidding there!” Rin laughed, clapping Sousuke on the back hard enough to knock the breath out of him, and Makoto couldn’t even work up a frown over it, he seemed so relieved.

“That was incredible, Sou!” Nagisa squealed, high-fiving Gou and jumping around in reckless abandon (Rei managed to stop him before he tripped over his own robes).

“You know you’re still going to have to put on a show at the feast, right?” Rin grinned at Sousuke, leaning on the throne as they watched the others celebrating.

“I’m sure I’ll live.”

“You’d better, at this rate. That or get us an heir who isn’t a total scumbag like the others in line after you.”

Sousuke laughed. “Is that you involving yourself in my love life again?”

“You know, I’m not sure you can call it a love life when it’s got a blatant lack of love or life going on. But you could do worse than try to get a consort at this point, if we’re continuing with the whole ‘upping your popularity levels’ plan. The people like nothing more than a nice wedding and some signs that the king’s fertile, after all.”

Sousuke punched him good-naturedly and the others began to congregate around them.

“Are we discussing your pathetic love life again?” Nagisa asked brightly and Gou flicked him on the forehead for it.

“I wasn’t planning to make a discussion of it, no.”

“Oh, but seeing as we’re all here, better take the chance, right?”

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware it was such a public conversation topic,” Sousuke said dryly.

“You’re the king: of course it is,” Nagisa shrugged dismissively. “But really, we worry about you, you know!”

“Much appreciated.”

Nagisa looked about to say something else that would probably end up sounding deeply insulting without meaning it, so Makoto put a hand on his shoulder and took a turn. “Politically speaking, it would be a good move, but we’re hardly going to force you into it, so don’t worry!”

“I don’t know about that,” Nagisa put in, “I’d be okay with forci-”

“What Nagisa is trying to say,” Rei said hurriedly, “is that he worries you might not be living your life to the fullest and thinks that perhaps, if he might be so bold, you are too dedicated to your duties.”

Nagisa gazed up at him adoringly. “You know me so _well_ …”

“Ah yes,” Sousuke monotoned, “how terrible of me to take running the country so seriously. Hideous mistake, that one. Remind me next time to leave those pesky, irrelevant chores to someone else while I go chasing after true love.”

The temperature in the room felt like it had dropped a few degrees instantly. Rei blanched, stuttering an apology, and Sousuke immediately felt bad, especially when he saw how Gou and Nagisa were frowning at him with far more concern than anger. To his relief, Rin put an end to what could have been an awkward silence by slapping him on the back again and saying, “I think it’s probably time we three,” gesturing to them and Makoto, “had a proper chat about this, don’t you?”

The other three got the message and left the room (a much longer affair than it really should have been, on account of just how large the throne room was) in a shuffle of robes and clink of armour that echoed through the hall.

When they were alone, Rin moved in front of Sousuke and raised his eyebrows. “So what’s up?”

“Does there have to be anything up just because I made a misplaced joke?”

“Yeah, because there wasn’t _any_ bitterness in that ‘misplaced joke’ of yours. Go on, spill.”

“Rin…” Sousuke looked away, but instantly regretted it as he saw Makoto doing his best ‘worried mother’ face. “It’s really nothing.”

“We’ve known each other since childhood, Sousuke: that’s not going to work. Do I have to use best friend privilege on this just to get you to talk?”

“Do I have to use my privilege as king to get you to _leave it_?” Sousuke growled, and Rin stepped back, actual fear crossing his face for the briefest second. Another stab of guilt to Sousuke’s heart, then. Just what he’d needed.

“Sousuke…” Makoto whispered.

“It’s fine,” he said abruptly, getting up and walking down the room. “I’ll see you later.”

He didn’t look back at them for fear of breaking his resolve when he saw the resentment he knew would be in their eyes. But really, it was starting to feel like absolutely nothing he could do was enough: if it wasn’t his underlying guilt that they thought he wasn’t taking ruling seriously enough then it was _this_. He knew they were all ludicrously happy, and that was just _wonderful_ for them, but he had no intention of lying down and letting himself be pitied just because he wasn’t the same. That, with the frustration of not being able to work things out with Haru, was fast wearing down his patience, but he refused to storm off into his room like a child (like he wanted to) so he took refuge in his office for the rest of the afternoon. If he couldn’t satisfy his friends’ expectations for his love life, he’d plunge even further into his work.

That evening, the feast was everything he could have expected. It was loud, first and foremost: the main hall was packed to bursting with guests sitting at long tables and servants winding their way through to bring more food and refills, and everyone had to shout to make themselves heard. Sousuke couldn’t even take refuge by chatting with his friends because they were all treating him as if he was made of glass: liable to break at the slightest touch and then cut everyone around him.

He gave his speech perfectly, to cheers and applause and calls for more drinks to celebrate from the already tipsy crowd, but up at the royal table it all seemed half-hearted. Even Nagisa wasn’t  his usual bouncy self, though he was making a good effort, regaling Rei and Gou with the tale of how he’d come _this_ close to petting one of the castle’s stray cats that afternoon and that was why his hand was covered in scratches.

Late into the night, after hours of dreary conversation and completely pretend merriment (and while Sousuke was used to that, he usually at least had his friends’ company to make things better), Nagisa sidled over to him. He was clearly pretty far gone at that point, holding a mug of ale in an unsteady hand, and he wrapped his arm round Sousuke’s shoulders with the attitude of a drunk who’s already forgotten any sticky social situations that existed back when they were sober, but when he whispered into Sousuke’s ear, his words were as clear as ever. “There’s been a spirit hovering around the door for ten minutes now. It wants you to go with it.”

As if he hadn’t said a thing, he straightened up giggling and went back to his seat, leaving Sousuke completely on edge, the urge of ‘I need to go there’ suddenly clenching at his chest with renewed vigour. Thankfully it was late enough for him to leave without it being considered a frightful breach of courtesy, so he stood up quickly, said the appropriate goodbyes, and all but ran out of a side door.

The corridors were so cold, so quiet with only the muffled sounds of the feast to liven them up, but the loneliness didn’t faze him at all when he could already see a shimmering golden light far away from him, bobbing up and down. Waiting for him. He ran over and, satisfied, the spirit fish began to lead him through the castle.

It faded into the air the second it had opened a door for him in an otherwise dull stone wall somewhere in the servants’ quarters, but he knew his way from there and (glad he was wearing shoes this time) he sprinted down the hillside to get to the forest.

Without the parade of spirits from the last time, the woods were dark, far darker than he could see in, but he still ran through them blindly, trusting that he was going the right way if only because it felt right. Occasionally he heard loud rustles and cracks around him through the whistle of wind in his ears, but he didn’t bother looking round. There was no point in scaring himself for no reason, not when he knew (somehow just _knew_ ) that he couldn’t be hurt here. Haru had sent for him, so he was perfectly safe sprinting through pitch black woods in the dead of night with only his usual dagger on him for defence. The craziest thing was that he truly believed that.

There was just something about Haru, something he couldn’t put his finger on. The spirit could act like a sulky child as much as he liked, but the power he had wasn’t something he could hide (not that he probably wanted to hide it): it radiated off him so at the slightest glance, at the barest touch you were aware you were in the presence of a god. Because of that, everything around him and associated with him felt bathed in light: so beautiful, so magical, so interesting, so _precious_ that Sousuke was left breathless by it and even the idea of Haru was intoxicating.

It was getting dangerous.

He burst into the clearing panting, his muscles burning, but none of that mattered to him as he shouted Haru’s name. His cry drifted through the woods hollowly without even a ripple on the lake’s unnaturally bright surface to answer it. As he stood on the shore, catching his breath in ragged gasps with the night’s silence settling over the clearing again, he realised he truly didn’t have any idea what he’d say. He couldn’t even be sure Haru had actually sent for him (although he’d really just have to trust in that), and this was a _god_ he was shouting for. But he knew he couldn’t let himself be discouraged when he’d come all the way out here: there might not be a better chance than this, and he felt so giddy at being there by the lake that he knew he couldn’t back down. So he shouted Haru’s name again.

“Haru! I found out what my father did to you and the other spirits!”

No response, but really, was he waiting for a pat on the head well done? He caught his breath properly and tried again.

“I know there’s nothing I can say or do that will make that better, but believe me on this! I will never let that happen again. I will do everything in my power to bring humans and spirits together, just like you want, just like _I_ want. Please do this with me. I want to bring this country back to what it should be, and I need your help to get there.”

The moonlight felt like it was burning him in the blistering, unbearable silence that followed. He clenched his hands into fists, trying to think of what else he could say, when he heard a sigh from behind him and he spun round to see Haru watching him from the trees, unfathomable fatigue written into his face as he stared Sousuke down.

“You sound so sincere,” he said with a dry bark of a laugh.

“I am.”

“Yes, but you humans are all such good liars too,” he walked to the lake, crouching down to cup water in his hands. “It’s so difficult to tell.”

“Do spirits not lie or something?” Sousuke asked, resisting the urge to go and join him. It felt like that level of contact would be far from appreciated.

“We do,” Haru admitted, raising his hands to watch water drip from it like diamonds, a thousand times brighter now that they’d touched him, “but not like you do. I doubt any spirit could take it to the extravagance you lot do.”

Sousuke waited, sensing the pause in the air as Haru sighed again. “Do you want to know the full extent of what your father did?”

“If you’re okay with telling me.”

“I don’t mind. Better that everyone know.” He slipped into the water a few metres, his robes melting into it, and looked up at the sky.

“He came to me, told me exactly what you just said. Of course, back then there wasn’t such a rift so there wasn’t as much of an argument to be made, but he was insistent. He asked that I lend him my powers to help him bring the country to glory. Or something like that. I didn’t really know humans back then, so I asked some of the other gods around the country what they thought. We all agreed it was a good idea, so we helped. Discreetly of course: we couldn’t go showing off or anything, but we helped. And your father…he was so grateful. We talked a lot. I’m the nearest god to the castle, so you could even say we grew close, back then. He always came alone, and he was always so sweet and he talked so nicely that it was difficult to refuse him.

“And then he grew tired of us, or bored of us, or decided we were a liability: I don’t know what happened, but maybe twenty years after our first alliance, he started the attacks. Do you know, _my king_ ,” Haru looked back at Sousuke with a cold smile, “what it’s like to watch your subjects, the people who are under _your_ protection, die at the hands of someone you put your trust in? I did what I could, and I warned the other gods, but so many still died that the population around here hasn’t recovered even now. We had never had to face… _extermination_ like that before. It stopped, eventually, but was that supposed to merciful? Am I supposed to feel grateful towards him when he only stopped because he couldn’t spare the soldiers? The wound’s still raw. I can’t forget.”

Haru turned away and sunk further into depths that the water didn’t look as if it had, until his shoulders were almost completely submerged. Ripples blossomed around him: he was shaking.

“I’m not asking you to forget,” Sousuke said, his voice full of emotion as once again he did his best to restrain the urge to go over and comfort Haru. As if that could possibly go down well. “But why…why did you send for me that first night, if something that horrendous happened to you? Why would you trust me like that?!”

Haru turned to him and in that moment Sousuke thought he could trace all the years this enchanting, powerful, beautiful god had ever lived just through the sadness in his glistening blue eyes, an empty smile painted on his lips. “What choice did I have?”

“You didn’t have to…”

“Sousuke, I’ve been in this world longer than you have so listen to me here. Grudges can’t last. The ancient gods might choose to never forget a slight, but I don’t have that freedom. I want this country to progress, and I want _us_ to be there as it does. I won’t let us fade into the shadows, left only in stories and rumours. So even though I wanted nothing more than to leave you all to rot, I…I need your cooperation. I waited for years, gritting my teeth and trying to find any other way out of this, but we need you as much as you need us. And you…you seemed like you had different plans than your father did. So I thought it mightn’t be so bad. If I have to place my trust in a human’s hands only to get it crushed again, isn’t it better to choose someone different? So I gave you the sword, I sent some of my followers to watch over you, I even helped during that ceremony today. But this time it’s my turn to beg you: please don’t betray me.”

For a second he looked small, shivering and vulnerable with his still-dripping hair, his burning eyes, his bottom lip trembling treacherously, and Sousuke walked to the shore and got down on his knees.

“I won’t.”

Haru scoffed, putting up an entirely transparent strong front. “Cute line. Care to follow it up with any other meaningless heroic phrases or are you good?”

“Haru, I barely know anything about you. I was practically about to be overthrown the other week and you saved me from that: you gave me another chance to lead this country and no matter how much I thank you, it will never be enough to express my gratitude properly. I’m trusting you now with everything I have, and you know what? I’m not scared. I should be, I keep telling myself that I should be, but I’m not. I feel like I can trust you, and that’s why I ran out here in the dead of night without any adequate defence and without even telling anyone I was coming solely because I wanted to see you, and because I trust you not to hurt me. That’s not normal for me. Stop me if I’m wrong, but…you feel something too, don’t you?”

Haru looked away, but it wasn’t a no.

As if he hadn’t already bared his heart, Sousuke continued. “I know the worst thing I can do is ask you to trust me after everything that happened, but there’s no other way this is going to work. I swear I’ll never betray you, but it’s up to you if you believe that or not.”

He held his left hand out over the shore and, with one swift movement, brought his dagger out and cut the palm, watching the blood bloom up into a slow drip onto the ground. Haru looked at it incredulously.

“Why did you cut yourself?” he asked, apparently disgusted. “Is…is that some sort of human thing?”

“We do it to prove loyalty.”

“ _Why?_ Why would you do that? Do _I_ have to do that?” he looked so put out (and so refreshingly normal again) that Sousuke couldn’t help but laugh and shook his head.

“Not if you don’t want to.”

“Good.” But Haru’s eyes didn’t leave the blood dripping from the shallow cut. “Is this…considered trustworthy? Is it something you do a lot?”

“No. It’s generally considered one of the deepest expressions of sincerity there is.”

“Oh.”

With achingly slow movements, he resurfaced out of the water to kneel in front of Sousuke, his robes clinging to him as they seemed to come into form from the very surface of the lake itself. Sousuke just had the time to process this new information when his pulse sped up, mind racing as Haru leaned closer to him until their chests were almost touching – until he could feel the light chill of Haru’s skin on his own – and then Haru sat back down, Sousuke’s dagger in his hand. He looked at his hand ruefully, bit his lip, and cut down in one smooth stroke before Sousuke had the presence of mind to tell him he really didn’t have to.

To Sousuke’s surprise, blood just like his own welled up in Haru’s hand (although he wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, honestly), and Haru looked at it curiously.

“What do we do now? Or is that all there is to this bizarre ritual of yours?”

“…uh...usually we shake hands…”

And so Haru put his hand on his, and Sousuke jolted at the touch. Their fingers interlocked gently, taking their time about it, and they looked at each other.

“I…” Haru seemed like he was having a hard time saying it, wrestling the words out of his mouth. “I don’t know what it is, but something feels different about you, so…I promise to try and trust you. Because I need to.”

“I promise to try and trust you too,” Sousuke replied, and he was graced with one of Haru’s small, private smiles that warmed his heart.

“Let’s hope you can put up with me then.”

“Is that a challenge?” Sousuke grinned, the fake animosity wiping away the tension, and as they leaned closer, eyes closing and foreheads just touching, they breathed a mutual sigh of relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep saying to anyone who'll listen: Sousuke's father is a much more prominent figure than I EVER meant for him to be. Just so you know, he's not based on anyone in the original story.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wasn't originally going to post this today, but here we are. I'm bored.
> 
> Also, I made a mistake back in chapter 2! In this universe, all names for people and places are real/ambiguously Japanese (as opposed to the usual real/ambiguously European that's omnipresent in fantasy) so that they tie in better with the original names. There are some British names referenced in chapter 2, but that was my mistake so please ignore it.

Mornings usually came easily to Sousuke: he woke without much fuss or bother, rarely had to be woken up to stick to his schedule, and he generally felt pretty fresh and well-rested once he was up. He wasn’t a maniac like Rin, getting up at five in the morning to train before the sun rose, but he wasn’t like Nagisa either, who would cheerfully murder anyone who came near him before eight. Mornings, like every time of the day, were a tune he knew well, so he had a routine he liked to stick to, and Haru had planted himself firmly into it.

For the third time that week, Sousuke opened his eyes blearily to see Haru’s rich blue staring back at him.

“Don’t you ever _sleep_?” he mumbled, sitting up.

Haru settled back onto the pillows next to him. “Why would I have to do that?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve just been watching me?”

With a sniff, as if Sousuke had just made a suggestion far too distasteful for such an early hour, Haru gave him a withering look. “Of course I haven’t. Give me a little credit: I have better things to do than _that_.”

Sousuke nodded, allowing him that one, and got up, moving to find clothes.

“But I won’t leave you alone,” Haru said as an afterthought.

The tunic in Sousuke’s hand dropped as he stopped moving abruptly to look back around at where Haru was lounging on his bed like a suspiciously pleased cat. “…what a way to put it,” he managed to say eventually, once the shock had filtered away.

Since their pact (for lack of a better word), Haru had decided that the best way to make sure Sousuke was trustworthy was by essentially tailing him. Constantly. And while this wasn’t necessarily  a bad thing (because he was very respectful about it, and usually just showed up in corners sometimes, or when Sousuke was alone), it had started to become a problem because Haru was only allowing Sousuke to see him, and was avoiding Nagisa like the plague after being told he could see spirits. Needless to say, Sousuke was fast becoming an expert at plastering on a poker face at a moment’s notice when Haru chose to make a sarcastic (and usually scathing) comment about some mayor or duke or whoever was singing Sousuke’s praises at the time, and even though Rin and Makoto and everyone else around him kept giving him funny looks, he _loved_ it.

Haru was the first person he could be around without having to worry about anything like social status – because after all, Haru outranked him by miles – or acting proper or hiding how he felt about ruling because, _finally_ , here was a person who _understood_. There were no judgemental looks, no raised eyebrows of derision, no disappointment-laden ‘that’s not the right attitude to have’: there was just understanding, because Haru _got it_. He didn’t care whether Sousuke wanted something else sometimes or whether he thought he wasn’t good enough or worthy, because they both knew that those were only wishes anyway, and at the end of the day Sousuke was going to deal with whatever came his way as he always had. Doubt over whether he wanted to be king or not didn’t matter, because the one thing he didn’t doubt was his loyalty to his country, and that was all Haru needed from him.

It was refreshing, really.

When Sousuke had finished changing, Haru (still spread out on the bed) looked him up and down. “I haven’t said anything about it before, but is that really what kings wear here?”

“Considering I actually have to do things and not just lie around looking pretty all day, yes,” Sousuke quipped back without a hint of self-consciousness.

“Allow me to congratulate you,” Haru said, rolling his eyes in a way too bored to actually have much of an effect. “All you seem to do is sit in meetings all day anyway.”

“Only because everyone actually wants to congratulate me, in person, one by one for winning you over.”

“Can you stop phrasing it like that?”

“What, my winning you over?” Sousuke grinned. “How would you have me say it, then?”

Haru shrugged, pouting again. “We have an _alliance_ , an _agreement_ , a _deal_ …”

Sousuke raised an eyebrow in his direction. “Is that all?”

They looked at each other, and Sousuke got the impression Haru was trying some weird level of telepathy out on him before giving up, tossing his hair and grumbling, “You humans are all so annoying.”

“That’s just your answer to everything nowadays,” Sousuke sighed, lacing up his boots.

“Well, it’s true.”

“Mm. Things are going to get a hell of a lot more annoying soon, though.”

“What fun. Why?”

“The first wave of foreign ambassadors arrived late last night, apparently, so I’m getting to meet all of them today, and throughout the next few weeks. So get ready for even more sweet-talking, slimy politicians trying to get on my good side.”

Haru groaned, rolling over to shove his face in a pillow. “This is sickening,” Sousuke thought he heard him say, although it was difficult to tell through the muffling.

“You don’t have to follow me around, you know. I don’t need all-day supervision.”

“It’s hardly all-day,” Haru said, turning his head a little so he could breathe. “Would you prefer I come less often?”

There was a challenge in his voice, and Sousuke accepted it with a smile. “No.”

“Well then.”

A knock came from far across the joined rooms Sousuke lived in, and Haru sighed. “Call me if you need me,” he said as he had for the past few days, disappearing as if he’d never been there at all, although the messed up sheets of Sousuke’s bed suggested otherwise. Sousuke couldn’t stop looking at them. He wondered if he’d ever get used to that: to how freely Haru came and went, to how he always got a pang of worry when he did because _what if Haru didn’t come back and he was left with this stinging barb of loss that felt like it was stuck in his lungs forever at the idea of not being washed in Haru’s light again_ , and then to the flood of relief he felt when Haru inevitably came back. Obviously he hoped he _would_ get used to it, especially seeing as Haru was not giving any indications that he was going to stop hanging around him (very like a bored poltergeist, not that Sousuke would ever say that to his face), but the relief was nice. Comforting. Confusing at times, because of its intensity. Sousuke could think about that relief for hours without ever managing to come up with an adequate reason for it.

And that was how Rin and Makoto walked in on him staring (not at all dreamily) at his bed. Makoto coughed politely. “Um…Sousuke? It’s time to go…?

“You know, if you were having a passionate affair with your bed all this time, you could have just told us,” Rin said with a smug smile that was just a little bit forced.

(Maybe. Sousuke still wasn’t sure where they stood on the whole consort question, and he couldn’t tell if his friends had seemed nervous around him because of that or Haru’s interference lately, so he was sort of just left to hope.)

“Sorry Rin, it’s just that some of us like this thing called sleep,” he said amiably as they walked out of his rooms. “Keeps us functioning, brightens the mood, generally considered a good thing: perhaps you’ve heard of it?”

Rin punched him lightly. “Not all of us are lazy as hell, might I remind you.”

“Good thing you’re here to save those of us who are, then!”

The three of them went down the stairs laughing, and Sousuke felt things were almost back to normal with them. Things were really starting to look up.

Things then promptly started to look down later that morning as the odd collection of ambassadors filed into the throne room to greet him.

Makoto stood to attention at his side, rolling out a scroll. “I present the ambassadors of Shouhoku, Toumura, Kawada, Shikitsu, and Suihou,” he gestured with each name, and each of the five representatives bowed as they were introduced. They were a bizarre-looking bunch: three women and two men in their respective national dress, somehow managing to all clash with each other while at the same time all having the same expression of pompous determination, barring the smallest woman on the end. She, the ambassador of Suihou, just looked pleased.

Sousuke found himself concentrating on her as the four other ambassadors came forward and, with grand displays of submission and respect, expressed their king/queen/emperor’s _deepest_ congratulations on the new alliance Iwatobi had formed with its spirits (Sousuke hoped Haru was watching to appreciate the phrasing), and their subsequent not-even-trying-to-be-subtle attempts at sparking up ‘a better future working relationship’ to get on his good side. It was all bog-standard stuff, really, and Sousuke had known he’d hear it over and over again because who wouldn’t want to get chummy with the only country that actually had a sizeable spirit population, so he barely even paid attention: just enough to make the appropriate nods and words of thanks.

But the woman on the end wouldn’t stop smiling. It was unnerving, really, even if Sousuke was comfortable in his ability to look at her discreetly enough to not get caught. She was short, all soft edges and curves, but she held herself well and didn’t seem to have a scrap of self-consciousness in her, in a high-necked monochrome dress with a skirt like an upturned tulip. Her hair looked soft too: she didn’t look over thirty, but it was a mousy-grey colour, piled up into an artfully messy bun kept in place with a circlet that managed to look graceful without being arrogantly regal. And while her face certainly had the potential to look as sweet and gentle as Makoto’s did, the way she smiled (knowingly, cunningly, dangerously) made her look far more like a worryingly pleased lizard than an angel. And then it was her turn.

She stepped forwards confidently. “I am Ishika of Suihou, and I come to bear my king’s utmost apologies that he could not make it himself to this beautiful, _quaint_ country.”

Alarm bells started going off in Sousuke’s head.

“As many have said before me,” she waved her hand quickly over the people at her side ( _insultingly_ quickly, but just shakily enough to be able to excuse it as nerves), “we are delighted to hear of your alliance and can only offer congratulations that you have managed to join forces with a species which has so far proven elusive! Indeed, as our own country cannot boast that it is home to such creatures, we cannot imagine what such a life must be like, but during our great partnership with Iwatobi in your late father’s time, may his soul be blessed, we have heard _much_ about them.”

Sousuke was legitimately impressed. She was still young, visibly younger than the other ambassadors, and because of that she’d be forgiven small mistakes in the necessary webs of politeness everyone else had to follow, and she _knew_ it. With every ‘naively’ chosen word or ‘unimportant’ emphasis (all punctuated with smiles and glints in her eyes that she only directed at Sousuke), she was making her position very clear: Suihou had been happy in his father’s time and wanted things to go back to how they had been. This woman was dangerous.

He nodded his head, accepting her introduction. “I recognise the great pains you must have taken to habituate yourself with our ways,” he said with an indulgent smile. “It would be Iwatobi’s greatest pleasure to continue our favourable relationship with Suihou, and I am myself deeply appreciative of your congratulations.” He rolled the word out, just enough to make it a mockery of its actual meaning.

Ishika’s eyes turned to black slits as she smiled in response. “I am your most humble servant, my king.”

“Though others have passed before you, please ask any questions you might have at your leisure, so that you might better satisfy you and your king’s curiosity,” Sousuke said, and the way her eyes glinted at that, the way her head tilted just enough to show how prepared she was…he couldn’t wait to see what she’d say.

“You are most gracious, your majesty!” she smiled sunnily, clasping her hands at her chest. “I confess that my betters have voiced any questions I already had, but I would be delighted to take up your generous offer for the duration of my stay!”

Sousuke found he was disappointed. He’d been expecting something outrageous, possibly scandalous, and here she was, abstaining from asking questions at all. But he nodded, still mirroring her smile, and with that, the ambassadors’ reception was finished.

The five of them, and all the others who were due to arrive later, were expected to stay (and be entertained) at the castle for weeks, so, as they were led out of the room so Sousuke could begin his next meeting, they were all offered a variety of tours and activities to show off Iwatobi’s hospitality. Ishika was the only one who declined.

 

On the ambassadors’ fun-packed schedule that afternoon was a walk through the flower garden outside the city that Sousuke was obligated to attend as well. He’d expected it, and there were certainly worse ways to spend afternoons that were bathed in the late summer sun, so he found himself looking forward to it after a time. And then that excitement quickly turned to apprehension when Ishika made short work of falling in line beside him: it was stunning how quickly she managed to separate the two of them from the rest of the group until it was just them walking through beds of pale-washed blue aconite, watching the rest of the party move further along the edge of the forest.

“Allow me to congratulate you on having such a beautiful garden at this time of year,” Ishika said eventually, in an inoffensive tone. “I’m surprised they lasted through the summer’s heat so well.”

“Suihou does have much harsher summers than Iwatobi, I’m sure you’ll find, although it is true that the flowers here grow better than anywhere else in the region.”

“Is that so?” she made a hum of interest.

“Because of the spirits who live nearby, you understand,” Sousuke said just as mildly.

“There are many, then? I must admit I have never seen one.”

“No, I’m hardly surprised. I believe Suihou’s spirit population died out hundreds of years ago, didn’t it? A great shame.”

“Quite.” She took the barbed comment with a smile, as they both knew full well that if Suihou’s spirits had disappeared, it was through governmental measures and public distrust rather than any accident.

“The measures I’ve taken and am still working towards are, of course, to help prevent such a tragedy from happening here just as much as to strengthen our country, as I’m sure you can appreciate.”

“Oh, certainly!” Ishika laughed merrily. “But, if it is not too forward of me…”

_Here we go, then_.

“Did your father not take quite the opposite measures? Surely you don’t mean to disrespect his wishes in undoing his good work: he did raise Iwatobi to greatness, after all.”

That was definitely one way of putting it.

“I’m afraid my father and I have lived in different times and, as such, have different ideas as to what constitutes ‘moving forwards’,” Sousuke said. It was a risk, making his opinion so plain, but if Ishika took the hint then she’d be able to speak more freely too, and Sousuke was definitely interested in hearing that.

“Ah, I quite understand! We have much the same problem in Suihou, you see: certainly one cannot generalise the opinion of an entire nation through its people, but we have seen time and again that our lower classes are really quite grateful for the eradication of our spirit population. They see it as progressive and consider spirits as archaic stories, old wives’ tales and so on. How funny that they should hold such a different view on the same matter when really, the answer should be so simple.”

“I could not agree more.” He smiled down at her, both of them understanding what the other meant.

“Might I ask what you do then consider progressive?” he asked later, as they crossed through into the rose garden.

Ishika looked up from where she’d been smelling a yellow rose, and smiled. “That depends, I’m afraid to say. Many things can be considered progressive in different contexts, although I suppose it must be said that our king prefers power. Whether it be political, intellectual or military, he firmly believes power is the way forwards so that we might move on as a civilisation.”

“A wise thought. But what do you believe personally?”

“Oh? I believe the same as my king, your majesty. Always.” Her smile was tired, bordering on hollow, but Sousuke figured that was her problem and she was more than qualified to work her way out of it.

“A wiser thought,” he said, and decided to push her further. “Without giving away any great secrets, perhaps you might enlighten me on how you would suggest one move forwards via power?”

They were catching up to where the rest of the party was waiting for them under the shade of an orchard, and Ishika stopped walking to better look at him.

“Why, it’s nothing particularly ground-breaking, your majesty!” she said. “In fact, your father demonstrated it better than most, and we can only hope you follow in his footsteps. One wages war upon the nations who oppose one’s wishes, of course.” And, with the slightest bob of her head and the wickedest smile Sousuke had seen thus far, she began walking again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't put this at the start because 'spoilers', but I did some more [character designs](http://eristastic.tumblr.com/post/125856180057/so-i-finally-got-around-to-drawing-makoto-and)  
> That's Makoto and Rin and Ishika. 
> 
> Also, I've been worrying recently: do I update too quickly? I can store them up and pace it instead, if I'm blowing up people's inboxes and stuff too much.


	6. Chapter 6

“She’s fun, isn’t she?” Haru remarked that night, stretching out like a cat in sunlight on Sousuke’s bed.

“She’s something,” Sousuke acquiesced, sitting on the edge and sighing heavily as was tradition at the end of every day.

“Wasn’t she basically threatening you with war?”

“Seems that way.” Sousuke turned around to look at him with a ‘what can you do?’ shrug. “She was probably under orders to do that from the start.”

“And you’re just going to take it? That’s hardly sticking to what you promised me about making this country great.”

“Suihou’s powerful. Undeniably powerful. Even with your help, we wouldn’t come out of it unscathed, and either way we would have to enter war with the country. And that would break my promise too, right?” he smiled, resting against the end of the bed. “Not to mention they’ve been our allies for decades now. I wouldn’t worry about it: it’s basically all talk anyway, so as long as we don’t rise to it, they won’t do anything to us.”

“So instead I get to hang around and hear her badmouth spirits at every turn? What a joy that’ll be,” Haru scowled, crossing his arms over his chest.

Sousuke hit himself mentally for not realising that problem. “Ah…Haru, look, I’m sorry…”

“Don’t bother,” Haru said, huffing a short burst of a sigh and silencing Sousuke with his eyes, icy blue flames making his opinion clear. “I know you mean well. I also know you’re just a human and you can’t always look out for us, tell people to stop acting as if we’re ‘sub-human’ or myths, or whatever, because somewhere inside you still think we are. So don’t bother. I get it.”

Before he had a chance to disappear, Sousuke lunged over to grab Haru’s wrist, holding the spirit’s hand in his own. “I’m sorry,” he said, meeting Haru’s gaze without a falter. “I keep making mistakes, and I’m sorry for that, but you’re wrong. I’ve been afraid of you, I’ve been wary, but I’ve never once thought you were worth less than us as a species, and I’ll _learn_ to make other people stop calling you that. I can’t notice it all the time, but I’ll learn to, for your sake.”

_Because you’re important to me_ , Sousuke found himself thinking, but the words stopped just short of his mouth. It wasn’t right: it wasn’t the right time for that, and he…he was used to being sincere and unfailingly honest with Haru because it was the only way they could be with each other, but those were still words he couldn’t say. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to put himself out there like that, so blatantly.

But he didn’t doubt that they were true.

Haru seemed to contemplate his words for a long time, tiny flickers of conflicting emotions passing over his face before he nodded slowly, saying in a hesitant voice, “If you’re sure. Learn quicker, though.”

“Yes, sir!” Sousuke laughed, letting Haru’s hand go now there wasn’t any immediate danger of him running off.

“But do you really intend to just let her say what she likes? I don’t get the impression she’ll stop.”

“I don’t either. But, like you said, she’s fun. She seems to know it, too.”

Haru gave him a despairing look. “Don’t blame me when this whole thing blows up in your face because you were too busy having fun to look out for yourself.”

“I’ll take care of myself.”

“If you’re sure,” Haru said, not even trying to hide his complete disbelief.

 

The next day, Sousuke and the ambassadors (their number now at six) had a tour of the royal library hosted by a stiff-with-excitement Rei, and Ishika wouldn’t stop cooing over the sizable collection of fairy tales and how they were _just_ like the ones back in Suihou and she was sure that other countries could find similar stories in their own countries and wasn’t it so funny how they always had that in common? Wasn’t it a sign of how all nations were connected if you went far back enough, seeing as they all had these stories in common with these fantastical, _mischievous_ creatures that only worked for their own gain? Wasn’t it such a good thing that there were no creatures around like _that_? And goodness, wasn’t she just glad that Iwatobi had _all of that_ under control? Sousuke just bit the inside of his lip, making casual reassurances that yes, they were fine, everything was under control, fairy tales were hardly fact anyway, and stood there and took it.

Haru cocked an eyebrow at him (strained and stressed) that night, smirking and saying again, “If you’re sure” when he said he could still handle it.

And then they had the most _delightful_ private dinner where Ishika was the life of the party, regaling the other seven ambassadors with tales of Suihou’s past and the frankly horrific (but wildly entertaining and well-told, so Sousuke couldn’t fault her there) battles between the spirits and humans towards the end of the great civil war, tales she must have learnt off by heart but also managed to improvise on so she could engage with her audience, so while Sousuke (and Rin and Makoto, to be fair) kept trying to steer the conversation to good relationships they’d had with spirits in the past, she easily spun back to ‘Oh, how fortunate you are to have such an experience! I remember my grandfather telling me a story his grandfather told him where he suffered quite the opposite…’. It grew to outrageous levels of sheer cheek, but the rest of the ambassadors were too buzzed by that point to notice, so all Sousuke could reasonably do was take it all in and growl his frustrations out into a pillow later that night.

Haru patted his head patronisingly, downright sniggering as Sousuke once again said he could handle it, and replying with a painfully sarcastic, “If you’re sure.”

And then Sousuke had the joy of hosting a full tour of the castle when all eleven of the expected ambassadors had shown up, and Ishika, being the resourceful soul she was who knew she was running it a bit close to the wire by always talking about the spirits, managed to get the rest of the group (sans Sousuke) in on a big nostalgia party about what a great leader Sousuke’s father had been: so virile, so powerful, so sure of himself…! She, of course, had been quite young at the time, but she could still remember what an awe-inspiring king he’d been! And Sousuke couldn’t say a _thing_ because half the ambassadors there were from countries Iwatobi was only allies with because of his father, so he just nodded and tried to dredge up some good memories he had of his father to share when prompted, and when he finally got inside his bedroom door that night he slumped down and sighed so hard he thought his lungs might give out.

Haru appeared next to him and sat down close enough to him that he could feel the chill of his skin, the softness of his hair against his shoulder, but Sousuke didn’t even have it in him to feel the usual thrill he got when they touched.

“You’re taking this wonderfully,” Haru said, but there was a stiffness to his voice that should have been light and sarcastically monotone. Sousuke supposed Haru must have suffered through the earlier worship as well, and he leant his head on Haru’s in a gesture he hoped was comforting.

“Give me one more chance.”

“If you’re sure.” His voice sounded tired too.

 

The next day a light hunt was proposed: some exercise in the forest by the castle to take the ambassadors out of the stuffiness of the city. For all it was supposed to be ‘light’, it felt like half the castle came along: as well as the core party of Sousuke, his usual retinue, and the ambassadors, there were some of Gou’s soldiers to do the more menial work and to scope out the land, the dogs and their keepers, and a bustle of servants carrying equipment and food for the midday meal. And, despite all of this, Sousuke still found himself far ahead of the rest of the party, accompanied by Ishika.

She was obviously not used to riding, but her mare had a good temper and needed only the lightest of touches to guide her, so somehow she managed to keep pace with Sousuke. They rode in silence for the most part, making their way peacefully through the trees to the usual resting spot where the forest opened up into sparser fields cut through by a river. Ishika didn’t even seem to be sneaking any glances at him (although she may have been too occupied with her horse for that), but when they came to a stop, she relaxed a little. That was more than could be said for Sousuke, who was not only on edge because of her, but also because he kept worrying that the hunting party would run into Haru’s lake, but he persevered.

“I wasn’t aware the woods here boasted plentiful game,” Ishika said pleasantly.

Sousuke looked at her, searching for some ulterior motive she might have, but she was just gazing up at the sky mottled with clouds, completely innocently.

He nodded. “Generally pheasant or fox, admittedly, although sometimes we strike lucky enough for deer. Higher up the mountains,” he swung around in his seat to point behind them, “the game’s better, but it’s not much of a hunt unless you’re looking for a week-long camping trip. Not counting the days it takes to get there and back.”

Ishika nodded. “Would you be tempted?”

“No. I don’t care much for hunting, to be honest.”

Ishika smiled softly but said nothing else, turning instead to greet her handmaiden who had trooped into the clearing with the rest of the party. “Miwako, I’d like a drink of water, please,” she said to the girl (who was wearing the largest pair of glasses Sousuke had ever seen), and then dismounted. And that, apparently, was all he would have to suffer from her.

But of course things could never be so easy, so naturally, after the lengthy event that was a royal picnic, she approached him again. He stiffened slightly, but greeted her warmly anyway.

“Forgive me if I overstep my bounds, Your Majesty, but would you be averse to taking a short ride with me, if hunting is not to your tastes? I have some matters I should like to discuss with you.”

Sousuke shared worried looks with Makoto, but the offer didn’t horrify him as much as it might have. Being alone with her was better than having a group around, after all, so he couldn’t say he wasn’t tempted. Tempted in the same way a stabbed man might be tempted to rip the knife out for a chance at a different type of pain. He swept a look across the clearing, over the people already saddling up for the hunt, the servants clearing up the sheets still mostly covered in dishes, the dogs raring to go with tightened muscles and snarls in their jaws.

“I should be honoured,” he said eventually, ignoring the stricken look Makoto gave him. “But, and perhaps you might forgive me now, you seem ill at ease on a horse. Would you prefer to walk?”

Ishika smiled at him; a smile full of genuine, unrepressed gratitude as she laughed, a little embarrassed, and nodded. “If you wouldn’t mind.”

“Not at all.” He turned to Makoto. “It looks like I won’t be attending the hunt today. Could you tell Rin to lead it?”

Makoto was giving him one of those disapproving looks he knew so well, but he wouldn’t say a thing against him in public and Sousuke knew that well enough too. Slowly, reluctantly, he nodded. “Yes, my lord.”

“Thank you.”

When they were a fair distance into the forest, enough at least to not be able to hear the party behind them, Sousuke decided it was probably safe to talk. They carefully didn’t look at each other, superficially too occupied in walking the barely-broken trail.

“So tell me,” he said, “is it overstepping bounds to ask that we speak at least somewhat honestly to one another? It seems tiring to forever be up to your neck in subterfuge and deception.”

Behind him, treading carefully where he’d set out a path, Ishika sighed. “While your honesty is touching, really, I think you’ll find it will only bring you pain. Not everyone is susceptible to that sort of request, you know.”

“Are you?”

He could hear the smile in her voice. “I can try.”

“Then can you tell me what you came to say?”

“So quickly? The obligatory ten minutes of avoiding the subject is part of the fun!”

“Sorry, but I’d prefer to skip the foreplay this time.”

She laughed. “I hope that’s not a habit of yours. Not that castle gossip has proved all that fruitful in giving me any idea of what your love life is like.”

“Apart from non-existent?” He held a branch out for her to take so it wouldn’t slap back as he passed.

“They certainly say that.”

“So you’ve been collecting gossip too?”

“I’m surprised at how low your opinion of me is: I collect _everything_ , Your Majesty! Although, to be fair, Miwako’s the one who collects the gossip from servants and so on.”

“Your handmaiden?”

“Mm. I’m very pleased with her: she’s a natural at it. Watching her at work is an educational experience. She just sits innocently, helping people and letting them talk while keeping up a wonderful façade of stupidity.”

Sousuke paused, holding out a hand to steady Ishika as they moved down a slope to a better-established path, the undergrowth crushed neatly along the banks of a brook. Somewhere far behind them, a hunting horn rang out.

“But doesn’t that get exhausting for you?” he asked as she started walking beside him along the path. “Always wondering if someone’s trying to get information?”

Ishika looked at him, a disturbing amount of pity in her eyes. “Is your court so safe you don’t have to? I appreciate your unfailingly straightforward nature, Your Majesty, but that isn’t how things work usually. Webs of gossip and scandal are everywhere, and it’s all part of the game. We play for power with our lives on the line. That’s normal.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“No, it’s not. Pardon my rudeness, but did you really not know? I almost envy you.”

“I’m a king: of course I knew,” he snapped. “But it’s never been considered a game here, it’s just part of…”

“Politics?”

“Maybe.”

“So you really do strive for honesty in everything you do?”

“Are you looking down on me?” An edge of anger worked its way into his voice and Ishika immediately looked away, shaking her head, apologising.

They walked in silence again, watching the transient dappled lighting that hit the forest floor brightly one second, only to be covered by cloud the next. Sousuke cleared his throat. “So are our ten minutes up?”

“Perhaps.” As usual, there was a smile in her voice.

“Then-”

“I was just thinking,” she cut in, “that you are truly lucky to be the king of Iwatobi now.”

Sousuke looked at her incredulously, almost forgetting to walk, although she had no such difficulties.

“You see,” she went on, waving a hand emphatically, “you’re safe here. Safe in your court, safe in the knowledge of your country’s prosperity, safe in your position…” Sousuke suppressed the urge to laugh at that one. “You even have your spirits’ blessing now. Isn’t it all wonderful? Isn’t it _ideal_?”

“What are you getting at?” They stopped and turned to look at each other.

“I’ll humour you and play your game for once: this isn’t me speaking to you as an ambassador. I can do that just as well later. Rather, this is me speaking to you honestly as a person. I feel that you do not appreciate your father’s work enough,” she said, picking her words carefully.

Sousuke frowned, crossing his arms, but said nothing.

“You seem to resent his hard work, even enough to make this pact with the spirits and while I cannot fault you on that from a political point of view, as a son…it doesn’t feel right. And there were other signs too, all culminating in the painfully obvious message that you do not appreciate what he did for this country. Your father was a great man. I know he wasn’t perfect, and I know that his reign was filled with bloodshed, but he built Iwatobi up from practically nothing to one of the most influential countries on the continent, and he took Suihou with it. I don’t mean to say that you’ve done nothing to create Iwatobi as it is today, and your work has been invaluable as well, but…” she bit her lip. “If you didn’t have to plunge yourself into the web of lies and falsities that you hate so much in order to work yourself up to power, it’s because your father handed your crown to you. If you didn’t have to use scheming and raw cunning to make Iwatobi great, it’s because your father did it through blood.”

Their eyes were locked, teal with grey, and Sousuke felt a growl rise in his throat. “You’ve overstepped your bounds,” he said in a measured, restrained voice.

Ishika immediately looked away. “Forgive me, Your Majesty. I did not mean to cause offence.”

“Then _what_ did you mean?”

“I only meant to express my respect for your father.”

“Hold yourself back in future.”

“As you wish.”

Sousuke walked off again at a fast pace, not caring if she could keep up or not. Her words, her impertinent, ‘well-meaning’ words echoed through his mind louder than even the fierce crunch of leaves underfoot could drown out, and the pity in her eyes (as she pointedly hadn’t smiled) roiled up his insides like bile. She hadn’t seen, she couldn’t possibly know what it was like to bring a country back from the edge of death, when so many had died that only the most drastic, unpopular of measures could get the country working again. She hadn’t heard what his father had done to the spirits, or the sick triumph in his voice as he announced more deaths, called for more soldiers to be dragged from farms and villages. She hadn’t seen the bloodlust that had choked him to the very end.

They walked for maybe twenty minutes before Sousuke could bite back his pride enough to fall into step with her again.

“Perhaps you might enlighten me on what you wanted to say as an ambassador,” he said, almost as a suggestion, and she took it gratefully.

“I wished to tell you that Suihou truly does want to maintain a good relationship with Iwatobi. War is not something either of us has any wish for, I’m sure, so even though our country has had a difficult history with spirits at best, that will in no way affect our alliance.”

“Even though you’ve spent your entire visit spreading the seeds of discontent?”

“Yes,” she nodded. “If you would be so kind, I would be grateful if you could consider that a rather harsh but necessary gift from my king.”

“So turning all the other ambassadors against me was necessary?”

“I assume you have the concept of tough love here? Allow me to say that discontent was far from non-existent when I got here. My king suspected as much, and he suggested I might point you in the direction of stamping it out.”

Sousuke looked at her in disbelief. “Is that what you’ve been doing? I beg your pardon, I must have completely misunderstood your lovingly systematic attempts at undermining everyone’s opinion of me.”

“There’s already doubt surrounding your miraculous pact with the spirits. If that’s left to fester, you could be in danger later on, so, while I admit my methods were a little forceful, I needed to impress upon you the necessity of getting rid of it.”

“And how exactly am I supposed to do that?”

“My full apologies, Your Majesty, but that is not my field of expertise,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “I create problems, not solve them.”

“Ah.”

She considered him for a while (and he wished she wouldn’t, because his expression of fatigue and despair couldn’t be doing his reputation any good). “If it helps, the problem is really just that most countries don’t have a history with spirits like Iwatobi or Suihou or even Toumura do. It’s mostly a case of disbelief.” She looked at him pointedly, but said nothing else.

He got the message: all he’d have to do was get Haru to show himself in front of a crowd of humans to prove he was real. Coincidentally, that scenario was also filed under ‘things Haru would never do’ and ‘things I would never ask Haru to do’ in Sousuke’s mind. It wasn’t just him trying to preserve the relationship they had by not offending him: he sincerely didn’t want to put Haru through that kind of discomfort, not after what he’d heard of the spirit’s past. And maybe there was guilt in there too, for what his father had done, but mostly he just couldn’t stomach the idea of asking Haru to do something that would make him so uncomfortable when he was just barely coming to trust Sousuke.

They made it back to the clearing easily, seeing as Sousuke knew the forest well, and waited patiently for the rest of the hunt to come back (with a good deal of pheasant and a very happy Rin) before heading back to the castle.

Somehow, he felt even more fed up when he walked into his rooms that night, practically slamming the door behind him and doing the customary sigh. As he was walking to the bed, Haru appeared in front of him.

“If this is about me messing up my final chance of solving stuff on my own…” Sousuke said wearily, but Haru just gave him a withering stare and crossed his arms before brightening his expression a little. Just enough for Sousuke to notice the gleam in his eyes, the genuine warmth to his barely-there smile.

“No. I shouldn’t have left you to do it in the first place, but that’s not what this is about.”

“Is it not?”

Haru shook his head. “We’re going out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realise I've definitely been over-using Ishika and I'm really sorry about that, so the next chapter will be heavily SouHaru-centred to make up for it!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so I hastily post this before going away for a day or two

When you were being taken out by someone who was, at the end of the day, a god, little things like stealth or distance or solid brick walls didn’t really come into the equation, and in the end, Haru just took Sousuke’s hand and turned round, stepping down onto a forest floor where there had been the stones of Sousuke’s bedroom a moment before. He didn’t explain, and Sousuke decided not to ask as he was led through the forest which, inexplicably, was swarming with spirits in a sort of festival.

There were lights everywhere, in every colour, and Sousuke couldn’t work out how many were set up by magic and how many were actual spirits floating around, as there were so many of them (he could only assume Haru was the reason behind him being able to see them, but he kept quiet about that too). There didn’t seem to be a particular trail anyone was following: just bright patches of light where groups of spirits congregated to talk or chirp or growl or whatever it was they were doing, looking like islands of stars in the darkness of the forest. Music was playing from somewhere (or from many places – Sousuke couldn’t hear well enough to judge) in a constant tattoo that thrummed through his whole body, with light, floaty melodies occasionally joining in capriciously, depending on where you were standing. There didn’t seem to be any food on offer (although Sousuke wasn’t even sure if spirits ate) but everyone was carrying small goblets filled with shining liquid that glittered and threw the light like ripples of gold. And through the whole bewildering, unfamiliar sea of lights and hum of chatter, Haru’s hand anchored him to some semblance of reality, pulling him through the forest at a gentle pace as they wound through paths Sousuke couldn’t recognise.

They stopped on a ridge under which a few metres of steep rocks jutted down to a clearing where a large huddle of spirits were mingling, and Haru sat down on the edge, pulling on Sousuke’s hand to make him do the same. The opening in the trees let moonlight spill over them and it felt almost thick, as if they were swimming in the dusky light. It was peaceful, being at the side-lines of a party in a way Sousuke had never been able to be before. He felt he could breathe.

“Do you mind telling me what this is or is it all part of some big secret?” Sousuke asked pleasantly, when the air had settled around them.

“It’s a small celebration to welcome in the autumn and bid farewell to summer,” Haru shrugged.

“Ah,” Sousuke said, as if that made him being there so much clearer.

Luckily Haru took pity on him and elaborated. “I thought you might appreciate the change in tone. It’s relaxing here. Nobody knows you, and nobody will ask anything of you.”

He said it casually, as if it meant nothing, and Sousuke felt a clench in his chest at the thought. Unable to think of the right words, he squeezed Haru’s hand, and Haru smiled. Beneath them, the crowd of spirits had started to dance, weaving in between each other in pairs, some of the larger ones sending glittering sparks as their feet hit the ground to the beat, although there didn’t seem much order to it. There were just pairs and groups moving together with what sounded like laughter drifting up on the air.

“Would you like to join them?” Haru asked, following his gaze.

“Can we? Don’t you have an image to protect as the god of this place?”

“Gods aren’t kings.” He said it like it was an answer, and stood up, Sousuke’s hand still held loosely in his. “Come on,” he smiled softly, and with a sound like rushing water they were down in the clearing, and Haru had changed clothes. These new robes were held tight at his waist, bursting out like sea foam from one hip into bright blue lace swirling down an otherwise gauzy white skirt that fell to the ground in swathes. Somehow he managed to move in it. Even more unbelievably, he managed to dance in it.

The night rushed by in a tapestry of sound and light. They danced, relatively ignored by the other partygoers except for the occasional group dance they were asked to join in for, with laughs and outstretched hands and the unspoken understanding that there was no obligation about it, just people wanting to share their fun. Eventually Sousuke found himself drinking from a cup of the golden liquid he’d seen before (held out to him by a cheerful girl with the ears and lower body of a deer), although Haru quickly put a stop to that with a single, well-placed glare and warning that the drink wasn’t necessarily safe for humans. But they kept dancing, through all manners of different songs and styles, Haru showing off energy even Sousuke couldn’t keep up with as he spun and swirled with infinite grace, and soon, after much coaxing, Haru began to drink as well.

Sousuke had no idea what time it was when they finally returned to the ledge they’d been sitting on before, and he didn’t much care. The atmosphere was still lively, the night was probably still young, and the spirits looked as if they could go on for days just dancing and talking and brightening the forest with their light, so he wanted to savour it a bit longer. And if the golden drink had made Haru clingy enough to lean against Sousuke as they sat, casually resting his head on Sousuke’s shoulder, then who was he to put an end to it?

“So is this the life of a god?” Sousuke asked teasingly. “Celebration and revelries and just generally not having to deal with expectations? I should see about getting promoted.”

Not being in a position to glare at him, Haru flicked the back of Sousuke’s head lightly. “Don’t speak so easily about things you know nothing of,” he said disinterestedly.

“So there _is_ more to it? What, do you have the tragic responsibility of accepting offerings and prayers?”

Haru flicked him again, but curled up closer anyway, lazily fidgeting with the hem of Sousuke’s tunic where it lay on his thigh. “That’s not it. It’s annoying. I’m directly tied to the land, and I’m connected to all of the spirits here in a way you’re not with your subjects. It’s nice, but it’s tiring, being directly responsible for so many lives, for the welfare of these woods and the river. I can’t really explain it if you haven’t felt it.”

Sousuke made a noise of agreement, eager to hear Haru talk about himself in a way he hadn’t before, but also unfairly distracted by the way the spirit’s fingers were tracing along his leg, leaving ghosts of sensation.

 Haru didn’t seem as preoccupied by it. “The ancient gods don’t respect me, and the other young ones are all annoying anyway. They’re noisy. And they’ve been saying I’m weak and stuff because of our alliance, saying I’m a coward. It’s stupid and none of them get it.”

“I get it.”

“Yeah.” It was hardly eloquent (not that Haru was one for speeches, even when he wasn’t half drunk), but it was enough. “I know.”

Below them, a new dance broke out.

“What are you going to do?” Haru asked in a small voice. “About what she said today?”

“You were there for that?”

“I was.”

“I’m sorry you had to hear it. I tried-”

“I know you tried.” There was a smile in his voice, laced with trepidation as it was. “But what are you going to do? She wasn’t lying about the discontent: there are rumours.”

“There are always rumours.”

“If you’re sure.” It was the verbal version of a shrug, but there was nothing neutral about the way he said it; despondent and almost disappointed. His hand closed into a fist on Sousuke’s thigh.

“I’m not,” Sousuke forced himself to blurt out, through teeth gritted the way they always were to stop him admitting things nobody needed to know. “I’m not sure at all.”

Haru paused. “That’s unusual.”

“It’s not.”

“I meant for you to say it.”

Sousuke tried to look at him quizzically, but it wasn’t a very practical move when Haru’s head was supported comfortably by Sousuke’s shoulder, so he gave up and settled for, “I’ll give you that one.”

“But it’s obvious, isn’t it? What you need to do.”

There was a pregnant pause and Sousuke refused to say anything. Admitting weakness was one thing (when it was to someone who _got it_ as sharply and accurately as Haru did, who understood and sympathised in ways Sousuke could accept and didn’t flood him with pity or judgement), but he wouldn’t let himself ask that favour.

“It’s obvious,” Haru said again, a little more urgently, a little more hysterically, for all Haru could ever be ‘hysterical’. “Because all you need to do to get rid of those rumours and all the trouble they’re going to bring is to show me. I just need to prove I’m a god, prove I’m on your side, and we’ll be fine. Seeing a god has to be a lot more trustworthy than a sword.”

“No…”

“No?” Haru made a respectable attempt at a laugh but it was too hoarse, too forced to work. “Is there some other way you’d like to enlighten me with?”

“I don’t want to make you do that.”

“Why not? Because I’m _your_ prize, to be kept away from everyone else? Because you’re ashamed of me? Because you don’t trust me not to fuck it up? Why not?!”

Sousuke wished he could see Haru’s face but it felt like moving and breaking their stasis would be a mistake. “It’s none of those things,” he growled, trying to get some control over the clamp that held his tongue in place, warning him not to open up too much, not to share too much, not to say things he’d regret later. But not saying it would only bring worse regrets. “It’s because…I can’t force you into a crowd of thousands of humans, a lot of whom will be armed, when you’ve suffered at our hands like you have. I can’t do that, I won’t…”

“How weak do you think I am?” Haru asked, his voice raspy as he drew back, crawling away from Sousuke. His shins were scraping against the rock and Sousuke turned, reaching out a hand to stop him or reach out to him or _something_ , but Haru shook his head, eyes ablaze and swimming with tears. Sousuke drew back his hand and, mercifully, Haru stopped moving backwards.

“How could I think you’re weak?” Sousuke breathed.

“You clearly do.” His voice was reproachful and unsteady with emotion.

“I don’t!” It came out too aggressive, too much like a threat, and Sousuke mentally slapped himself for it when he saw how Haru’s scowl darkened.

“Then let me do this for you!” he shouted. “It’s the one thing you need and I’m the one person who can do it, so _let_ me!”

“You’ve done so much for me already, I can’t-!”

“ _Let me_!” Haru screamed, cutting him off. “I want to, Sousuke! I don’t care if it leaves me vulnerable in front of thousands of humans who’ll be scared of me, who already don’t trust us; I don’t care if I’m so scared I can barely walk straight! If I say I can do it, that means I have faith that I can bear it, so _trust_ me!” He was breathing heavily, still managing to hold back the tears that welled in his eyes but his voice broke in a choking gasp. “I want to help you.”

Sousuke wasn’t sure how but somehow in the next second he was holding Haru against his chest, relishing the chill of the god’s skin as Haru hugged him back. Everything about Haru looked vulnerable, willowy and weak, but there was strength in his arms as he clung to Sousuke, and there the thought came again: Haru was safe, he was powerful, nothing could happen if you were under the protection of this unfathomable god. Sousuke could feel himself whispering feverish ‘thank you’s like they’d been torn from his throat, tasting fiery on his tongue as he struggled to express, in some way, how grateful he was. How he felt he’d never be able to do anything to repay Haru for how he’d saved him, but how it didn’t feel like a debt, only like an oath to stay together so he could at least try.

Those were words he couldn’t say, but it felt like he might not need to.

In time, when Haru’s breathing had steadied and Sousuke had calmed down, they parted enough that they could look at each other. Contrary to all expectations, Haru hadn’t cried at all, and he fixed Sousuke with a tired stare before letting his head fall forwards to rest on the man’s chest.

“It’s stupid, isn’t it?” he said in a sigh.

“You might have to elaborate.”

“I don’t trust humans. I don’t like humans much. The idea of throwing myself into a situation where I’ll be surrounded by them ranks just a little more preferable than throwing myself into a pit of fire, but I still want to do it. It feels…” He trailed off, his back shuddering ever so slightly, and Sousuke found himself reaching up to stroke down it soothingly in an uncharacteristically caring display. Haru arched into it gently.

“I trust you,” he said finally. “Maybe because we have the same interests at heart, maybe because of something else, but I do. That’s how it is. So it feels like…I wouldn’t mind doing it, if it’s for you. Not even because it would benefit me, just…because it’s for you.”

Things fell into place then. It wasn’t as if anything had been particularly confusing before, but at that point it became clear to Sousuke what was going on and what he needed to do because the feeling was mutual, so raw and rich and true in his mind that he couldn’t have denied it even if he’d wanted to. And for once, his unjustifiable inability to just _say_ things didn’t matter.

He tried not to rush it, tried not to give into excitement and urgency coursing through him, and with trembling hands he lifted Haru’s face up so they could look at each other.

“Thank you,” he said again, smiling, and then he kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it took us 23 thousand words to get to the first kiss. I mean what is this, Kimi Ni Todoke?   
> For future reference, I will eventually be boosting the rating up to M at least, if everything goes to plan (and it has so far so I don't see why it shouldn't), it just might take a while. 
> 
> Also, [Haru's outfit and the fawn girl because I can't help myself.](http://eristastic.tumblr.com/post/126346767942/harus-new-outfit-and-my-fawn-girlfriend-and-some)


	8. Chapter 8

Sousuke would like it known that he was far from unexperienced in his love life. Dead as it was, Rin and Makoto could testify to the fact that it had once lived (albeit in fleeting, gasping bursts), but kissing Haru was in a whole new league of anything he’d felt before. It was completely different from anyone else, and he couldn’t for the life of him work out whether that was because of his emotions or because Haru was a god, but either way, his heart felt like it was in his mouth, his whole body was shaking, and the only reason he wasn’t flushed was because Haru’s cold skin was pressed so close to him. But the moment felt perfect.

He almost didn’t want to break away even the slightest bit for fear Haru would crack the dream Sousuke felt sure he was living, but as seconds ticked by and Haru hadn’t moved back, Sousuke felt brave enough to gently move away, bumping their foreheads together to keep the physical contact he _needed_.

Neither of them said anything, although any number of intrusive lines like ‘was that okay’ or ‘do you feel the same’ or ‘can we do it again’ jostled for position on Sousuke’s tongue as he held his breath.

Haru stepped in. “You stopped,” he whispered: a perfectly reasonable assessment of the situation.

“Should I not have?”

“Not unless you were planning to do it again, perhaps with some actual skill this time,” Haru sniffed back in a monotone, and while Sousuke was laughing, he moved up to kiss him again. Sousuke could relax into the kiss this time, letting his hands explore down Haru’s waist and enjoying the taste of his mouth (and there, for the first time, was a part of the god that had human warmth) and the golden drink he’d had earlier. They became languorous, drunk with each other and the dead certainty that there was no rush (not when they had forever), no need to prove anything (not when they had proved it all before), and all the hope in the world. The bubble of decadence surrounding the festival was enough to calm the worry Sousuke might – should – have been feeling, leaving him with that reckless joy of youth he hadn’t indulged in for years and letting him fully enjoy the feeling of tentative, early love and the ecstasy of having it reciprocated.

Sousuke leaned his body against Haru’s in a suggestion that he should lie down, and Haru complied, tilting his chin up when he was on his back to look at Sousuke in a way that would have been imperious if there wasn’t something gentler, more interested in the curve of his mouth and the darkness of his dilated pupils. Sousuke starting kissing down his neck, sucking just under the folds of silky gauze robes that collected round Haru’s collarbone and really did feel as smooth as water, Sousuke found. Then, as he pushed past them to kiss across his chest and nipples, Haru made sound for the first time with a breathy, purr-like moan.

Sousuke looked up, grinning, as he shifted his weight a little to better support himself on his arms. “You like that, then? Is that enough technique for you?”

Haru stared at him with an expression too aroused to look unamused, but he managed a fair amount of weary disdain in his voice. “I’ve had better.”

“How long have you lived, though?”

He quirked a smile. “You don’t need to know that.”

“Fair enough,” Sousuke tried to shrug despite all his weight being carried by his elbows.

“Does this mean you’ll let me?”

With difficulty, Sousuke cast his mind back to what they’d actually been discussing before satisfaction and desire had flooded his brain. “Back to business so soon?”

“We do need to work something out. Soon.”

“I know.” He moved over to lie on his back next to Haru, tilting his head so they were looking at each other. “Are…are you sure you can do it?”

“Of course I’m sure,” Haru said, exasperated. “I just explained exactly why I’m sure and you still ask me? Were you listening at all?”

“I was listening.” Sousuke squeezed his hand. “If you can do it, that would make things so much easier. Just…just one appearance in front of the public, and no one would be able to reasonably say I’m lying about it all.”

“Then that’s settled. I’ll meet with your council tomorrow and we can work everything out.” Haru nodded slightly, pleased with a job well done.

“If you’re sure,” Sousuke said, smiling.

“That’s _my_ line to curb _your_ hot-headedness.”

“Since when have I been hot-headed?”

Haru raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t get to just look at me like that and act like you’ve won,” Sousuke said. “I’m going to need some proof.”

“You kissed me, for a start.”

“Amateur mistake: if I’d been as hot-headed and impulsive as you say I am, I’d have done that weeks ago.”

Haru blinked. “Weeks?”

“Weeks. Probably at our first meeting.”

“That’s just absurd.”

“You haven’t seen your eyes, have you? I couldn’t stop looking at you.”

“Yeah, I’m sure all this time you’ve been concentrating on my _eyes_.”

“I have,” Sousuke said sincerely. “They’re beautiful.”

And Haru smiled for him, one of the small, private smiles that came like shooting stars and dazzled Sousuke just as much.

 

He had a killer hangover the next morning. Sousuke had barely drunk a sip of the golden drink the spirits had been enjoying, but his whole head was ringing and he could only give thanks that Haru was a generally quiet and reserved person and left it at smirking at him rather than going for full-on laughing. Before Sousuke had recovered enough for them to say a word to each other however (although plenty had been said the night before, so it wasn’t a huge loss), an impatient and functionally useless knock came at the door, followed immediately by Rin storming through with Makoto at his heels.

“Do you have any idea what time it is?!” he shouted, hands on hips as he loomed at the foot of Sousuke’s bed.

Sousuke cringed and covered his ears. “Not a clue.”

“Are you…are you hungover?” Rin asked incredulously. “You barely even _appeared_ at dinner: did you just spend the whole night drinking?”

Sousuke got the impression Rin was speaker louder than usual on purpose. “Can we let that one slide, and perhaps speak a little quieter?”

Rin scoffed, but seemed to calm as Makoto took his hand. It was at that point that Sousuke remembered what he needed to do.

“I’d like a meeting with my councillors, please,” he said in his ordering voice, taking them by surprise. “As soon as I’m dressed, preferably, and can someone _please_ bring me water and boiled cabbage for my…headache?”

They nodded with knowing smiles, and Makoto, embodiment of love and care that he was, rushed off to the kitchens while Rin went to round up the rabble. Sousuke got dressed slowly, a mix of trying not to move too much and not being able to, while Haru watched him, seemingly content with his hangover-free life. Sousuke shot a glare in his direction at one point to express his disgust at the inequality, but Haru just looked confused.

The two of them went to the meeting room in silence, and the second they walked in, Nagisa shrieked.

“I’ve seen you before!” he said, pointing at Haru and jiggling with excitement, eyes wide. Everyone at the table stared, clearly in varying states of worry that their friend might actually be going mad. Rei in particular was trying to get him to sit down properly and be quiet.

Haru looked disgruntled but, after looking back to check Sousuke had shut the door, something evidently happened and suddenly everyone in the room gasped. Sousuke felt like he was in some sort of bizarre play, but he had more important things to worry about, and made a beeline for the head of the table where his hangover cures awaited.

Haru barely spared a look at everyone staring at him before going to sit on the edge of the table next to Sousuke, seeing as there were no spare chairs. Everyone waited in shocked (or bored, if you were Haru, and forced by way of hands over your mouth, if you were Nagisa) silence for Sousuke.

When he felt a little more human, he straightened up and addressed them. “As I’m sure you can all see, I have someone to introduce to you.”

Nagisa broke free from the shackles of propriety his boyfriend was trying to impose on him. “Is this your god?” he asked excitedly.

“Exactly right,” Sousuke nodded, raising a hand to gesture to Haru, who looked at him mildly and nodded back, turning to greet the others.

“My name is Haru. I’m the water god of these parts,” he said, almost robotically. Sousuke wondered if he’d just learnt the phrase by heart and used it with every human he met.

The others didn’t seem sure of what to do, so Sousuke took hold of the situation. He got up and moved to Rin, who was seated on his left, and waved between him and Haru to prompt him to speak.

He managed a rather choked “Nice to meet you”, but seemed too intent on just watching Haru to do much else. After him, Gou had much better control over herself and looked as excited as Nagisa, although her excitement was mixed with unadulterated delight and a dash of pure ambition.

She leaned over her brother to shake Haru’s hand. “It’s such an honour to finally meet you! I honestly can’t say how grateful I am for your help, and for all your good work on the country itself! I’m the commander of the military here, although I suppose Sousuke must already have told you?”

“I’ve been watching,” Haru said and Gou beamed back at him.

“That’s wonderful! That does make things a lot easier. I’m really glad you chose to introduce yourself, my lord!”

Haru seemed taken aback by the title, but there was a stiffness in his shoulders that Sousuke took to indicate he was probably more than a little uncomfortable with the whole ordeal. Considering the mischief in Gou’s eyes, Sousuke was just thankful she already knew about the spirits’ rough history with the military and thus knew better than to propose they join forces, even though he could just as well see that she _really wanted to_.

Rei was next, all exuberant formalities and innocent joy at seeing a god for the first time, and then Nagisa went and launched himself across the table to stare up gleefully into Haru’s Very Alarmed face and talk happily about how _pleased_ he was to finally meet him, and how he was confident they’d get along wonderfully, and how this was the most exciting thing to happen to him _ever_.

Makoto’s introduction was a quieter affair. He and Haru looked at each other and something changed in the atmosphere: all the tension visibly lifted from Haru’s body and Makoto’s mouth spread into one of his smiles that managed to exude pure happiness and love. “It’s nice to meet you,” he said in a gentle, even comforting voice, and Haru nodded. There didn’t seem to be any need for anything else, and Sousuke could only watch on the side-lines as they continued to look at each other, perfectly comfortable, apparently connected on a level of understanding Sousuke himself couldn’t reach, joined together by something Sousuke couldn’t see. With a cough, he broke it.

“It’s come to my attention,” he said carefully, “that a significant amount of the population doesn’t really believe I’m in alliance with a god and thinks I’m just lying about the whole thing. That doesn’t bode well, so we decided that it’d be better to introduce Haru formally so no one could have any doubts about it all. Hence him being here.”

Nagisa grinned, chin in his hands as he leaned up on the table. “You’re always saving us, aren’t you, Haru?”

Something almost vulnerably surprised came into Haru’s expression as he blinked back at Nagisa, at the nods around the table, at the warmth of feeling that entered the air, and Sousuke found himself fascinated by how childlike it seemed. He wondered how familiar Haru was to accepting praise or gratitude from people other than him and, as that thought prickled its way into his mind, he surreptitiously moved closer to Haru and felt for his hand, entwining their fingers behind their backs where no one could see.

Haru smiled, just slightly. “Perhaps,” he answered.

 

The ceremony was a true demonstration of how, as long as your main act is a show-stopper, all the clearly last-minute organisation can be forgiven. There was none of the decoration or fanfares that the sword’s reveal got, nor the self-assured impatience floating around the nobles’ pavilions (replaced instead by doubt and reluctant interest), but none of that mattered when Haru – sticking closely to Sousuke’s side – let the murmuring crowd see him. Sousuke didn’t move from Haru’s side after that, but he might as well have for all the attention anyone paid to him as Haru demonstrated some of his flashier powers in a water show above the crowd, his hands shaking and his brow furrowed in desperate concentration. He left immediately afterwards, apparently oblivious to the cheering and clapping and disbelief he inspired in the human heart; he only spared a meaningful glance at Sousuke and the slightest dip of his head in apology as his eyes danced with tears under the lights still swimming above them in the air.

Sousuke felt powerless.

Ishika came to find him afterwards, when he’d escaped the endless whirlwind of congratulations and was hiding in an alcove on the third floor near some old storerooms no one ever used.

“Well done for finding me,” he said pleasantly as she sat down on the window-seat next to him.

“It took a while. I had Miwako follow you for a bit, though, so that helped.” She smirked at him and he laughed back, glad for the lightness of conversation.

“Just what I’d expect from you.”

“Oh, you have no idea. If I’m not overstepping my bounds in saying so, my lord,” she said with a questioning quirk of her eyebrows.

“I’ll tell you when you do.”

“Much appreciated. And…you did an excellent job today.”

“You now believe spirits exist, then?”

“In my defence, that was never the problem,” she said, turning to look at him more sternly. “I _know_ they exist, I just don’t like them. But regardless of that, it was a good move.” Her expression softened.

“Thank you,” Sousuke said, tilting his head in acknowledgment. “Will you be leaving, then, since you’ve finished here?”

“I’ll be going back to Suihou, yes. Off to be an envoy so I can bully more countries into doing what my king wants. The usual.”

“Do you want to?”

Unnervingly, pity crossed Ishika’s face before she answered. “That doesn’t matter. I like my job, and not all of us have the freedom to fight for causes we believe in.”

“You could. I’d offer you a home here.”

She laughed merrily. “I’m surprised you think you could stand me on a daily basis. I thank you for your offer, but I’m afraid I’ll have to decline. I’ll stick to my web of lies.”

“And me to my unfailing righteousness?”

“Whatever you choose, my lord.” They smiled at each other, and Ishika left with a quick bow.

 

Haru was sitting on the edge of Sousuke’s bed as he came into his room that night, after escaping the wildest feast he’d ever had to attend. Relief washing through him, he rushed over, reaching out to put his hands on Haru’s shoulders as he leant down.

“Are you alright?”

Haru stared at him, disbelief and some consternation shoving the usual neutrality out of position.

“…really, are you alright?” Sousuke tried again.

“You’re not supposed to see me,” Haru said slowly, as if he was trying to work something out.

“What?”

“Right now. You’re not supposed to be seeing me right now. I haven’t let you.”

Sousuke mirrored his stare. “I can clearly see you though.”

“Yes. That’s…that’s a first. But you did it earlier too, didn’t you? When you were dressing, you _looked_ at me. That’s…” Suddenly, an expression of shock passed over Haru’s face before it was quickly smothered into neutrality with practised precision.

Damn near a minute passed without Haru elaborating at all, so Sousuke prompted him. “Is there anything you can think of that would explain this…?”

“No,” Haru said quickly.

Sousuke raised his eyebrows but figured there were more important things they could be arguing about. “Back to my original question, are you alright? You were brilliant today, and I’m so, so grateful, but…”

“I’m fine.”

“Really?”

Haru nodded, but he wasn’t smiling so, unthinkingly, Sousuke leant up to hug him. It was easier than talking, easier for Haru than making him admit how uncomfortable he’d been, and by the way Haru’s fingers clutched at Sousuke’s tunic and his back went stiff with tension, it was the right move.

Sousuke sighed softly into Haru’s hair, breathing in its after-rain smell. “I’m glad,” he said quietly. “I’m so glad you did it, not even for what it’s gained us, but for what it represents. I’m so, so glad that you’d do that for me. I know it’s selfish, but-”

“It’s not.”

Sousuke breathed a short laugh. “Alright. But I’m happy.”

Haru murmured in agreement and slackened his grip on Sousuke’s clothes, snaking his hands round the small of his back and drawing them closer. Sousuke felt the invisible clamp on his tongue loosen, just slightly, but enough.

“I trust you with everything,” he whispered.

There was a pause, but it didn’t have a trace of anxiety or regret to it. Then Haru murmured in agreement again.

“I’m probably in love with you.”

“Probably?” Haru asked, his voice muffled.

“Look, I never said I was perfect at this.”

“Clearly.”

Sousuke snorted.

“I think so too, though,” Haru said in a small voice.

“That you might love me?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s convenient.”

“Mm.”

Loath to do it as he was, Sousuke moved away so he could cup Haru’s face and began to lean in to kiss him.

“One thing,” Haru mumbled as their lips were about to touch.

“Yeah?”

“Humans without the sight can see a spirit if they’ve got the spirit’s full, uncompromised trust. Thought you should know.”

Sousuke hesitated, then broke into a weak laugh and bumped their foreheads together. “I’m so happy,” he said, just as a general observation, and kissed him.

 

After that, weeks rolled on by for Sousuke in a decidedly banal way, filled with councils, discussions on tax, holding court, surveying various royal properties, writing endless letters, approving even more, entertaining foreign envoys, entertaining visiting lords, entertaining himself in what time he could get alone with Haru, and just generally life going back to normal. And, as such things went, one morning he found himself in the throne room with Rin and Makoto as usual, Haru sitting by a window off to the side and pretending to be uninterested in their conversation.

Unfortunately for Sousuke, he had every reason to be interested in this particular conversation.

“We’re just saying we’re pleased for you,” Makoto said with a beam on his face that Sousuke would have called smug if it was on any other man.

Rin’s smile, however, was definitely, without a doubt, smug. “Yeah,” he said, with that shit-eating ‘told you so’ grin. “It’s such a joy and a _relief_ to know that our king has someone he can finally confide in fully. Even intimately, one might say.”

“Rin, I’m serious: shut up,” Sousuke groaned into his hands, regretting with every fibre in his body that he and Haru hadn’t waited to get back to his rooms before kissing the previous night. He’d never have said that impatience was his fatal flaw, but here he was, getting one of the most uncomfortable Talks he’d ever had from his two best friends because they’d caught him making out with his boyfriend.

“But I’m so happy for you! All this time you refused our encouragements and obviously you were right to do so! That’s our king: eyes on the prize, always aiming higher!”

“Rin…”

“Come on, I know you haven’t made it _official_ , but everyone can see it! How _are_ gods, anyway?” he said in a way that was very definitely suggestive.

“Rin, we haven’t-”

“Seriously? It’s been weeks, and-”

“He’s in the room, you know.” Sousuke gave up.

Rin froze. “He’s what.”

Like an unlikely hero, Makoto took over the conversation. “We’re so happy for you, honestly, but just remember that we’re here for you.”

Sousuke smiled. “I know, Makoto.”

“Right, but…I just want to make sure you know. We’ll support you through anything, so if you need us, you can talk to us anytime. Really.” He looked suspiciously earnest and uneasy, so Sousuke was about to nip that torturous subject in the bud when a messenger burst through the door, running up to where the three of them were.

He took a moment to catch his breath. “My…my full apologies for interrupting, Your Majesty.”

“No matter,” Sousuke said, immensely grateful.

“I bring this message from Lord Komura,” he handed a letter to Sousuke, marked with the seal of the lord who ruled the county just north of the capital. He bowed and practically sprinted out of the room while trying very hard to pretend he was walking normally.

Sousuke opened the letter and began to read it. A few lines in, his blood ran cold and, closing his eyes in despair, he handed the letter to Rin.

“‘I regret to inform you’,” Rin read out, “‘that the so-called Saint Prince of the Northern counties, despite being no prince at all, has laid claim to the throne and is on the way to the capital with the intention of laying siege to it’.” He and Makoto exchanged glances, then looked warily at Sousuke, waiting for him to say something.

He didn’t keep them waiting long. “Fuck,” he groaned, and threw his head back against the throne in frustration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so ends the first arc! I honestly cannot tell you how utterly impatient and excited I am for the next chapter. SO looking forward to that one (although the fluff in this chapter was VERY NICE to write)
> 
> Also, you really don't have to say yes, but would anyone be interested in a written guide to the world that we're dealing with here? It'd basically just be a lot of exposition, but if anyone's confused...feel free also to just ask questions if you are, though!


	9. Chapter 9

“Well,” Gou said, plastering on a bright smile, “if it’s any consolation, we would have been in a much worse position three months ago. As it is…”

“We’re only fucked a little bit?” Sousuke asked, tapping his fingers impatiently on the table.

“You’re such a defeatist! No we’re not!”

“Fully fucked, then?”

“ _No!_ ” She stamped her foot in exasperation.

“I’m just surprised this Saint Prince guy has been biding his time for so long,” Makoto said, fidgeting nervously. “What information do we have on him?”

From the other end of the table where Gou and her generals sat, Chigusa shuffled some papers and began to read off them. “Based on what we’ve gathered from our informants in the northern counties, he’s become dangerously popular. This is, of course, mostly due to the local lords supporting his cause and making their favour explicit through public speeches and so on. They – the lords Ama and Takaki – have swayed the people in their lands so the Saint Prince has quite a powerful backing at this point, not least because it’s said he is not only under divine protection, but that he’s actually the son of a god.” Nervously, she swept a strand of hair behind her ear and tried to avoid looking at Sousuke’s stormy expression. “At any rate, Lords Ama and Takaki have rounded up their respective troops and, along with some supporters from neighbouring counties, they make up the most part of the Saint Prince’s army. They’ve set up camp a few miles from here for now, but seem to have every intention of besieging the castle.”

“And _why_ have we heard nothing about this until now?” Sousuke asked as politely as he could manage.

Chigusa gulped heavily. “We…um…we…”

Gou squeezed her hand under the table (or she squeezed something and it seemed to work) and took over, bowing her head slightly. “It was my fault. I’ve been concentrating our forces on the eastern border with Shouhoku recently because of the skirmishes there: the ambushes. With Shouhoku’s help, we’ve mostly eradicated the group of thieves that, ah, set up shop there, as it were, but as a result I pulled my attention away from the northern area.” She lifted her head to look Sousuke dead in the eye. “Some of the captains we had stationed there have also joined the Saint Prince’s army, which didn’t help the flow of information.”

Sousuke sat back in his chair and let his eyes wander the probably-soon-to-be-accurately-named war room to calm himself. In the corner, unseen to everyone else, Haru nodded at him with something Sousuke had come to recognise as a sympathetic expression rather than his normal neutral one. It was all in the eyes and the tilt to his head. “Are we outnumbered then, if he’s so persuasive he can swipe our soldiers from us?”

Gou shook her head slowly. “I don’t believe so.”

“Going to need a bit more than belief if we’re in for a siege, won’t we?”

“ _Yes_ , but…honestly I can’t say. Based on numbers alone, the troops we have at the castle are not enough to combat the ones he’s bringing, though he seems to have met with a lot less support as they moved southwards, even abject hostility in the counties nearest us, and so they haven’t had a significant boost in numbers since they started out. The problem is that they’re too close, and they’d split up until just recently so we weren’t sure of their intentions. Had we more time, we could contact some of the nearby lords and ask them to send their troops: rally the full army, I suppose. But a siege means messengers getting out would be difficult, and…there’s the issue of pride as well.”

She straightened up, her jaw set and her eyes fixed on Sousuke with ferocity that would seem threatening if her expression hadn’t been so sincerely apologetic. “Forgive me for saying so, but I would prefer we take our chances alone, at least for the start. The Royal Guard is famous for good reason and if it’s known that we couldn’t take a few squadrons of farmers - villagers who’ve likely never held a sword before because they haven’t had a war to fight in for the past decade – we will lose face.”

Nobody said anything to immediately undermine her, so Gou took a breath and continued. “I’ve already ordered the mayor to close the city gates if the lookouts see the army coming any closer, so right now I would urge you to go and meet with this Saint Prince. Not for battle yet, but just to see what he wants and to size up the army properly. It’s possible this could be settled with money, diplomacy, or even just letting them see Haru in the flesh, I don’t know. But we have supplies in the city itself anyway, since we’ve been stocking up for winter, and it isn’t impossible for us to survive a few weeks of siege, should it come to that. It’s just…the capital needs to flaunt its power. We need to show we’re able to stand on our own without bringing other counties’ troops in and recruiting the help of the lords.”

Sousuke took in what she was saying with little improvement to his mood. It wasn’t what he wanted, but when he thought about it, that was the Saint Prince’s fault through and through, and Gou’s suggestions made sense to him. Not taking action was out of the question.

He shifted position and looked around the table. “If anyone else has anything to add, feel free,” he said, like a tired last attempt at finding some perfect solution despite already being resigned to the situation.

No one said a thing, although he could see Rin’s expression darkening.

“Then prepare the Guard to ride out,” he said to Gou. She nodded sharply and left with her generals. Makoto followed them with just a worried look back at where Rin and Sousuke still sat pointedly.

When the door was closed and they were alone, Haru having picked up on the atmosphere and disappeared, Sousuke raised his eyebrows in question.

“Are you prepared for it if it comes to battle?” Rin asked in a measured voice, arms folded against his chest.

“What, me personally?”

“Yes, you. We both know you don’t like conflict.”

“That’s news to me: makes me wonder why I’ve been friends with you for so long.”

To Sousuke’s relief, Rin smirked and loosened his stance a bit. “Really, though. Unless you’ve got another god up your sleeve – in which case allow me to offer my congratulations for your unexpected threesome – you won’t be able to get out of this one.”

“I know.”

“You’re sure?”

“Rin, give me a _little_ credit here, please. If it comes to battle, if it comes to war, then that’s just how it’ll be. I won’t enjoy it, but I’m not going to hide in the castle until they go away or whatever you’re thinking.”

Rin laughed. “Okay, I wasn’t thinking _that_. I just want to make sure you’re okay with it.”

“I’m a king. I’ll be fine, come on.” They grinned at each other, and Rin got up, clapping Sousuke on the shoulder companionably.

“Let’s go get your armour on, then!”

 

After leaving the city gates, it was barely a ten minute ride to the Saint Prince’s camp, for all that it could be called that: it was more of an eclectic arrangement of tents in a large field than a military camp. Sousuke could almost feel sorry for them: they were so obviously not ready for any sort of fight, not when they couldn’t even set up camp properly. Not when the soldiers were talking and playing dice instead of doing drills like any army would know to.

Against all expectations, when the Royal Guard was spotted, the Saint Prince’s army did manage to pull itself together reasonably well, and they hurriedly began replacing their armour as the leaders stepped out of the main tent. The Saint Prince himself was in full armour already, glittering under the midday sun in silver with gold inlay as he gracefully mounted his horse.

Sousuke called his own guard to a halt a few hundred metres away from the camp to make their intentions obvious, and he watched in fascination as the entire army came together under the Saint Prince’s orders. They followed his words as if by instinct, pulling together with all the spirit and enthusiasm in the world, and soon enough they rode in (admittedly pretty lax) formation towards Sousuke and his guard, stopping a respectful distance away although still close enough to talk. The Saint Prince was the only one with his helmet fully closed, and if he hadn’t heard the man just shouting orders, Sousuke would have been unnerved by it.

He urged his horse forward a few paces, looking straight into the reflective visor of his rival. “I take it you are the rumoured Saint Prince?” he asked, unnecessarily.

It was the woman beside the prince who answered, however; Sousuke recognised her as Lord Ama from councils years past. “He is indeed the Saint Prince – rightful leader of this land!”

A cheer went up around the prince’s regiment and Sousuke waited politely for them to finish.

“By what right?” he asked, earning himself a glare from pretty much everyone in front of him, but he persevered. “I am the only living son, or indeed blood relation of any kind, of the late king, and as far as I am aware that is the only way one can legally become ruler. Unless you have some other story with which to regale us?” he kept his eyes on the prince, although he couldn’t make out any emotions from behind his helmet. “Perhaps a god came and told you that were destined for greatness? My apologies, but I think I can top that one.” He lifted his sword, shrugging apologetically, tilting it just the right way so its sapphires danced in the sunlight.

“Furthermore,” he went on, “claiming the throne that I have by birth-right is in fact treason and defamation of your king, both of which carry heavy punishments.” He cocked an eyebrow at the prince, hoping he could see it and making sure to layer condescension in his voice in case he couldn’t. “I am willing to let this pass if you renounce your claim here and go back to where you came from. Lord Ama, Lord Takaki,” he nodded to each, “I will be lenient on you also, provided you show proper respect to your king in future. If you do not, you will force my hand,” he gestured back to where the Royal Guard was poised in impressive formation behind him. “What do you choose?”

There was barely a pause before Lord Takaki barked a snarling, ugly sort of laugh meant only to imitate amusement. Sousuke could already feel Rin tensing up to fight behind him and, coupled with dread running low through his gut, he could feel the same urge boiling inside himself at the contempt in the lord’s eyes.

“The Saint Prince will never submit to you!” he scoffed. “Any of your petty negotiations are just proof of your weakness! Iwatobi has no need for a leader like you, one who can only hide in his castle behind his parlour-trick excuse for a god. Hand over your crown now and perhaps His Eminence will leave you alive.” In a display of really quite unnecessary defiance, he spat on the ground in front of Sousuke.

“That’s what you choose, then?” he asked wearily.

“It is.”

“Then let me hear it from the lips of your leader,” he said. Then, addressing the prince, “Do you really need these lords to speak your decisions for you?”

A hush fell over the two regiments, all attention on the prince in his shining armour. It felt like it belonged there, he carried their gazes so well. Then, slowly, or perhaps just lazily, as if he wasn’t in a battlefield preparing to fight, the prince began to unclip his helmet, loosening the straps, and finally pulling it off.

He shook his hair out and any thoughts of fighting or anger left Sousuke’s mind. The Saint Prince looked every bit as divine as he’d been built up and more besides, with the cocksure way he held himself and the barely-there aura by which you could always spot a spirit if you knew what to look for. His features were fine (though Sousuke could tell from a glance that his mouth wasn’t used to frowning) with a delicate jaw and piercing violet eyes that had all the intensity of a god’s as he stared unfeelingly at Sousuke. He brushed a hand back through waves of glossy pink hair arrogantly and opened his mouth to speak.

“If you won’t surrender,” he said in a rich, commanding voice that had his battalion standing to attention, “I’m afraid we’ll have to defeat you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's pretty short, but it's a Big Deal for me because Kisumi's my favourite Free character (just barely overtaking Sousuke, but still) and I've been waiting to introduce him for so long! [Here](http://eristastic.tumblr.com/post/126900538802/pretty-big-spoilers-for-chapter-9-of-my-fic-lord) are his character designs.


	10. Chapter 10

Haru was waiting for him when he came back to his rooms. Sousuke gratefully let himself be pulled to the bed by soft hands on his rough ones, falling back down on the mattress while Haru watched patiently in front of him. The battle was long since finished and all the sweat, grime and blood had settled on his body and clothes like another skin, even after his armour had been taken off by pages to be cleaned; the fight leaving its mark on his body as on his mind. He didn’t move, so, slowly, Haru knelt down and began to unlace his boots for him.

“How was it?” he asked after he’d taken the first one off.

“You weren’t there?” Sousuke asked, propping himself up on his elbows so he could talk to Haru properly.

Haru shook his head, his eyebrows slightly furrowed in concentration over the enigma of Sousuke’s laces. “I watched some of it, but I left when the fighting started.” There was something unspoken there, and Sousuke nodded in understanding. “So how was it?” Haru repeated.

Sousuke considered the question. “It was fast.”

Fighting always was. He’d been young during the worst of the wars and he’d never been sent away to fight, but a prince’s education necessarily included sword-fighting, so Sousuke had become used to it from a very young age. Within years of starting he was fighting with the Royal Guard, he and Gou getting hours more training a week than Rin or Makoto, and that training specifically developed to hone their individual fighting styles and body types. Since then, years upon years of drills and group practice had pounded fighting into his mind like the rhythm of a dance, even when he’d had to give it up for the most part to spend more time ruling the country.

“I’d imagine so,” Haru said mildly, finally undoing the knot he’d created.

“Noisy, too.”

But you learn to block it out, after time. And while the grunts and shouts of exertion in training were nothing compared to the screams of desperation and pain in battle, Sousuke had tuned it out naturally. More naturally than he would have thought. It had faded to white noise bombarding his ears as he thundered through the battlefield, winning every confrontation, hating the Saint Prince for forcing him to this, but not being able to stop. The whinnies of horses, the cries of soldiers, the clash of steel should all have been deafening but it had been so easy to get used to it. It had rung like music to spur him on.

“Is that all?” Haru asked. There was always more to Haru’s words than first appeared – things he couldn’t say, didn’t want to say – and Sousuke could hear it here too.

He shook his head. “There was a lot of taunting, during it and when we stopped,” _to collect the wounded and dead_ , he didn’t say. “Basically just calling me a coward, saying I can’t do anything without you.”

“Can you?” He pointedly pulled off the second boot and moved up to unlace Sousuke’s shirt.

Sousuke grinned. “Clearly not. But you saw that ‘prince’, didn’t you? Do you think he’s backed by a god?”

“Definitely. More importantly, he’s got divine blood in him.”

Sousuke sighed. “So that wasn’t just propaganda…”

“Unfortunately. I’m surprised you couldn’t tell, though.”

“I could. I just wanted to make sure.”

It would have been difficult not to see the Saint Prince’s divinity if you were paying any attention at all. His charisma had shined brighter than his armour, rising above the turmoil in a clear voice urging his soldiers on, to battle, to glory, to death. No human was like that; no human Sousuke had ever known could hold himself like a hero from a second-class minstrel’s song, practically dancing through the waves of attackers and bringing them all down without a splash of blood to show for it. He had been a beacon of idealism, of perfection that didn’t quite fit with the cutting smell of blood and sweat. It was that, more than Sousuke’s constant orders to hold back, to keep on the defensive to minimise bloodshed, that had kept the Guard from pursuing the Saint Prince’s army back to their camp. It was that that had kept Rin, usually so fired up after a fight, quiet on the journey back to the castle.

“So you’ll be fighting again tomorrow?”

Sousuke nodded, obediently holding out his arms so Haru could take his shirt off.

“Huh.” Haru said it in a disgruntled, dismissive way, tossing the shirt to one side, the very image of someone who’d never had to clean up in his life.

“You don’t want me to? I’m afraid I don’t really have a choice in the matter.”

“That’s not it.” Haru was looking away now, taking great interest in the window to his left with its sparse view of trees.

“Oh?” Sousuke smiled encouragingly, recognising the tell-tale signs of Haru trying to say something that wouldn’t come out easily, and feeling so at _home_ with the situation.

“I feel useless.”

The smile was wiped from Sousuke’s face, all lingering memories of the battle whipped from his mind. He quickly, unthinkingly brought Haru into a hug and only let go at the god’s protests and look of disgust.

“You’re _filthy_ ,” Haru said petulantly, sitting down a careful distance away from Sousuke on the edge of the bed and raising his hand (which now, inexplicably, had a floating layer of water just touching his palm and fingers) to Sousuke’s skin. Sousuke relaxed somewhat as it began to work like a much smoother, softer washcloth.

“You’re definitely not useless,” he said firmly, trying to hide the tremors of pleasure he got at Haru’s touch. “Without you, I wouldn’t have a hope of being where I am today. I’d still be struggling to hold onto the throne, even without this upstart’s interference.”

“But I haven’t done anything.”

“What the fuck do you mean?” Sousuke turned, hoisting his legs up onto the bed so he could face Haru and frown at him more effectively. “Yes you have!”

“I gave you a sword and I appeared in front of a crowd. I haven’t _done_ anything: it’s all just acting as a figurehead.” Haru’s gaze dropped to the sheets. “I could destroy the Saint Prince and his army right now, if you’d let me.”

“But then we’d just be proving them right when they say I can’t stand without you.”

“So? Why can’t they be right? Why can’t I fix it all now?”

“It’s not that easy…” Prompted by a pointed stare, Sousuke turned around so Haru could do his back.

“It could be.”

“But it’s not. I know it feels like you’re just being used for your status, but I have to do this by myself.”

Haru leant forwards, resting his forehead against Sousuke’s back. “That’s stupid.”

Sousuke shrugged carefully, almost painfully aware of the cool weight of Haru’s head on his still-damp skin. “Don’t you trust me?” he asked, trying to make it sound as playful as possible.

“Against my better judgement.”

“Ice cold, Haru.”

Haru smirked, his light exhale releasing all the tension that had pent up in Sousuke’s back. “I could solve everything right here, though. Give me an hour and I’d do it all.”

“What, by flooding their camp?”

“You don’t even know the half of my powers, shut up,” he sighed.

“Care to share?”

“I don’t think so. You’d do better to wait and find out.”

“Can I guess, then?”

Haru sat up and shuffled back to lounge against the cushions, supporting his head in his hand, the layer of water nowhere to be seen. “Go ahead.”

“Alright,” Sousuke turned back around to face him. “Can you transform?”

“Of course I can: only the weakest spirits can’t do that.”

“Seriously? Is this not your actual body?”

“It’s my normal human form.” Haru raised his eyebrows. “Are you going to tell me you’re just attracted to my body now and make me promise not to change?”

“Like hell I would.” He tried to ignore the unease he felt that Haru had come to that conclusion so easily. “But – other powers….Can you curse people?”

“Not effectively. That stuff’s for witches, you know. I can kill people. That’s easier.”

“No kidding. Then…can you strike down a man with a single gaze?”

Haru gave him a look. “…no…?”

“Really? And yet here I am, love-struck.”

An uncomfortable silence followed until Haru said, hesitantly, “Is that you trying to flirt with me? You probably shouldn’t. You’re better at kissing than smooth talking.”

“Wow, fuck you too,” Sousuke laughed, crawling up the bed until they were face to face. “But did my ears deceive me or was that an invitation?”

“It wasn’t a _compliment_ ,” Haru said, but he tilted his head up anyway so Sousuke could take his bottom lip in his, cupping Haru’s face with calloused hands. It was slower, softer than what they usually shared, and Sousuke was grateful for it after a day filled with action and sharpness he’d really prefer to leave behind. Haru’s touch was so smooth and fluid that it felt like they were melting into each other. Sousuke probably wouldn’t have minded if they had. It would have been easier than facing up to the solid surety that the fighting wasn’t going to end the next day, or the next or the next: that he’d have to go out to fight again and again. And, again and again, he’d have to feel the fury building up in his muscles like fire to set his mind ablaze until he could barely think. It was so much easier to feel this coolness, this gentleness, and forget. It was so much easier to just be in Haru’s calming wake.

Of course, ‘calming’ was relative, and his breath caught in his throat when he felt Haru’s hands (now shockingly cold against his flushed skin) find their way to his waistband. Still gently, the god sat up properly.

There were any number of embarrassing things Haru could have said by way of explanation (Sousuke, personally, would have gone with ‘I haven’t washed all of you yet’) but that wasn’t really his style, so he just tilted his head to the side questioningly and said, “It’s been a long day, hasn’t it?” As Sousuke nodded, a little too surprised to speak, Haru smiled softly and undid the laces of Sousuke’s trousers, making suspiciously shorter work of them than he had with the boots.

Sousuke wanted to laugh when he saw the layer of water accumulate under Haru’s hand once more (as if this really was about getting clean) but it ended up as a choked groan when Haru took him in his hand and kept looking up at him, his eyes glittering. There was so much feeling all at once that Sousuke couldn’t do anything but throw his head back, his hands fisting in the sheets at the lightening-sharp contrast of cold water and hot, blood-flushed skin, held by an inescapably (but why would he want to escape?) earnest grip.

Somehow he summoned the strength to look back at Haru (his eyes dancing in amusement, the bastard) and ask in a shuddering voice, “Are you sure?”

“I’ve got your dick in my hand. Do I look unsure to you?”

“If you’re sure,” he said with a strained laugh, and bent his head to kiss him.

 

If there was any greater luxury than lying in a post-orgasm haze while your boyfriend cleaned you up with his mysterious water powers, Sousuke didn’t know of it. He’d offered to reciprocate (with his hand, with his mouth, whatever Haru wanted), but Haru had shaken his head and shrugged: “I’m fine.”

“Really?”

Haru, master of the nonchalant look of bored judgement, had shrugged again. “We don’t feel sexual desire quite like you do. Or some of us don’t. I don’t. I’m comfortable with sex, but mainly for my partner’s sake, if that makes sense.”

“But that makes me feel like a total ass!”

“Don’t. I’m happy with this. I don’t have to get off to enjoy watching you.”

And so Sousuke was lying there, watching Haru lazily until he’d finished and flopped back on the bed next to him, shuffling closer so Sousuke could curl an arm under his neck. And Sousuke couldn’t have been happier. He didn’t even feel the chill.

“Are you happy here?” he asked, filled with satisfaction and the desire to share it. “In the castle, I mean. I’m sorry you have to take an active role in some of the councils, but…”

“It’s fine.” To be fair, Haru’s ‘duties’ as ‘Sousuke’s god’ weren’t that many: he was just obliged to show up and look bored a few times a week in front of the right people, and he liked to follow Sousuke around sometimes (although most of the time he stayed invisible anyway).

“If you’re sure.”

Haru glared at him. “Look, can we stop using that phrase?”

“What, those three innocent little words? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You’re just being an idiot on purpose now.”

Sousuke smirked. “But for real, are you doing alright? I can try and cut back the time you have to spend here if you want.”

“Trying to get rid of me so soon?”

It was a joke, and Sousuke knew that, but that didn’t stop him from pulling Haru just that little bit closer. “No.”

“I like Makoto,” Haru said thoughtfully. “He always smiles for me and makes me feel welcome.”

Sousuke bristled at the idea of the others not making Haru feel welcome (and at the memory of Haru and Makoto’s meeting, but he wasn’t going to admit that), although he knew full well that, at least among his friends, it was usually too much enthusiasm rather than too little that annoyed Haru. But he smiled. “That’s good. So you’re comfortable here?”

“I guess. I’d prefer to be in my lake, given the choice.”

“I’d say you’re welcome to go there more often if you’d like, but I’ve got a feeling you’d just make a snarky remark about me wanting to get rid of you.”

“I _might_ not.”

“You’re not really worried about that, are you? You’ve got to know I don’t-”

“I know,” he said, and Sousuke could hear the smile in his voice.

“So you’re happy with this? Even if we have to keep fighting this Saint Prince guy?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“It’ll be fine,” he said, shrugging it off as if it wasn’t playing in the back of his mind like a sound that grates on your ears until you can’t hear it anymore.

“If you’re sure,” Haru deadpanned, accepting the light punch on his arm that he really deserved for that one.

“Just reassure me you’re happy. Without lying.”

“I’m happy.” He reached up a hand to join with Sousuke’s.

After that, time stopped mattering so much. The room felt set apart from the rest of the world, more so than it ever had before; the blood and tears of battle washed away by the tide, the din and rage muffled by the bubble of water on the stones of a riverbed, and Sousuke’s mind calmed. It wasn’t simple, he’d told himself, but here everything _was_ : here he knew where he stood and didn’t have to deal with false princes and popularity and battles he could win so _easily_ if only he could let Haru do it for him, if only he couldn’t care about the deaths. Here he didn’t have to face up to what he’d felt rising in himself that morning.

 

Reality came barging in like an unwanted guest the next day with the unwelcome news that the Saint Prince’s army had moved their camp closer to the castle walls and were now intercepting as much of the traffic towards the capital as they could. Sousuke just took the news solemnly because at this point the whole ‘everything about this situation disheartens me and you should feel bad about it, just _look_ at me sighing’ act felt overdone.

“What’s the likelihood they’ve got a surprise attack planned?” he asked during the pre-battle meeting.

“I want to say unlikely,” Gou replied, looking over a map of the capital. “For a start, the castle backs out onto the forest and I asked Haru,” she nodded to where he sat (looking bored but pretty next to Sousuke), “and he said there aren’t any troops in there, so it’s not like they’re trying to take us from behind.” Rin looked a little distraught at his sister’s choice of wording but she didn’t seem to notice. “And this is just my intuition, but I don’t think that’s the type of attack they’re going for. This prince doesn’t have any actual claim to the throne so his only chance is to win people over. That being the case, it seems wiser to beat us properly out in the open. I also doubt they have the troops in reserve to do it: they’re not exactly bathing in public acceptance down here, and I think they took all the soldiers they could already.”

“So that does make things easier!” Makoto said happily, ever the optimist.

“Well, yes. Regarding how we should proceed, the fastest way of finishing this would be to take the prince out. We all saw it yesterday: he’s the one they really listen to, and neutralising him would break up the entire army, plus whatever rebellion they’re trying to start. Of course, he’s still quite well-liked in the north, so killing him might be…” she trailed off.

“So what would you suggest?” Sousuke asked, already weighing up ideas in his head.

“Wouldn’t a political marriage be the best option?” Rin said, his smile completely unapologetic.

“How noble of you to volunteer,” Sousuke said drily (although he wasn’t doing much to hide his smile, especially after he saw Haru smile knowingly at him too).

“Ah, it seems _once again_ you need our guidance because I’ve got to tell you, I don’t think this plan would work if it’s not the two leaders getting together.”

Sousuke was about to quip something back, energised by the bickering, but Gou put a stop to it. “Charming idea though it is, I don’t think that would work with the way things are. So what will you have us do?”

She turned to Sousuke and he nodded. “Get him alone is the obvious solution. Not to kill, but to defeat and bring back with us so we can give him a trial here and then lock him up for treason. Easy. It’ll have more of an effect if I do it, so I propose that you leave him to me unless you’ve got a clear opening.”

There were general murmurs of approval, so he rounded the meeting up. “Otherwise, we’re to keep on the defensive as much as possible.”

The murmurs stopped. “Defensive?” Rin asked with a mix of disbelief and anger on his face.

“That army is not made of trained soldiers. They’re a few hundred peasants with no experience, most of them children, and if we attack them properly it’s going to be a massacre. So we concentrate on getting the prince alone and ending this with as little bloodshed as possible.”

“Is that their or our blood you’re referring to?” Rin said, his voice cold. “You might be trying to take the moral high ground here, but they’re not and they won’t hold back from killing us.”

Sousuke looked at him, any warmth from just a minute before now changed to a steely glare. “I’m not saying don’t kill. I’m saying don’t kill more than necessary. You’re all dismissed: relay my orders to the troops and get ready for battle.”

Predictably (because he always did this), Rin crossed his arms and didn’t make any move to get up. Makoto and Haru followed his example, although decidedly less confrontationally, while Gou ushered her captains out as quickly as she could.

“Perhaps we could have a private meeting before going out…” Makoto said hopefully.

“And what, pray tell, would you like to talk about?” Sousuke asked.

Rin snorted. “The sheer fucking idiocy of your plan would be a start, but I’m open to other suggestions.”

Before Sousuke could say anything in retaliation (a pity, because it was going to be _scathing_ ), he felt Haru’s leg touch his under the table, the action somehow managing to be a sign of solidarity and a warning to keep his mouth shut.

“Why is it idiotic?” Haru asked, a lot more politely than Sousuke would have (Makoto smiled at him gratefully, and Haru smiled back).

“Because we’re going to end up decimated by _farmers_! This isn’t what Gou meant when she said she wanted to finish this ourselves: if we stay on the defensive and aren’t allowed to defeat them because we’re ‘not supposed to hurt them’, we’re going to be the ones who’ll suffer for it! Sousuke,” Rin turned to face his friend, pleading with him, “there’s nothing unusual about bloodshed in battle and they came here knowing that, so let’s just end it!”

“No.” Sousuke stood up, scraping the chair legs against the stone floor. “We’ve only had one battle and we haven’t even tried the new plan yet. This could work. Have patience, Rin.” With that he left the war room, knowing that Haru would follow him.

When they were well out of earshot, halfway up the stairs to Sousuke’s rooms, Haru smiled at him. “‘Have patience’? I don’t think he’s going to thank you for that one.”

“I didn’t really say it for that, though, did I?”

“No.” He was smiling still, walking up the stairs as if gliding through water, and he reached to take Sousuke’s hand. “I’m going away for a while.”

Sousuke looked at him sharply. “For how long?”

“A few days. I need to go and see some water gods from the north.”

“The north? And I’m sure that doesn’t have anything to do with our prince in shining armour down here, right?”

“It might.”

“Haru, I asked you not to do anything…”

“I’m just going to find some things out, if anything. I won’t take any action. And anyway, I’m not going primarily for that.”

“You actually have responsibilities? Colour me impressed.”

“It’s more of a social call, but you can still shut up. Anyway, because of that I won’t be able to protect you, or look out for you.”

“So I should behave?”

“Exactly.” Haru nodded, looking quietly pleased. Sousuke decided that that was his favourite expression of Haru’s.

“I’ll do you proud, then.”

“You already have.”  Haru angled himself up to kiss Sousuke, and when Sousuke opened his eyes he was alone.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to let you know, I'll be away next week and I don't know if I'll have any internet so there may not be any updates for a while (I've got some other projects I want to write before leaving too, so I'd be very surprised if I manage to upload the next chapter before I go). So I hope you enjoy what I fondly refer to as the chapter of arguments!

The Saint Prince’s army was waiting for the Royal Guard on the field when they arrived, and Sousuke had to admit they were far better organised than the previous day. He suspected that was the value of preparation. As before, the prince was flanked by Lords Ama and Takaki and he looked emotionless in the helmet that had only two slits for his eyes, the rest of his face covered by silver curves and gold engravings. Sousuke halted his horse in front of him.

“I take it this means you haven’t come back to your senses and decided to surrender?” he asked pleasantly.

Lord Takaki scoffed. He seemed to be a natural at it, but Sousuke held himself back from complimenting him on his mastery of childish disdain. “We’d rather die in the name of justice than live under your rule!”

“Just so we’re all on the same page,” Sousuke muttered and then, in his King voice, “Then let there be no more words between us.”

The battle was mayhem once more. It was two tides crashing together, spinning into a mess of swords and spears and screams, the confrontation of talent and experience with pure, unfettered determination. Above the sea of helmets, the Saint Prince’s voice rose like a siren’s call, shouting orders and encouragements to his regiment and spurring them on like a guiding light in the darkness. He was always right there: right in front of Sousuke’s eyes, capturing his attention as only a half-god could, but whenever Sousuke tried to move closer to get him alone, the prince slipped away like smoke. A new barrier of soldiers would appear to block Sousuke’s way, his horse would rear up over uneven ground or a corpse, or the prince would be called away to a different part of the battlefield and no matter what he did, Sousuke wouldn’t be able to reach him.

And yet Sousuke couldn’t take his eyes off him: he outshone everyone else.

As the battle drew on, the plan for Sousuke to get him alone became less and less feasible. With every minute he seemed to get further away, and eventually Sousuke had to admit it wasn’t going to happen. His goal dissolved into the midday heat and with nothing holding him back, nothing grounding his thoughts to keep him focussed, he began to feel adrenaline raging through his body.

It wasn’t something he knew how to handle, nor anything he could understand, but his muscles began to shake as strength he didn’t own coursed through them, and though he gritted his teeth, though he tried to concentrate, it didn’t take long before the bloodthirst was upon him. It filled up his mind like a haze of red and pounding energy, wrenching through his whole body until he couldn’t feel anything else. There was no time to remind his troops to keep on the defensive, no space in his brain to think of holding back, and with a bestial roar, he raised his sword – the sapphires still twinkling unnaturally, rousing his own regiment like the prince’s voice did his – and cut down the soldier in front of him without a second thought.

_Now_ he was a match for the Saint Prince’s allure: with a spirit sword and a mind blinded by anger, he thundered through the battlefield as if entranced by its violence and playing along to its tune. There were no thoughts of winning or losing: there was just greed and wrath, filling him up and plunging him into rage. No amount of plucky determination could stand up to him, no amount of rationality telling him what he was doing was senseless could break through, and only the deafening ring of his sword striking the Saint Prince’s cleared some of the haze.

Coming to suddenly, he tried to take stock of his surroundings. He had no idea how much time had passed, but the sun was lower than he would have expected, and the bodies scattered around the field were so many more than he had hoped. His eyes flashed back to the prince, remnants of bloodlust still grappling for control even as he suppressed them under a wave of nausea at what he’d done, but he didn’t show any of it. Instead, he gritted his teeth and slid his sword down the prince’s own, readying himself for another attack.

Sousuke was close enough that he could see the prince’s eyes through the slits in his helmet, and the sight stopped his attack. They weren’t as stunning as Haru’s (although no one’s could be as beautiful as Haru’s), but they were still spirit eyes and they were shimmering with tears. Sousuke lowered his arm.

In his hesitation, the Saint Prince’s horse was pushed away behind Lord Ama, and he slipped off into the scrum again, leaving Sousuke to face his subordinate. She was glaring at him defiantly, but no amount of anger could hide the fear on her face. Still dazed he might be, but Sousuke had enough control over his senses to know it was because of him.

“I will not kill you,” he said slowly, trying to tread the line between keeping calm and not giving her an easy opening.

“And yet you would kill hundreds of my soldiers, hundreds of my people, stabbing them through without any respect for who they were.”

“You were the one who brought peasants to a battlefield,” he growled.

“I did not think we would be facing an untamed beast.”

Guilt swept through Sousuke and he was about to say something to defend himself, but Lord Ama lunged at him before he could find the words to explain what even he didn’t understand.

“Why do you choose not to kill me?” she asked through gritted teeth as he parried. “Is it because of my status? Is that all you care about?”

“No, that’s not-”

“We would not give your generals the same treatment, so I advise you not to hold back,” she spat at him, attacking again. For all her brave (or stupidly defiant) words, Sousuke could still see that she was terrified.

He held back anyway, struggling under the weight of bloodthirst that was still angling for position, and it was only through the grace of that that the fight lasted as long as it did. Lord Ama was skilled at riding, but her fighting couldn’t stand up to his and they both knew it, and Sousuke imagined it was a relief to both of them when they got called away and, relieved, left the fight prematurely.

The battle ended in much the same way: like the day before, there was no clear winner. Once again, both sides collected their dead and wounded, passing respectfully over enemy bodies, and the Royal Guard got ready to ride back to the castle. Sousuke was mounting his horse (still groggy and unnerved from losing himself) when Gou came over to him, her armour so covered in blood that for a terrifying second Sousuke thought she’d been hurt. The feeling didn’t go away when he realised she looked as if she was barely holding herself together, only stringing words along thanks to years of training and discipline.

“Makoto’s hurt,” she said stiffly, a general reporting to her king. “He’s dying.”

 

Sousuke learnt that the stench of blood was unimaginably worse when it came from someone you loved. There was so much confusion around Makoto that it was difficult to see where he’d been hit, but when Seijuurou and Rin had finally lifted him up onto Rin’s horse, it became clear that a sword had made its way through the weak spots in his armour near the waist, and though he was still breathing weakly, he couldn’t speak. Every movement made him grimace in pain, until, just as Rin mounted behind him to take the reins, he fell unconscious.

Rin wouldn’t speak to anyone. He didn’t leave Makoto’s side the whole way back, pushing his horse to its limits with Makoto’s added weight and only leaving the royal physician’s rooms when he was physically dragged from them and told he’d get in the way. Gou and Sousuke took him back to his room but he barely acknowledged that they were there. Even once they’d reached it and Gou did her best to assure him Makoto would get the best care possible, he couldn’t settled down, and he started pacing around the room still in his armour, glaring at the ground with his hands shaking in anger.

Gou left them after ten minutes of no change: she had her troops to talk to, to encourage after the lacklustre battle, and Sousuke was left slumped on the bed, following Rin with his eyes. The silence was so different from anything he was used to with Haru that he wasn’t sure what to do. There was no mutual agreement not to speak, there was just Rin’s anger smothering all possible conversation, his worry piercing into the hearts of both of them.

Without warning, Rin stopped short and punched his hand against the wall, the metal gauntlet clattering horribly. Sousuke didn’t flinch. With strands of hair falling in front of his eyes, Rin looked up at him. “Why didn’t you let us fight properly?” he hissed.

Sousuke narrowed his eyes. “What?”

Rin slammed his hand against the wall again, make the furniture near him tremble. “This is your fault!” he shouted. “If you’d just taken this seriously and given us the order to defeat them, this never would have happened!”

“Rin…” Sousuke said in a level voice, frowning. “This is war: casualties-”

“Don’t give me that! We were holding back because of _you_ , we were deliberately not giving it our all because of _you_ , we weren’t winning because of _you_! And Makoto was following your orders so fucking sincerely: he got hit because he was trying not to hurt his opponents!”

Sousuke kept his mouth shut.

“You weren’t there! One second he was concentrating so hard on following _your_ orders, and then there was blood everywhere and he was…” Rin choked back tears, but there was still ferocity left in him. “And meanwhile, you were going berserk! How _dare_ you tell us to die trying not to hurt our enemies when you’re going to go on a rampage and do what you like?!”

“That wasn’t what it was!” Sousuke roared, standing up.

“Who do you think you’re fooling?! Every fucking decision you’ve made is wrong! Do you not understand that people are dying here? Do you not realise that not everyone can fight like you can? Do you not realise that some people will fight to their deaths to honour your orders when you clearly don’t seem to care about them at all?! Why can’t you start taking this shit seriously?! It’s always the same story with you: you’re so scared of doing the wrong thing or going too far that you won’t take anything to the end. I keep trying to support you, but sometimes it’s hard, Sousuke!”

Rin took a long, shuddering breath. “No matter what we do, you don’t take anything seriously. I asked you if you were okay with this and you said you’d be fine, but this is clearly not fine. We need to take action and you seem to be under the impression that everyone’s just a pawn for you while you go living the moral high life!”

“I said that’s not what it is!” Sousuke shouted back.

“Then what is it, oh great king?! People are dying, being maimed for life, losing their loved ones and you’re here unable to make up your fucking mind!”

“I _have_ made it up! I made it clear what I wanted and this could work, Rin!”

“No, it can’t! Is that what you and Haru decided, up there on your pedestals? You two are so afraid of conflict but you don’t seem to understand that conflict is necessary to get where you want to be. You need to fight for it and make sacrifices, not dither around while more people die. But no, you and your god can go and sympathise with the enemy, you can go on a mindless rampage in the middle of the battle, and we can all go to hell under your feet, is that it? I hope you’re fucking proud of yourself because you’re turning out to be just like your father.”

“Rin!” Ignoring how fear was gripping him in far-too familiar claws, Sousuke reached out only to have his hand slapped away.

“I won’t forgive you if Makoto dies,” Rin said, turning and stalking out of the room.

The door slammed behind him, echoing in Sousuke’s ears. He walked slowly back to the bed, but rather than sit on it he just stared. He couldn’t remember what he’d been planning to do. There were so many thoughts swirling through his head, so many responsibilities and things he had to face up to, and he didn’t want to think about any of them.

 

The situation got no better in the following days. Twice more the two armies battled with no clear winner, twice more Sousuke was drowned under bloodlust he couldn’t control, but now Makoto was unconscious in the physician’s rooms and Rin wouldn’t even leave his bedside to eat or sleep, let alone talk to Sousuke. Unrest ruled the castle: on the fourth day of fighting, Gou came to speak to Sousuke privately and admit that no matter what she did, the troops weren’t happy. They were honoured to die for him, she said, but not like this. Not when their friends were wounded or dead, morale at an all-time low with supplies being taken by the Saint Prince’s army and a king who couldn’t lead them like they wanted.

The Saint Prince’s army were no better, from what Sousuke saw. They were even less prepared than the Royal Guard, and while they had supplies and were hardly starving, the crushing reality of what they’d signed up for was becoming too strong for even the prince’s shining words to wash away.

To top it off, Sousuke was flagging too. There was no one to talk to, no safe space to forget what was going on, and he could feel himself coming undone. Worse than the loneliness was the rage that came over him on the battlefield: he hadn’t known anything like it, but it felt like it had always been there in practice fights, waiting to come out and wreak havoc. He didn’t understand it, he couldn’t keep it under control, and every time he came back to his senses he was always left with the bitter feeling that Rin had been right, comparing him and his father. With that thought plaguing him already, he wondered why he was even bothering to ‘minimise bloodshed’ anymore, if he was already facing slaughter. There was no point in sticking to a failing grasp on morality when this was the outcome. So, on the fourth evening, he made up his mind to end it the next day by taking back all orders to his troops to hold their strength.

And then Haru came back. Gou broke the news: she barely stopped to knock on his door before running in and saying, “Haru’s here – he’s in the infirmary with Makoto” and then Sousuke was running out with her.

When they got to the physician’s rooms, out of breath and frantic, Haru had already finished. Makoto was blinking blearily on the bed, patting Rin’s back as the man cried on him, and Haru was watching them, far paler and weaker than he should have looked, but he strode over to take Sousuke’s hand when he heard him and Gou come in.

“We should go.” Sousuke didn’t argue.

They walked back to his rooms in silence, and only when they had closed the door did Sousuke finally hug him.

“I missed you,” he whispered into Haru’s shoulder.

Haru nodded. “Rin told me. About everything.”

“Thank you for healing Makoto.” A simple thank you wasn’t enough, but Haru would understand.

“It was difficult. I’m not used to healing humans.”

“Is that why you look like you’re about to collapse?”

“I _won’t_.”

“Alright.” Sousuke pulled away just to lift Haru into his arms and walk over to place him reverently on the bed.

“This isn’t necessary,” Haru sighed, but he didn’t struggle. Sousuke pulled up a chair and sat by his side, trying to hide both how worried he was at Haru’s pallor and how relieved he was that Haru was back.

“Things aren’t going well,” he admitted.

“Rin did say something along those lines.”

“I’ll bet he did. But this can’t go on any longer: whatever plan I was hanging onto failed, so tomorrow we’re going to defeat them. Properly.”

Haru stared at him. “Have you lost your mind?”

“…excuse me?”

“All that resolve, all that effort and you’re going to give up and massacre them?”

“There isn’t another choice! Believe me, I tried, and I don’t want things to be like this…”

“There _is_ another way.”

It took Sousuke a moment, but then he shook his head. “No. No, I said you couldn’t, and I meant that: I need to do this myself.”

“It hasn’t worked that way, so let _me_ help.” Haru looked the closest to human he ever had before, wan and pleading for a chance to prove himself. “I can fix it all, or even just get things going for you. It doesn’t have to be public, so just…please let me.”

Sousuke was shaking his head again. “No. I can’t let you do that.”

“It’s the best way!”

“It’s not, and I can do this by myself. I _have_ to do this by myself!”

“You can’t, so rely on-”

“Haru, I forbid you from doing anything!”

Despite his weak state, Haru’s eyes flashed dangerously. In an icy voice, he said, “You _forbid_ me?”

Sousuke knew well enough that he’d made a mistake but he couldn’t open his mouth to apologise; he could barely even move under Haru’s glare.

“Am I to be your puppet, then? To live at your beck and call?”

“Haru,” Sousuke whispered, “I…”

Before he could finish, Haru disappeared.

So that was that, then. Sousuke could only look at the space on the bed where Haru had been, regret filling up his throat like bile and making him want to scream. He wanted to do more than that: he wanted to punch the wall, punch himself, fly into a rage, kill-

He grabbed his shaking fist, forcing himself to calm down. There was no point in any of that, but his anger was so raw, bubbling to the surface so easily because of all the fighting, that he wasn’t sure if he really believed there was a point to _anything_. He’d only end up fucking everything up anyway. He’d even succeeded in chasing off the one person who’d been on his side unconditionally, the one person he felt totally comfortable confiding in, and he loathed himself for it. He loathed himself for all of it. The war, the deaths, the bloodlust, Makoto, Rin, now Haru too, and in the end he was left alone to realise he had none of the answers and simply couldn’t reach them on his own.

It was suffocating, it was crippling, it was boiling in his veins, and he got to his feet, walking over to the main window to smash his fist into the stone around it. He did it again and again, drinking in the sting of scrapes opening up into cuts, but it didn’t take away the regret or the guilt. His arm fell to his side as tears began to prick his eyes. He couldn’t _take_ it anymore. A king he might well be, but he had no idea how to fix what he’d broken so why shouldn’t he just give u-

“Wait, wh- What’s going on?!”

Sousuke spun around, hand already on his sword, but stopped at the sight in front of him. Haru was back (Haru was back _Haru was back_ ) next to the bed, pouting and looking put out (but that wasn’t anger so Sousuke was ready to cry with joy), and beside him, caught in a headlock, a very familiar figure was struggling. The Saint Prince looked up, met Sousuke’s eyes and visibly recoiled.

The two of them were caught in a standoff of shock (Haru watching them with vague interest) until the prince stopped gaping and said, “…um, I realise this is probably a stupid question as I’m fairly certain I’m about to die, but where am I?”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had no internet for the past week and even now it's iffy, so I'm just hoping it holds out enough to post this...either way, I've got the next chapter all done too so I'll upload that when I get home! Thanks for your patience!!!  
> They're both quite a bit longer than I usually do, so hopefully that'll make up for it.

Sousuke stared. The Saint Prince had the decency to look extremely out of place and uncomfortable where he was, fidgeting under Haru’s hold on the bed with his bright pink hair falling all over the place and his shining armour replaced by normal clothes (for an extremely attractive definition of normal). Haru started to look impatient.

“So…” Sousuke summoned up the presence of mind to start speaking again, “Haru. I’m going to try and do this calmly…”

“No, no: don’t hold yourself back on my account,” Haru shook his head.

“Then do you mind explaining to me what the fuck this is?!”

“ _He’s_ called the Saint Prince. You know that.”

Sousuke began to get the impression that Haru was most definitely still upset from earlier so he forced himself to calm down and sat down heavily on a chair across from them. He wasn’t going to repeat the same mistake, even if his body was still tingling with rage and restlessness. “Alright. Could you tell me what he’s doing here?”

“I brought him here.”

“… _why?_ ”

“Because I’m fixing your problems.”

With monumental self-control, Sousuke managed not to scream. “Thank you,” he said stiffly, “but I believe we had a conversation about this just now?”

“Yes, and you were being a stubborn idiot about it.”

Only the residual fear and guilt that still ran cold through his veins cooled Sousuke’s temper. “So you bring someone who wants to kill me to my bedroom? And this is supposed to be a better plan?”

“He won’t kill you. Even if he tried I’d kill him first, but he won’t. Look,” he released his hold around the prince’s neck. Nothing in particular happened. The prince just looked back and forth between them, obviously completely bewildered but clever enough to keep his mouth shut.

“Well of course he’s not going to try and kill me _now_.”

“He’s not bad, though. I spoke with his grandmother while I was away and she vouches for him. So that’s enough: he’s not bad.” Haru said it like it was the simplest thing in the world, like he had everything completely under control; listing off the step-by-step instructions to the recipe of his perfect plan because it was all perfectly logical if only Sousuke would just pay _attention_ for once. Sousuke begged to differ but he didn’t say anything, running a hand through his hair angrily and sighing through clenched teeth.

“Haru,” he said finally, “I’m trying. I’m really, really trying to understand you and meet you halfway, so could you please just do me a huge favour and explain what’s going on?”

Haru frowned, his eyes flashing violently like ripples catching the sunlight and the air around him seemed to grow stormy, so much so that the Saint Prince flinched (and would have fallen off the side of the bed if it wasn’t for an overly dramatic flounder that neither of the other two paid any attention to).

This wasn’t working. Sousuke should have been used to that by now, what with everything in his life defiantly Not Working, but he wasn’t and the disappointment still shocked his insides into ice slowly, frost creeping to his heart with the weight of everything he’d done wrong behind it. There was so much to do, so much he had to fix and he felt he’d choke underneath it all, like drowning under a frozen lake with no way of breaking upwards, only _he_ was the one who’d put himself there, _he_ was the one to blame. He knew that.

He took a deep breath, drinking in the cool air to clear his head, and he knew with absolute certainty that he’d give anything to take back what he’d said before, or even just soften the words into something that wouldn’t cut Haru through. But that wasn’t an option so all he could do was show how sincerely he regretted it all. He wouldn’t let Haru’s trust in him be misplaced, not after Haru had sacrificed so much by trying to trust him in the first place.

For that, Sousuke could take a hit on his pride.

He walked towards the bed and took Haru’s hand hesitantly, not certain of how the god would react, and brought it to his mouth to kiss it. He bowed his head but kept eye contact.

“I’m sorry for what I said. Nothing can take back the fact that I hurt you, but I don’t feel the way you think I do. I don’t think of you like that, and it pains me to know you think I do.” He let Haru take his hand back and waited for a reaction, pointedly ignoring the Saint Prince’s wide-eyed gaze.

As was his way, Haru looked at him, letting his expression do all the work his words wouldn’t. There was shock there, hidden somewhere under a twinge of fondness and the impenetrable mask of resolute neutrality. After just enough time to make it seem reluctant, the mask broke and Haru nodded in return, smiling slightly.

“So could you please explain what’s going on?” Sousuke pleaded, doing everything he could to make it sound as un-order-like as possible.

 Haru’s expression softened (less ‘spurned deity about to throw a tantrum’ and more ‘mollified cat who’s decided to forgive you’) and Sousuke felt some warmth return to him. If he could have this, at least, things might turn out alright.

“I tracked down his grandmother when I was away,” Haru said. “She’s a powerful land god, far higher up the hierarchy than I am, so we’d be in trouble if she was the one fighting directly, but she was kind to me. She told me that he’s good, and I trust her.”

“You trust her?” Sousuke deadpanned (with a calculated amount of sarcasm so he didn’t sound insulting). “She says her grandson – and wait, grandson?” both Haru and the prince nodded. “Alright, she says her _grandson’s_ good and you just believe her?”

“She’s one of the ancient gods,” Haru shrugged, as if this was in any way an answer. The night was already so bizarre and he was already too grateful to start pushing his luck, so Sousuke just decided to accept it.

“Fine. Okay then. If that’s how it is, how about the good little grandson speaks for himself?”

The Saint Prince looked a bit taken aback at finally being addressed directly. “Um…me?”

“ _Yes_. I’m telling you to explain to me why I shouldn’t kill you now.” Not that he had any intention of actually killing him (it was difficult to imagine killing someone who was acting like a very confused puppy rather than a prisoner of war), and he was fairly sure the prince knew that anyway, but it was worth a shot.

“That’s…that’s a pretty tall order…”

“Then just introduce yourself properly or something, what do I care?”

The prince looked around at Haru (seeking permission or confirmation, Sousuke couldn’t tell), and coughed lightly. “Well, if Grandmother likes you, I suppose…” he shrugged, then shook out his hair and settled more comfortably onto the bed, clearly deciding that the night couldn’t get any weirder so he might as well go along with it. Sousuke could relate.

“To start with, my name’s Shigino Kisumi. I’m twenty-one, and-”

“This isn’t a matchmaking interview, we don’t need to know details like that,” Sousuke growled. Sheepishly, Kisumi looked at Haru for reassurance again and got a small nod in reply, so he continued.

“Okay, then. My grandmother is a powerful land god from the north, called Chise.” No sooner had he started to look serious than a fond smile broke out on his face. “It’s actually a really cute story: she’s old, even by god standards, but one day she just happened to fall in love with one of her worshippers. The human girl, my other grandmother, loved her back and lived with her for as long as she could, so when she died my grandmother took her blood into her and gave birth to my mother.” He giggled, apparently blind to Sousuke’s attempt to convey ‘are you kidding me right now’ into a facial expression. Haru nodded serenely, so apparently it made perfect sense to him.

Undeterred, Kisumi went on. “She spent ages teaching my mother how to protect herself and how to put her god blood to good use, so when my mother came out of it she was about as strong as she could be. Don’t think I can’t see that expression of yours, so I’ll keep it short, but basically she fell in love with my father and had me, then gave me to my grandmother for safe-keeping while she fought for the sake of justice as the strongest warrior in the land.” His face went grim. “And, as she was the strongest warrior in the land, the king had her killed.”

Haru stiffened, and Sousuke thought he felt his heart stop. Again, again, again: everything came back to this, everything fell at the feet of his father, awash in blood and tears; a debt of a hundred thousand lives that Sousuke couldn’t even begin to pay.

 “I don’t blame you, so before you think it, that’s not what this whole fight is about.” With eyes that had lost some of their glitter, Kisumi looked at Sousuke sadly. “I’m not looking for revenge. I know you’re not to blame for what he did.

“Besides,” he said, brightening up, “it wasn’t all bad, I suppose. I lost my parents when I was eleven, but I didn’t really know them, and I still have my grandmother. She’s really nice, you know! You wouldn’t think it because she’s this ancient god and all, but she’s actually very sweet and protective of me: she’s promised that no matter what happens, I’m under her protection. She’s helped out my army a lot too: medical help here and there, and she discusses things with Ama and Takaki too, I think, and she’s actually really invested in this. She just wants to see me succeed, you know?”

He clapped his hands happily, apparently oblivious to the others’ lingering discomfort. “And when my mother died, my grandmother took her blood and gave me a baby brother. He’s called Hayato, and he’s just the cutest thing! He’s living with my grandmother now because she has to teach him a lot more, seeing as he’s got more god blood in him than I do, but I promise you he’s _adorable_! He’s still really nervous around humans, and he doesn’t get along with people easily, but he always relies on me, and I honestly can’t tell you how cute he is! Wait, no: I’m going to try to anyway.”

Sousuke watched wordlessly as Kisumi made an impressively long ode to his brother in the form of sentences that ran on for far too long as he got side-tracked by yet another quality he apparently hadn’t talked about enough, all in his sing-song voice. As if he wasn’t talking to the son of his parents’ murderer.

Only when he noticed Haru’s eyes on him did Sousuke realise his hands were shaking, and he quickly balled them into fists. “Then why?” he interrupted. “Why are you laying claim to the throne, if not because of revenge?”

Kisumi was thrown off kilter by the question. “Ah. That’s…a bit…”

“You can’t _not_ tell me, not if you’re supposedly doing it for justice.”

“Ama and Takaki came up with that, not me…” Kisumi groaned. “Look, I guess I just…I love this country. Grandmother taught me to love it with all my heart, be it the people or the land itself, and I’d do anything to help it flourish, you know? You’re the king, you must understand, right?”

Sousuke nodded, glad that there was at least one thing in the whole ridiculous conversation that he understood completely.

“And when Grandmother let me go out into human society, I didn’t really know what to do with myself. I rode around the place, and I started catching people’s attention. I mean, you get it: you’ve seen me. People listen to what I say. People _like_ me. I may only be a quarter god and I might not have the powers my brother does, but it still shows. And eventually Ama and Takaki came to me together. They told me I’d be a much better king than you, that I was destined for the throne. Grandmother agreed too, so I went with them. I don’t necessarily think I’d be better than you, but I know that I’d be more popular, and I know that Ama and Takaki can guide me in things I’m not sure of. I know we can have this country running like clockwork.”

“That’s…not really how a country works…Trust me when I say it’s never going to run smoothly.”

“Never know until we try, right?” Kisumi winked, but then his face fell. “Well, that’s what I thought at first, anyway. Things have gotten a lot more complicated since the fighting started. Ama and Takaki keep telling me it’ll be fine, though. We just have to pull through. Even if it feels like it’s not worth it anymore.”

“Wars have a way of doing that,” Sousuke said absent-mindedly, but he caught Haru’s eye and they shared a minute nod. It was obvious the poor idealist in front of them was being manipulated thoroughly by his two lords, but that was fine. More than fine, actually. Sousuke could use that.

“Kisumi,” he said gently, trying to shrug off his unease so he wouldn’t miss this chance, “why don’t we end this, then?”

Kisumi pouted at him. “I may be naïve, but even I know we can’t just end it like this. One of us has to win, right? And I’m sure Ama and Takaki won’t like me backing down.”

“But this can’t go on!” Sousuke’s voice was just a shade too harsh, too hasty, and, like a rabbit scared away from a trap, Kisumi backed away slightly. Next to him, Haru took his hand.

“You’re not happy with it either, are you?” he said in a quiet voice. “We don’t want any more innocent people to die, so ending this quickly is for the best.”

Reassured, Kisumi nodded and Sousuke grabbed onto the opportunity. “We just need to talk to you and the two lords in private,” he said quickly, making up a plan on the spot (something which had backfired for him in the past, but he just had to hope). “I’m sure we can work something out then.”

“How would you propose to get us in a private meeting?” Kisumi asked, raising an eyebrow. “You noticed that they won’t even let you fight me, didn’t you?”

“So trick them.” His mind was racing, trying to sound confident and doing a pretty great job of it despite the internal panic. “There’s a temple just west of the city gates and it’s hardly ever used since the new one was built: we can meet there. Say you’ve heard I pray to my patron god there every morning or something.”

“Yeah, because I’m sure they’ll believe I just happen to know that.” For a man Sousuke had pegged as a rabbit just a minute before, Kisumi was acting very sure of himself, but Sousuke chalked it up to his inhuman charisma.

“They know your grandmother: say she found it out. Say she can control Haru so he can’t get in the way, and make it seem like the perfect trap.”

Kisumi appeared to consider the idea for rather more time than Sousuke would have expected, his brow furrowed delicately and his face so serious that he almost looked like a different person when he broke into a smile, full of innocent trust. Sousuke began to see how he’d been manipulated so easily.

“Alright!” Kisumi said cheerfully. “Let’s do that! Although…I don’t think we’ll be able to do it tomorrow. Don’t use this against us or anything, but Ama and Takaki have business to take care of, so they told me to move our camp rather than spend the day fighting. Go around to villages, ramp up support, that sort of thing.”

Sousuke wasn’t sure what to say in the face of such blind trust so he nodded. “We’ll benefit from a day off as well.”

Haru huffed a sigh that did an excellent job of expressing his disdain. “No one’s going to believe that you just wanted a day off. No one’s going to let you, either.”

“They might.”

“They won’t. Just say you’ll have a day without fighting because you two are going to spend it negotiating instead or something.”

Kisumi’s face lit up. “Haru, you’re brilliant!” he laughed, and seemed about to hug him before he thought better of it. “But I don’t think Ama and Takaki will like that…”

“Then don’t tell them.”

“Huh?” he looked comically distraught and Sousuke would have laughed if he wasn’t so unsettled by the idea that this was the same person as the prince he’d been fighting for the past days.

“You’re the leader,” Haru said. “You don’t have to tell them everything, if they won’t let you do what you need to.”

“But I’ve never really done anything completely against their orders before…”

Haru and Sousuke looked at each other, both utterly exasperated.

Luckily for them, Kisumi got over his internal conflict. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

“Excellent!” Sousuke said, because ‘finally’ probably wouldn’t have been appropriate.

“Shall I send you back now?” Haru asked unnecessarily gently, resting a hand on Kisumi’s like a question. Kisumi looked at him, a soft smile on his mouth and stars in his eyes, and nodded. They both disappeared and Sousuke just had the time to punch the wall again (regretting it as he opened the cuts on his hand again) in irritation – because honestly, what the fuck was that?! – before Haru reappeared in front of him

Now they were alone, there were a hundred things Sousuke had to tell him – about their fight, about how he felt, about the war, about Kisumi, about his less than steady mental state – but all that came out was, “I’m glad you came back.”

Haru cocked his head. “Did you think I wouldn’t?”

“The thought was there.”

“Ah.”

Sousuke knew that a lot of people found Haru confusing. He wasn’t so much a riddle as just plain unresponsive; spirits didn’t speak as much as humans did – some didn’t speak at all – and Haru was the same. It wasn’t that he didn’t communicate, it was just that he didn’t do it through speaking as much as he could. For the thousandth time, Sousuke gave thanks that he could understand Haru’s non-verbal language: his barely-there smirk that would have been a satisfied grin on anyone else, the soft look of comfort in his eyes that most would have to strain to see, how his stance was ever so slightly more relaxed now that Kisumi wasn’t with them, the way he sat down next to Sousuke and leaned against him…although, to be fair, anyone would understand that one.

“The prince isn’t what I expected,” Sousuke said, a little annoyed that he’d got into the habit of calling Kisumi a prince despite him having no royal blood to speak of, but enjoying Haru’s cool weight against his side too much to care.

“He’s a good kid, though.” Haru accepted an arm around his waist.

“Because his grandmother said so? I still don’t get that part.”

Haru sighed into his shoulder. “Spirits have strict hierarchies we stick to without question. She’s older than me by far, and much more powerful, so I defer to her. It’s that simple. I carry out any orders she gives to me. I don’t have to believe everything she says, but I have to pretend I do. In this case, I actually do believe her, though.”

“Aren’t you breaking the hierarchy by backing me, then?”

“She’s not fighting directly so it’s fine.”

“And you honestly trust this kid?”

“Mm. I like him.”

“You just can’t help yourself around men who love this country, right?”

“There might be some truth in that,” Haru smiled.

“Yeah, that wasn’t really something you were supposed to agree to.”

“Too late now. Maybe you should make what you want of me clearer from the start next time.” There was an edge to his voice and Sousuke cringed. So they _were_ going to talk about that.

But he’d made it this far on shamefully raw sincerity (and it wasn’t really _shameful_ around Haru anyway: it was just the truth) so he was going to set it straight, even if it was painful to open up so much again. Which logically, it shouldn’t be. It was him being honest with the person he loved. He had serious complaints to make to his brain if something that simple and necessary was difficult for him.

“Haru, I-” he started in a gravelly voice, but Haru cut him off with a hand on his thigh.

“You’re over-thinking things again, aren’t you?”

“I’m what.”

“I notice you do it a lot, as if speaking is physically painful to you. You don’t have to make it so difficult on yourself, you know. I find it hard to say things too, so I just don’t say them.”

“One of us is going to have to say something eventually.”

“True, but…why now? I understand you. You understand me. But you also over-complicate everything. I know what you want to say: you don’t have to force yourself. Just do things simply. It’s the same with this whole convoluted plan of yours.”

“Okay, I admit it wasn’t my best work,” Sousuke said, enjoying the sudden, surprising calm that Haru had gifted him with.

“No kidding,” Haru sniffed. “Kisumi should have just ordered them to meet with us.”

“That wouldn’t have worked.”

“It would have if humans could stick to a reliable system of authority.”

“But that’s never going to happen.”

“Unbelievable…What do you plan on doing when they inevitably ambush you?”

Sousuke crooked his head round to side-eye Haru. “You don’t trust Kisumi?”

“I don’t trust his advisors. I trust him just fine.”

“Fair point. But we’re going to have an ambush ready too.”

“That’s certainly the simplest method,” Haru said approvingly, obviously pleased that the lesser beings were finally taking his advice and doing things the easy way. “I just hope he doesn’t take it too badly when he realises he’s being duped.”

“He’s a big boy, I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“You _are_ going to form an alliance with him, aren’t you?”

Sousuke had planned on it, but Haru’s tone of voice brought up something ugly in him. “Maybe. Why? I could just as easily have him killed.”

Haru tensed. “You won’t.”

“I won’t, don’t worry,” Sousuke said hurriedly and they lapsed into thoughtful silence. The tension was back in his body and mind; memories of how gentle Haru had been (how receptive Kisumi had been) coating his tongue in bitterness. He didn’t like his jealous nature: it brought out the worst in him, and that wasn’t something he needed to be reminded of, not so soon after the bestial bloodlust of battle he’d fallen into (and the thought of that sent his mind into enough turmoil on its own). For the most part he avoided things that would spark jealousy in him, but since it was already making itself at home in him like a parasite, he knew he had to ask eventually, and sooner was better than later.

“You really like him, don’t you?” he asked in a tight voice.

Haru considered the question, or considered what the right answer would be when Sousuke’s scales of jealousy and control were clearly a little less than ideally balanced. “…I do.”

“Why? He never shuts up. I’d have thought you’d hate that.” His grip around Haru’s waist might have grown a little tighter, but he restrained himself as best he could. Haru’s hand found his, joining their fingers together.

“He’s honest. I like that about you too. And sometimes I like to be surrounded by energy. He’s fun.”

“If you say so.” It came out a lot more childlike than he would have hoped.

“I do. I also say I still like you best, so don’t sulk. Besides, you’ll get to spend all afternoon alone with him tomorrow. I’m sure you can find something you like about him then.”

“You’re not coming with us?”

“No. I’ll send someone to keep tabs on you if you like, but I won’t go. Just tell me all about it afterwards.” Slowly, Haru lifted his legs to rest on Sousuke’s, gauzy blue cloth sliding off his thighs like water, until he was all but sitting in Sousuke’s lap.

“I can’t believe you’re going to leave me alone with him,” Sousuke groaned, trying to keep up the impression of casual conversation as he ran a hand through Haru’s hair. “You know it’s going to be a trial for him too?”

Haru shrugged, making it perfectly obvious that he had no sympathy whatsoever. “Rather than him, I’d say you have your advisors to worry about. How are you going to explain this one to them?”

Sousuke had to admit that he had no idea how he was going to get this past them, but it was late and he decided that there were far more productive ways to spend his time than worrying about that. Namely kissing Haru, but that was beside the point.


	13. Chapter 13

In the end, it went a lot better than Sousuke had any right to hope for. In the morning (after a notable lack of Rin and Makoto coming to find him), he went down to the courtyard to find Gou. She greeted him cheerfully, and from the barely concealed fatigue and resentment he could see on the rest of the soldiers mulling around, Sousuke wondered if she wasn’t mostly doing it to make him feel better.

“Would you like to go over any strategies for today before we leave?” Gou asked while Chigusa buckled her into her breastplate.

“About that…There won’t be any fighting today.” He said it in his king voice so it carried across the expanse of the courtyard, and everyone stopped to look at him.

“There won’t?” The breathless beginnings of hope were already showing on her face, even though she was clearly trying to keep herself under control.

Sousuke shook his head, smiling at the blatant relief that flooded everyone’s expressions. “I’ll be spending the afternoon negotiating with the Saint Prince, and his army has agreed to a day of rest.”

Gou frowned, even as everyone else started whispering excitedly. “How did you manage to organise that? Are…are you sure?” At a hand wave from Sousuke, she followed him into the castle and they ducked into an alcove where the sound wouldn’t carry.

“It’s fine,” Sousuke smiled at her warmly. “Haru worked things out with the god this prince is related to, and he’s arranged for us to meet today.”

He could see her make the internal switch from general to concerned childhood friend. “Where’s the meeting, then? How many people are you taking with you?”

“Haru’ll take me there, so there’s no need to worry about that, and…” he grimaced a little, already anticipating her reaction. “It’s just going to be me.”

Gou’s eyes narrowed, hands on her hips, and she did an impressive job of looking intimidating even to a man a good two heads taller than her. “Does my brother know about this?”

Sousuke made a pained expression. “That’s playing dirty…”

“That’s playing _sensible_ ,” she snapped. “You know he wouldn’t let you do this – none of us would! You’re a king, and yes, you’re an excellent fighter, but what happens if the Saint Prince plots an attack on you? This is a hideous breach of common sense and you know it!”

“Haru’s going to watch over us, it’ll be fine.”

She pursed her lips, caught in the unfortunate position of not wanting to offend Haru but also not approving in the slightest. “I respect his power, but I would really rather you took some soldiers of ours with you. Even if it’s just Rin and me, I’m not happy with you going alone.”

“How can we start an alliance based on trust with this guy if I don’t even trust him enough to go alone?”

Gou started tapping her foot impatiently, every hit on the stone floor bringing back memories of her disapproval in similar situations from their childhood. “Let’s just go and talk to Rin.”

“You know, I’d really prefer we didn’t, if it’s all the same to you…”

“It’s _not_. And I hope you know that he’s going to find out eventually, so isn’t it better to talk to him now?”

“Yeah, but I haven’t really talked to him since…” Sousuke gestured vaguely, not wanting to mention the argument they’d had. It didn’t really bear remembering in the first place.

“You haven’t talked to him?!” Gou cried. Sousuke shook his head and she grabbed him by the wrist, pulling him towards the infirmary with a determination he didn’t want to struggle against.

To Sousuke’s infinite relief, when they swung into the infirmary doorway Makoto was looking significantly better than the night before and was sitting up chatting to Rin with only a little pallor to his skin. When he looked up to see them, his smile was just as sunny as ever, and he greeted them happily.

Gou seemed stuck between trying to keep stern to get her point across and wanting to beam back, but Rin saved her the trouble of choosing. He’d stiffened up the moment he heard Sousuke’s name, and when he turned around he looked suitably aloof, scowling at the wall so he didn’t have to meet Sousuke’s eyes. The others were silenced.

It was probably the correct time to act sheepish but Sousuke had never really been bred into feeling sheepish: if anything, he’d had it beaten out of him early on. It wasn’t a particularly regal emotion, so he had to make do with that ever-present friend, guilt. Not that guilt on its own would help anyone in this situation.

Makoto and Gou didn’t seem overly concerned. It was true that Sousuke and Rin had fought before (many, many times), so perhaps that on its own didn’t warrant concern, but they’d never had an argument about something so serious. From Makoto’s helpless smile, Sousuke guessed Rin hadn’t told him about it. That was probably for the better.

Gou stepped in for him, though likely more because she wanted to frame the situation so they’d agree with her than out of any altruistic decisions to spare him awkwardness. “Sousuke’s planning to go and see the Saint Prince on his own this afternoon, for negotiations.”

This private infirmary wasn’t a large room, with only a handful of empty beds around them, but there was such a heavy silence after Gou’s words that they might as well have been in the main hall.

Sousuke rushed to explain himself. “Haru arranged it and he’ll be protecting me. The prince is going to come alone as well, so there’s no need to worry.” The others were still looking at him as if he had finally lost his mind (though, as a nice change, Gou’s expression was a bit more satisfied and ‘told you so’), so he tried again. “I want to form an alliance with him, somehow, and I’ve heard it from reliable sources that he’s not a bad person. I need to show him I trust him, so I’m going alone.”

“And I say it’s a hare-brained plan and it’s going to go horribly wrong,” Gou put in helpfully, “so I thought it might be nice to have a second opinion.” She looked at her brother emphatically.

Rin’s eyes weren’t blazing with caged-in fury. If anything, he just looked tired as he stared up at Sousuke, expression unreadable. Then, with slow, deliberate movements, he got up and walked to the door, stopping in the doorway just long enough to say, “He can do what he likes. Seems he and Haru have already got it all planned out, anyway,” before leaving.

Amidst Gou and Makoto’s worried frowns, Sousuke resisted the urge to storm out after him, pull him back and ask him what in blazes he was still upset about, because that just wouldn’t help, with how things were. Their arguments usually fizzled down or went out in a burst of flames and ashes, but it didn’t feel like that would work this time. There was something unfinished between them, and the only way he could think of finishing it would be to show Rin he could end the war himself. If that didn’t prove how serious he was, he was lost.

 

No unexpected attack came from the Saint Prince’s army that morning, and in the afternoon Sousuke rode out to a wood to the east of the castle on Haru’s instructions. It wasn’t somewhere he went very often; about an hour’s ride away, mostly detached from the main forest at the back of the castle, and renowned for its beauty rather than its game, it just wasn’t that all that interesting.

Kisumi was waiting for him at the border of trees, calming down a skittish-looking dappled palfrey, and he waved when he saw Sousuke coming. He didn’t seem nervous, at first glance: just as unfailingly cheerful as Nagisa in public.

Sousuke halted his own horse and waited for Kisumi to mount. “Not on that white charger of yours this time?”

“Him?” Kisumi wrinkled his nose as he balanced a thin flower crown on his horse’s head that he’d apparently had the time to make. “He’s trained for fighting, not gentle walks through the woods. Besides, Ama and Takaki picked him out for me and he’s got an awful personality. Sisi here’s my favourite.” He stroked his horse’s neck lovingly. Definitely not nervous, then.

They ambled into the woods at a slow pace, not quite sure what to do with themselves. For all Kisumi hadn’t shut up the night before he was keeping very quiet now, but it didn’t seem like it was through discomfort like Sousuke had thought. The woods themselves were certainly pretty enough to provide ample distraction, or at least enough excuses to not talk. There was a lot more light than in Haru’s forest and the trees were sparser, leaving more space for crops of mushrooms and bushes, some of which still had flowers on them despite the late season. There were actual paths through it, too: well-worn trails used by nearby villagers to get to the towns on the other side.

As their horses trotted peacefully along the path, Sousuke snuck glances at Kisumi. He was every bit as beautiful as when they’d first met face to face, although Sousuke had to admit privately that he thought he looked better smiling under the gentle light rather than glaring like a vengeful god. He didn’t shine quite so brightly here, or perhaps he just didn’t need to.

Kisumi interrupted his thoughts before he could make them even sappier. “Are you still thinking about last night?”

“About what in particular? A lot happened.”

“About my parents.” Kisumi was biting his lip.

“Oh.” For some reason, Sousuke hadn’t been expecting that question. “Not really.”

“Because you don’t have to fe- wait. You haven’t?”

Sousuke shrugged, aware he was being far too blasé about it and probably too harsh in the bargain, but not having the impulse control to stop. “I’ve had a lot on my mind and you said not to worry about it.”

“Wow,” Kisumi laughed. “That’s so rude!”

“If I worried about everything I should, I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed in the morning.” He knew this from experience, but that was many years back and the story didn’t bear repeating.

“That makes sense.” He was still pulling at his lip, fingers wound a little tighter in the reins than was necessary, given the easy pace and his obvious experience. “Do you…do you mind if I talk about them? I guess it’s a pretty weird thing to ask, considering who we are and that we’ve only just met and all, but Grandmother never wants to speak about it, Hayato’s too young, and I sort of…”

“And your lords?”

“Them?” Kisumi looked genuinely surprised by the suggestion. “They’re not the type of person I’d speak about personal stuff with.”

“And I am?”

“I…I _guess_ …Look, I said it was weird, never mind…”

“No, go on. I don’t mind. Just questioning your choice of confidant, that’s all.”

Kisumi gave him a rather helpless look and the image of a rabbit came bouncing back into Sousuke’s mind. “I just feel like I can trust you. If it makes you feel any better, I’d prefer Haru.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better,” Sousuke said, really quite truthfully, and now his hands were the ones going white at the knuckles.

A grin spread over Kisumi’s face. “Yeah, I noticed. Are you two…?”

“Did you not have parents to talk about?”

Of course, the change in subject was answer enough and Kisumi’s smile grew wider. “I’m not going to steal him from you, don’t worry!”

“As if you could.”

“See? You’ve probably got loads of history I couldn’t even begin to imagine or threaten. So you can take the glare off now.” He laughed brightly.

“What on earth does Haru see in you…?” Sousuke muttered which, in hindsight, was probably the worst thing to say because Kisumi practically perked his ears up at it.

“He sees something in me?”

“No.”

“Yes he _does_! Oh, that makes me happy!”

“Seriously, didn’t you have parents to talk about?”

“Sousuke,” Kisumi mock-frowned, “in times like these you should just go with the flow of conversation.”

Sousuke allowed the use of his given name. It would have felt out of place to refuse it, considering how they were talking. “Okay, but I didn’t consent to talking about my private life: _you_ did, so _you_ talk.”

“Can we talk about Haru instead, then? He’s stunning, isn’t he? I mean, I’ve been around spirits my whole life, but I’ve never seen anyone like _that_. And he’s so cute, but you can tell that he’s really powerful underneath it all, you know? What am I saying, of course you know. Where did you two meet anyway? I heard about that huge ceremony a while back: was it long before that?”

Kisumi continued to pester Sousuke incessantly as they rode, asking after even the most insignificant details, and realistically Sousuke should have been raring to kill something when they finally stopped to water their horses at a stream. To his endless surprise, he wasn’t.

Maybe it was Kisumi’s supposedly inherent charisma, but it was ridiculously easy to talk to him. He was lively and responsive and heartrendingly generous with his emotions; he showed them easily and without shame, sharing in Sousuke’s as if it was the greatest happiness imaginable to have someone to be happy with. And Sousuke _was_ happy, he found. It was relaxing; a much deserved break from everything, and it didn’t take long before he was laughing with Kisumi too.

They took a rest under the trees, sitting in the hollows of thick roots and watching the stream run past over its pebbly bed while their horses grazed nearby. A fleet of pond-skaters danced with jerky movements near the banks where the water was stiller, and both men seemed happy to watch them, content in silence now that they’d proved they could speak to each other easily.

Or Sousuke was, anyway. It didn’t take long before Kisumi spoke again.

“Can I take you up on that offer to listen to me babble about my parents now?” he asked, his voice light enough to suggest that Sousuke could refuse and everything would still be fine between them.

Sousuke stopped watching the stream lazily so he could give him his full attention. “Go ahead.”

Kisumi nodded and took a breath. “I really didn’t know them well,” he said in a small voice, so unlike him Sousuke couldn’t help but listen more attentively.

“They only came to visit me and Grandmother a few times a year, so I never got the chance. And even if Grandmother talked about them all the time, or at least about my mother, that just made them seem even further away, you know? Like heroes from a fairy tale or something. So I didn’t feel anything when I heard they died. I can’t speak about it with Grandmother because she loved her daughter so much, but I’ve never felt grief because of their death. I don’t even think I loved them.” His hands clenched at the grass next to his legs, gripping it and pulling it up, twisting it around his fingers, but he still smiled mindlessly at his feet.

“I feel bad about it, a lot of the time. I pretend I’m sad about their deaths, especially for Hayato because he feels it far more than I do. And for Grandmother. I can’t even imagine how she’d react if she knew. But I can’t create emotions I don’t have. I wish I did love them, but only because it would be easier then.” There was a shudder in his voice when he sighed.

_Why would you tell me this?_ Sousuke wanted to ask, _Why tell someone who’s essentially an enemy all this?_ It didn’t make any sense, just like the night before, but the words had still spilled from Kisumi’s mouth seemingly without any reason behind them. Was it a trap, then? A lie to force sympathy? But it felt so sincere. He could feel Kisumi’s anticipation in the air, laden down with hope and fear for what he’d reply. And this was supposed to be a relationship built on mutual trust, wasn’t it?

“I don’t love my father,” he said simply. “I haven’t for a long time. It’s easier for me because I have a clear reason to hate him,” _and more besides_ , he was reminded, “but it’s still difficult to accept sometimes.” There wasn’t much else to say, but Kisumi nodded in understanding. In gratitude despite how meagre it was in return for what he’d given.

And that was that: the game of give and take had been played out, and it wasn’t enough. It would have been before, but after finding he liked Kisumi’s company so much, Sousuke wasn’t going to let that be enough.

“Why would you tell me all that?” he finally asked.

Kisumi lifted his head up to look at him and smiled wearily. “You must think I’m far too trusting.”

Sousuke did, of course he did – how could he not? – but he wasn’t about to say that.

“To be honest, it’s just…I wanted to tell someone, it didn’t really matter who. If you betray me tomorrow, that’s…well, it’s not fine, but that’s okay on this level. I wouldn’t feel bad for opening up to you, I mean, even if you try to kill me.”

“Why not?” The idea couldn’t make its way through the maze of Sousuke’s mental barriers, insisting he shouldn’t say what wasn’t necessary, insisting he keep himself to himself so no one could use anything against him.

“Because that doesn’t matter to me. I’d be happier if you didn’t, but I just wanted to say it. And it’s easier telling someone I barely know, anyway. Besides, I…well, I’m on a roll with this ‘bearing my heart’ business, so…I like the attention. I told you I capture attention easily, and that arrangement suits me just fine. I don’t really feel like I lose anything by sharing so-called personal secrets, you know?”

Sousuke didn’t know. He couldn’t understand it at all. “Is that why you went and told us your life history last night?”

“Pretty much!” Kisumi laughed, stretching out his legs so his heels just touched the water. “You didn’t mind, did you? I just felt like you were good people, people I’d like to get to know better, and I couldn’t stop talking. Well, that and I wanted to please Haru. And make you stop looking so scary.” His smile turned knowing and he rested his chin on his arms. “You look a little flabbergasted. You okay?”

“You’re just…not what I was expecting. You and the Saint Prince don’t really match up.” At all. Sousuke couldn’t help but feel he was missing something amongst the offers of trust Kisumi had handed to him innocently, suspiciously, unnecessarily, but somehow he didn’t care enough to pursue it. It was too comforting not to.

Kisumi laughed heartily. “I’ll make sure to keep a lot more surprises in store for you, then!” By the sudden change in his expression, a thought just occurred to him and he looked dramatically stricken. “But wait: just because I like to do it doesn’t mean sharing stuff doesn’t get embarrassing when I’m the only one doing it! You share something more!”

The shift in atmosphere was surprising, but Sousuke welcomed it. “Should have thought of specifying that before opening your mouth,” he shrugged, unable to keep the smile off his face as Kisumi let out a wail of dismay.

“Come on, you’ve got to have secrets too!”

Sousuke certainly did, and an unwelcome little voice in his head suggested that it wouldn’t be so bad to tell Kisumi, but it wasn’t the time for that. “Nope. No secrets here. What you see is what you get.”

“Liar,” Kisumi pouted magnificently. “It doesn’t have to be state secrets or anything, just like…what’s your biggest fear or something!”

“As if I’d give weaknesses to the enemy,” Sousuke shook his head disapprovingly.

“You’re so rude! Just tell me something that’s been on your mind lately, then! It could be mutually beneficial!”

“Could but won’t.”

“At least tell me what Haru’s like in bed!”

“ _What?!_ ” He spun round to see Kisumi was now wearing a sickeningly mischievous smile.

“So does that mean you have?” he smirked, entirely good-naturedly but no less annoying for it. Sousuke punched him in the arm and Kisumi laughed, rolling over onto the ground. “You two are fun!” he said delightedly. “I sure hope the negotiations work tomorrow, because I’d hate to miss out on this.”

Sousuke felt inclined to agree. With Kisumi acting so carefree in front of him, it was easy to forget the countless soldiers who had died so they could chat in the shade of a riverbank, but now he’d been reminded he couldn’t ignore it. He could only hope Kisumi wouldn’t be too hurt when he learnt that his lords had been stringing him along, because Sousuke certainly wasn’t going to hold back on the people responsible for this whole mess.

 

As promised, he went to see Haru that night. It had been too long since he’d been to Haru’s lake, so at his request they were to meet there, and late into the evening he snuck out with the usual spirit to guide him out (a rabbit this time, to his amusement). True, he’d only been to the lake a handful of times, but he felt he’d know the way in his sleep. It pulled him towards it and he couldn’t help but run through the dark forest to get there, knowing instinctively that nothing could hurt him no matter how many branches brushed past his arms or leaves crunched ominously near him.

The lake’s clearing was ringed with light: tiny firefly-like spirits bobbed around the tree line like dust motes swept in the gentle breeze, and in the middle of it all Haru was waiting, watching the moon that spilled light into the clearing like honey. Sousuke sat down next to him on the shore, taking off his boots so he could feel the water on his skin.

Haru tilted his head questioningly once he’d settled and Sousuke knew what he was asking.

“I found things to like in him.”

“That’s good.” Haru’s smile wasn’t nearly as smug as it had the right to be.

In broad lines Sousuke painted the picture of their afternoon, giving Haru all the information he needed and more besides, while making sure not to wax too poetical about Kisumi (it was an easy thing to slip into). Haru nodded attentively, smiling down at the water he was disturbing gently with his feet.

“So tomorrow’s going to be fun,” Sousuke finished. “We get to finally ambush and capture the people who’ve actually been behind this nonsensical rebellion, and Kisumi gets to be free.”

“Why did you trust him so easily?”

The question felt like it came from nowhere, and Sousuke’s expression said as much. “You said he was trustworthy and he wasn’t really in a position to attack us…”

“You could have captured him last night, though, without even having to listen to him.”

“But you wanted me to listen, didn’t you? I’m lost. You know that I trust your judgement, right?”

“I know.” And with that, Haru seemed satisfied.

“Then…”

Haru smirked at him (in a very un-Haru fashion), raising his eyebrows slightly as if to say ‘you understand, don’t you?’

And Sousuke thought he did. Sometimes you just needed to make sure of things, even when they should be blindingly obvious and, to all extents and purposes, were. On that note, he had something of his own to make sure of.

“You like him, don’t you?” he said, unnecessarily.

“I do. You do too now.”

And maybe after that Sousuke would have said something he’d go on to regret. Maybe he’d have said something that would have drawn them closer. More likely, he wouldn’t have said anything, brought to his knees by the clamp holding down his tongue because there was simply no point in making himself even more vulnerable than he already was. But Haru didn’t give him the chance to say anything because Haru already knew what he was thinking anyway (not that it was difficult to tell, with his clenched jaw and deep frown, arms tensed with strength he had nothing to use on).

Lacing his arms around Sousuke’s neck, Haru leant up to kiss him and Sousuke clung onto his shoulders gratefully. Like a parched man given water he drank Haru in, and it wasn’t as if nothing else in the world mattered anymore, it was just that time seemed to stutter to a stop for them. There were wars to be fought, ambushes to put in place, arguments to draw to a close, but that could all be set aside for an afternoon, for an evening, and though Sousuke should have worried that he was slacking, he couldn’t deny he longed for the respite. Haru seemed to agree heartily. There was no sense in overcomplicating things, after all.

Whatever protective ferocity had been budding in Sousuke since Kisumi’s arrival dissolved away as Haru slipped into his lap, lowering a hand between them and palming against him. He growled into Haru’s mouth, moving down to kiss at his collarbone and he thought he heard a soft giggle from above his ear, but that couldn’t be right. Haru definitely wasn’t the giggling type. Whatever it had been shifted to soft, fluttering sighs just above the shell of his ear; the most sound he’d come to expect from Haru, and just as mind-meltingly gorgeous as when he’d first heard them.

The silver clasps of Haru’s robes yielded easily, unlocking and letting a sea of soft green cloth fall to his hips. Sousuke was just enjoying the breathtaking sensation of chilled skin against his own when Haru bent down to ask, “Would you like to prepare me?”

It stopped Sousuke in his tracks and he stared, speechless but no less aroused for it.

“I know you’ve had men before, and I assumed you took that position…?” Haru prompted, reaching into the folds of his clothes to take out a very familiar vial from some hidden pocket.

Sousuke continued to stare, breath already heavy in his mouth. “You planned for this?”

Haru cocked his head to the side. “Do you not want to?”

It was a foolish question and both of them knew it (both of them could feel it, Sousuke guessed, from the way Haru was still holding him), and he struggled to rein in the part of him that wanted to make that clear through more physical means. “Of course I want to, but what about you? I don’t want to only concentrate on my pleasure again: I want to make you happy too.”

“Then kiss me.”

It was certainly enticing and Sousuke would have been only too happy to obey if it didn’t sound like they were brushing over the subject. He cupped Haru’s jaw with his hand. “Are you really okay with this? If you don’t get any pleasure out of it, it’s not going to be comfortable.”

Haru’s eyes opened wide, a delighted smile growing on his face until he burst into uncharacteristic but entirely welcome laughter. “What a great way of putting it! Don’t worry,” his eyes softened until they were just shimmering like the innermost part of a flame, “I’m not inexperienced. I won’t enjoy it as much as you do, but I’ll enjoy it in principle, because it makes you happy. Is that enough?”

“…and you’re sure?” but he was already undoing his shirt, mouth going dry with anticipation.

“ _Yes_.”

They moved to the water, if not because Haru was more comfortable there then because the shock of cold water against Sousuke’s heated skin was irresistible to him. Even more irresistible was the chance to see Haru in his element: he joined with the water so seamlessly, so gracefully even when supported in Sousuke’s arms, that it made his movements on land look like a colt just learning to walk.

The water was clear and empty, a spirit lake rather than a natural one, and Sousuke found to his joy that he could see _everything_. He’d seen Haru naked more times than he could count (and was grateful for each and every one of those times) but it was understandably different here, watching him frown in concentration as he took Sousuke’s oil-coated fingers. His body was quivering slightly, hands clasped into Sousuke’s shoulders, legs wrapped around his waist under the water, but he relaxed slightly as Sousuke peppered kisses down his neck comfortingly.

“Are you ready?” he murmured (careful not to let impatience and lust into his voice) and Haru sighed, as if resigning himself to his fate, but followed it up with a smile.

Quite simply, it felt amazing. Sousuke was trapped in a haze of _feeling_ , every sensation heightened by the cold water, every jolt of pleasure sending a thrill through his body. It wasn’t a fast-paced melding of fire but rather something slower, more prolonged and sensitive, and he was thankful for it because while some parts of him were thirsting for a faster rhythm, he wanted to savour everything. He wanted to savour how Haru felt, how he looked, the touch of his skin, his mesmerising expression as even he began to be affected…It was all too much and, to his chagrin, Sousuke knew he wasn’t going to last long, so he leant in to kiss Haru as he came, reduced to a rasping, desperate groan that rang into the clearing like it belonged there.

They lay on the grass afterwards, letting the light breeze dry them slowly while they stared up at stars that seemed a hundred times brighter from the clearing.

“So,” Sousuke started, feeling almost giddy with confidence, “you’re not inexperienced, you said?”

Haru turned his head. “Is that a comment on me being a bad fuck?” He didn’t seem too insulted, but Sousuke still sat up, appalled at the suggestion, and Haru smirked at how horrified he looked.

“Of course that’s not what I meant!”

“Then what?” he asked, but the answer came to him a second later so he spared Sousuke the suffering of having to say it. With a small grin, he said, “We just had sex and you still manage to be jealous? That’s impressive.”

“I’m a jealous man,” Sousuke lay back down and had the grace to look embarrassed by it.

“And _how_. Don’t worry: you were the best I’ve had in a long time.”

“That’s a bare-faced lie.”

“It is. But you weren’t bad in the least.”

“I seem to recall you didn’t come, in the end.”

“I said it doesn’t work like that for me,” Haru shrugged. He reached across to take Sousuke’s hand. “I still enjoyed it.”

That was enough, then. Sousuke let himself be lulled to the brink of sleep by the grove’s calm and the soothing sweep of ripples from the lake, and then Haru said, “Should I be worried by your jealousy?”

“No.” He wasn’t sure if it was a lie or not.

“Anything else I should worry about?”

A flash of uncontrollable bloodlust rose to mind, so deep and pulsating that he couldn’t hope for reason to stand against it. So did memories of his father, just as uncontrollably greedy in how he had struck lives down.

There were things he couldn’t say, though not because of any psychological clamp of misguided self-protection.

He smiled. “Why are you so intent on worrying? That’s not like you.”

Haru shrugged, the movement somehow conveying warmth rather than disinterest, and turned away to look at the night sky again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure about how these 3 sections fit together but it's better than having three tiny chapters so whatever.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a much shorter chapter than 12 or 13 but I wanted to finish it at this point, so here it is anyway. The next one will (probably) be the last in this arc.

The temple on the outskirts of the city was practically in ruins, but to some extent that was for the best. It certainly gave them privacy, if this clash of two ambushes turned into something uglier. If nothing else, it had atmosphere.

At some point the roof had fallen in, the slates collected by some enterprising soul, and there were fallen leaves scattered around the inside, joining the weeds that grew from paving stones that had once been arranged in a series of circles, winding around a cracked altar in the centre. Sousuke stood there, his back to the rectangular seating hall (a liability if it did come to a fight: the benches wouldn’t help swiftness in the least) as he looked up at the giant stained glass window in front of him. It stretched from the floor to the broken remainders of ceiling arches, and while it should have been a prime target for looters the second the temple fell into misuse – what with the gold inlay and high quality glass – it was easy to see why no one had taken it. Even Sousuke, bored and itching for a fight if only to get it all over with, felt a frisson of awe when he looked at it. The light that shone through the sunburst pattern was like liquid gold.

He and Gou had run the admittedly very simple plan through together what felt like hundreds of times the previous afternoon, sending a few scouts to get an idea of the terrain, for all it could be called that. The biggest fault in the temple was that there were no suitable hiding places for enough people to make Gou feel happy about the whole thing (she’d said as much, and made her disapproval of Sousuke’s on-the-spot planning skills plain to him). They’d had to improvise: a squadron of the Royal Guard were resting low in the nearby forest, though not nearby enough to be of any significant help if things got messy. In the temple itself, Sousuke was on full display, keeping his sword close by, and Gou, her three captains, and Rin were lying in wait in alcoves conveniently out of sight of the entrance, tucked into the back of the temple where priests had once stored sacrifices. Haru was standing in full view, invisible to everyone but Sousuke.

The steady clanking of armour came slowly like the rumble of an earthquake from far off: something meaningless until it was close enough that you could no longer deny that was what you were hearing. Everyone took their places; Sousuke bowed in front of the altar, his hands clasped as he resolutely didn’t pray at all, and when the soldiers stopped at the entrance, he turned round slowly to face them.

To his credit, Kisumi looked so apologetic he seemed about to cry, and he stepped out in front of the soldiers surrounding him. “My king,” he said loud enough to carry through the hall, “I did not mean for the dice to fall as they have.”

Sousuke nodded. “I imagine it would be difficult to have them fall as you wished when you were not the one rolling.” He raised his eyebrows at the lords standing by Kisumi’s side.

There was a curious silence. Sousuke’s own guard stepped out to at least demonstrate that he wasn’t alone (and Sousuke noticed one of the captains had gone to bring the reinforcements), but no one wanted to make the first move. The Saint Prince’s men – because he couldn’t think of them as Kisumi’s, not when Kisumi looked so hurt – stayed at the entrance behind the rows of benches, awaiting their orders nervously.

Kisumi frowned. “This isn’t how it should be. Ama, Takaki, I-” but whatever it was he wanted was hushed under Ama’s gentle hand on his arm, holding him back while Lord Takaki stepped forwards.

Uninterested in what grand tales of justice and honour he was about to reel off, Sousuke spoke first. “I assume the Saint Prince has spoken to you of our negotiations? Perhaps we can come to some agreement.” He said it as a threat.

To no one’s surprise, Takaki scoffed at him. “I would be delighted to hear why we on the side of divine justice ought to bow down to you who are not even accompanied by your god in such a time of peril.”

“Time of peril?” Sousuke raised his eyebrows and enjoyed the muffled gasps of the people around him when Haru evidently materialised to the general public by his side. He raised his jaw to better look down at the Saint Prince’s army. “I’ve been wondering: exactly what is this divine justice you’ve been lording over me from the start?”

Takaki looked put out in that special way that middle aged men have of pursing their lips and looking as if they’d quite like to shout themselves hoarse but put too much pride in their dignity to do it. “As if you even need to ask, you heathen!”

“No, you see, I’m quite stupid and I have to say I do,” Sousuke said drily, crossing his arms. “Because it would appear to me that neither you, nor Lord Ama, nor this fake prince you’ve put up as your shield have any legitimate legal or hereditary hold on the throne. Sadly for you, that makes this a rather treasonous attempt at a coup rather than anything I could respect, and a coup you’ve been hiding from your own followers by calling it justice, at that. Though I can’t imagine why: there’s no justice in this. So enlighten me, Takaki, Ama: at what point were you planning on telling your puppet prince that the good of the country never came into it and all you ever wanted was power?”

Sousuke was enjoying himself. He liked seeing the blood rush to Takaki’s face, the visible panic in his expression, Ama’s deepening frown, the spreading unease around the Saint Prince’s troops…Kisumi’s look of growing horror put a dampener on the whole thing, but that could be remedied given time. So he let himself enjoy it.

To his credit, Takaki got a hold of himself relatively quickly. “And on what proof are you basing any of these ridiculous assumptions? This country should be ruled by the person best for it, bloodlines be damned: the fact that you assumed our claim was founded in blood just shows your own small-mindedness! And we have never once _used_ the Saint Prince. You can invent as many stories as you like to demoralise us, it won’t change the fact that you’re a pathetic excuse for your father’s son and we’re doing you a favour by overthrowing your reign.”

The air grew colder. Sousuke could feel his whole body clench up in fury but Haru moved the slightest bit closer to him so their skin touched as a reminder to keep it held back. He sucked in a breath and glared, far from smiling now.

“One final warning,” he said as levelly as he could when all-too familiar anger was threatening to ruin him. “Surrender now and no more blood will have to be spilled. You have no right to the crown and no power to back up your claim and we will wipe you out like the stain on this country you are.”

“Now won’t that be something,” Takaki allowed himself a small smile. “The king who’s been fighting in retreat all this time is going to wipe us out?”

“If I hadn’t given that order you wouldn’t have lived to see this conversation.”

“Whatever excuse you feel you need so you don’t have to face your own cowardice.”

Something snapped. “You dare speak to me of cowardice when you’re the one who couldn’t even stage a coup on his own: you had to wait until you had a figurehead to hide behind like the miserable coward you are!” Sousuke spat, just a little too far gone to make good decisions.

Everything happened very quickly then. The smile was wiped off Takaki’s face and he lifted a hand, or maybe even just a finger, and Sousuke only had the time to register the twang of a crossbow string before he saw the bolt coming for him.

With a sickening crack, a wall of ice stopped it as Haru stepped swiftly in front of him. The ice melted completely at Haru’s touch but he had no time to say anything, no one had any time to move before one of the Saint Prince’s soldiers rushed forwards and slung a rope around the god’s neck and pulled him backwards to where Takaki stood, as delighted by this turn of events as Sousuke was struck speechless.

That shouldn’t have been enough, Sousuke knew that. His whole body felt immobilised by the mix of adrenaline and uncertainty because _Haru shouldn’t have been bound by that,_ not by something so absurdly mundane and human as a rope. But he was, Sousuke saw, and he also saw the raw panic in Haru’s eyes, and then Rin and Gou were by his side with swords raised and he remembered how to breathe. More than that, he remembered how to thirst for blood.

It came over him so much slower than it had before, slow enough that he could distantly see Kisumi’s eyes narrow, hear Takaki gloating over how ‘the Saint Prince’s esteemed grandmother gifted us with a rope to bind down any god weaker than she’, and watch as Haru’s eyes darted around in fear. Whether it was at what was being said, at his position, at how surrounded by armed humans he was, Sousuke couldn’t begin to guess, but he didn’t even need to think anymore. He was already unsheathing his sword, the haze flooding his mind inch by inch (they took him they took him they’re hurting him they’rehurtingwhat’smine _I’ll kill them_ ) but Haru caught his eyes, shook his head minutely, and Sousuke was caught.

Rin was shouting something, Takaki was saying something in reply, but all Sousuke could feel was the strain constricting his lungs as he struggled to keep conscious. He didn’t break eye contact with Haru because that calm was all he could hold onto to keep from losing it, but then he had a split second’s loss of concentration and a growl escaped him, and he saw Haru flinch.

_‘He’s going to hate you for this’_ ;

_‘He’s going to fear you for this’_.

It was coming true. The temple was filled with people but everything suddenly felt hollow, echoing with the burning memory of Haru’s fear branded into his mind. Wave upon wave of anger beat him back into submission but it was anger at himself now, anger at the futility of this bloodlust he’d never asked for that could only pull him away from everyone because he wasn’t calm, he couldn’t be calm, he couldn’t be _humane_ and he could already feel his arms shaking with it, clenching down on the hilt of his sword and drawing it, could already feel the back of his mind start to calculate which route to take to spill the most blood, the one that would take him straight to Takaki’s heart, except now he was finding it difficult to remember who he was supposed to kill and who he wasn’t, when _he_ was the only one responsible for all this, and time was just tick-tick-ticking away through every erratic heartbeat every laboured breath every muscle spasm every wary glance over at him everything all of it growing shuddering pounding thrumming rising rumbling bursting-

“Stop.” Amidst a cloud of indistinguishable red, a clear voice spoke. Sousuke screwed his eyes shut and opened them to a blur of silver and pink, walking towards him confidently. Kisumi knelt before him and took his fist, unrolling his fingers gently before kissing them.

Barely breathing, still in the thralls of the earth-shattering emotions he’d just experienced, Sousuke didn’t speak. But Kisumi had always been good at that.

“Let this war between us come to an end,” he said without a hint of reservation. “I revoke my claim to the throne and lay myself at your mercy.”

“What are you– !” Takaki started, silenced by a glare from his prince, and Ama closed her mouth too.

“Do you mean this?” Sousuke managed to say as the red in his vision faded, knowing the answer but unable to understand how Kisumi had brought it to him so easily. Beside them, Rin and Gou sheathed their swords hopefully.

“I do,” Kisumi said with a smile that was far more charming than it had any right to be. “I willingly submit myself to you and your most worthy god, _my lord_.” He let the words mature on his tongue, then kissed Sousuke’s hand once more for good measure before standing up and facing his army.

“I believe we have no more business holding captives or preparing for attack,” he addressed the soldiers. And then, with far less amiability, “Seize my lords Ama and Takaki for crimes against the crown and wilful manipulation of my person.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry this one is (relatively) late! I spent a few days concentrating on planning the future chapters (with a lot more emphasis on plot and foreshadowing and such - I've now got the next 20 or so planned, which I've already been told is a bit excessive but whatever, so it'd sure be nice if I do get to write all of them...) and then real life came crashing in. But here it is anyway.

Sousuke wasn’t sure if what he was living was real. To all extents and purposes it felt real: he could see and hear everything properly, and he could feel the delicious coolness of Haru’s hands on his once the rope had been removed and Haru looked at him apologetically, saying he couldn’t stay any longer, not here, not with so many armed humans, before disappearing. But there was so much unreality to it all as his reinforcements barged in like the heroic saviours for a story that had already played out, tying the hands of Ama and Takaki and any of the Saint Prince’s men and women who resisted. Adding to the sick mixture of confusion and disbelief, Sousuke’s body was still battling the aftershocks of unfulfilled bloodlust and he could barely string sentences together. He just followed the procession out of the temple, accepting Gou’s shoulder to lean on (only a little, not enough for anyone to notice) and let his eyes un-focus on rows and rows of less than satisfied soldiers.

Kisumi slipped into his new role without hesitation or discomfort, proclaiming his loyalty to the crown to his soldiers and bidding them follow him by doing the same. Most did. The lords knew it was too late for them. And the surreal atmosphere grew worse as they walked back to the castle, a mix of armies who’d been fighting to the death the day before, everything resolved between them by godlike charisma and charm and luck that Sousuke couldn’t believe and certainly couldn’t trust.

They’d barely walked for five minutes down the gravelly track that led to the city before Lord Ama broke free of her guards and ran for it. Sousuke didn’t even think: he just sprinted after her, lurching towards the one thing he was sure of here, the one thing he knew. He could hear shouts behind him, crossbows being raised, but he made a signal not to follow and he knew they couldn’t shoot her while he was in the way. He wanted that. He wanted something simple and clear where they both knew what was going on, and the shudders that were sent through his body with every footfall begin to clear his head.

Ama wasn’t wearing a full suit of armour but she had some pieces on and it was weighing her down as she tried to weave through the trees of the nearby forest, stumbling on roots and over bushes she couldn’t see coming. She was clearly not used to running long distances and they both knew that what she was trying to do was hopeless. She’d probably known before she started, Sousuke realised, but that only made him clench his jaw and run faster, ignoring his body’s protests in favour of the fervent relief he felt at being able to work off his pent-up energy.

They scrambled to a stop at the edge of a slope, sending crackling leaves flying, but she didn’t start to run again. Instead she drew her sword (Sousuke made a mental note to have a talk with his soldiers about taking weapons away from prisoners) and stared him down as she backed into a tree, looking for all the world like a scared woman who wouldn’t go down without a fight. A fight they both knew she couldn’t deliver.

Sousuke drew his own sword hesitantly, ignoring the weak pulse of bloodlust in his veins, and tried to make it clear he didn’t want to hurt her.

“Kisumi was an idiot,” she spat, firming up her stance against the trunk behind her. “You’ll never be any good for this country: he should have just shut up and let us finish you off.”

“How could you have been any better?” He was trying: he was trying so desperately to keep calm but she was riling him up on purpose, glaring at him as if her only wish was to ram her sword into his ribcage and angle upwards.

“ _Anyone_ would have been better. If I didn’t believe that before, from how you sapped all the money from our villages for taxes, I’ve been convinced a thousand times over by seeing you fight. You’re a monster. You’re a beast: you don’t even see the difference between enemy and ally, do you?”

“I do.” He thought. He was…he was sure…

“I can see in your eyes you want to kill me now, too. You looked about to rip us apart back in the temple. Why does anyone trust you?” she was whispering, voice shuddering with fear or something deeper, and he couldn’t stand it.

“Shut up.”

“You kill foot soldiers like they’re ants for you to step on: do the lower classes mean anything to you? Do you just keep them because they plough your fields to bring you your crops? Is everyone just disposable to you, little dolls in a country-wide box for you to do with as you wish?”

“Shut up!” he roared, stepping closer again until their swords just touched. It took everything he had not to go any further.

“Do you not want to kill me?” she smiled in a grimace of fake courage. “Am I just too important? Only one of us is leaving this forest, king. I won’t live any longer under your rule.”

She lunged for him. Too slow, too clumsy, leaving herself wide open, but with a tremendous force of will, he parried instead of taking the finishing blow she was all but giving to him on a plate. The strength he couldn’t hold back sent her to the ground and he watched, shaking, while she got up and lunged again, too scared to fight properly and not skilled enough to be a threat to him anyway. He batted her away again and again, but she grew steadier on her feet, using the trees as barriers, and what had been the barest of attack-defence drills became a fight.

Still, it was useless. The fight wasn’t between him and her: it was between Sousuke and himself, telling himself, persuading himself that he didn’t want to kill her but believing it less with every attack she thrust on him, every flare of fury that his mind insisted on subjecting him to, as if this was his punishment for feeling anger in the first place and he had to bring it to a bloody finish.

Their strange rhythm of gasps and grunts and crunching leaves was shaken up by an attack he didn’t seen coming. She took his counter-blow and shouted in anger only to throw herself on him, overbalancing him and raising her sword above his throat when he was down, and in an instinctive reaction spurred by the rising anger he’d battled so well, he drove his sword through her neck.

Ama choked. Her arms lowered, drained of strength, and her blood flowed freely over him so all he could do was watch it, staring without feeling, running every other move he could have made through his mind: moves that would have spared her life.

The blood stopped and still he couldn’t feel anything.

He gently moved her off his body, got to his feet and wiped his sword on the leaves, sheathing it still sticky with blood. He picked her up into his arms, trying not to look too closely at the way her head lolled back, eyes wide and glazed over, blood at the corner of her mouth. He walked out of the forest.

Takaki reacted first, screaming for a murder trial, screaming that they’d killed his friend, but his guards gagged him. Sousuke didn’t look at him, but rather found his eyes drawn to where Rin and Gou stood, watching him with grim expressions. Rin nodded in an acknowledgement of what he’d done, in an expression of comradery, and that was enough for both of them.

It wasn’t altogether too surprising to Sousuke that he found himself calm. There was no bloodlust anymore, sated as it was. And the sense of unreality wasn’t there either, replaced by a peaceful daze after which he assumed regret would come. But right now he felt little.

The soldiers were looking at him, waiting for him to say something to reassure them that this was a victory. He raised his head and spoke in a voice that carried over the heads of them all.

“The punishment for treason is death. Justice has been served here.”

And that’s all there was to it.

 

Rin found him later, when everything had been cleaned up and washed over, a fresh face on the bloody mural. Sousuke nodded a greeting as they met in the corridor and they fell in line together, walking in no particular direction through the castle.

“You were able to house the Saint Prince’s army for the time being?” Sousuke asked.

“Yeah. They’ll be given time to recover and sent back to the north by the end of the week, as per your orders. What, did you think we wouldn’t be able to do it or something?”

Sousuke shrugged. “It’s called starting a conversation, Rin.”

“Is it now. What about the Ama and Takaki provinces? Who are you going to appoint as their new lords?”

“Huh?” he gave Rin a sharp look. “Both provinces have heirs to take over. Isn’t that enough?”

“And you’ll trust the children to not rebel against you for killing their parents?” Rin’s raised eyebrow oozed judgement.

“The old Takaki’s getting a trial tomorrow: he might not be sentenced to death.”

“‘The punishment for treason is death’, wasn’t it?”

“And yet Kisumi won’t be killed.”

“He surrendered: there’s a difference.”

Sousuke could hear the unsaid question. Rin was still nervous, but still sticking to his guns of Doing Things Properly, and neither of the men seemed quite sure how to reach an understanding on this one particular subject, nor able to voice what doing things properly actually was. They stopped at a window overlooking the forest; it was a clear day and they could see the hills far in the distance, breaking up the horizon.

“I’m not in favour of killing him,” Sousuke said. “The old Takaki, I mean. Nor of stripping those families of the titles they’ve held for generations. I’ll trust them for now.”

“Alright.” Rin was unusually quiet and Sousuke couldn’t tell if that had been the right answer or not. “So this Saint Prince is going to stay here?”

“Yeah,” Sousuke nodded, leaning his arms onto the windowsill.

“Something you want to tell me about?” Rin smirked at him and they fell into time together again, the teasing bringing them back to what they were used to and far away from unsure compromises.

Sousuke groaned. “You were just like this with Haru too.”

“I was _right_ about Haru, too. Well, I’m not going to go poking into your love life-”

“Are you not? Could have fooled me.”

“-any more than that, asshole. Whatever makes you happy. Speaking of…” he reached up a hand to scratch the back of his head sheepishly. “What…happened to you in the temple? That wasn’t normal.”

Sousuke’s breath caught in his throat. “…no, it’s not normal, is it?”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Nah.” He breathed the word out like a laugh. It sounded lighter that way.

“Oh, for…” Rin clicked his tongue. “That wasn’t an option. When did it start?”

Sousuke really did laugh then. “Around the time the fighting started, I guess. First time I’d been on the battlefield for real.”

“Ah. What…what’s it like?”

Sousuke thought about that. There were so many words he could use to describe it, but he just didn’t trust himself to sum up how intense it was to someone who’d never felt it. He settled for “Uncontrollable.”

“Angry?”

“Bit more than angry.” He decided to throw Rin more than the bare minimum of detail he could get away with. “I just want to kill.”

Rin nodded, his jaw clenched rigidly and his eyes glued to the mountains far away from them. His voice sounded tight when he spoke. “Who else knows?”

“Apart from anyone who’s ever seen me on the field? Just you.”

“Not Haru?”

“No,” he said firmly.

“Huh.” He let his hands fall to his sides, breathing a short burst of a laugh. “You really hate talking about yourself, don’t you?”

“Not all of us are bare-it-all cry-babies like you. I mean that in the fondest way possible, of course.”

“Oh, I’m sure you do. Well,” he breathed in deeply and turned to grin properly at Sousuke, “just don’t make any mistakes you can’t come back from, yeah?”

“Bit of an impossible request you’re loading me with there.”

Rin shrugged. “And…I guess it’s kind of token and a given at this point, but you know I’m always here for you, right?”

“Yeah, yeah. Best friends, I got it.”

“You’d better fucking understand. I’m not going to fight with you like that again.”

“Sounds like a hard promise to keep, that one.” He was evading every opportunity to reciprocate emotionally and he knew it, but he figured Rin would just have to accept this. He just wasn’t able to do it the way he should, he’d never really been able to, but Rin had decades of experience with Sousuke’s difficulties, and he raised his eyebrows knowingly, nodding.

“Still a promise though.”

“I appreciate it.”

“Good.” Rin put his arm around Sousuke’s shoulders and steered him back to walk up the corridor. “Let’s go find Makoto. Then we celebrate this victory and then you can go work out what the Saint Prince is going to do from here on out.”

It sounded so easy, put like that, and Sousuke couldn’t resist it, so he followed without any more resistance than was comedically necessary. Things started to feel okay again, but he still had something weighing on his mind that he didn’t think he could ask anyone else.

“Hey, Rin.”

“Yeah?” They stopped walking, staying where it was empty.

“Is it normal that I don’t feel anything from killing her?”

Rin thought about it for a second. “Were you close? Any secret meetings with her I need to know about?”

“No.”

“Then it’s fine, isn’t it? You don’t feel much more than dull regret for killing regular soldiers, right? I don’t see why it should be any different for her.”

His words sunk in like pebbles thrown into a stream. “Is it the same for you?”

“Of course it is. Either way, in her case she knew exactly what she was getting into when she ran. Or when she started this whole revolt, whatever. If she didn’t mean anything to you then there are more important things to worry about, come on!”

Sousuke grinned. “Fair point.” It wasn’t enough to change how much he hated and feared the bloodlust, nor how little he agreed with what he’d done, but it was a fair point. Some things had to be let go. Death was too common here to worry about one person, and a person who’d accepted her death at that: now he just had to help himself believe it.

 

The ride out to the temple again was a world shorter than the walk back from it had been. The air was crisp and biting, a warning of the winter Sousuke wished would just come upon them already, but the frayed orange and grey ribbons of the sky still gave the impression of warmth. He steered well clear of the forest edge, keeping his eyes set firmly on the temple.

Sisi was tied up outside and Sousuke left his own horse next to her, sparing her a quick stroke before walking inside. Haru and Kisumi looked up when he walked in, both leaning or sitting on the altar, backed by the sunburst window. The light streamed by them, curling and cosying up to them to throw charcoal shadows down the main aisle so long they almost reached Sousuke’s feet. The two men looked almost unapproachably beautiful, but Sousuke was drawn to their smiles and walked up to take his place between them.

He leant his elbows against the altar, turned away from the glaring light, and Kisumi lounged on one of the benches opposite so they could see each other easier.

“So,” Sousuke started because someone had to say something and Haru was not going to be that person, “I take it you knew all along that you were being manipulated?”

Kisumi snorted. “I’d have to be an idiot not to know. They weren’t subtle. At all. It was a little worrying, really. But I guess people let themselves relax around you when they think you’re stupid.”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“Oh, I’m _sure_ ,” Kisumi laughed, but nervousness soon fractured that away and he bit his lip. “So…um, are you angry with me for not telling you? I’ll understand if you are.”

“I-”

“Wait, wait!” Kisumi put his hands in front of him. “Uh, before you do make a decision, just…just know that I didn’t lie to you about anything else! I wasn’t sure what kind of person you were, so I had to pretend I needed protecting and that I wasn’t a threat, but everything else was the truth! I mean, I wouldn’t usually tell people that much, but I needed your trust, so I had to show you that I trusted you in return, but it was still all completely true!” His violet eyes were wide and scared, but he was still putting in the effort to smile weakly. “But…I can understand if that’s not enough. I still tricked you. I still went against you in battle, and if it weren’t for me none of this would have happened. I know that.”

“I don’t mind,” Sousuke said in his best display of unruffled placidity. He cracked a smile. “Against my better judgement, I’m going to trust you.” He looked over at Haru, noting the small, satisfied nod. “Both of us are. So the real question now is, what’s the Saint Prince going to do with himself?”

The (frankly quite touching) flood of relief that had visibly washed through Kisumi flowed into a wry smile that almost managed to hide his delight. “Drop that stupid name for a start.”

“An admirable decision. Next?”

“I’d like to live at the castle, join the Royal Guard or something. I haven’t really thought that part out, I just…want to be there.”

“What about your family?”

“They’ll be fine! They knew I was going away for a while anyway, and Grandmother did say she was happy with whatever I chose, so it’s not like she’ll make any objections. Probably.”

“Wasn’t she really invested in you becoming the king? I’ve got to say I do not look forward to being the target of her anger if that blows up.”

“She was invested in my _future_ ,” Kisumi pronounced it slowly as if he was going over some particularly difficult theory. “Get it right. And she still is, of course. Whatever I want, she’ll support me in, though honestly I think she just wants to see me make it alone.” He smiled fondly.

“And you think the Royal Guard, or court is the place for you to do that?”

Kisumi looked at him, smiling rather helplessly. “I think near you is the place for me to do that.”

Oh.

Well, okay then. Sousuke resolutely didn’t gape and barely let his poker face be rustled, but he was more than a little unnerved by how easily Kisumi had said that.

“More importantly,” Kisumi continued to say things easily, brushing away the awkward silence, “what are you going to do now you’ve successfully beaten me?”

Sousuke shared a look with Haru. He could practically see the accumulation of fear and fatigue that the god had to be feeling, had to be struggling under after the decidedly not-much-fun-at-all day, but it wasn’t quite there. Instead, it was hidden under layers of resignation and disinterest and Sousuke couldn’t stand that sort of self-censorship so he moved his hand over to rest against Haru’s in a pathetic attempt at conveying support.

None of it came across in his voice. “I think a winter tournament sounds nice. I’ll wait until the dust has settled, though. But something calming, without the drama we’ve gotten so used to here.”

Haru’s hand squeezed Sousuke’s so gently that he might as well not have bothered, but a tidal wave of warmth surged in Sousuke’s chest at the touch. Kisumi grinned at them knowingly (always so knowingly: it was getting aggravating) and he nodded thoughtfully at the idea of a tournament, and…things felt okay. There wasn’t the absurd hush over everything, the weight pulling the corners of Sousuke’s mouth down, so he allowed himself the liberty of leaning against Haru for support. Ignoring the faint huff of indignation by his ear, he closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of the Saint Prince arc; I hope you'll stay for the ones that follow!


	16. Chapter 16

Midwinter was usually a time for celebration in Iwatobi, what with the solstice being used as an excuse to raise spirits in the wretched cold, but this year there was more excitement than usual. For one thing, after the king’s recent conquests of a god and a divine prince, morale in the capital was at a high never before seen in Sousuke’s reign. For another, the preparations for the royal tournament and the festivities that were planned around it were enough to make everyone excited, seeing as how one of the reasons for low morale in the capital was that Sousuke was an infamous kill-joy when it came to throwing celebrations himself.

The feared siege had never happened and the city was fair bursting with life and stocks of food despite the season, all preparing for the hordes of visiting knights and foreign dignitaries that would descend within the week. Oddly, things were a little calmer in the castle, or rather it was all a matter of relativity and the castle was always busy so Sousuke simply didn’t notice any particular difference if there was any.

There was no snow (a blessing, as the tournament was set to take place on the fields well away from the city’s hub of warmth and clearing them of snow was less than desirable) but the air was still bitingly chilly and he could see his breath come out in clouds as he stood in the courtyard, watching Gou lead the Guard’s drills. Something in his mind reminded him he should be joining them, keeping himself battle-ready, but an equally insistent part of his mind reminded him he didn’t have the time. His steward was likely already looking for him, and with no wars on the horizon and how firm he’d been that he was Absolutely Not taking part in the tournament himself, there was no point spending all day training.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t envious, of course. Gou sidled up to him once she’d set her soldiers into pairs to spar, and leaned against the pillar next to him. “Want to do a quick round for old time’s sake?” she asked.

There was also the niggling little fact that Sousuke had been avoiding engaging in direct with combat with other people since the coup, but that was definitely irrelevant, as was the bolt of ice that shot through his gut when Gou suggested the idea. He shook his head.

Gou nodded with an altogether too gentle and understanding smile and looked back at the soldiers. Out of the blue she sighed in a very huffy way, pouting a little (purely for effect because he could see a smirk rising to the corners of her lips). “You should try and be more like Kisumi, you know! He hasn’t missed a day of practice since he joined.”

“Has anyone, though? I thought you inspired the fear of Gou into the hearts of your soldiers.”

“Maybe,” she said smugly. “Some of them like it.”

“I’ve no doubt.” He’d seen the way the brothers she….frequented hung off her every word. But that wasn’t why she’d brought up the subject, so he got to the crux of the matter she’d been guiding him towards. “He’s doing well, then?”

“Oh, absolutely. Now, that is. There was friction to begin with, as I’m sure you can understand, but recently he’s really been proving he’s not just a pretty face. Of course, he _is_ that too.”

Sousuke was nodding along and couldn’t stop himself quickly enough to avoid Gou’s suggestive grin in his direction, but he was used to it. He’d had a month and more to get used to it. From everyone. Constantly.

“But,” she went on, nodding at the familiar sight of a steward hurrying over to them from across the courtyard, “I thought you should know that just because he’s been accepted into the Guard fairly well, not everyone in the castle is so welcoming. But you probably already knew that.” She shrugged with a smile and left to direct the soldiers in their next exercise. He wasn’t even given time to think about what she’d said before the steward reached him and pulled a scroll from an armful of similar scrolls for him to approve.

He’d suspected things weren’t quite ‘right’ and he’d thought about it, but Kisumi had never _said_ anything. Maybe that was the problem, he reflected: he was so used to not speaking about things himself that it seemed natural to him that if Kisumi hadn’t complained then he could handle it. But during that afternoon’s interminable meetings and councils and formulations of treaties and all manner of things he could do in his sleep by now, he realised Gou probably had a point. He didn’t get to see Kisumi much during the day what with their vastly different duties – though he often joined Sousuke and Haru’s conversations at night – and he was used to the idea of Kisumi having a different aura to most people anyway, but…something was off.

He brought it up that night, hesitantly and laughing with uncertainty, when he, Haru and Kisumi were in a private lounge after dinner. Almost immediately, the omnipresent smile on Kisumi’s face faded and he stared at Sousuke just as intently as Haru did. In front of them, the fire crackled violently for a second.

Running a hand through his hair, Kisumi recovered himself. “Um…did…did you not know?” he laughed self-consciously.

“Know what?”

“Uh…” he looked at Haru quickly for assistance and got a ‘don’t ask _me_ ’ glare in return. “That…we’re not exactly…normal? Here? I suppose. I mean, I really thought you’d realised, wow…”

There was an uncomfortable silence. Sousuke sighed and settled back in his chair, reaching for the wine beside him and downing it quickly. “Please enlighten me,” he said wearily.

“Well, it’s just…I mean, it’s obvious, isn’t it? I’m not welcome here, much. And Haru’s an outsider too, so we’re not integrated into court life, you might say. People don’t really want to get involved with me because I’m still an enemy in their eyes, and they don’t want to engage with Haru because he’s intimidating. So…that’s how it is?” Kisumi seemed at a loss.

“Is anyone purposefully making you feel unwelcome?” Sousuke asked, clenching his fist.

“Not at all! And the Guard’s been great at accepting me, of course, even though they have every right to hate me the most. Spreading the story that I was manipulated was a good move, is all I can say. But you’re rarely free, so, _not that I’m complaining in the slightest_ , I don’t really have anyone to spend time with but Haru.” He looked over at said Haru and smiled.

“Ah.”

Haru frowned. “Tell me you’re not jealous.”

“I’m not!”

“Tell me you’re not jealous without lying to me this time.”

Sousuke stammered something incomprehensible and then retorted, “It’s who I am, I can hardly change it!”

Haru considered that for a second and smiled. “You’re a mess.”

“No argument here,” Sousuke said rather sulkily, but he couldn’t hide his smile for very long.

Kisumi had watched the whole exchange with barely repressed glee, sitting straight up in his seat, but he’d learnt by now to keep his mouth shut. Or perhaps, with more surety in his life, he didn’t feel he needed to be obnoxious. It felt a little backwards but Sousuke wasn’t complaining.

“I think you’ve got a bit more than me to be jealous of, though,” Kisumi ended up saying.

“What’s that?”

“Whenever Haru’s out in the open-”

“You make him sound like a wild animal.”

“Which I’m sure he is,” Kisumi winked. “But anyway, people can’t keep their eyes off him. Or off me, if that’s not too narcissistic to say so.”

“It’s you: I think it’s fine.”

“Thank you!” he beamed. “But it’s weird: no one – or mostly no one, because I’ve got the Guard and Haru’s got…Makoto, sometimes? Not sure – really talks to us, but we get stared at constantly with a little more than curiosity. It’s enough to drive you up the wall: reason number two I spend my free time with Haru.”

“You’ve both got spirit auras: isn’t it natural that people are going to stare at you?”

“Not everyone can see spirit auras,” Haru put in, sipping his wine and looking entirely disinterested. “Are you sure it’s not the pink hair?”

“Rude! It looks incredible, I’ll have you know!”

“That was rather the point.” Haru took another sip.

“Oh.” To Sousuke’s fascination, Kisumi was blushing. It wasn’t something he’d ever seen before, and for whatever reason that grated at him, and then Kisumi was giggling to cover his embarrassment and Sousuke wasn’t sure what to think anymore except that grown men should not be able to sound like that unless they were Nagisa.

He hastily changed the subject. “So is there anything we can do to get people to accept you? Either of you?”

“Aside from releasing some really convincing propaganda saying that I never had anything to do with that coup, I don’t think so.”

“Why not enter Kisumi in the tournament?” Haru asked.

“I’ve already entered, though?”

“But in a bigger way. Make yourself the centre of attention.”

“Haru…” for some reason, Kisumi looked apologetic, “I don’t think that having an ex-enemy beat their soldiers into the dust is going to please the people…”

“Bit sure of yourself there, aren’t you?” Sousuke laughed.

“Always. But really, how would that work?”

“Do a passage of arms,” Haru said as if it was obvious. “Let people know you’ll take any and all opponents in a joust and they can grind out their frustration on you. And then you can grind them into the dust.”

“That might work,” Sousuke admitted. “If not, I’ll have to banish you for being too unpopular, but still worth a try.”

“You’re so cruel! Unless you’re banishing me to Haru’s kingdom, I don’t want to hear it,” Kisumi pouted. “But I’m happy to do it, if you think it’ll work…At the very least I can show General Matsuoka how much I’ve improved…”

“That’s the spirit. You probably ought to go and tell her now, though: you’re running out of time as it is and I have a feeling the stewards organising this will not thank you for the sudden change in schedule.”

Kisumi made a face at the prospect but went to do as he was told anyway, looking thoughtful. As he watched him go, Sousuke realised (with some sense he’d developed over the past months) that Haru was watching him rather than the door.

“Yes?”

“So was it him you were jealous of, or me?” He had the most aggravating smile (just the slightest bit tight at the edges), supporting his head in one hand.

“Shut up. And…are you sure you’re alright?”

“You worry too much: I’ll be fine. I don’t need company like he does.”

“Am I enough, then?” Sousuke asked playfully.

“I’ll get back to you on that.” He grinned at Sousuke’s laugh. “But I won’t be attending the tournament, just so you know.”

“Yeah, I didn’t expect you would. Although I think Kisumi might cry if you don’t watch him.”

Haru stretched back, adopting an insultingly blasé attitude. “We’ll see, then.”

 

The day before the tournament, Sousuke had a reception for the foreign envoys bordering countries had seen fit to send, as well as the provincial lords. There was a tangible difference in atmosphere between the two groups: while he was able to make easy conversation with the lords he’d been meeting with for years, for the most part the envoys looked peaky and out of place. He supposed that was just how things were going to be and left them to it while he did the rounds.

He was just greeting the Lord of Fuuchou so the man could rush off to the library like he always did when Haru sidled up to him. In front of them, Lord Sera stiffened quite dramatically before remembering himself, pushing his glasses into place again, and dropping into a hurried bow. Haru nodded at him, visibly uncomfortable from the star-struck gazes following him everywhere he went, and whispered in Sousuke’s ear, “Look who’s shown up.”

Sousuke looked to the door just in time to see Ishika being shown in. He turned back to Sera and politely dismissed him to the library in record time. Sera smiled at him gratefully before leaving, and he strode over to where Ishika was standing by the fireplace, watching him mildly.

“What a pleasure to see you again, my lords!” she said pleasantly.

“The pleasure’s all mine, though I must confess I wasn’t expecting you.”

“My king thought it might be advantageous to us,” she smiled shamelessly. “Just to make sure you’re still doing alright after that whole business with the prince.”

“And I’m _sure_ that was the only the reason.”

“Well, I did also want to meet him.”

Sousuke looked her up and down as one might appraise a horse to check its quality. “I’m sure that can be arranged,” he said, and asked a nearby servant to fetch Kisumi.

“And how are _you_ doing, my lord?” Ishika asked Haru.

In true Haru fashion, he waited a few seconds before looking to the side. “Better before you came.”

“I completely understand,” she nodded as if he’d said something particularly wise. “If I might ask, how’s human society treating you?”

“It’s boring.”

“It is, isn’t it? I’m sure spirit life is so much more exhilarating.”

“It is.”

“But you must forgive me, I’m ignorant on that subject: what exhilarating activities are there to do? I imagined it would be rather a lot of frolicking in the woods, but I realise that might just be telling of my ignorance.”

“It is telling,” Haru agreed, but he didn’t say anything more and Sousuke could see the frustration on Ishika’s face.

Sensing that that opportunity was wasted, she sighed and turned to Sousuke instead, smiling rather thinly. “And how is your idealism doing?”

“Wonderfully, thank you.”

“Excellent! Then I’m sure you’ve noticed that there’s some very suspicious behaviour going on over there, haven’t you?”

Sousuke followed where she was pointing discreetly to see a lord from Toumura who looked as if he’d rather like to die. “Someone had too much to drink last night,” he said dryly.

“I doubt it’s that. Look at how jittery he is: that man’s hiding something. Badly.”

“I’ll keep an eye on him, then,” Sousuke said doubtfully: the lord in question – Lord Hazune from the north of Toumura, just beyond the border it shared with Iwatobi – was an old man he’d known at least by name for many years. The idea that he was plotting something didn’t seem likely. Thankfully, Kisumi arrived before Ishika could press him any further.

Still out of breath from apparently running the second he heard Sousuke’s request, Kisumi looked around the room, spotted them and practically bounced over. “Now, to what do I owe the pleasure of being summoned?”

“Kisumi, this is Ishika, the Suihou ambassador.”

Kisumi’s eyes lit up. “Oh! Haru’s told me about you!”

“That doesn’t fill me with confidence!” Ishika laughed and nodded a bow to him.

“No, it’s fine: Haru will complain about anything if you give him the chance.”

After that treacherous slander, Haru glared and walked away, probably more from boredom than irritation. Sousuke hoped. In any case, he followed him and left Kisumi and Ishika to talk happily with a great many exclamations and a likely hideous amount of flattery, knowing them. Just to be safe, Sousuke steered Haru through the visitors making small talk towards Hazune next.

The old man was visibly on edge, though he calmed slightly when he saw Haru. His face was ashen and he squeezed up against the wall, his body language making it clear that talking was the last thing he’d be comfortable with, and Sousuke began to worry that something really was wrong with him. Even if he wasn’t plotting an assassination of whatever Ishika was imagining, he didn’t look healthy, but it would hardly be polite to mention it. All he could do was ask if Hazune’s room was to his taste and get a rushed expression of gratitude in return. He and Haru shared a look of consternation but decided to drop it. Security was already high in anticipation of just this sort of possible threat, and if it was Hazune’s personal business then Sousuke had no interest in it. He just put a hand on the small of Haru’s back and they left to talk to the next star-struck visitor.

 

Later that night, Sousuke and Rin took a walk on the ramparts, each wearing a stupidly small amount of furs in a hare-brained unspoken competition to prove who was the toughest. Far down at ground level they could see the lights of rows of tents illuminating the tournament site, some inhabited by knights and squires who’d come down to the capital for the event. Sousuke didn’t envy them: it was a bitterly cold night and he wondered how anyone would be able to sleep outdoors in it.

Rin settled against the comfortingly thick stone wall of the tower, only just visible by the thin slither of moonlight. “That looks miserable.”

“A lot of them are from the north: they’ll be fine.”

“Oh, I’m so sure. Not a bad strategy, though: have the enemy camp out in the fucking _freezing_ cold,” he emphasised his words with a shiver, “and rake in the prizes. Clever.”

“If you’re accusing anyone, shouldn’t it be you – who’s actually taking part – rather than me?”

“I wasn’t _accusing_ , I was _complimenting_ : pay attention. And seriously, what’s up with you not signing up? You could throw down everyone if you wanted.”

“Yeah, but I don’t,” Sousuke shrugged.

“Damn waste.”

“Damn waste,” he agreed with a nod.

“This…it’s to do with that thing you told me about, isn’t it? The loss of control thing?”

“It’s got a bit to do with that. Also, I’m just lazy.”

“Not when it comes to fighting you’re not,” Rin punched him lightly on the shoulder. “But I guess it’s better this way. No one can ever unseat you in jousting anyway: you’re way too heavy.”

“All muscle, my friend.”

“Don’t gloat,” Rin sniffed. He’d always been bitter about that particular subject and Sousuke never missed a chance to make fun of him for it. “At least I stand a chance this way, with you out of the competition.”

“My money’s on Gou.”

“Traitor.”

Their short breaths of laughter came out as white clouds disappearing into the air. Up so high there was very little sound: only the whisper of wind and indistinguishable noise from below, leaving them with their thoughts.

“It’s been a while since we’ve done this,” Rin remarked. “Since you’re so busy with your consorts nowadays.”

“They’re not my consorts,” Sousuke said, but it was half-hearted and resigned to his fate of always being teased about this.

“I’m just saying,” Rin waved his arms dramatically and immediately regretted it, bringing them back to his body heat. “But I’ll admit that being distant like that is better than just being distant full stop. At least you’ve found people whose company you enjoy.”

“I enjoy _your_ company.”

“Damn straight you do, but you know what I mean. I’m happy for you.”

It was getting all too close to home, too near to things Sousuke would prefer not to think about. He escaped. “How’s Makoto doing?”

“Healing up fine,” Rin said proudly. “More than fine: he’ll be back to training in a few weeks. I’ve never seen someone get back up so quickly after multiple swords through the abdomen. Which reminds me…” he went very quiet, looking up at the stars and breathing out slowly. “I’m going to ask him to marry me.”

Sousuke was floored for a moment, his mouth hanging open until it curved into a smile and he flung an arm around Rin’s shoulders. They were both laughing, the icy air forgotten. “About bloody time! I thought you were never going to do it and I’d have to do it for you or something! When?”

 “At the ball, probably: I need that atmosphere, you know? I don’t know whether to do it in public or out on a balcony or something, though…” Rin bit his lip but, true to himself, went back to goading pretty quickly. “So you’d better follow me: we can have a double wedding.”

“Don’t try and drag me into that domestic trap,” Sousuke smirked. “If I do get married it’s going to be in the next decade.”

“Ah, you’ll be an old maid by then. You’d do better to snag Haru while you’re still young: he’s not going to age, is he?”

It wasn’t something Sousuke had actually given any thought to, surprisingly, but he shrugged and grinned despite himself. “Doesn’t matter to me, so how about you start enjoying your own happiness without trying to shove it on other people?”

“It’s called sharing: it’s _polite_.”

“That’s a new one, from you.”

The bickering kept going, rolling from stupid insults to breathless laughter, and Sousuke found he was suddenly so much more excited for the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably shouldn't say this, but I'm not happy with this chapter at all. Unfortunately, it's the necessary starter to a new arc and so it's just a bunch of conversations, and...I'm really sorry...I just want to get on the next one instead of worrying about this one even more...


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really dissatisfied with Chapter 16 so have this one a lot quicker than I'd usually get it out.   
> Fair warning: there's a lot of Nagisa, which is a blessing or a curse depending on your view of him.

To everyone’s deep relief, the day of the tournament was sunny. It was the weak type of sun that flickered like a candle blown around by clouds, but it was sun nevertheless, and the early morning found Sousuke sitting in the royal pavilion waiting for the day’s events to start. Outside, there were lines of tents where knights readied themselves with the help of their squires, roped-off areas for spectators to stand and watch and jostle for position, and in the middle of it all was the field separated in two by the tilt, adorned in coloured flags.

The royal tent was a decent place to sit and wait, as such places went: an excellent view onto the jousting pitch, nice shade if it ever got sunny enough to warrant it, and a fair amount of privacy from the rest of the spectators, all huddling expectantly in groups around the field as they were. For all the space inside it, though – not to mention the thick crowds outside – it was criminally uninhabited: just Sousuke, Makoto by his side, and Nagisa on the other.

Nagisa was having the time of his life. He hadn’t stopped talking since he’d climbed into his seat (a seat which now sat in a very different position to how it had started out, victim of Nagisa’s inability to stay still), and the chatter was comforting, if Sousuke was honest. Which he wasn’t, so he kept good-naturedly telling Nagisa to shut up and Nagisa kept refusing and hiding behind Makoto.

“I’m just _saying_ ,” Nagisa said in a way that was a clear warning that he was going on another rant, “would it kill Rei to pay a little less attention to this guy?” He accepted the bonds of propriety that had been cast on him and sat down properly, much to Makoto’s relief.

“I think he’s just being polite,” Sousuke said. “Lord Sera’s an important guest, and they get along well. He’ll be gone in a day or two, you know.”

“ _Still_ ,” Nagisa whined, rolling his eyes. “What am I supposed to do? Rei’s been so distant lately…and he’s never even called me his boyfriend, so what am I supposed to think?” he pouted magnificently, balancing his legs on the wooden supports in front of him so he could look even less concerned with dignity.

“I’m sure he’s just been preoccupied,” Makoto said soothingly. “And you know he loves you, he’s just a bit…”

“Ludicrously shy about it?” Sousuke offered.

“…well, yes, that too, I suppose.”

Nagisa sighed heavily and nuzzled his nose down into his thick fur collar. “You two are so lucky. At least your boyfriends are open about it. Apart from Kisumi, but I know he’s still a secret.”

“He’s nothing of the sort! Nor are we together!”

Nagisa raised a single eyebrow at Sousuke’s outburst with beautiful disdain. “…sure, okay. But _really_! You two are lu-cky!”

“What, are you dissatisfied with Rei, then?” Sousuke asked a little snappily, keeping his eyes on the squires getting horses ready on the field.

“Huh? No? Not at all!” Nagisa seemed genuinely surprised by the question, so Sousuke marked this one down as another case of Nagisa complaining for the sake of complaining. “Oh, but you’ll never guess what happened the other day!”

“Oh?” Sousuke could see Makoto slip into his Kind and Caring but Not Really Invested skin with ease.

“I was telling Rei about this incredible story I came across when I was ‘studying’ spirits,” he winked at Sousuke in an obvious admission that ‘studying’ was not the most accurate word for what he’d been doing, “and he was so interested! I can never get to him on that level, you know, but he was jotting down notes on what I was saying and everything!” Nagisa put his hands up to his cheeks and beamed with all the force of a hundred suns.

“And I was just thinking, this is crazy, you know? I mean, we were _connecting_ in a way we never had before and I felt like I’d seen a whole new side of him. Speaking of which, don’t you think it’s a waste he didn’t sign up for the tournament? He’s so good at jousting, too! Like you, mister!” he poked Sousuke in the arm. “What’s your excuse?”

“Laziness?”

Nagisa harrumphed scornfully before an idea came to him and he visibly brightened. “Or is this your way of actually giving everyone else half a chance? Aw, you’re so nice when you choose to be!”

“I’m nice always.”

“No you’re not,” Nagisa shook his head with an ‘innocent’ smile. “But I think it’d help if you smiled more! Look at how Makoto’s just been smiling this whole time: you should take notes from him!” Before Sousuke could lament on how the conversation had rather abruptly changed to something so absurd, Nagisa was balancing on his knees and trying to push the corners of Sousuke’s mouth up. The two of them struggled for a bit, with many a ‘What the hell are you doing?!’ and ‘Just smile, you big grump!’ before Nagisa ended up in a headlock with Sousuke’s arm around his neck, ruffling his hair mock-angrily.

“You. Are. Such. A. Pain,” Sousuke growled out with a laugh and Nagisa laughed merrily with him, struggling half-heartedly.

“Makoto, help! I’m being oppressed!”

Makoto laughed into his hand and shook his head. “Sorry: I’m injured, remember? Couldn’t possibly help.”

Nagisa squeaked and looked into the distance dramatically, clutching at Sousuke’s bicep. “Is this…the end…?”

“Ah, lay off it,” Sousuke released him back into his chair as the first riders of the day started to get ready, and Nagisa switched his attention to the field obediently. So followed a livelier tournament than Sousuke was used to, mostly thanks to Nagisa’s unfailing commentary.

“Don’t you think they take way too long to get ready after each pass? It’s so boring: all that waiting for a few seconds of excitement…”

“Alright, but how about you try jousting for once and see how you like it before complaining?”

Nagisa wrinkled his nose. “Why would I do _that_?”

“I just…you know what? Never mind. Look: there’s a winner. Are you happy now?”

“Not really? I wasn’t rooting for him.”

“Why weren’t you?” Makoto asked with apparently genuine interest as they clapped the knights out.

“He seems mean.”

“You think _I_ seem mean,” Sousuke pointed out.

“Well, you do. It’s the huge shoulders and permanent frown.” He shuffled round to rest his head on a fist and looked Sousuke up and down. “You really ought to do something about it.”

“How rude are you? Do something about your pisspoor work ethic before complaining about other people.”

“That doesn’t make any sense as a comeback, Sou.” Nagisa had the nerve to look disappointed.

“Okay, first of al-”

“Rin’s coming!” Makoto interrupted excitedly, leaning against the support in front of him like he wanted to leap out.

“Yeah, okay, Rin’s coming: that’s a good reason to interrupt me when I was about to tear Nagisa a new one,” Sousuke groused.

“You were _not_ ,” Nagisa protested but Makoto hushed both of them so they could appreciate the sight of Rin checking his horse – stroking down its sides to calm it and adjusting its chamfron to make sure it could see properly – and mounting. In all fairness, he looked very good while he did it. He couldn’t stand up to his sister in raw combat but when it came to elaborate shows of athleticism and control, he soared above her. There was a reason he was the favourite to win.

“Rin looks awesome, doesn’t he?” Nagisa sighed happily as Rin came out the clear winner of his first match to a din of cheering and clapping.

Makoto nodded in dreamy agreement, waving enthusiastically at Rin (who looked embarrassed but not at all displeased by it, if Sousuke was any judge, and he was).

“He’s practically bound to win,” Nagisa continued the Rin worship.

“He has to beat a few people before that’ll happen.”

“Yeah, but he _will_.”

Rin went on to prove Nagisa right by beating his next four opponents, including Chigusa and Seijuurou who’d both built up admirable winning streaks themselves, though the same couldn’t be said for the younger Mikoshiba. Gou swept through her own matches easily as well, only running into any sort of trouble on her third where the knight she beat fell off his horse wrong and broke his arm.

The final match came at noon, to be fought (to absolutely no one’s surprise) by the Matsuoka siblings. Quite literally on the edge of his seat, Makoto couldn’t be distracted, but Sousuke and Nagisa were both so fed up of sitting in the same place for hours that they’d started throwing stupid bets. Nagisa was winning.

“How about this,” Sousuke said, “all or nothing on _exactly_ what happens in this last match.”

Nagisa looked at him confusedly. “We both know Rin’s going to win, though.”

“Not necessarily: his horse is a lot more skittish than Gou’s.”

“That can’t be good.”

“Eh, he’s got it under control. Just look at the furrow in _that_ forehead. But it might throw him off.”

“Hmm…Sure, okay. I think Rin’s going to win two out of three passes, possibly thrown off by his horse, no injuries.”

“It’s a bit sick to bet on your friend’s injuries, isn’t it? I’ll go Rin wins, three out of three, but it’ll be a close thing.”

“Gou would kill us for the betrayal.”

“Yeah, probably.” They both settled down to watch as Makoto hushed them again and Rin and Gou mounted, waiting for the signal.

Nagisa won the bet and pocketed his winnings with a smug smile. Sousuke didn’t really care, too intent on cheering for both Rin and Gou as they hugged it out and Rin punched the air a lot.

There was a break for lunch before the afternoon events started and the siblings joined them in the royal tent. Rin just about lapped up praise from all of them, recounting in stunning detail how he’d managed to beat each opponent. Gou and Nagisa and Makoto were being terrible enablers about it, _ooh_ ing and _aah_ ing wherever necessary to keep Rin at it for as long as possible before he and Gou had to leave and get ready for the melees that were scheduled for after the passage of arms.

“So why _is_ Kisumi doing a passage of arms, anyway?” Nagisa asked while trying to balance a knife on his forehead and avoid Makoto’s attempts to stop him. “Is he that sure in his abilities?”

“Yes.”

“…is that all there is to it?!” The knife wobbled dangerously.

“Pretty much,” Sousuke shrugged, looking around for the bright silver armour he was all too used to seeing. He wouldn’t say he was on edge, per se, but the blasé attitude from the morning was long gone and he had no desire to start betting with Nagisa again. It hadn’t mattered at all whether Rin or Gou had been the one to win, but there was a reputation hanging on this particular event and Sousuke knew all too well what the backlash might be if, rather than worming his way into the hearts of the public, Kisumi managed to enrage them.

 Finally he spotted Kisumi coming out of a tent on the other side of the field. He had his visor down and his head held high as he walked across to where his horse (not-Sisi as Sousuke had come to know the stallion) was being prepared by a nervous squire, a caparison with Sousuke’s coat of arms on it because there really would have been backlash if Kisumi had used his own.

There wasn’t any booing, at least. There easily could have been, but two months and more had passed since the coup and the wound wasn’t as raw as it had been. There was no cheering at all. Sousuke wished the visor wasn’t there so he could see how Kisumi was taking it, but for that very reason he knew Kisumi wanted it down.

Kisumi mounted to face his first opponent – Seijuurou, as it happened – and they nodded at each other, tensing into position as they were handed their lances. The signal was thrown and they charged, their horses throwing up the sandy turf prepared for the field, and, with exquisitely practised movements, Kisumi won the pass, leaving Seijuurou breathless on the ground

It went the same way again and again, through every opponent who challenged him. The spectators became interested after the first three wins and rowdy after the seventh, unease whistling through the crowds. Sousuke began to believe he really would have to think about making good on his threat to banish Kisumi, but by the tenth match it became obvious that rather than unrest, it was curiosity that had enchanted the spectators. Just like on the battlefield, it was impossible to tear your eyes from Kisumi: the weak sunlight pooled around him and glittered in his spirit aura, drawing eyes to the prince in shining armour like moths to a light.

It was uncanny, the way the tides turned. From uncertain whispering, the tone of the crowd turned to cheering and clapping for this ex-enemy, so perfectly according to plan that Sousuke couldn’t believe their luck.

Only when the passage had finished, all matches won with aggravating efficiency, did Sousuke notice the blue ribbon tied around Kisumi’s neck, just peeping out of the top of his breastplate when he dismounted. Excusing himself – although Nagisa and Makoto were a little too occupied in joining the now-cheering crowd to mind – Sousuke slipped out the back of the tent and went to Kisumi’s. There was no guard standing before it and he pushed the flap aside just as Kisumi slumped into a chair and started to unclasp his helmet. Haru sat opposite him, and together the three men took up most of the space in the cramped tent.

Not altogether too surprised to see Sousuke there, Kisumi gave him a tired smile and settled back happily (although Sousuke could see his hands still shaking), wiping away his sweat with a nearby cloth.

“You did well,” was the best ice-breaker Sousuke could come up with, but it seemed to do the trick.

“Thanks! I can barely move now, though…” he stretched out for dramatic effect.

“And I see someone came after all,” Sousuke nodded at Haru.

“You said he’d cry.”

“Why would I cry? I knew you were going to come, Haru!”

“Which reminds me,” Sousuke pointed at Kisumi’s neck. “That’s your favour, isn’t it?”

Haru nodded. “Is there a problem?”

“Is it enchanted?” He didn’t mean it to sound as accusatory as it came out.

“…it might be.”

“Did you know about this?” Sousuke turned to a sheepishly smiling Kisumi.

“I’m good, but I’m not good enough to beat that many in a row…and I did need to impress…”

Sousuke looked back and forth between them and couldn’t find a scrap of shame. “Yeah, okay, it was justified here but don’t do it again,” he sighed, rubbing his temples.

“Understood!” Kisumi saluted wearily and went back to his impression of a wilting flower.

“And you’re okay?” Sousuke ran a hand through Haru’s hair, letting his fingers linger just a shade on the back of Haru’s neck before cupping his cheek. He could already hear the participants for the next event getting ready and knew he had to hurry.

“I’m fine. I didn’t even watch much of it, but I’m definitely not sticking around for the melees.”

“Ah, they’ll be boring anyway. I’ll see you before the ball, then?”

“Of course.” Haru nuzzled just the slightest bit into Sousuke’s hand – leaving just the slightest feeling of a maybe-kiss – and disappeared. Sousuke turned back to Kisumi and ruffled his hair a lot less gently, earning himself a tired whine, and went back to the royal pavilion.

As he’d thought, the melees were not the breathtaking show of vigour and sportsmanship that the main show had been and while Sousuke still found them entertaining to watch, it didn’t slip by him that Nagisa was discreetly trying to nap through them. As such, every five minutes he kept poking the man awake, to much pouting from Nagisa and many distressed sounds from Makoto who insisted ‘you need to try and pay _attention_ , you two!’. But Sousuke’s last-minute plan had worked, albeit with magical help, and the relief was such that he felt it would take an awful lot to ruin his mood.

In the late afternoon he awarded the prizes. An embarrassing amount went to his own guards, but he had the pleasure of welcoming more than one promising new knight up to the dais, and he saw Gou’s eyes sparkle with plans of getting them to join the Royal Guard. The atmosphere was light and happy: everyone seemed satisfied with how the matches had turned out and the crowd of people wrapped up in scarves and thick coats were smiling for the most part. Even the weather was brightening up, light streaming through the rows of coloured flags and brightly patterned tents as the sun began to set.

To everyone’s relief, there had been very few injuries throughout the whole tournament. A few broken bones that were mostly clean breaks, one or two cuts and some miscellaneous other wounds, none of which were serious, and Sousuke really felt like the whole event had been a success.

The crowd started to disperse – servants and squires moving to dismantle the tents and see to the knights and horses – and Sousuke and his retinue rode back to the castle where the opposite was happening: everyone in a flurry of last-minute preparations for the ball. Sousuke allowed himself to feel proud. As events he’d organised went, this was one of the better ones.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haru's outfit for this chapter can be found [here](http://eristastic.tumblr.com/post/129573138787/new-haru-outfit-from-the-as-yet-unedited-new).
> 
> I like to call this one 'A Great Win For All the Pairings'

True to his word, Haru appeared in Sousuke’s bedroom that evening; an entirely bored vision in light blue silks that clung to his silver choker and left his back exposed, collecting in waves at his hips and falling down, glittering with tiny tear-sized diamonds. Sousuke’s mouth might well have gone dry but he made sure not to show it, doing up the last buttons on his doublet.

Haru sat himself down on a chair and apparently just enjoyed the view of Sousuke bending over to tie up his boots. Below them, they could hear the distant sounds of guests already arriving at the dance and making small talk, but their silence was comfortable. There was a strand of Haru’s hair that had come loose from the silver headpiece he wore and Sousuke came over to tuck it behind his ear. Haru immediately shook his head slightly to let it fall down again.

“You ready to go?” Sousuke asked, smiling despite himself as he looked the god up and down.

Haru raised his eyebrows at him just enough to express mild disbelief before he looked away. “I take it I look pretty enough, then?”

“What’s that?”

Clicking his tongue just a little in impatience, Haru turned back and it was only then that Sousuke noticed how his eyes seemed like blue flames blown in the wind. “That’s why I’m coming, isn’t it? I’m enough of a figurehead as it is, and now I’m a trophy too.” He shrugged with expertly feigned indifference. “I’m used to it.”

Without waiting a second, Sousuke had his hands on Haru’s shoulders and was looking him dead in the eye, frowning. “Is that really how you feel?”

“Would I have said it otherwise?”

A fair point: Haru wasn’t the type to obscure the truth. “Then I’m sorry I’ve led you to think that’s how I think of you,” Sousuke said somewhat desperately, not able to make sense of where this had come from.

“I don’t think _you_ think that…”

“Then who? I’ll have them-”

“No, you won’t.” There was finality in Haru’s voice. “You’re too hot-headed. Everyone thinks it. I’m not doing anything important, so I’m just a pretty and meaningless figurehead.”

“You’re _not_ ,” Sousuke took Haru’s jaw in his hands, shaking his head over and over.

Haru seemed to consider this and his expression softened, his eyes closing just for a moment. “I suppose if you don’t think so, then it’s fine.”

“As if I’d ever think that!”

“Then it’s fine.”

“It’s not: you’re just prete-” Sousuke was cut off by Haru getting up and pressing a light kiss to his lips, moving back and looking at him expectantly.

“It’s fine. Let’s go.”

Sousuke sighed shortly in defeat. “If you’re sure.”

“Oh, don’t go bringing that back.”

When they opened the door Kisumi was waiting outside, leaning against a wall and looking bored; his expression brightened into an astonishingly delighted smile when he saw them and then a much more stupidly pleased smile when he really _saw_ Haru.

“Don’t you two look dashing!” he sung and fell in line with them as they walked down to the main hall. Sousuke thought he ought to return the compliment what with how Kisumi looked even better than usual, somehow – in rose and white clothes cut almost criminally form-fitting in places (not that Sousuke was complaining) – but he settled for a smile.

They reached the main hall through back corridors usually used by servants to move around the castle more efficiently, coming in as a trio through a side door and walking to the top of the dais where Sousuke’s throne sat. The milling crowd in all manner of colours and styles of clothing looked up to them and Sousuke cleared his throat.

With Haru hanging on one arm and Kisumi close by on his other side, he opened the ball with the usual greetings, congratulations to the knights who’d fought earlier in the day, and well wishes for the rest of the evening. It went down well – very little would have gone badly in such a situation – and the hundreds of guests went back to mingling at the sides of the room and the twin halls that opened to either side. In one corner, musicians picked up the song they’d left off for the king’s speech and in the centre of each room the floor emptied to allow couples to dance freely, and with candles flickering all around the halls and lively conversation humming through them, the winter-chilled night Sousuke could see through the huge glass windows almost felt like another world.

The trio left the dais and Sousuke steered them straight for where Ishika seemed to be telling the rest of the ambassadors something scandalous, which was never a good sign. She looked up and beamed at the three of them when they walked over, bowing respectfully along with the others. Out of the corner of his eye, Sousuke saw Hazune leave hurriedly for another room.

“I trust you’re all doing well?” Ishika asked sunnily. “I must say, you put on a fine show for us this afternoon, my prince! And my king, of course.”

Kisumi preened a little and Sousuke inclined his head in thanks. “I take it tournaments are to your liking, then?”

“I had never imagined a tournament could entertain me as much as yours did!” she said happily, making it completely obvious what her ulterior meaning was.

“As long as you enjoyed yourself, then.”

“Oh, certainly.” She moved a little closer to the three of them, just enough so that their words weren’t so easy for everyone to hear. “And I was just talking to Hazune: he’s as nervous as ever, if not more so. I’m starting to think the cold must really affect the poor man…”

“His castle _is_ only just over the border.”

“Oh, is it? Never mind, then.”

“I’m sure he’s fine.” Sousuke refused to let himself be steeped in her world of trickery and plots: he was sure everything was fine. Toumura had no particular need to off him and he wouldn’t rise to the suspicion.

Ishika shrugged and turned her attention to Kisumi, casually ignoring Haru’s glare. “But you must know all about the cold, growing up in the north, mustn’t you?”

Kisumi nodded rather more enthusiastically than was probably necessary. “Although truthfully, the winters up there aren’t very different from down here. It’s really more the atmosphere that’s changed.”

“I can imagine!”

“But I’ve never left the country before: perhaps you could tell me about Suihou’s climate?”

Ishika’s eyes glittered and Sousuke was left with the impression he was missing out on a whole other line of conversation between them, but they seemed happy enough chatting about the weather, so he and Haru left to less painfully cheerful small talk.

He scanned the room and found Rin and Makoto in a corner of one of the adjoined halls, clearly keeping to themselves and discussing something private, so Sousuke nodded down at Haru and made a beeline straight for them.

Pestering Rin was one of the best forms of entertainment available so when they got there Gou and Nagisa (dragging Rei with him) were already sidling up the couple conspicuously. Sousuke barged in with an arm around Rin’s neck that earned him an irritated _erk_ sound and an unamused glare. With the added interruptions of the other three, Rin resigned himself and got over it.

“Congratulations on the win!”

“What, did you think I wasn’t up to it?”

“I’ve seen you thrown to the ground by your sister more times than I can count, so there was some ambiguity about the whole thing, I’ll admit.”

“That’s not what you said when we both bet on Rin!” Nagisa said happily.

“Huh?!” Gou expression was one of deep betrayal.

“Nagisa, what the fuck, we said we wouldn’t talk about that.”

In some bizarre non-answer, Nagisa winked and moved closer to Rei for protection.

“Flattered though I am by your faith in me,” Rin said, “Makoto and I were just about to go somewhere more private, so…”

“Oh, were you?” Sousuke didn’t move his arm.

“ _Yes_.”

To the bemusement of the others, Sousuke moved to whisper in Rin’s ear, “Isn’t it a lot more romantic with all your friends around, though?”

“No, it’s not!” Rin hissed.

“Ah, come on: we’ve suffered through this relationship just as much as you two have, we deserve to see it through.”

Rin spluttered and glared a bit, as was customary, but after checking how many people were staring at the group (surprisingly few) he sighed and rubbed his head in that way he had of admitting defeat. All the others were waiting patiently for him, even Makoto who – bless him – probably didn’t suspect a thing and was just watching curiously.

So, with the utmost determination and resolve carved onto his face, Rin shrugged off Sousuke’s arm to take Makoto’s hands in his and looked into his eyes earnestly, doing an excellent job of pretending everyone else wasn’t there. Makoto started to become flustered, looking around worriedly at how Gou and Nagisa were staring up at them expectantly, but he seemed to sense the mood enough to return Rin’s gaze. Around the two of them, quite inexplicably, it began to snow: tiny snowflakes floated down whimsically without giving off a chill. It wasn’t quite roses and love songs in the background, but everything seemed to fall silent around the couple and Sousuke imagined even Rin would have to admit that the snow was a romantic touch. He smiled warmly at Haru who continued to act innocent, as if anything but magic could have made it snow indoors and not have all the other guests notice.

Shaking off the initial wonder of what he was about to do and the scene in which he was doing it, Rin opened his mouth. His hands were shaking and Makoto steadied them.

“Makoto, I’ve…” his voice came out breathy and desperate and he struggled to swallow. “I’ve loved you for so long, I can’t stand the idea of ever being with anyone else: I can’t even _imagine_ it. I know there are countless things wrong with me, I know I don’t deserve you, but I want you so badly it hurts, so…” he took a second to steady his breathing, looking down at their hands and missing the tears of joy and disbelief coming to Makoto’s eyes. “Would you marry me?”

He finally got the words out and looked up just in time to see Makoto fling himself at him (and it was a testament to Rin’s strength that he wasn’t bowled over by his now-fiancé) shouting “Yes!” loudly enough to finally catch everyone else’s attention.

Gou looked like she was just barely holding back happy tears and Nagisa wasn’t even trying, launching himself at Rei and somehow managing to get words out through sobs. “That’s so unfa-ir, Rin! That was so beautiful, I want to do it too!”

Rin didn’t look in much of a position to reply but, most unexpectedly, Rei (close to tears himself) put a hand at his boyfriend’s neck and angled him up gently to kiss him. A shocked silence fell over the group: Rei _never_ did anything publically romantic and they couldn’t quite believe their eyes. He capped it off by holding Nagisa to him and looking at him as if he were the most precious thing in his life and Rei couldn’t believe he was allowed to hold him. “I love you.”

Nagisa really did sob then.

After congratulating the couples over and over, unable to stop smiling, Gou and Sousuke (with Haru still on his arm, just as caught up in the atmosphere as the rest of them) left them to their happiness. Gou had composed herself some but there was still a huge smile on her face and she leapt on Chigusa when they got to where the captains were chatting.

“Hello _you_!” Chigusa hugged her back. “What’s up? Your eyes are all shiny, you know?”

“Rin just proposed and Rei _finally_ decided to make public what everyone else has known for years,” Gou said, wiping her eyes and burying her face just a bit in Chigusa’s neck. At the news, Seijuurou’s face lit up and he joined the group hug, making an excellent effort at picking both women a few centimetres off the floor. When he’d put them down at their frantic request, his brother joined the hug, nuzzling his head into whosever chest he happened to be angled towards.

“Looks like we’re going to have another wedding on our hands soon,” Sousuke said mildly to Haru.

Gou extricated herself from the hug and grinned. “Nah, that won’t happen. Marriage doesn’t suit me.”

“Yeah – harems have always been so much more your style.”

“You know it!” As if to prove her point, she took Chigusa’s hand and Seijuurou hugged them both from behind. Determined not to be left out, the younger Mikoshiba squeezed next to Gou too.

“And I suppose I ought to congratulate you all on how you performed today, too.”

The group chorused cheerful thank-you’s but suddenly something caught Gou’s eye from across the room and she froze, a slow smile spreading over her face.

“I’d love to chat more, really,” she said with an apologetic tone, “but Nagisa’s sisters have just arrived and I have…business with Nanako.” She winked and, with her captains in train, took off across the room.

Sousuke watched her leave, smiling fondly.

“Does she often have business with guests?” Haru asked conversationally.

“Our Gou leads a busy life.”

Haru nodded, apparently satisfied with the answer. A new song started up and he looked over sharply at the dancers pooling into the middle of the floor.

“Would you like to join them?” Sousuke asked. Remembering the last time they’d danced, he added, “I’m afraid it won’t be anything like a spirit festival, though.”

“That’s fine: I know the dance.”

“If you’re sure,” Sousuke smirked.

“I said _don’t_ ,” Haru grumbled but he followed Sousuke’s lead without any more complaints. As Sousuke had warned, this type of dancing was a world apart from the free joining of spirits from months earlier, but he still marvelled at how dancing with Haru was like a dream. The god’s movements were as fluid as water, washing over Sousuke and demanding his full attention until he couldn’t look anywhere else, couldn’t think of anything but how he was being led like a love-struck fool. The music changed and Haru’s rhythm didn’t falter; the dance changed and they kept moving; the dancers around them changed and Sousuke didn’t care, couldn’t even notice. It was enough to just be here, losing himself in something he’d never loved as much as he did now.

Sousuke’s crippling humanity got the better of him eventually and by the end of who knew how many dances, he politely suggested they leave to go out to a balcony and get some fresh air. The cold came as a relief and he closed the doors behind them, moving to the stone railing and looking out at the forest that stretched on and on before their eyes, just a few shades darker than the night sky. Haru relaxed too, at home in the cold even with only decidedly flimsy clothes on.

“Do you really think you’re just a figurehead?” Sousuke asked, watching dancers move to muffled music through the long glass doors.

“I don’t think I am: I think others think that way. But I said before that it’s alright,” Haru shrugged.

“If you’re worrying about something like that, I want to know. You haven’t got that many people to talk to here as it is: just open up if something’s on your mind.”

Haru smirked. “Hypocrite.”

Sousuke had to bite back a retort because he couldn’t exactly deny it.

“I know you’ve been bottling things up too,” Haru went on.

“Do you mind?”

“Marginally. But I don’t think it matters much. We know we trust each other, so why bother talking about everything?”

“If it’s weighing you down, I want to-”

“It’s not.”

“It can’t _not_ be.”

Raising an eyebrow, Haru leaned his elbows on the flat stone support. “What about you, then? Are you weighed down?”

“…to some extent, maybe, but…”

“But you can handle it? That’s fine, then. We don’t have to share everything if we can handle it.”

“Things really are simple for you, aren’t they?” Sousuke asked with a laugh.

“The simple way’s the best: that way I can stay free from all of your stupid human complications.”

“But you still trust me?”

“Of course. You may overcomplicate everything, but I still trust you. And I’m having fun,” he added with a small smile.

Sousuke nodded, taking a breath. “As long as we’re on the subject of trust, there’s something we probably do need to talk about.”

Gracefully, Haru blinked at him. “That doesn’t sound good.”

“Kisumi.”

“ _Oh_.”

Predictably, neither said anything, both doing a rather good job of avoiding eye contact. The silence grew even more restless with laughing and music in the background.

“I like him,” Haru eventually tried.

“Yes, you did say…Look, I’m going to be completely honest here: I’m attracted to him. And I never thought I would, but I like his company. I like how we are, the three of us.”

Haru nodded slowly. “…me too. Not really attraction, but…I like it when all three of us are together too.”

“I want to ask him to join us.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Still, neither of them braved eye contact, preferring to look pointedly elsewhere and speak in overly casual tones as if that would make what they were suggesting to each other any less odd.

Trying to defuse the tension, Sousuke sighed. “I didn’t think it would be that easy.”

“You thought I might object?”

“I thought you might think my wanting him meant I’d stopped loving you.”

Haru stared at him for a long few seconds. “You’re really underestimating how open-minded spirits are about relationships. I was worrying you’d be too insistent on monogamy.”

“That…is a concern,” Sousuke grimaced. “But everyone seems to think we’re already together anyway, so it’s probably fine. And I’m the king: what are they honestly going to say?”

“Truly the portrait of confidence.”

“Damn straight.” He deflated a little, “But now we just have to hope he’s open to it.”

“He’s been trying to get us both in bed since we met: what are you honestly expecting?”

“Isn’t he just that flirtatious with everyone?”

“No!” Haru looked at him like he’d lost his mind.

“Okay fine, I can’t read people well, forgive m-”

The door opened behind them and they whirled around to see who other but Kisumi huddling at the other end of the balcony. He looked unfairly beautiful with the breeze ruffling lovingly styled pink hair, his shoulders hunched up vulnerably and his affronted grimace somehow making his eyes look even prettier than usual. “It’s so cold!” he said petulantly, hugging his arms together. “What are you two _doing_ out here?”

“You’re the one who decided to wear such a thin shirt,” Sousuke shrugged.

“Haru’s basically wearing nothing!”

“Haru is a god and can do what he likes.”

“I also don’t get cold like you do,” Haru added helpfully.

“Still!” Kisumi shuffled over to them, pressing up against Sousuke ‘for warmth’.

“How was Ishika?” Sousuke asked, accommodatingly putting an arm round Kisumi.

“She was fine! We had a lot of fun watching you two dance. You were beautiful, did you know?”

“I thought we might be. So you like her?”

“Yeah, she’s great fun!”

“No accounting for taste,” Haru sniffed.

Kisumi laughed. “So what _are_ you out here for?”

Sousuke and Haru shared a look over Kisumi’s head. “Do you mind if we go somewhere more private?”

“More private than this?” Kisumi asked innocently, as if he hadn’t just stopped breathing for a second at the insinuation.

“It’ll be warmer too.”

“Then _please_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then.
> 
>  
> 
> ((I'm not sure when it'll come into effect, but some time in the next weeks my schedule's going to get a lot busier and I won't be able to update as much. Or maybe I will, I'm not sure. Every three/four days with another ongoing fic at the same time seems a bit unlikely, though.))


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry for the main pairing change, and seeing as I had planned on this from the start I don't really have an excuse to give to the people who aren't down with it. Thanks for coming on this far, anyway.
> 
> Also, as you might have guessed from the sudden inactivity, my schedule's now very much changed so I won't be able to update as often as i did (summer holidays why must you leave), but I'm definitely still writing this!

Sousuke’s room was, indeed, private enough even with the faint thrum of noise from the floors below and he wasn’t surprised that Haru brought them there. He had to admit he had a few misgivings about leaving so early (they hadn’t even had the time to get scandalously drunk and where was the fun in that) but there were more pressing matters at hand; namely the hot piece of ass sitting on his bed, biting his lip anticipatively and looking up at him and Haru.

“So,” Sousuke clapped his hands together in perhaps the most awkward way possible, “it has come to my attention,” he continued to say in definitely the most awkward way possible, “that you might possibly have…more than professional feelings towards us.”

Kisumi (confused) and Haru (faintly disgusted) stared at him. Haru groaned. “I thought you were supposed to be the one who was good at talking…”

“I _never_ called myself that!”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Kisumi waved his hands as if to diffuse the tension. “I understand the gist of it, so…are you asking me to confirm I’m interested in you two? Because I am. Both of you.”

Sousuke relaxed. “Alright, that simplifies things.”

“And saves us from anymore of whatever you were doing before,” Haru said dryly.

“A blessing, to be sure,” Kisumi nodded, settling back on the bed more comfortably. “But can I take this to mean you’re interested in me too? Because honestly, it’s very difficult to tell with you two. Although there are already enough rumours…”

“Yeah, I’ve heard them,” Sousuke said bitterly. “Look, let’s get things straight here. I can’t offer you love yet: it’s too early for that. One day I think I might love you, but I’m not there yet even though I’d like to be.”

“So you’re only in it for my body? You rogue,” Kisumi smiled. “I’m okay with that, though: I wasn’t expecting love, all I need is interest and some promise that you’re not just in it for a night. Well,” he looked away sheepishly, crossing and uncrossing his legs, “I’d probably still be up for that, of course. But, I mean, I’d prefer something more long-term.”

“I’m okay with that,” Sousuke said, looking around for Haru’s quick nod of confirmation. Something felt so off kilter between the three of them, as if the meeting that should have peacefully put their worries to rest so they could be themselves was caught on things they didn’t know and things they needed to know but couldn’t ask because the whole thing was enough like discussing the details of a new legislation as it was. He had to put a stop to it: there was no way he would stand to have something so important to him reduced to forced nonchalance and misunderstandings.

Kisumi deserved more than that, at least.

He swallowed, unsure of himself. “I want you to be with us, in every way, but you need to know that even when I probably inevitably fall in love with you, I won’t be able to love you as much as I do Haru.”

Nodding slowly, Kisumi looked at Haru, taking in his nod of agreement with what Sousuke had said: ‘It’s the same for me’.

“So what you’re saying is that it’ll sort of be you two with me tagging along? Always with you, still involved, but not quite as loved?” His voice sounded brittle.

Put like that, the idea sounded more than selfish, more than unreasonable, and Sousuke felt sickened by himself for asking. Backtracking hastily, he shook his head. “I’m sorry, we shouldn’t have suggested it – you’re right, that’s-”

“No!” Kisumi said suddenly. “No, no, that’s…that’s okay. I don’t mind.”

“…you don’t mind?” Sousuke and Haru looked at him incredulously.

“Not enough to dissuade me.”

“But…we won’t…you…how can you be okay with that?”

Holding his hands up helplessly, Kisumi shrugged. “Look at it from my point of view: I’m only gaining here. We’re already close friends and that won’t change, I’ll just be able to be even closer to you two. It might not be as close as I’d like, but it’s closer all the same. So really, how am I losing out?”

 _Rather a lot_ , Sousuke wanted to say. He stuttered out another protest and even Haru stepped forwards, concern written all over his face, but Kisumi wasn’t having any of it. With a soft sigh he got to his feet and laced his arms around Sousuke’s neck.

“You’re worrying too much,” he said in a low voice, nodding at both of them. “I said yes, didn’t I? So why worry? I know the terms and I accept them without hesitation, so let’s just do this. Isn’t that the simplest, best way?”

Sousuke couldn’t find it in himself to argue with that, not with Kisumi’s breath ghosting over his lips, not with Haru’s body language making it clear the temptation was too much for him as well.

Kisumi helped them along like the voice of desire he was. “The real question is how do you want to play this? I’ve never been with two people at once before.”

“I’ll watch,” Haru said mildly, taking a seat on the bed as if to demonstrate how said watching would unfold.

“Really?”

“Haru doesn’t enjoy sex much,” Sousuke said, not quite apologetically.

Haru shrugged as if to say ‘what are you going to do?’ “I like watching. Taking part doesn’t do anything for me.”

“This might be the exception, of course,” Kisumi drawled, curving his back suggestively so his chest touched Sousuke’s, ripping the breath from Sousuke’s mouth.

“I’ve slept with a lot of people: I doubt it,” Haru said coolly.

“But with two at the same time?”

“With seven at the same time, so your argument’s not holding much water here.”

Kisumi blinked once before laughing merrily and moving even closer to the pretty much speechless Sousuke. “As long as you’re alright with it, then,” he said in a satisfied voice before leaning in for the kill.

They moved quickly, hungrily, with no time or care for the usual formalities and niceties of the unconvinced and unsure. On some level it was an affirmation for both of them, for all three of them: convincing each other that there was nothing wrong or strange or unnatural with what they were doing and that, above all, it was _okay_.

And yet Sousuke could feel desperation in Kisumi. It was in his kisses, in his breath-like, fluttering moans, in the way he clung and clutched at anything his fingers could hold and feel and not have to let go. He was still smiling. Smiling when he spread out on the bed, smiling when he took Haru’s hand as his shirt was unbuttoned, smiling all the more when Sousuke began to kiss down his bare chest, palming him as he did. It could have been infuriating, but Sousuke ignored it and drank in the delighted (not strained, definitely not strained, he told himself) bubble of laughter that shattered into jagged, hitched breathing as he moved lower.

When Sousuke took Kisumi into his mouth he became aware of Haru leaning forwards, almost unconsciously. The god’s eyes weren’t exactly wide but they were piercing as ice crystals, focussed intently on the men in front of him, his arms straight against the bed and his posture stiff. He didn’t speak, barely showed any emotion, but Sousuke knew that this was his own expression of enjoyment hidden under curtains and veils of disinterest.

In complete discord with how loud he’d been, Kisumi came with barely a gasp, gripping Haru’s hand tighter as he breathed his way down from the climax. Sousuke got up and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, relishing the sight before him before going to get the bottle of oil from across the room. Once again, Kisumi was grinning at him expectantly when he returned to the bed.

“Round two?” Sousuke asked, eyes half-lidded.

“I can hardly refuse when you still haven’t got off,” Kisumi dropped his gaze pointedly, “nor do I want to.”

“Round two it is, then.” He wasn’t in much of a mood for talking: he’d never been good at finding the right words during sex.

Once he was on his knees on the bed Kisumi rolled over for him graciously. Sousuke coated his fingers in oil and slid them in between Kisumi’s thighs, breath growing heavy in his mouth just at the way Kisumi tensed for him and how soft and slick the feeling was, how much thicker but equally lovely his legs were compared to Haru’s.

Sousuke slid in between his thighs, finally letting out a groan that felt drawn from the back of his throat, and they turned just enough to face Haru, letting him control their rhythm. Eyes locked on the two of them, the god gave his orders with the tiniest of nods and the least noticeable of hand movements, saying nothing but knowing exactly how to speed them up to bring the taste of release to their tongues before slowing them down, drawing it out until they were both mindless.

To the end, Sousuke obeyed him without question or thought to his own desires and urges and starving, insatiable need. He could read Haru, could read the satisfaction and excitement in the slight twitch of his smile, the enjoyment he was so clearly feeling even if it wasn’t physical. He played them like a song, years upon years of experience fanning out into spoken words clipped with breathlessness as he guided their movements more closely.

Their connection finally felt real. It could work like this, it _was_ working like this, and Sousuke thought it felt right for the first time, although that could easily have been the heat and arousal addling his thoughts to nothing but pointless optimism. But even so, it wasn’t baseless. They weren’t three strangers shoved together in the hopes that somehow they would fit: they did fit, they just had to learn to how to do it differently. It could work, he believed that; thrusting all misgivings from his mind, he let himself drown into his own climax.

 

Kisumi was gone in the morning. Sousuke didn’t question it – he wouldn’t let himself question it because the previous night had been unimaginably perfect and he wouldn’t sully that – so he just kissed Haru good morning and pushed himself out of bed to get dressed.

There was some leeway in how late he got up so he wasn’t worried: half the castle would likely have a hangover anyway, but the majority of the foreign envoys were leaving (if they hadn’t already left the night before) so he had to at least make an appearance and see them off officially. He didn’t entertain any fancies that Rin and Makoto would come to wake him up as usual so it was up to him and him alone to drag himself up and to choose an outfit that, at the very least, didn’t actively clash with itself. He put it on while Haru watched him in his bored-but-attentive way.

“How’d you like it?” Sousuke asked while shrugging on a doublet, deciding it was definitely the wrong choice, and rummaging around for a new one.

“Last night?”

“No, that outfit,” Sousuke rolled his eyes. “Of course I meant last night.”

“Don’t be snappy,” Haru grumbled, rolling onto his stomach on the bed and propping his head up on a palm. “I liked it.”

“Better than having sex, right?”

“It’s a preferable arrangement,” Haru nodded thoughtfully. “I think it could work.”

“Even with what he said before?” Sousuke said it casually, as casually as he could.

“Yes?” Haru looked confused. “He said it was fine. Just trust him on that.”

Sliding on his boots, Sousuke eyed Haru for a second but opted not to say anything. He wouldn’t be the one to get in the way of that simplicity, no matter how he wanted to remind Haru that humans were natural born liars and there was no reason to believe Kisumi.

Or perhaps there was.

It occurred to him as they went down the stairs to the ground floor: Haru had said it before himself, a long time ago, that part of trusting someone was trusting them even when you knew they were lying. Not out of false respect for their honour but simply because often they were saying it because they had faith in themselves.

‘If I say it’s okay, then that means I’ll make it okay even if it’s not.’

It settled badly in his mind, penetrating through his thoughts toxically, but he had no choice but to accept it. He wanted nothing more than to accept it.

Once he’d settled into the throne room and Haru had apparently hidden himself from others’ view, the ambassadors came in, most of them looking worse for wear but overall presentable. Ishika came in last, Kisumi by her side, and they said something to each other in hushed voices before Kisumi let go of her hand and came to stand by Sousuke. They smiled at each other in a silent good-morning and Sousuke tried to convince himself Kisumi’s eyes weren’t faintly red.

When it came to her turn to kneel before the throne and express her gratitude and farewells, Ishika stayed just a little longer than necessary. With her characteristic all-too-knowing smile she looked up at Sousuke and her expression softened.

“I’ll miss you, my straightforward king,” she said without a hint of shame at being so informal.

“And I you,” Sousuke replied, unwilling to refer to her in the same way, at least in public. “I regret we couldn’t speak as much as I would have liked.”

“No matter,” Ishika waved the worry away and stood up. “I’m sure I’ll return soon enough and I look forward to when the situation calls for it.” With a nod to Kisumi – and Sousuke was sure they’d already exchanged goodbyes earlier – she walked away, leaving only Hazune behind her.

The man’s face was pale, his distress clear despite the natural darkness of his skin, and there seemed a terrible amount of anxiety in the set of his mouth and the rigid wrinkles surrounding it. Sousuke braced himself.

 “My king,” he said in a frail voice, shaking more from nerves than old age, “before I leave, I have a matter I would discuss with you in private, if such an honour could be arranged.”

Everyone in the room stiffened, completely aware of how unapproachable and suspicious the ambassador had been acting throughout his whole stay. But Sousuke couldn’t directly refuse him, not when he had asked so politely, and Sousuke didn’t want to make it obvious that he suspected something. Smiling indulgently, he nodded. Across the room, he caught the sight of Ishika clenching her fists.

“I would be delighted to discuss whatever it is you have in mind, Lord Hazune, but I’m sure you will forgive me if I bring my consorts with us. It may be sentimental, but I would prefer they be involved in any decisions or council I can give.” He punctuated the obvious lie with a fond smile at Kisumi, playing the man still in his honeymoon period and politely ignoring the whispers that began to flood the room at the finally official news that he had con _sorts_. The plural was going to be the death of him in gossip terms (and in terms of how Rin was going to gloat with as many gleeful ‘I told you so’s as he could get in before Sousuke punched him), but he wasn’t going to deny Kisumi the status or the name. Nor was he going to discuss anything with Hazune alone.

Hazune appeared to think it over rapidly but he nodded. “I have no objections, of course.”

“Well then, shall we?” Sousuke got up and waved to a side room, ushering Hazune and Kisumi in as Haru materialised to the general public and followed them without batting an eye. Behind him, Sousuke could see Rin and Makoto’s short nods, their gestures to the surrounding guards to stay posted around the room. He shut the door behind him.

It was a small side room, used mainly for any private issue that might arise during a meeting. Hazune found his way to the windows, standing in the weak morning sun and looking out onto the city like a man sentenced to death. Haru and Kisumi took their places by the door, knowing full well this wasn’t a conversation for them, and Sousuke joined Hazune, smiling at him warmly.

“What was it you wished to discuss?”

Taking a deep breath, Hazune held his hands together at his waist to stop himself from fidgeting. “I…I am aware that my behaviour these past few days has been less than exemplary, and I can only apologise for it, but I hope to explain it in some way now. Please understand that, as an ambassador only, I am unable to speak as freely as I might wish, and for that reason I must beg you to treat this subject with the utmost sensitivity and confidentiality. But we are desperate.” He swallowed, the prologue out of the way, and returned Sousuke’s nod curtly.

“Recently, Toumura has been experiencing trouble in the northern territories. Trouble of a…spirit nature,” he said it awkwardly, eyes flicking to (and back away from) Haru. “There has been unrest for many months, but this morning I received correspondence that the situation has escalated and we cannot hold it ourselves any longer. The spirits in our nation have been so quiet over the past decades that we have few priests left to help them, and none who can combat a problem of this size. And so,” frail though he was, he got on his knees and took Sousuke’s hand, imploring him, “I beg for your help on behalf of my queen.”

“Please rise,” Sousuke said hurriedly, helping the man up and leading him to a seat. “I will hear you out so please explain yourself. What unrest do you mean?”

Glancing once again at Haru worriedly first, Hazune looked down at his lap. “There is a god in my territory causing trouble. It forced a few farmers away from the grasslands it lives in first, but recently its actions have driven away a whole village, too scared to stay near it. Any soldiers we send are found dead.”

“What does it look like?” Haru asked.

“Like a…a giant lizard of sorts, but with a more fearsome head and jaw, I am told.”

Narrowing his eyes, Haru looked away but didn’t say anything more so Sousuke had to prompt him. “Does that mean anything?”

“Nothing good. If they wanted something concrete they’d just show up in their human form.”

“Were we expecting something good, though?”

“It’s nice to _hope_.”

Hazune cut in desperately before their banter could trail them off any further. “My king, I beg your forgiveness for my request, I truly do, but we have no choice. My queen has requested your help as well.”

“Queen Niro?” Even if he’d wanted to, Sousuke couldn’t ignore another monarch’s request so easily. “Then how can I refuse? Iwatobi will help you in this. If you will stay another day here, we will ride to Toumura with you.”

Lord Hazune was relentless in his gratitude – a swarm of thanks and finger-kisses of respect and very nearly tears if Sousuke hadn’t practically pushed him out of the room – but Haru looked far less happy with the outcome.

“What’s up?” Sousuke asked, ready for the worst.

“You’re going to help him?”

“Sure looks that way, doesn’t it?”

“And I imagine I’ll be the one to clear up their mess?” Haru almost-sneered, giving Sousuke a death glare. Kisumi watched them as one might a particularly fascinating duel.

“I can do it alone if you’d like, but I’m not confident in my chances of survival if I do.”

“As if I’d let you do something so stupid.”

“I could do it, of course,” Kisumi said, grinning like a pampered prince who’s just found something to do that both sates his boredom and makes everyone’s lives just that little bit more difficult.

“It’s true: he could do it,” Sousuke nodded as if the idea made perfect sense rather than decidedly more shaky sense.

“He’s _not_ doing it. You’re both idiots: neither of you can go up against a god.”

“I am a quarter god, of course.”

“Brilliant: find me four of you and you might be in business. In the meantime, shut up.”

Sousuke put a hand on Haru’s shoulder, tilting his chin up tenderly with his other hand. “Will you help me?”

Refusing to be ruffled, Haru continued to glare. “Yes.”

“Excellent,” Sousuke crossed his arms triumphantly. We’re done here, then, I guess. Now to break the news to the others that we’re leaving for Toumura tomorrow.”

“This is a mistake,” Haru whinged, but he turned to leave after Kisumi, stopping only when Sousuke held onto his wrist.

“Why are you so against it?”

With an expression as cold and formidable as a glacier, Haru managed to look down at him despite being shorter. “Gods won’t just go on rampages for fun. Something’s off and you’re a fool for accepting to help.”

“Then a fool I will stay,” Sousuke said, completely unflustered by the icy words. He had enough faith in Haru to not be worried about what might happen.

“I’m counting on it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So begins the Giant Lizard (Absolutely Not A Dragon) arc, for all it can be called that.


	20. Chapter 20

If asked, Sousuke would not have said the ride to Lord Hazune’s keep was particularly gruelling. As it was, he was not asked but rather told by Haru’s impressively determined strop in stormy glares, stiff and uncomfortable body language, and the old friend, silent treatment. For the third time that afternoon, he pulled on the reins slightly and his horse moved over to Haru’s without breaking its pace along the dusty, pebbled road.

The rest of the riders gave the two of them a wide berth: Hazune and his retinue holding the front, Makoto and Rin just behind them, and Kisumi hanging back behind with the rest of the Guard they’d brought with them (pitifully few: if it was a spirit fight, all they really needed was Haru). Gou had stayed behind to watch the castle, mostly because if she hadn’t, Nagisa would be the next most eligible and while Sousuke really was fond of the man, it wasn’t a ‘leave my country in your hands’ fondness.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

“It’s hot,” Haru said simply, somehow managing to squeeze a tirade’s worth of anger into the two words.

He wasn’t wrong, certainly: the moment they had breached the mountain road leading out of Iwatobi and into Toumura, the trees had grown shorter and the temperature had risen, leaving them in plains of grasses and low shrubs with rising hills all around the well-trodden road that eventually led to Hazune’s keep. The air was positively stifling in the midday sun, especially after a morning of riding in heavy leathers, and the only blessing was that they weren’t expecting an attack so they didn’t have to wear armour and subsequently be baked alive.

“Yeah, it is,” Sousuke eventually replied.

“I don’t think you understand. It’s hot and dry and there is no moisture to be found and I think I’m dying.”

Sousuke looked at him in concern. “Seriously?”

Haru glared at him. “If I meant it seriously I wouldn’t _be_ here. Think a little before you open your mouth.”

“So no dying is happening?”

“Not today at least,” Haru grumbled.

Sousuke nodded thoughtfully. “You still think this is a bad idea, don’t you?”

“The thought’s certainly crossed my mind a few hundred times.”

Sousuke smirked. “And yet you’re here.”

“I live to serve my king,” Haru said, dryer than the air around them.

“It’s not so bad around here, you know. Queen Niro’s a character: you might like her. Of course, you might hate her as well, but let’s keep positive.”

“If she’s anything like Ishika, I’m leaving.” Haru kept his eyes firmly on the road, shifting in the saddle and clearly disliking every bit of it.

“She’s not. But that reminds me: why _are_ you riding, anyway? You hate it.”

“Very observant.”

“That’s not really an answer, of course,” Sousuke said pleasantly as he urged his horse on a touch faster, following the signal Hazune gave.

“I can’t just _show up_ ,” Haru snapped.

“So instead of supposedly disgracing yourself by showing up early or not at the most dramatically appropriate time – something you’ve never had any trouble with before – you’re subjecting yourself to days in the saddle? How’s that working out for you?”

Haru didn’t even grace that comment with a response and Sousuke sighed in frustration. “I won’t hold it against you if you go back, you know. I don’t want to force you into doing something you don’t want to do.”

“You’ll die.”

“There’s a high probability, _yes_ , but…I _might_ not. The possibility of me surviving does exist.”

“As always, your skills of persuasion are unmatched.”

“I can’t give you anything else,” Sousuke rolled his eyes. “What do you want me to say?”

Helpful as ever, Haru shrugged and continued to stare pointedly at the road in front of him.

“Look, just…promise me you’re not doing this solely for me.”

An uncomfortable silence fell over them, long enough that the steady crunching of pebbles under hooves became white noise in Sousuke’s ears.

“Just get me to water soon,” Haru said, as if the silence had never existed.

“I live to serve my god,” Sousuke mock-bowed but Haru didn’t rise to it, apparently completely intent on getting to the keep.

 

The castle itself wasn’t as impressive as it might have been, and – though it was by no means modest –was austere in the Toumuran style of architecture that had become popular a few hundred years before and died out within a decade. Set against it, the already imposing Queen Niro seemed even more impressive than Sousuke remembered despite his having grown quite a bit since they’d last seen each other in person. She greeted them in the entrance hall after the party had dismounted and given their horses to the stables, clapping Sousuke on the back roughly and laughing at his cringe, leading everyone into lunch.

Niro captured attention almost as well as Haru did, taking up all the space in the room with her unapologetically loud laugh and the impressive figure she cut, even when sitting down. As much muscle as fat, she was as full of life now as she had been twenty years ago in her prime; her nut-brown skin crinkled into a wide smile that took up her whole face more times than Sousuke could count. She was a pleasant but alarming person to be around, he decided.

It was only towards the end of the meal that she turned the conversation away from embarrassing stories of Sousuke’s childhood (and he had absolutely no idea where she was pulling them from but they never stopped coming, much to Kisumi’s abject delight) and began to talk about the actual reason they were there.

“Well, it _is_ quite the spot of trouble we’ve got ourselves in, you know?” she said as if she was aiming for hushed tones but couldn’t manage anything quieter than an exclamation. Her accent in Iwatobian was barely noticeable: just a few lilts where they shouldn’t be, along with some awkward inflections.

“Hazune did put it like that,” Sousuke nodded, accepting the plate of honey-drizzled cakes she handed to him.

“Oh, Hazune always pretends everything’s squeaky and shiny even if it’s breaking down,” Niro waved her hand dismissively and Sousuke saw Hazune go pale at the other end of the table as the poor man pretended not to have heard his queen.

“So what’s actually happening, then?”

“Some rogue god’s gone berserk, that’s what. It’s having a grand time ruining everyone’s lives, I have to say, but spirits round here are always like that.” She clicked her tongue, completely without shame. She didn’t even seem to notice how Haru stiffened and glared down at his untouched plate, unresponsive to Sousuke putting a hand on his thigh, reminding him not to do anything.

“Whereabouts are they wreaking havoc?” Sousuke asked.

“Only an hour’s ride from here: the situation’s terrible now. We’ve put out as many warnings as we can, so everyone in the area knows something’s up and to keep on the lookout, but…”

“Isn’t that going to create unnecessary panic?”

“Better unnecessary panic than everyone dying, I say. You’ve got a point, though,” she lifted her cup to him, nodding, “everyone’s fair terrified of it now. Can’t wait until it dies, so it’s a good thing you’re here! Really doing me a favour!”

Sousuke shook his head as if to suggest it was nothing. A blatant lie, of course, but that was just how things were. “Do you mind if we scope out the land this afternoon?”

“Be my guest, lad!” she bellowed in a rich voice coloured with laughter. “I’m certainly not going to stop you getting ahead in the game. Speaking of,” she gestured at a servant and the girl left the room after a quick curtsey. “I’ve got guides for you. Can’t expect you to go traipsing around on your own, now can we?”

“Thank you.”

“No, no. But now…” she leant forwards on the table, long braids falling over her shoulder, and she fixed Haru with a stare. “We haven’t been properly introduced.”

“I think you’ll find we have,” Haru said sullenly, refusing to look at her.

“Not _properly_. So you’re our Sousuke’s god, then?”

“…yes.”

Niro’s eyes glittered and Sousuke began to feel like part of the furniture despite how he was sitting directly across from her. He shared a long-suffering look with Kisumi and they decided to watch how the whole thing panned out. It didn’t help that all the Toumurans in the castle had been captivated by Haru (and, to a lesser extent, Kisumi) since they’d walked through the doors.

“So you’ve been one all your life?” Niro was determined.

“…yes.”

“Where do you sit in the hierarchy? How does that work mentally, anyway? Do you still get to think against them, as it were, or are you made totally submissive? And what sort of distance is there to that? Does it work for more powerful gods even if they’re halfway across the world, or what?”

Haru looked a cross between horrified and taken aback at the explosion of questions, and Sousuke stepped in to gain him time. “I didn’t realise you knew so much about spirits.”

“Call it a hobby,” Niro shrugged, still keeping her sights set on Haru, but it was pointless: he’d clammed up. There was an excruciating silence as he stared down at the table and everyone stared at him, waiting in vain.

“He’s not very talkative, is he?” Niro eventually said.

“Not to strangers,” Sousuke smiled, hating how he was being strung along in treating Haru like a difficult pet.

“Pity.” But she didn’t seem too put out, her omnipresent smile returning as the servant from earlier came up to her bringing a young man and woman along.

“Ah, excellent!” she said something rapidly in exuberant Toumuran before turning back to Sousuke. “Your guides have arrived: this is Chiyo and Chiji. Twins, before you ask.”

Sousuke wouldn’t have needed to. The two were essentially identical in hair, face and body, their only obvious differences being the irregular patches of light skin dappled on dark like light from patchy clouds. With wide, matching smiles, they introduced themselves as servants began to clear away the crockery.

“I am Chiyo and this is my brother, Chiji,” the girl said in heavily accented Iwatobian, the type that had clearly been taught by a non-native speaker. “If you will have us, we will be your guides during your visit.”

“You don’t mind the danger?”

“We have experienced much worse!” Chiyo said cheerfully. “I can assure you we are well trained in combat and could be of use even to you.”

“Nice to see some confidence,” Sousuke murmured low enough for Haru to catch it and side-eye him (affectionately, probably). “Then we’ll gladly take you up on your offer.” He rose and addressed his party in a louder voice. “We’ll get settled in here first, and in hour we head out. Agreed?”

No one looked thrilled with the idea of riding again so soon, but it was better to get the ordeal done with as soon as possible and they all knew it. With a great many scraping of chairs, they got to work.

 

Because the world was never fair, the fields of low scrub and dry bushes they had to ride through to get to the rocky hills the lizard inhabited were a veritable furnace. There was no shade, no way of getting out of the sun’s glare, and though Chiyo and Chiji rode ahead quite happily, everyone else was suffering.

In the end, Sousuke had decided that only the five of them needed to do the initial scouting, leaving the members of the Guard back at the keep to relax. His group wasn’t so lucky. Holding up the rear, Makoto seemed to be making poor work of trying to convince Rin that the heat wasn’t so bad, but while that could have been quality entertainment, Sousuke didn’t have the attention to give them as his was taken up squarely by the men riding either side of him.

Kisumi seemed to be having a fantastic time, or at least as fantastic a time as can be had with sweat running down your neck, which is to say not a very fantastic time at all, but he tried. Occasionally he’d urge Sisi on a little closer to the guides and ask them something before returning to the other two, smiling cheerfully and tugging on the collar of his already quite thin shirt to generate some sort of breeze.

Haru looked like he was dying. He was hunched over his horse, grasping the reins and breathing heavily, his skin far paler than usual and now they’d been riding for forty minutes Sousuke was legitimately worried. Ignoring Haru’s glare and croak of “I’m fine”, he called out to the guides, “Are we far from any bodies of water?”

Chiji looked back. “There is a river about ten minutes in that direction,” he pointed. “It _is_ out of our way, but if you need to…?”

“ _Please_.”

Chiji nodded and changed their course. There weren’t any roads to speak of on the plains so it was far from complicated, and before long they could see water shimmering in the distance. No sooner had the soothing sound of the river’s flow seeped into their ears than Haru decided enough was Enough and – displaying more energy than Sousuke had seen him exert since they’d met – he leapt off his horse and sprinted for the water without a care for the protests shouted after him.

When they caught up to him he was soaking happily, eyes closed and completely at home in the river. The rest of the group took the time to water their horses and drink for themselves.

“I think he’s got the right idea…” Kisumi pouted, watching Haru enviously.

“By all means join him.”

“I’m weighing up the pros and cons, believe me.”

In the end they both settled for dunking their heads under water a few times, relishing the coolness. Naturally Kisumi took full advantage of that to whip his hair back magnificently, sending water droplets flying and dancing in the sunlight as he swept his fringe back with one hand. Chiyo and Chiji looked completely enraptured, much like the servants had been back at the keep, and Sousuke decided he did not have the patience to accommodate how forcibly dramatic and seductive it all was so he went to sit with the other two while Chiyo struck up a conversation with Kisumi.

Makoto and Rin had found a scrap of shade under a courageous and very dry tree. “Hot, isn’t it?” Sousuke said casually as he sat down with them.

“You know, when the weather has the intensity that this stuff does, I don’t think you can use it for easy small talk.” Rin was lying down, a wet cloth over his face muffling his voice.

“And yet we’re talking, so it worked.”

“Ohhhhh for…it’s too hot to split hairs, can we _not_?”

“Sure, sure. So how _is_ the wedding planning going, anyway?”

Rin groaned heavily and rolled over and Makoto giggled – straight-up giggled – at the sight. “We’ve had some creative disagreements,” he explained. “And some scheduling ones. And logistical.”

Sousuke looked back and forth between them. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

“Oh, definitely.”

The three of them mutually decided it was too hot to bother with talking, and Sousuke settled back against a rock that was slightly more comfortable than the average rock. It was relaxing watching Haru, simply because the god himself seemed so relaxed; he’d practically melted into the water (and though Sousuke knew Haru could do that literally, he could still see his body under the glassy surface). He seemed completely at ease, nothing but serenity and calm in his expression, all up until his eyes suddenly snapped open in apparent horror. It faded to concern and then confusion quickly enough, and nobody else seemed to have seen it, but Sousuke got up and walked over to him as the guides made moves to get back to riding.

“What was that?” he asked in a low voice.

Haru looked at him, expression back to normal as he climbed onto dry land reluctantly.

“You looked scared for a moment,” Sousuke clarified.

“If it turns out to be important, I’ll tell you later.” Haru shook out some water from his hair, looking regretfully at the river one last time.

“Telling me now would really be preferable.”

“I’m sure,” Haru said dismissively, walking back to his horse despite clearly having every aversion to getting back in the saddle. Sousuke knew better than to probe further so he joined the others in mounting and setting off for the mountains again, a coil of discontent curling up in his gut.

Within five minutes it was once again uncomfortably hot but Haru didn’t look like he was about to keel over anymore, so Sousuke figured it was fine. Instead, the god had slipped back into looking unnerved – as if he was concentrating or thinking too hard than could be healthy – and Sousuke left him to it, riding up to fall into place by Kisumi.

“What were you talking about earlier?”

“With Chiyo? Just asking what kind of trouble they’ve had with spirits before, the history this place has with them, that sort of stuff.”

“Anything interesting?”

“Well,” Kisumi frowned, “apparently this is the first issue they’ve had in decades of this size, which in itself isn’t surprising because you’d have heard otherwise, but also of _any_ size. As in, they just don’t hear about spirits here. At all. Admittedly, they don’t have any spirit priests around here so I wonder how accurate that information is, but…it’s heartening, I suppose? It at least means this is probably a one-off thing. One poor god gone berserk.”

“Does that happen a lot?” Sousuke took his eyes of the road and looked at Kisumi.

“No. I’ve never heard of it happening, nor has Grandmother told me anything like that.”

“Huh.”

Kisumi snorted. “Yeah, quite. I don’t know what to make of it, I really don’t…”

“So gods don’t just go on rampages?”

“No, why would they? Unless they’re attacked, gods generally couldn’t care less what the human population’s doing. They’re not like lesser spirits.”

“So says the blueblood,” Sousuke nodded and ignored Kisumi’s whine of protest. “But Haru acted like it was out of the ordinary too, so I _guess_ …”

“Please don’t show your bias so obviously.”

Sousuke grinned at him and was about to say something back when the guides stopped in front of them, putting their hands out. They were shaking slightly. Rather than asking why, Sousuke looked up and saw the answer crawling in the distance: on the rocky cliff face, a giant tail was just visible before it slipped into a cave, disappearing just as soon as they’d seen it move.

Based purely on estimation from the tail, Sousuke would have said the entire god was the length of three or four horses and – along with the tremor they could feel from its movements even as far from it as they were – that was all he needed to know to understand that he was never engaging in direct combat with it alone. There were limits to foolhardiness and that was one of them.

Everyone seemed speechless. He turned to Haru. “Do you want to go after them today?”

Haru shook his head. “Let’s just go back.” His face was still ashen.

 

For reasons Sousuke put up to Niro’s love of teasing (and it was obvious she was taking over Hazune’s keep while she was staying), he, Haru and Kisumi were housed in the same set of rooms. They were reasonably spacious for what would likely be a very short visit, but it was still a pointed gesture in a castle so large, and with only a relatively small amount of visitors to house. Not that he minded particularly: he was just wondering how far Niro planned on taking her games.

Haru, for his part, hadn’t said a word since they’d got back, and had instead stormed up to the suite, leaving Sousuke to report their ‘findings’ to Niro before joining him with Kisumi in tow. They found him resting in a bath filled with lukewarm water, staring up at the ceiling of the washroom aimlessly. It was a bit pointless, but Sousuke knocked on the open door anyway.

“Are you alright?” he asked in the gentlest voice he could manage.

“Something’s wrong here.” Haru didn’t look at them.

“Castle or country?”

“Country.”

“Ah…” Sousuke shared a worried look with Kisumi and leant back against the door.

“I felt it too,” Kisumi admitted. “It’s a bit difficult to tell, with the heat, but something’s definitely wrong.”

“Specificity would be nice, you know.”

“Well look, it’s just…” Kisumi slumped against the wall near the oversized metal bath, at a loss for words. “I’m only a quarter, you know…I don’t really get it, it’s just _wrong_.”

Sousuke nodded, crossing his arms. “Haru? Care to elaborate? And maybe get out of the bath…?” Sousuke didn’t actually expect him to but, uncharacteristically obediently, Haru got up in a flurry of water and reached for the sheet draped over a wooden support, wrapping himself in it like a cape and walking into the sitting area. Sousuke followed, sitting in a chair next to him, and Kisumi emerged from the bathroom with a smaller cloth. Standing behind Haru’s seat, he began to dry his hair (although it would easily dry on its own in the parched air, Sousuke would have thought). Haru didn’t respond.

“Everything’s wrong here.” Haru came to the conclusion after a few minutes of silence, staring at the floor with a haunted expression Sousuke couldn’t understand. “The spirits aren’t alive.”

That was news. “What do you mean? Aren’t there any around?”

“They’re here, but they’re unresponsive. They don’t talk, they barely move. They don’t feel real.” Kisumi nodded along, consternation marking his face too. “I didn’t notice for a long time, but they’re…they don’t feel whole at all.”

“Does it have something to do with what you noticed in the river?” Sousuke tried to speak softly, tried not to spook Haru anymore than he couldn’t help.

“Maybe. I don’t know. I heard something from the water.”

“…you can hear stuff from the water?”

“Sometimes. If the bond’s strong enough, messages can be passed that way, but I didn’t…I didn’t search for anything. It just came.” He leant back into Kisumi’s hands still massaging his scalp, closing his eyes.

“What did you hear?”

“No words. Just…sounds, distant sounds. I don’t like it. I really, really don’t like it here. I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Do you think it’s the lizard god’s fault?”

 “It might be. I have no idea.”.

Settling back into the chair, Sousuke sighed in frustration. “Do you think you can still help me defeat them, this god? Because it sounds like they might be the source of this. Not that we have any evidence one way or another.”

“I’ll still help, but only because I want to leave as soon as possible.”

Kisumi leant down slightly, not quite to ear level. “You’re doing so well, though,” he said in a soothing voice. “I’m only a quarter what you are and I feel creeped out by this place: I can’t even tell how hard it is for you, but you’re doing so _well_. And it’ll be over soon, I promise.”

Haru hummed a non-committal sound, his eyes still closed as if he were ready to fall asleep, so Kisumi gently pushed the smaller sheet around his shoulders and moved to the adjoining room, gesturing for Sousuke to follow him.

Sousuke lay back on the bed and tried not to think about it too hard. It was difficult understanding what the other two were going through when he felt nothing was wrong at all apart from the weather, and Toumura was always like that (although it certainly hadn’t helped that they’d gone out at midday in an unsheltered stretch of land). He had no way of helping and no way of empathising when he didn’t know what was wrong, didn’t have the slightest clue which spirit problems were at the roots of this. He couldn’t even refuse to help Niro on the basis of it being too difficult, not with how they’d already committed. All he could do was hope things would be over soon so they could get back to a more peaceful life in Iwatobi again.

Kisumi had started to change for dinner, looking through the immense wooden wardrobe occupied by the very small amount of clothes they’d brought.

“Nobody can take their eyes off you here, huh?” Sousuke said idly, changing the subject to something he didn’t hate to think about.

“I think Haru’s getting the worst of it. In every sense.” Kisumi looked over regretfully before pulling out a thin shirt virtually identical to the one he was already wearing. “But you’re right: neither of us can go in a room without some gaping here or there. It’s really weird. The servants follow us around too, if only with their eyes for the most part.”

“Spirit blood is potent, evidently.”

“Might just be the ravishing good looks?” Kisumi baited.

“A possibility, sure.” Sousuke allowed. “But really, I had no idea they were _this_ out of touch with spirits. No wonder the population’s declined, if humans here are basically denying they exist and not cultivating relationships.”

“Now who’s biased? I hear plenty of countries are getting on just fine without ever even having a spirit population to begin with.”

“Not having one to start with and killing your existing one off are completely different situations,” Sousuke got up on his elbows to better raise an eyebrow at Kisumi’s neutral (but still smug) face.

“Is that some anti-Suihou sentiment I’m catching? Ishika would be upset.”

“Everyone knows I think what they did was a mistake, but that’s…okay, not really ancient history, but it’s in the past. King Samanya’s hardly to blame.” And Sousuke knew better than most what it was like to break away from the toxic reputations and actions of your predecessors. “Also, I’ve been meaning to ask but when did you get so close to Ishika?”

Kisumi shrugged, doing up the intricate pattern of laces running down the side of his trouser leg. “Just happened. Besides, it’s easier to get close to someone when you basically know nothing about them and are just riding on faith, _right_?” he grinned.

“Funny how that happens.” Sousuke pushed himself to a standing position and cast a look over at Haru in the other room. He couldn’t stop thinking about it, couldn’t stop worrying and letting ideas fester in his mind because he was so powerless, and he had to admit that even he had a bad feeling about what they were doing.

Biting back bitterness, he hoped with all his might that they weren’t making a huge mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because that's not ominous at all.


	21. Chapter 21

Niro saw them off in the morning, standing flanked by two of her many, many children in the courtyard as Sousuke’s party saddled up. The sun’s heat was heavy on their skin even so early but she didn’t seem bothered by it in the slightest: she simply watched them in wry amusement at something Sousuke couldn’t understand, but perhaps she just found riding a funny concept.

“You won’t come with us?” he asked, not really hoping for her to join them but wondering at it all the same.

“I couldn’t go putting myself in danger’s mouth at my age, now could I?”

“Even though you’ll be missing out on seeing a god fight?”

“Sacrifices, boy: you’ll have to learn to make them too,” she shook her head mock-sadly.

“Or I could just take everything I want.” A groom brought his horse over to him and he stroked its nose absent-mindedly before mounting.

“You could,” Niro acquiesced, surprising Sousuke. He’d been expecting a retort or some comment laughing at his naiveté, but she was just smiling, smiling, smiling and waving the seven of them off through the keep’s gates. But there were more important things for him to worry about than her odd countenance, namely Haru.

He wasn’t actively drying up this time – helped by the surplus of water gourds strapped to his horse – but he was far from okay anyway. Everything about his stance was wrong and tense, a glass statue ready to break, and he wouldn’t look at anyone even when talked to directly. In accordance with his clear wishes, everyone smothered their worry for him and pretended it wasn’t happening.

The night before, Sousuke had asked in the least prying way he could why it distressed Haru so much. Perhaps the darkness had helped, perhaps it had been the physical proximity that acted like a safety blanket, but Haru had been able to tell him in a quiet, clipped voice: “It’s constantly feeling in danger. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m going to be attacked, killed. It hasn’t been like this since…” But he’d stopped there, not needing to say what they both knew.

Sousuke was trying to help in what way he could: he rode close by, casting glances over occasionally, but there was nothing he could really _do_ and it grated at him, making him restless.

“At least it’ll be over after today,” Kisumi’s voice cut through his thoughts, scattering them so he could _think_.

“Yeah. Yeah, that’ll…let’s hope.”

“I think…” Kisumi raised his chin, looking at nowhere in particular thoughtfully. “I think it’s probably not as bad as we think. I’ve heard of gods having…auras, perhaps? This rogue one may be letting off danger and fear in theirs, and that’s what Haru’s picking up on. So yes, it’s horrid, but…maybe not as big a problem as we think?”

“You’re awfully optimistic, aren’t you?”

“Someone needs to be,” Kisumi laughed. He was right, of course, but that didn’t untangle the knot in Sousuke’s gut.

“So how long have you known Queen Niro for, anyway?”

Sousuke clung onto the change in subject gratefully. This, he could talk about. “I don’t think saying I’ve _known_ her is right, exactly.”

“Cryptic.”

“It basically amounts to her coming over a few times during my childhood and me coming over here every so often. It was usually for political or official visits, but she did like to talk to my mother about science and research, stuff like that; she spent a lot of time in our library. But she was always kind and knew how to talk to children. I guess she’d have to: she’s got about twenty of her own.”

“…twenty…?” It was the usual reaction.

“She’s never been married but she has a lot of consorts and mistresses. Not all her children are hers by birth, mind: they’re all considered part of the royal family if at least one of their parents comes from the…harem, for lack of a better word.”

“Impressive…”

“Don’t go getting ideas.”

“I wasn’t going to! Honestly, I don’t even _want_ children: Hayato’s just fine for me, thanks,” Kisumi pouted.

“Are you two seriously discussing children?” Rin called from behind them. “Isn’t it a bit early for that? Not that I’m criticising wanting to get ahead in the heir game, although you might have some trou-”

“Yeah, okay, we get it,” Sousuke shouted back. “How about you just concentrate on that wedding of yours first, huh?”

Rin bristled and Sousuke could a small “Oh no…” from Makoto.

“It’s going _fine_ ,” Rin snarled somewhat good-naturedly. “And _I_ don’t have the kingdom’s future riding on my sex life!”

Kisumi started laughing and Sousuke was about to embark on a likely highly enjoyable argument when Haru said in a voice that was barely more than spat through gritted teeth, “ _You’re so loud_.”

Everyone immediately shut up and turned their attention back to the more suitable task of riding where Chiyo and Chiji were taking them. The tangle of unease was back but Sousuke opted to ignore it in favour of watching Haru out of the corner of his eye, on edge for any change in the god’s composure. None came: it was a constant of tension and sweat and wide, fearful eyes.

There was no sight of the lizard god as they approached the cliff face, the road growing more inclined and the dust and pebbles of the ground turning to larger stones. The party dismounted, tying their horses loosely to some of the weak saplings that had started to appear on the landscape and began to look around. There were a number of cave entrances littered about the cliff without any easy signs of which they should choose but Chiyo and Chiji walked on without hesitation so the others just followed them, piecing their way over terrain that grew steadily more uneven.

The guides stopped outside of a seemingly randomly picked entrance and it was only when Sousuke looked back that he saw the faint tracks behind him, the broken stems and displaced boulders that all signalled the lizard’s presence. He was filled with a new rush of respect for the twins.

Once they’d regrouped – no one feeling happy about a trek up a hill with the weather what it was – the twins nodded encouragingly and led them into the mountain. Sousuke kept his hand on his sword, noting that the others (sans Haru) did the same. The cave was like no naturally formed cave Sousuke had ever heard of: it was more like a long tunnel with smaller ones breaking off to the side. It was cool and the small chambers were floored with pools from some water source Sousuke couldn’t see, though he supposed it was likely this cave was the god’s main residence and therefore not as subject to the rules of reality as one might reasonably expect.

They walked cautiously, each footstep echoing too loud and too long in the cavernous underground main tunnel. Now out of the sun’s light with only Chiyo and Chiji’s torches guiding the way, the air was chillingly stale and it made their sweat cool unpleasantly on their skin. No one spoke, too intent on keeping an ear out for any likely-sounding slithers from within the tunnels.

They must have walked for almost half an hour – deeper and deeper into the mountain – before they heard it: the slightest disturbance of water from a chamber somewhere in front of them. What with the echoing, it was almost impossible to guess where it had come from and they all stopped in their tracks, loath even to breathe in case they missed any further sounds.

Splashes echoed again and Haru ran ahead, just too fast for Sousuke to grab his hand, slipping into a chamber a long way beyond them; into darkness. The others followed hurriedly, sprinting into the entrance just in time to see the god roar and tense up to attack.

In the swaying torchlight they were horrifying – a monstrous creature larger than it had any right to be. True to the rumours, they were built roughly like a lizard, but to call them one would be like calling a bird of prey a sparrow. Their front and hind legs were thickset, their tail a terrifyingly sturdy weapon waving back and forth threateningly, but their head was the worst by far. Spines crowned it, sinking seamlessly into the scales that shone like crystal fire in the light that hit them. Their eyes were entirely black; their jaw strong and filled with rows of teeth dripping in saliva. Haru looked like a doll standing waist-deep in the pool before them.

Sousuke bellowed his name, running forwards into the water without sparing a thought to how logical it was or how much Haru would appreciate it and the lizard god noticed him. They screeched, finally following up on their threat and smashing their tail into the rock beside them, and within a moment the walls were crashing in behind Sousuke, breaking at the weak entrance in a deafening rumble of rock fall.

For a second, all was quiet. Miraculously there was still light when the tremors stopped, and Sousuke took his arm away from his eyes to see Kisumi and Chiyo crouching near the entrance. It was completely blocked but he didn’t have time to worry about that, not when Haru was still-

But Haru was beside him. “Are they alright?” he asked quickly, staring at the rock fall.

“I don’t know. But the god-”

“Isn’t going to attack again so quickly: they’re just watching for now.” He rushed forwards to where the entrance had been, checking that the other two were visibly safe first.

“Are you okay?” he shouted at the blocked entrance.

There was a horrible second of silence and bated breath before Rin’s voice came back, muffled but seemingly not in pain. “Yeah. Yeah, we’re…we’re fine.”

“Go and get help,” Sousuke shouted back. “We’ll take care of things here.”

“Tough words,” Rin laughed in a strained voice. “Don’t fuck it up.”

“Rin!” Makoto’s voice joined his but he left the protest at that, with just a frightened “Good luck!” before they apparently left, Chiji having managed to share much the same words with his sister at the same time. In the cavern, the four of them turned back to face the slowly pacing god.

Sousuke drew his sword. “Is there any point in negotiating?”

Haru frowned. “I can’t talk to them. But that’s not going to do much,” he pointed to the sword.

“I know, but I can at least do _some_ damage.”

“No, you can’t: that sword can’t hurt spirits.”

“…repeat that.”

Dutifully, Haru did as requested.

Sousuke dropped his stance and stared at him, still keeping a wary eye on the lizard god who had yet to decide to attack again and was just pacing back and forth and snarling at them. “You gave me a sword that does no damage to spirits.”

“Why would I give you a sword that _does_ do damage to spirits? Of course it’s harmless to us.”

“So I could stab that god and nothing would happen?”

“Nothing useful, anyway.”

Kisumi burst out laughing at the two of them staring each other down (Sousuke incredulous, Haru irritated). He recovered himself slightly, “Haru, you know that puts you in a difficult position now, right?”

Haru tossed his hair to look back at the lizard god. “I was going to take care of it myself anyway. You three stand back.”

“Do you…” Chiyo stuttered, her eyes glued to the god, terrified. “Can you beat it?”

“I can. They’re lower in the hierarchy than me.”

Sousuke cut in angrily, “Then why aren’t they submitting to you?”

“I don’t know. I can’t talk to them at all, not like this. Maybe in my god form.”

His throat dry, Sousuke swallowed. So he couldn’t do anything, then. “If you’re sure.”

Haru seemed surprised but the shock on his face quickly faded to a small smile. “I said to let that go.” He turned away. “You really should stand back.”

There was nothing to do but obey and trust him, no matter how the urge to protect him struggled against Sousuke’s better judgement. Haru walked sedately down to the water again and the lizard god’s head whipped round to face him, squaring up to fight with heaving breaths that blew the torch Chiyo held up even across the entire cavern. It was difficult to see what happened then – just the smell of rain, the sound of a drop hitting water ringing far louder than it should have – but all of a sudden, in the space of half a racing heartbeat, Haru’s body collapsed and giant limbs ripped out from his back.

There was an explosion of water and for a second Sousuke could see nothing but rippling scales sheathing into place like chainmail, soaring above his line of vision with a chilling scream that belonged to no human lungs. No sooner had the sound died away than the lizard god attacked, jaws gaping and claws lunging, whipped away by limbs so much stronger than they were. But they attacked again – less desperately, more ferociously – and the fight began.

There were no human means of understanding the power between the two gods, not when every clash of tails and legs and jaws and teeth echoed in the cavern like the bloody joining of a thousand swords and shields. The light didn’t help visibility anymore: it only reflected off surging waves and threw shadows like monsters in their own right. The two gods grappled for position unequally, Haru towering over the lizard that thrust and bit wherever they could reach. Sousuke strained his eyes and tried to make out every movement, every terrifying lash of raw strength, but it was too dark and too loud and he could only stand as if fixed to the stone at his feet. Kisumi and Chiyo were just the same: staring enraptured by the titanic unreality of what they were seeing.

The first advantage was gained by Haru, unsurprisingly. The lizard god was flung like a kitten against the side of the cavern, a choked whimper torn from their throat as they struggled back to their feet only to be thrown to the side again. Before they could recover, they were pinned against the ground with powerful jaws about to close over their throat, the sight obscured by the rippling, streamlined spines of Haru’s back.

The lizard god screamed – the sound like glass scraping over metal – and, without warning, Haru stopped. He pulled back, jaws closing and uncertainty in his gait, and the lizard god took full advantage of it. With a mad roar, they escaped back to the pool, twisting in the air to face Haru, their shoulders down defensively, but Haru wasn’t fighting anymore. He was hesitant, the reservation in his stance so conflicting with the power he wielded that it would have been comical if the lizard god hadn’t set their sights on his throat.

For minutes that slipped by like sap down the bark of a tree, Haru batted off every attack thrown at him but had none of his earlier ferocity and determination to kill. Sousuke couldn’t understand it. He didn’t want to: he wanted this to be over, for them to be out of the cavern and back in daylight with the threat eliminated, but now they were stuck in a stalemate and there was nothing he could do to change that. And then the lizard god changed their tactics.

They were dripping with blood, their breathing laboured, but after a feigned attack at Haru to distract him, they turned to face Sousuke and the others, lunging with bared teeth. Sousuke instinctively drew his sword – even knowing it would do nothing – and stood in front of the other two in time to feel the lizard god’s breath on his skin, in time to anticipate the force of their fangs in his flesh, and just in time to see Haru’s claws rip into the god’s side, sending them flying.

They screamed again, and then again and again, shivering uselessly, their skin tattered and everything around them covered in blood. The torch went out.


	22. Chapter 22

Sousuke shouted Haru’s name in the darkness, joined by Kisumi’s voice soon enough. The lizard god’s cries grew weaker, breathier, and finally gave out, and then there was only silence. Sousuke joined hands with Kisumi, checked Chiyo was holding Kisumi’s other hand, and the three of them walked with unsure steps to the shore of the pool. There was so little light they could see nothing and it felt like drowning. They couldn’t hear anything, couldn’t get any sense of where Haru was and the panic was overwhelming in Sousuke’s chest until there was a monumental splash from somewhere far beyond them.

“Haru!” he shouted again, desperately.

“I’m here.” His voice was quiet and shaking.

Sousuke let go of Kisumi’s hand and ran to Haru’s voice, crashing through darkness wildly until he was chest-deep in water and had finally reached him.

“Are you alright?” He gripped Haru’s shoulders, hating how cold and fragile they felt under his hands.

“…get me out of here…” Haru whispered.

Hackles raised, Sousuke’s voice turned urgent, “Are you hurt?” but Haru didn’t reply.

“S-Sousuke? What’s going on?” Kisumi called from the shore. “Is he alright?”

“I think so.” A blatant lie, of course, but Kisumi didn’t need to know that. Sousuke put an arm around Haru’s shoulders and led him to the shore.

As they climbed from the pool, feeling their way onto rocks and dry land, the scraping sound of moving stones came from the entrance and all four of them froze. It was too early: Rin’s group couldn’t possibly have got back to the keep and returned in the time the fight had taken. But the sound persisted, growing louder until a blinding crack of light burst into the cavern.

“All alive in there?” Niro’s voice came through easily, strong and jolly as ever.

“Yes…” Sousuke said, unnerved by her easy tone of voice.

“Glad to hear it, glad to hear it. We’ll have you out of there quite soon, no need for worries.”

The light grew piece by piece, dim by normal standards but stunning to their eyes grown used to pitch darkness. As they waited to be let out, Sousuke looked down at Haru’s state, bile rising in his mouth at how haunted the god looked. It was worse, far worse than before. His whole body was shaking uncontrollably, even though there were very few marks on him: just the barest scrapes and bruises blossoming on his skin.

When enough of the rockfall had been cleared away, Niro came into the cavern followed by one of her straight-faced daughters holding a torch. Rin, Makoto and Chiji were nowhere to be seen outside: there were only Niro’s children. Chiyo bowed slightly before hurrying out to find her twin.

“My oh my,” Niro said cheerfully, looking over at the lizard god’s corpse. “You did _well_ , didn’t you, Haru?”

Haru had been staring firmly at the ground but at her words he raised his head, eyes wide. “You knew.”

“Might have had an inkling,” she shrugged, still grinning. She walked over to the corpse and crouched down to examine it, her daughter holding her ponytail of thick braids out of harm’s way. “A damn shame you were so rough, though. Couldn’t you have played a little nicer? This isn’t going to be easy.” She barked a few orders at her children waiting outside of the entrance and they nodded, coming in with guards and soldiers to take the corpse away.

Sousuke was speechless in his confusion, unable to make sense of anything that was going on before him, but Kisumi stepped in. “What’s going on?” he asked in a frightened voice. “Hey, Haru, what’s going on?! What happened?!”

“The god wasn’t rogue,” Haru choked. “They were just…they were just protecting themselves…”

Kisumi’s face went ashen and Sousuke envied him: he still had no idea what was happening.

“Oh, is that what they were doing?” Niro asked conversationally, walking over to them now that the corpse had been removed. “That’s interesting! Do tell me more: what kind of defensive technique is it? Does it happen automatically, or does the god choose?” She gestured over to one of her sons and he came to stand beside her with note-taking materials.

“Queen Niro,” Sousuke said in a surprisingly level voice. “Would you kindly explain what’s going on? I don’t understand any of this.”

She blinked, as if the notion of explanations just hadn’t occurred to her, and her face spread into an easy smile. “Oh, certainly, lad. You’ve already done what I wanted, so I don’t mind at all! You see, I’ve always loved learning about living creatures – surely you remember? – and oh, maybe five years past I decided to study spirits more. We have them here, so wouldn’t it be a waste not to? You’re certainly not doing anything useful, and Suihou’s too frightened to touch theirs. So I’ve been doing some experiments, is all. Only problem is, as with _all_ studies of the like, I’ll kindly ask to you to remember, a lot of spirits died in the process. And our god there didn’t like that,” she shook her head despairingly. “Took to protesting, coming to talk to me and begging me to stop, but you can’t very well stop the flow of discovery. Really, I ask you: what was it thinking? There’s just so much about spirits that we don’t understand! Gods especially, with the form changing and the splicing and the auras and all: there’s just so much they can do! It’s fascinating! But it went and threw a hissy fit, so I could only ask you for help. My apologies.”

A stale silence covered them, everyone trying to take in what she’d said.

“You…” Haru said in a low voice. “You tortured and killed hundreds of this god’s followers. The god, they _pleaded_ with you to stop, they…they were forced to lock themselves in that form just to stay alive…”

Niro looked delighted, leaning forwards excitedly. “Say, did you manage to talk with it? Because I’d love to know how that worked, if you don’t mind!”

“You’re a monster!”

“No, that would be _you_. Remember that.”

Her placid smile was too much, impossible to stand when Haru looked about to break and Sousuke could feel his muscles trembling with the urge to strangle her. It was clouding his mind again, unstoppable, rising in blazes of hatred to take him far beyond the edge of his reason and he was ready to kill. He couldn’t even speak: his throat and nose were pounding with blood and raging _thirst_.

“Don’t.” Kisumi’s voice was like a drop of ice into the furnace of his mind. “Not now.”

How could he ask the impossible so easily? How could he do that again, looking at him with calm eyes, no fear to be found? And now, through the red billowing in Sousuke’s vision, Haru’s eyes joined Kisumi’s, worried and confused. Scared.

But it was Niro who asked. “Sousuke, this is a bit of a sensitive question, but are you a berserker? Now that’s _interesting_. I’ve only read about them before, you see, but to look at you…it’s so different. You wouldn’t mind telling me a bit about it, would you?” Her eyes glittered.

“Why are you so intent on studying people?” Kisumi asked calmly, the only one of the trio who had any control over their emotions at the moment. “Spirits are also people, and yet you killed them without a care. Why can’t you feel for them?”

“It’s not a case of feeling for them or not: it’s just that I truly believe the ends justify the means here.”

“And what ‘ends’ have you come up with, then?!”

“Massive leaps in medicine, boy.” Her face grew stony. “I wouldn’t expect or ask a mixed-blood to understand, not with your biases, but spirits are mighty useful for us humans, you know. All those long-distant stories about cutting a god’s heart out and eating it for eternal life weren’t totally wrong, it seems. And do you really think I could have this many children without elixirs and formulas?”

Kisumi looked horrified. “You did this for…for that?!”

“Wrong way round: I needed to test them, and I couldn’t very well ask anyone else. I was experimenting just as much on myself as on them, you know. Don’t go thinking I’d circulate medicine without trying it myself.”

“B-be that as it may, you can’t-!”

“I can, I did, I will continue to do,” she said in a bored voice, turning away from them. “And don’t think you’ll make any friends calling me out on this: not a single person here is going to be sad to hear that old monster’s dead. You seem a tad occupied, so I’m sure I’ll see you back at the castle. Your horses are waiting, of course.”

The truth sunk in coldly as she left the cavern, abandoning the three of them to their own devices. Haru shivered, his face a picture of fear and mistrust and confusion as he looked up at Sousuke. Sousuke couldn’t say anything in his own defence, not when he’d never taken the time to explain this to Haru, not when there was no defence to be had, not when he was every bit the uncontrolled beast – berserker, Niro had called him – his father had been.

“Let’s go,” Kisumi took both their hands and pulled them to the entrance.

 

Rin and Makoto – both worried sick – were at the keep when they eventually got there. Sousuke couldn’t manage more than a tired apology, but it came out that when the others had got back, Niro and her retinue had already been long gone. She really had planned it all.

Haru was very calm when he walked up the stairs to their room, followed by Sousuke and Kisumi at a distance: he wasn’t shaking anymore, he didn’t scream or shout and disappear to escape it all. He walked slowly to a chair, sat down and put his head in his hands. The other two joined him, closing the door behind them.

“Why aren’t we doing anything?” Haru asked quietly, a flood of emotion locked away tightly under careful syllables.

“We can’t,” Kisumi said apologetically, as if it was his fault. “No one here likes spirits, so no one’s going to care.”

“I killed them. My hand was forced and I had to kill them. She’s responsible for that, for making me kill one of my own, and for hundreds of other deaths, and we’re not doing anything.”

“We _can’t_ , Haru!”

“You’re not listening to me!” he shouted suddenly, his flat tone shattered into anger. “She killed us indiscriminately and she’s going to do it again!”

“We still can’t do anything,” Sousuke cut in.

Haru turned the force of his fury on him. “I should never have expected you to understand,” he spat, standing up suddenly, about to walk away when Sousuke grabbed his wrist.

“Don’t leave,” Sousuke growled.

“Or what, you’ll kill me too? How long has that…that madness been going on? You…” He struggled to speak, whirling round to glare accusingly – reproachfully – at Kisumi. “You knew.”

“I fought with him before,” Kisumi said helplessly. “How could I not know?”

“It was the same in the church, months ago,” Sousuke said. “I wasn’t hiding it from you: you just never saw.”

“Oh, like hell you weren’t.”

“Then what the fuck was I supposed to do?!” Sousuke bellowed, glaring at Haru with all the hurt he could force himself to show. “I didn’t want you to hate me, and look at where we are now: obviously I was right!”

“I don’t hate you.”

“Do you not?” he scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Then what’s this? Another charming expression of your love?”

“Sousuke, let it go,” Kisumi said tiredly. “He was forced to kill another god and he’s hurting, why can’t you see that?”

As if Sousuke couldn’t see that. As if he couldn’t read all the distress in Haru’s face, as if it wasn’t sketched into his own eyes so he couldn’t miss the slightest flinch or tightening of Haru’s jaw. But he was scared too, and he couldn’t handle that so he was shouting and lavishing hurtful words like he should have lavished comfort and love, but he _couldn’t_.

None of them looked at each other. The air felt unpleasantly dry around them, heavy and stifling, and Sousuke breathed it in.

“I’m sorry.”

He was hoping for anything from a nod to a ‘What the fuck is that going to solve?’ but Haru didn’t move at all. Kisumi watched them like a man would a wolf and a bear, waiting for one of them to make the first move on the other so he wouldn’t have to intervene.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Sousuke clarified. “I seriously did think you’d hate me for it.” He didn’t say why. He didn’t want to be the one to put that into words: he didn’t want to say that he knew Haru was terrified of violent humans. He wouldn’t compare himself to his father like that.

“So you don’t trust me.”

“You know that’s not true.”

“I can’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me something that important. I’ve met berserkers before, and you…are you really?” his voice wavered at the end.

“I don’t know.”

Kisumi groaned. “You know you are, Sousuke. Can you stop pretending, _please_? We’re not going to abandon you because of it, for crying out loud…”

Sousuke didn’t bother to reply: he was too busy watching Haru for any glimpse of a reaction he could prepare himself for. Slowly, deliberately, Haru walked over to him and lifted his left hand palm up. Memories of the forest, a knife and their blood mingling came back to Sousuke and without thinking he reached up to press his palm against Haru’s, entwining their fingers.

“We promised to trust each other,” Haru said quietly.

Sousuke nodded, his grip growing stronger without meaning to.

“So you should have trusted me with that.”

“I should. And you should trust me when I say we can’t do anything about this anymore. It’s horrific, I know that, but we can’t.”

“I never want to come back here.”

“That’s fine.”

“I never want to see her again after this.”

“That’s fine too. We’ll leave tomorrow, as soon as we can.”

Like he’d lost all strength, Haru leaned against him so his forehead was resting against Sousuke’s chest. It wasn’t the right time to hug him, not when he seemed ready to shy away from anything too intense, and Sousuke let him stay there, their hands still together. Kisumi caught Sousuke’s eye, nodding to the door as if to ask if he should leave but Sousuke shook his head. Things just had to be quiet and unthreatening for the night and they would be okay. He believed that.

 

They were woken up early in the morning by frantic knocking on the door. Sousuke extricated himself from bed, immediately missing the warmth of Kisumi’s skin against his back and the coolness of Haru’s in his arms. He pulled on breeches and opened the door and his warning scowl was wiped from his face when he saw how distraught Rin looked.

“What’s wrong? What’s going on?” he asked.

“Makoto’s rounding everyone else up: we need to leave _now_. A messenger just arrived, they can’t have left much after we did, and…fuck, I don’t even know what to say, just…Gou says we need to come back as soon as possible, that there’s serious trouble in the mountains and she needs help.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the wait on this one.  
> I said I was taking a hiatus, but it wasn't really like that: for personal reasons, I stopped updating for a bit while I finished writing the final arc. So it's basically done now, and I'll upload it in probably 3 parts over the next week(s).

Gou explained what she knew as they rode from the castle to the mountains. Her expression had been grim, tight and unforgiving of herself when they came back to the capital and it had barely changed since.

“As far as I understand, it’s a mental plague,” she said, emotionless. “There was a scuffle with the bandits – there always is – but just before the tournament I received strange correspondence from the squadron stationed in the mountain villages, and then nothing. They say people have been losing their reason and attacking each other, more and more each day. There was no indication as to what started it, no precedent and I have no information. As you know, I’ve sent my general and the majority of the Guard up already, but I fear it won’t be enough so I had to call you back. I’m sorry.” She gripped the reins tighter. “I’m sorry I couldn’t finish this myself.”

Sousuke was exhausted from days of riding back from Toumura and the days of the same stretching out before him. The village they were headed – Yamamachi – was thankfully closer to the capital than others along the mountain range but it was still two full days of riding and Sousuke didn’t savour the idea at all. Haru seemed more himself since they’d left Toumura so that was a small mercy, but nothing was _right_ anymore.

That was no reason to let Gou beat herself up over it, though. “It’s better I’m here for this. And either way, we’d finished what we needed to do in Toumura. What orders have you already given?”

Gou nodded shortly, as if in thanks. “I delegated most of the decisions to Chigusa so she could react to what’s actually there, but I told them that no civilian deaths would be tolerated, unless in cases of clear self-defence. They should be building barricades against those afflicted with the…” she trailed off, uncertain of what to call it.

“I understand.” They left it at that: no one was in the mood for talking. Behind them, everyone who’d been to Toumura with him was in much the same state of weariness and determination. With no one else eligible, Nagisa had been left in joint authority at the castle with the steward under careful orders not to make any decisions without sending a messenger to Sousuke first. He felt uneasy leaving a spirit priest technically in charge of the capital, but there was no choice: his hands were tied. It felt like that was happening too often now.

 

Haru noticed it first, followed closely by Kisumi. They were a few hours from Yamamachi when the two of them rode closer to Sousuke, nodding at Gou so she dropped out of formation to give the three of them space.

“There aren’t any spirits here,” Kisumi said in a low voice, shivering as he looked around the landscape.

Oh, this was just getting better and better. “None at all?” Sousuke asked, dreading the answer.

“None.”

“Do you think it’s like…?” There was no point in actually saying it.

Haru shook his head, then paused. “…maybe. Or not. I don’t know. I can’t tell.”

Kisumi leaned forwards to look at him past Sousuke. “But you can feel it, can’t you? There’s something ridiculously strong here.”

“Again.” Sousuke was about ready to give up.

“This is different. It’s not fear, it’s not panic, it’s just power,” Haru specified.

“That sounds worse.”

“It could be,” Haru shrugged. “Just stay on your guard.” He looked away to avoid any attempts at making eye contact. It was frustrating: he’d been distracted and distant since Toumura and it was perfectly, utterly understandable and it was killing Sousuke even so. The bleak scenery wasn’t helping, not with ragged mountains ahead and unwelcoming fir forests around, a biting wind blowing past them now they were so high up the road. Unease ran through the riders with it but to some extent they’d all been expecting that. Threats of a mental plague tended to put you on your guard, and no one looked at their best, everyone with their mind on something else. The journey didn’t go by quickly.

With nothing else to take his mind off their situation, Sousuke kept his eyes on Haru, watching how the god held himself and noting all the minute differences that shouldn’t have been there but made plain that something was wrong. They grew worse as the party got closer to their destination, like sand dripping through an hourglass, the last grain falling just as they crested the top of a hill: no sooner had Yamamachi come into view than Haru practically collapsed over his horse, muscles tensed and breathing short and shallow. Kisumi was in much the same state.

“I’m fine,” Haru rasped as he straightened up, brushing off Sousuke’s hand and the murmurs of worry from behind him. “It caught me off guard.”

“ _What_ did?” Sousuke was well and truly unnerved now.

Kisumi smiled weakly. “Remember that power he mentioned? Got a little strong for a second there…Well, it still is, but…” The two of them were recovering easily enough, and Sousuke managed to breathe again.

“So this is definitely a god?” he asked, giving the signal to start riding down to the village.

“Of some sort.” Which wasn’t by any means good news, but had he really been expecting anything else? They rode cautiously down to the military camp set up on the outskirts of the town, just far enough that they couldn’t see it properly.

Everything was bare, frosted rock or tents and metal, the camp nestled into a dip in mountain so no one could approach from the sides or from behind. They were greeted heartily by the members of the Guard mingling around the camp but there was no official reception: not only was there no time or need for formalities, but it looked as if the soldiers had just come back from a battle. The members of the Guard who had come with them dismounted and went to settle into camp while Sousuke, Gou and the others went to find the generals, steering clear of the infirmary tent that was filled to bursting.

Chigusa ducked out of the generals’ tent as they approached, snapping to attention with her face set in stony determination. Her eyes were red. Behind her, the younger Mikoshiba brother was having a harder time at keeping his face emotionless. Gou immediately dismounted to run to them.

Sousuke saw rather than heard the rest: Gou shaking as Chigusa clasped her hands like a lifeline, whispering something to her. The sounds of the camp were all too loud, a sea of unintelligible noise around them, but Sousuke could still see the blood drain from Gou’s face and in a split second she was running inside the tent, followed closely by the other two. Rin and Makoto dismounted and walked after them, waiting outside the tent. There was no crying, but somehow the choked whimper Sousuke heard as he approached the tent was so much worse, breaking through all the other noise around him.

“My king.” A voice came from behind him and he turned, face stony. This wasn’t his place to be, so he followed the two soldiers who beckoned for him to come with them. Kisumi and Haru followed in turn.

He knew these men and he didn’t think he’d ever seen them looking so grave. Minami led them through rows of tents to the blockades, followed at the heels by Uozumi, and neither spoke until they’d reached the stationed guards around the main entrance to the village. There was maybe a five minute walk beyond the blockades to where the first houses were but Sousuke couldn’t see any of the villagers. It looked like a ghost town.

“They’re recuperating as well,” Uozumi said eventually, gesturing to the village.

“How often do they attack?”

“It depends. At least once every two days, usually not for very long. Their casualties are minimal: we try and avoid killing, but they certainly have no qualms about it.” His lips tightened. Mikoshiba had been an excellent general: his loss was taking its toll on everyone.

“Do we know why yet?”

“We think…” Minami trailed off, looking at Haru anxiously. “We think spirits are involved.”

They always were, weren’t they? “Why?”

“Because the villagers are always saying that they’re doing this for their queen, that we should pledge our loyalty to her as well, and what with the way the plague spreads, I can’t believe this is human.”

“Does the queen show herself?” Sousuke was on edge again – as if he’d ever actually been _relaxed_ – with the idea that they might have to accept that this was like the lizard god.

“No, we’ve never seen her. All we know is that she’s called Tashiya.”

Which was completely unhelpful given that no spark of recognition lit up Haru’s face, and Sousuke was left in the dark again. He changed his questions, struggling to make sense of how they could stop this. “You said the plague spreads: how?”

Minami looked away again and Uozumi was left to answer. “We still don’t know: it doesn’t seem to have anything to do with physical proximity, but sometimes our soldiers just…turn. We’ve lost five to the village since we were stationed here. And there’s a constant pull: it sets in after a day or so, and everyone here feels it.”

“It’s easier now, though,” Minami spoke up. “Since my lord,” he gestured to Haru, “arrived, it’s easier, I think…” he looked around for confirmation and was greeted by nods from the other soldiers.

Sousuke took the information in, nodding. He needed to talk this over with Haru, so he ordered messengers to be sent to the nearby provinces to call up the squadrons stationed there, and the three of them left for their tent.

“Give me some good news and tell me you’ve heard of this happening before,” he said once all three of them were in the tent, collapsing onto chairs and regretting it when their muscles protested.

“I haven’t.”

“Well, alright then.” Sousuke sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. “I take it that’s a no from you too, Kisumi?”

“Yeah…I’m just going to be the unpopular voice here, but who else thinks this is like what we just went through in Toumura?”

Haru and Sousuke raised their hands wearily.

“Okay, nice. That makes this easier. But the thing is, I’m not sure _why_.” He settled back as comfortably as was possible on a rickety wooden chair propped up next to a map table in a tent that was still just too chilly despite the furs thrown everywhere.

“Why we all think it’s the same as the lizard god?” Sousuke clarified. “It’s just because we haven’t come across anything like this before and we’re leaping to the easiest conclusion, isn’t it?”

“Right, so shouldn’t we think harder about it? It could easily be something else. Statistically, it’s _going_ to be something else.”

That sounded reasonable enough, and Sousuke would cling to any reason dangled in front of him. The image of a donkey and carrot came to mind and he dismissed it. “Let’s go over what we know, then.”

“Not much?”

“Admittedly – thanks for the input, Haru. We’ve got a powerful god-”

“Unbelievably powerful,” Kisumi chipped in.

“-an unbelievably powerful god who’s apparently more powerful than Haru, judging on what you can feel with those presumably highly accurate god sensors of yours?”

Haru frowned. “I know enough to tell she’s higher in the hierarchy than I am. Far higher.”

“Well, the ‘beat her into the ground’ plan gets scrapped, then. So she exists and she’s got a village under her power somehow. Do we know why?”

Kisumi and Haru shook their heads.

“And this mental plague spreads easily – I’m feeling the pull myself now – but it’s easier with Haru around. Which suggests you can actually stand up to her.”

“I wouldn’t be that hasty,” Kisumi made a face. “There’s a difference between protection and attacking: Haru can deflect her influence her to some extent, but he can’t go up against her in a fight. That’s breaking the hierarchy.”

“Which is absolutely forbidden,” Sousuke made sure.

Haru turned his gaze to a probably fascinating section of tent wall. “Doesn’t matter if it’s forbidden or not: nobody can do it.”

“Is there _any_ way we can beat her?”

“We could try talking? I hear talking things out diplomatically is looked upon highly nowadays.” Kisumi was a beacon of optimism as always.

“Right, brilliant, but what if talking doesn’t work? We need a backup and at the moment it looks like we don’t have one.”

“That would be because we don’t.”

“I knew there was a reason we brought you along, Kisumi.”

Kisumi snorted. “Look, I think the best way forwards right now would be to boost our defences here and then try and find her to talk to her. It’s been a few days and she hasn’t moved beyond this village so we don’t know why she’s doing any of this: for all we know it might be a huge mistake!”

Haru and Sousuke glared at his unbreakable positivity. “It’s probably not.”

“But not _definitely_ not. I’m just saying, we don’t have much of a choice otherwise, not when people are dying here.”

That brought Sousuke back from the vaguely pleasant state of tiredness and banter he’d been letting himself slip into. He sat up straight. “I’ve called over the neighbouring provinces’ troops. They’ll take between a day and a week to get here, most likely. I doubt there’s any point in trying the countries over the border, no matter how useful that’d be. Shouhoku’s not known for helping, and I can’t see Suihou wanting to get involved. So we’re stuck for the moment.”

“Well, the extra troops will help, and in the morning you and Haru can go and look for this Tashiya person.”

Sousuke grimaced and the other two looked at him with a mix of curiosity and dread. “…how about Haru doesn’t go?” he said in the manner of a man who knows he’s going to get shot down for what he’s saying.

He was indeed shot down, both in death-glares from Haru and a despairing “Why are you doing this _now_?!” from Kisumi.

“You said you can’t stand up against her,” he pointed accusingly at Haru. “Why the fuck would I let you confront her if you have to obey her?! She could order you to do anything!”

Haru curled his lip in disgust. “You can tell you’re human.”

“Well, _thanks_.”

“Gods wouldn’t do that. We’re not like you: she’d just tell me to back down. No tricks, no torture, nothing.”

The trio went silent as it simultaneously occurred to all of them that they hadn’t brought up the subject none of them wanted to.

Kisumi took it upon himself, smile wavering. “So…say Tashiya is like the lizard god…Do we know what she’s fighting against? Because gods don’t usually do this sort of thing. They just _don’t_. There’s got to be a reason.”

Sousuke’s frown felt like it was carved into his face.

“You don’t think it could…I mean, it’s been a decade…” Kisumi laughed nervously.

No, Sousuke didn’t want to accept yet another way his father had ruined everything, but on some level he thought he might. It was easy to imagine and it was…comfortable. His father was the one in the wrong. He was left with another mess to clean up. He barked a short laugh. “What else could it be? I don’t think any crime against spirits that atrocious has been committed since, not here. So it’s got to be him.”

Haru stayed silent as they both knew he would.

“Bit of a delayed reaction, isn’t it…”

“So what, do you think someone else is experimenting on spirits here?” Perhaps it came out too harsh.

“No, but…”

“Forget about it. We just have to work out what we do from now on.”

“Diplomacy,” Kisumi and Haru managed to say in unison.

“Fine: I’ll go scouting with Rin and Makoto tomorrow to find her. Glad we’ve settled that.”

Kisumi raised an eyebrow. Haru raised both in an expression of utter loss of faith. “That’s the worst plan you’ve ever come up with. I’m going.”

“No, no, you’re not.”

“I am.”

“You’re needed back here to be a shield against her power and I can’t in good conscience let you leave.”

“Then do it in bad conscience: the fuck do I care?” They both stood up, nose to nose, scowling at each other.

“Wait, wait!” Kisumi waved his hands in a way that was probably supposed to be calming. “Let’s think outside the box first! What haven’t we considered yet?”

“How are we even supposed to answer that?” Sousuke somewhat obediently sat back down and Haru followed suit grumpily.

“Fair point, but…how about pretending one of us got infected with the mind control and going to the village? Do you think we could do that?”

Sousuke shrugged, totally disinterested in the idea. “We can ask, though I imagine if you did get in the village you’d just get controlled anyway. Whatever happens, we need more force, though.” An idea came to him. “Wait, Kisumi: couldn’t your grandmother be a match for this god? She’s absurdly powerful too, ri-”

“No.”

Sousuke hesitated. “What?”

“No.” Kisumi’s eyebrows knotted together. It wasn’t something Sousuke saw often. Or ever, actually. “She’s not getting involved.”

“Let me revise the question: is she more powerful than Tashiya or not? Or your brother: you said he was more powerful than you, didn’t y-”

“ _No_.”

Sousuke recoiled at the anger in Kisumi’s voice.

There was fear there too: in the quiver of his jaw and the lowering of his tense shoulders, submitting despite himself. “My family’s not getting involved, I don’t care what happens. You can have anything else: you can make me fodder to lure her out for all I care, but they’re not leaving the north.”

“Alright.” Sousuke nodded, crossing his arms. “I won’t insist.” Kisumi breathed out in relief and some of the tension in the tent fizzled out.

“So that leaves one viable option,” Haru said, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. “We’ll go scouting tomorrow. Together. No one else: she’ll think we’re too much of a threat if we take too many.”

“No, Haru, I made it clear that-”

“That you have no idea how to think past your own selfish stubbornness? Yes, you made that clear.”

Past the icy words, something in Haru’s eyes was pleading with him, so he forced himself to think. They had to work out her motives quickly: to do that, they needed to find her. Taking Haru or Kisumi would be best because they’d actually stand a chance at tracking her down, and he wouldn’t deny that they knew far more than he did about any of this. None of that calmed how much he didn’t want to put Haru in that position, but with every second that passed he remembered all the signs Haru had dropped that he felt useless, that he felt coddled and stifled and he needed to prove that he could do something worthwhile after his last chance was poisoned and ripped from under his feet. And Sousuke was reminded all too painfully of the fact that Gou, Rin and Makoto still hadn’t come to report to him; people were dying. They had to act.

“I’m not happy with this,” Sousuke said cagily.

“You don’t have to be: just go with me. I’ll go either way.”

So it was as simple as that.

 

Morale was lukewarm the next morning: the soldiers were pleased for the reinforcements and their leaders’ arrival, but the villagers had been breaking at one of the barricades and as Sousuke got ready to go, looking for the mysteriously disappeared Haru with a sinking feeling, he was informed that the villagers had broken through.

Everyone had already been told of the plan and no one looked at him funnily as he walked in the opposite direction to the stream of soldiers, looking for Haru. Kisumi had joined the soldiers, spurring them on with his charisma on their side this time, and Rin and Makoto joined him shortly afterwards. With quick salutes and greetings, Gou, Chigusa and the younger Mikoshiba passed by Sousuke. None of them smiled, but all seemed focussed on the task at hand. Sousuke hated that they had to use that to distract themselves.

Haru showed up on the edge of the camp, walking purposefully towards Sousuke. Behind them, the shouts and crashed of battle had already begun.

“Where were you?”

“Out,” Haru said, completely innocently and clearly more interested in the battle they could only hear than he was in Sousuke.

Sousuke glared at him. “Sometimes I really question why I’m with you, just so you know.”

“The feeling’s mutual, but we should go now.”

Sousuke decided that was reasonable enough, so he dropped what could have spiralled into a highly unrewarding spat and they hurried back to the tent to pick up what they needed. On the way back out – winding down still-frosty paths between tents up one of the mountain roads that led past the village – they stopped to look at the battle.

It was incredibly – and yet totally credibly – one-sided. The villagers fought with what weapons they had and the soldiers defended the best they could without causing any significant damage. It was a scrum of disorganisation and loss of formation that even Kisumi’s rallying couldn’t help, but that wasn’t the worst: that came when Sousuke finally got a good look at one of the villagers.

The woman looked mindless. She was shrieking something – they all were – but it was lost in the noise, and all that was left were her crazed eyes and snarling teeth. There was no fear or hesitation as she ripped a soldier’s arm down, pulling his sword away with her hand on its blade. Blood spurted down her arm and she didn’t even flinch. Sousuke couldn’t stop watching, not until Haru nudged him.

“We need to go.”

“Yeah…” Sousuke kept his eyes on the woman for as long as he could: until the path curved and they were stuck with bare rocks and moss to look at. They didn’t talk about it, not when there was so little to say. All they could do now was what they were already doing.

It was an uneventful climb and that was worse: at least if it had been strenuous then they could have filtered out the sounds from behind them, but as it was, that was all they could hear echoing around the mountain for almost an hour. The scenery hadn’t changed much when they reached a flatter stretch of path with oversized boulders around it, a clear resting area. The view was stunning but Sousuke couldn’t concentrate on it, and Haru was only concentrating on the power he could supposedly feel and follow. They mutually decided to keep going rather than rest.

They had barely been walking again for five minutes when Haru flung out a hand in front of them, signalling for Sousuke to stop. Before he could ask why, a rumble came from the wall beside them and within seconds there was a rock-fall a few metres before them, sending rocks tumbling over the edge of the path and down below. It wasn’t large: only enough to cause a threat if they’d actually been in the way, but they stayed still for a long time after it had finished, waiting for any more that might have been triggered by the tremors. None came, and they were left with a blocked path.

Sousuke turned to ask what Haru thought they should do next, but, completely inexplicably, Haru wasn’t beside him anymore. He wasn’t anywhere: in the time it had taken to blink, he’d vanished completely with no trace of where he’d gone. Fearing the worst but not quite believing it, Sousuke moved towards the edge, but there was no sign that he’d fallen either. That made sense, but left Sousuke in an even worse position than before. He had no idea what to do and he could already feel his pulse rising, though from what he couldn’t quite tell.

“He won’t be there.”

Hand on his sword, Sousuke whirled around to see a young woman standing in front of him, her arms crossed and her head tilted upwards just enough to look down on him. She looked a year or two younger than him, dressed in the oddest combination of thick leather breast plate and skirts that fell like layers upon layers of purple petals: far shorter at the front than the back, her legs wrapped in tights and spread open confidently. Chestnut hair was tied up into a bun and brushing over darker skin, and the contrast between the delicacy of her features and the ferocity of her eyes was startling. Brown this time, not blue, but Sousuke could recognise god’s eyes when he saw them, even if he couldn’t feel the power radiating off her.

Against his better judgement (telling him to run, get away from her, never look at her again), he growled, “Where is he, then?”

“I’ve taken him,” she said simply. There was no taunting in her words, no threat, and yet Sousuke felt the heat rise to his head like an inferno. His grip was already shaking, but not from fear. This wasn’t fear anymore.

“Give him back!” He hurled the words at her like knives and she deflected them like leaves in the wind. The only answer he got was a shake of her head – utterly disinterested in him – before she disappeared. Overcome with biting, burning rage, he screamed.

 

When he got back to the camp, Sousuke’s hands were bloody. He didn’t feel quite human, even after scraping his skin to shreds, punching the craggy rock Tashiya had disappeared into over and over and over and _shouting_ , but he didn’t feel anywhere strong enough to be a god. He didn’t feel broken or angry or murderous anymore: just hollow. Just not-human.

He’d never felt so useless in his life.

He didn’t notice Kisumi running towards him until they were together, just before the boundary of the camp started, and Kisumi was grabbing his hands, terrified, pleading, and Sousuke couldn’t hear any of it. He let himself be led back to the tent, ignoring everyone around him. Kisumi waved them away.

“What happened?” he asked when he was kneeling in front of Sousuke and bandaging his cleaned knuckles.

“She took him.”

Kisumi looked up sharply. “That’s…” his voice was unsteady. “He shouldn’t be in danger. She shouldn’t…she probably just wants him out of the way. She won’t kill him. She won’t.”

Sousuke didn’t bother to reply. He didn’t understand any of these rules of honour and not killing: it made sense that she would kill Haru, so that’s all he could think.

“What was she like? How powerful?”

“I don’t know.” His voice felt hollow now too. “I could feel her power just from her standing in front of me.”

Kisumi laughed bitterly. “Then she’s formidable, just like we thought. What kind of god is she, do you know?”

“Land god.” It was all that had come to mind when he’d seen her.

“Okay.” Kisumi finished bandaging Sousuke’s hands and tied them off, getting a wet cloth from across the tent to wipe down his brow. “Okay. He’ll be fine.”

“He won’t.”

Kisumi clicked his tongue in irritation. “Fine, he won’t then. Believe it if you need to, but there are more important things to concentrate on now.”

That whipped Sousuke from the hollow he’d cut out for himself to hide in. “What could possibly be-”

“The battle went badly. Very, very badly. We’ve beaten them off but there were casualties on both sides and without Haru’s influence, a record number of soldiers turned to Tashiya’s control. Rin and Gou among them.” Kisumi spoke steadily, reporting without emotion. “We have very few soldiers left and the reinforcements haven’t arrived. Even if they do, her control is getting worse. You can feel it, can’t you?”

A constant pounding in his head, low and thrumming and reaching for him: of course he could feel it.

“So I don’t know how long we can continue fighting without succumbing to it.” Kisumi shrugged, putting the cloth back and leaning against the table. His hair just brushed the soft folds of the tent when he tossed it out of his eyes. “We’re in trouble, so it would be helpful if you could trust me when I say Haru’s fine and he isn’t the one we should be worrying about right now.”

“I can’t!” His hands gripped the arms of the chair, digging into them until he winced at his cuts opening again.

“And I’m asking you to _try_ ,” Kisumi groaned. “Look, I know that worrying about Haru is easy for you and you’re as clueless as me when it comes to fixing this awful situation, but try and step out of your comfort zone for this one! We’ll look for Haru once there’s some stability, I promise, but right now we need to know that the next attack isn’t going to leave you all brainwashed.”

That caught Sousuke’s attention. “So what, you’re exempt from this?”

“Of course I am. I won’t be taken under her control, but I couldn’t hope to stand against her. If she ever showed herself, I’d have no choice but to obey her. So it amounts to the same thing.”

Something occurred to Sousuke and he latched onto it, sick of being the one in the wrong, sick of being the useless one. “And where’s your miraculous grandmother’s protection through all of this?”

Kisumi’s eyes narrowed. “I told you, she’s not getting involved. I asked her to take away her protection after I joined you.”

“Why would you do that?” Sousuke smiled unkindly, unable to stop himself from hating everything around him. “Don’t you think that might actually be _helpful_ here?”

“Because I wanted to stand on my own. Sorry about that.” Kisumi’s tone was as chilly as Sousuke’s was cutting and they were caught in a duel neither had asked for, but neither could back down from it. Not this one, not when they were both tearing at the edges.

“You said it yourself: we’re in trouble here, but you still won’t contact her. You won’t ask the one person who could help us, and you accuse me of not concentrating on the problem.”

“I said _no_ , Sousuke! It’s not happening!”

“Even if everyone here falls under Tashiya’s power or dies?”

“Yes! Even then, I wouldn’t ask her!”

“Why not?!”

“Because she’d say yes!”

Sousuke took a moment to breathe, trying to drink back the toxic words in his throat and failing. “So your family is more important than this, which could pose threat to the entire country? Fine.”

“Well, what about you?” Kisumi looked on the verge of tears. “You’d drop all of this in a second if it would get you Haru back, wouldn’t you? Nothing, nobody else matters as long as you two are happily together. I get it, okay? I understand, but don’t pretend you’d actually sacrifice him for this country, just like I won’t sacrifice or put my family in danger. We’re both too selfish for that.”

In two strides, Sousuke had Kisumi held up by the neck, red swimming in his vision as Kisumi clutched at his fingers to try and loosen the grip choking him.

“Never speak to me like that again,” Sousuke said in a low, low voice tinged with more fury than he would have thought possible. Kisumi nodded quickly, gasping for breath when Sousuke let him down.

Trying to clear the red from his mind, Sousuke looked down at his hands when Kisumi – usually so good at bringing him back to his senses – spoke again.

“So it’s true, then?” he asked flatly, bent over and rubbing the red marks on his neck resentfully. “More than your country, more than your soldiers, more than your best friend, you care most about getting him back.”

It wasn’t like that, not really. They both knew there were levels of caring that were incomparable, but Sousuke couldn’t say it and Kisumi didn’t want to. It was too difficult as it was without bringing fairness in: this was about bark and bite and hurting each other, not being reasonable.

“I know he means more to you than anyone else,” Kisumi said, staring at the ground, “but could you stop making it so clear that I mean that much less?”

There were any number of things Sousuke could have said to ease the pain, make things right, soothe his own hurt, but he couldn’t do it. Words seemed to come from his mouth without his permission. “I can’t stop loving him. I can’t start loving you.”

“Right.” Kisumi smiled, closing his eyes briefly. “Okay. Thanks for making it clear.” He ran out of the tent, leaving only guilt and regret in his wake.

 

The next day was everything they could have feared. If morale had been miserable before, it was a tragedy now: too many of the people they knew and had fought beside were now on the other side of the barricades, and no one was surprised when the villagers broke through again in the early afternoon. Rin and Gou led them.

Nobody tried to reason with the other side: if that hadn’t worked the first hundred times it certainly wouldn’t work now. They had no choice but to fight, doing everything in their power to not hurt and not get hurt, and it was one of the hardest battles Sousuke had ever been a part of. At every turn, with every new weapon raised to strike him, he was tempted by bloodlust telling him it would be so much easier if he gave into it, let himself go, if he could just cut down everybody in his path. That wasn’t something he could give into.

Once – only once – Kisumi caught his eye across the field and they looked away just as quickly, knowing there was no point. There was no urge to go and help him, and Sousuke had other priorities in the heat and scrum: he had promised himself he’d keep Makoto away from Rin. He feared less for Chigusa, but Makoto was already losing his edge, making stupid mistakes, and more than once Sousuke’s train of thought (still tempting, still drawing him in to madness) was interrupted forcibly as he had to reel around to block an attack Makoto should have been able to defend against easily.

If there were any bright sides to the fight, it was that Sousuke hadn’t had to fight Rin or Gou personally. The younger Mikoshiba had, and he was in pieces at the end, comforted only by Chigusa. Everyone else was too busy: casualties were far worse than usual, and another significant number of soldiers had ‘turned’, leaving the camp only a skeleton of what it had been, even with the reinforcements that had arrived that morning.

Sousuke sat in his tent alone, thinking and doing his level best not to think at all. Evening was fast approaching and he could feel the chill but it didn’t matter. He needed to go and find Haru – he knew that, he knew that so deeply that he thought it would never leave him – but he couldn’t. For a start, he had no idea where to look for him or how to get to him, or how to help if he did somehow find him. And either way, the fury from the day before had calmed into fear now. Fear that the fight they were in was doomed to fail without Haru’s defence, fear that he’d fucked everything up with Kisumi for good, fear that the people who had turned would never come back; fear, endless, endless fear for Haru.

Fear couldn’t help anything. He swallowed it, refusing to think.

There was no joy that night either: everyone huddled in small groups, trying to think positively and barely managing to think realistically. Sousuke knew it was his fault: he was their leader and he should have been there for them with motivating speeches and clear orders they could follow towards a goal, but he wasn’t. He sat with Makoto and stared into the fire, not thinking about anything but how the flames leapt and licked about in front of him.

Interruption came in the form of a creak of wood from far to the side of the fire pits. Everybody tensed. The footsteps were slow and hesitant, not like someone from the camp, but it didn’t match the pattern of the villagers’ tactics to come at night, and there should still have been guards around the barricades. Everyone waited, hands on their weapons, ready to spring into weary action.

It was a long few seconds until the intruder came into the light, his shoulders hunched up fearfully and his large, piercing eyes darting around the threatening scene before him. He looked as if one wrong word would send him running.

Kisumi was the first to react, getting up only to kneel in front of the man, who barely looked older than the younger Mikoshiba, and far frailer. With a winning smile, Kisumi looked up and took the man’s hand.

“My lord, we welcome you, but I hope you will excuse our confusion: we were not expecting you. Might you give us the honour of knowing your name?”

The pieces fell into place and Sousuke finally saw the light reflect in the man’s eyes, giving away his divinity. It explained his loose, flowing robes even in the cold of a mountain; it explained the silvery hair cut evenly and looped in a ringlet of drop-like pearls; it explained the richness of his jewellery and the glittering netting of his neckpiece and sleeves.

The god looked up and seemed to meet Sousuke’s eyes, as if picking him out as the leader. He was shaking from nerves, but a quick glance at Kisumi’s encouraging beam helped with that.

“M-my name is Ai,” the god said. “Haru asked me to come here, to help.”

 

Haru had no idea where he was. It wasn’t a situation he found himself in often, but he bit back the alarm that had been bubbling in him since he’d woken up. All he had to do was leave, so he concentrated on going back to the camp.

He couldn’t go back to the camp. That made things awkward. It wasn’t working and he couldn’t work out why: the ability to leave just wasn’t there anymore. He decided he couldn’t let himself be perturbed by this, not when Tashiya’s power was everywhere around him; he was swimming in it. But not drowning anymore, strangely: it wasn’t what it had been before. Rather than smothering him, the power wrapped around him until it was all he could breathe and feel in the cave. It became air.

There was no exit he could see: the only light filtering down into the cave was from high above him, but there was no lack of space, at least. A small stream ran down one end and the stones on the floor were smoothed down comfortably, as if they had been manipulated to make the cave more habitable.

“Do you like it?”

And then she was there, sitting on a makeshift stone chair with her legs crossed, leaning an arm on a similarly makeshift stone table. Shocked at himself, he bowed before her as if his body wasn’t his own anymore. It wasn’t, really. With her so near, it was hers now. That was how the hierarchy worked.

Tashiya smiled and the urge to bow left him as quickly as it had come upon him: it was just her way of demanding the respect she deserved but asking no more than that. She gestured to one of the ‘chairs’.

“I tried to find a cave with running water in it: I hope this is comfortable? If not, I can search for more…” She was speaking in their language, not the human one that felt heavy and rough on his tongue.

He shook his head: it was perfectly acceptable, as far as prisons went.

“Excellent.” She shook her hair out of her face, adjusting the circlet of leaves around her head. He wondered why she wore it there: land gods had a habit of wearing leaves from their home close to their heart, not their head, but the only ornament anywhere near her heart was a brooch with three swords engraved on it, all pointing towards the centre. What confused him more was how young she looked: it wasn’t that age necessarily came with power, but it was still unusual to find someone younger than him with power that shouldn’t have been possible without thousands of years of experience and worship. All she had was a few hundred years – and that was a rough guess – and a single village of mountain people. It didn’t add up.

She was watching him curiously but not unkindly, the sides of her mouth curling upwards naturally. “I’m glad you’re comfortable here, because you won’t be leaving for a while.”

The tentative feeling of goodwill towards her left him. “Will I not.”

“No, you won’t. I can’t have you leaving and making things worse, so I’m afraid you’ll need to stay here and obey me.”

“What do you want?” Best to get it out of the way, he figured.

She seemed a little thrown off by the question, but she considered it fairly. Haru began to get the impression they were seeing this situation completely differently, unless she was deliberately being amicable to better use him. Or maybe he’d just been around Sousuke for too long, if he was thinking up treachery like that.

“I’d like peace and quiet, perhaps,” Tashiya said eventually. “A quiet life would be nice. Although I’m glad to be talking to you: it’s a world apart from talking to humans!” She smiled happily and she almost seemed like a normal teenage girl.

“What about the villagers?”

Her smile changed to a small frown of confusion. “What about them? I didn’t want them, they’re just doing this because they’re weak. I hate humans: do you really think I’d ask for an army of them?” She wrinkled her nose and leant slightly further towards him. “Humans are just the worst and they all make me so uncomfortable. You understand, don’t you? I’ve never spoken to another god before, but it’s so different! It’s even better than speaking with lower spirits.”

That didn’t make sense either: it wasn’t that the mountains were particularly populous, but it should have been impossible for her never to have spoken with another god before, and Haru said as much.

“Well, I know, but…I’ve never met one. That’s just how it is. I’ve only had humans if I wanted to talk and I can’t stand being around them so I never do. Oh, but wait…” A delighted grin spread across her face, her dark brown eyes glinting like the mud in a swamp rippling out as it engulfed you. “As I recall, there was a human with you, and you’ve come here with humans? Don’t tell me you like them?”

There was no right answer to that, Haru could tell, so he kept silent and just watched her as her innocent countenance from earlier melted away easily into the self-assured glee of someone who knows they’re in control.

“Now, that’s just distasteful. You’d do so much better without them, but I suppose that’s not an option anymore, is it? You’re well and truly wound up in human affairs. I pity you. Goodness knows I’d hate to have any human so obsessed with me that they’d break their own hands apart punching rocks uselessly.”

Haru could feel the blood drain from his face, his pulse rising, but he said nothing. He carefully – so carefully – said nothing, but he couldn’t hide the haunted expression he knew he wore. Tashiya lapped it up.

“He was so worried: you’ve caught yourself a good pet, I suppose. If you’re into that. I still think it’s disgusting, personally, but I guess I’m not really one to judge.” She laughed lightly at his expression and he quickly tried to school himself into neutrality again. “It’s fine, really! Don’t be embarrassed: you can sleep with whoever you choose, I’m not going to judge you on that.” She adopted a dreamy, indulgent look that exuded warmth and kindness he could already tell she didn’t possess.

“Are you finished?” he asked coldly.

“I am, I am. Promise.” She pursed her lips to keep herself from giggling more.

“If you hate humans so much, why are you controlling the villagers?” It was worth a shot, he thought: she might not answer him, but she seemed open enough. Maybe he’d just have to go through more humiliation first before getting the information he needed.

“But I told you!” She was frowning again. “I don’t want them to do that! I don’t want them at all: they’re just weak and useless so they’re falling under my glamour. I can’t do anything about it.”

“Your what?” If he’d been Kisumi, Haru thought he would have laughed. It felt like a laugh would be appropriate.

“Glamour.”

“Glamour,” he repeated, unsure.

Now she was the one looking perplexed. “Do you…do you not know what glamour is? Are you serious?! Glamour’s one of the biggest parts of being a spirit! How do you not know?”

“Well, obviously I’ve somehow managed to go my whole life without finding out.”

She grinned but still looked dubious. “That’s just weird. I don’t even interact with humans and I still know what it is…”

“Care to enlighten me?”

“Oh, absolutely! After all,” her eyes narrowed to slits, her smile widening awfully again, “you’ll want to know, I think.”

Haru thought he would prefer not to know at all, now. He was about to say so, but he couldn’t open his mouth to get the words out.

“Glamour is like a spirit’s aura: I take it you know what those are, at least? Good. Anyway, glamour only really comes into play with gods because spirits’ glamour is just so weak it barely matters. All this you can feel?” she waved her hand around her demonstratively. “That’s mine. So you know that much, but auras aren’t just for telling what each other’s power is: there’s this glamour I keep talking about too. It’s…actually really difficult to explain now I try to, but bear with me for a second. I think…it’s an effect we have on humans. Animals too, but humans especially. They can’t handle strong power, so they get enraptured and lured in by it. Some of them, like the villagers, lose themselves completely, but I’m unusually powerful, so it’s not like that situation happens a lot.”

Haru had never heard of it. All his life, he’d never heard of that and he couldn’t understand, but it made so much _sense_. Kisumi’s famous charisma, the way whenever they met new people they were always stared at, the adoring looks they’d been showered under in Toumura, Sousuke’s eyes on him when they’d first met, that man… _that_ man and everything he’d said, everything he’d done, how quickly he’d come around to Haru, how quickly he’d opened up, how fiercely he’d shut back up and accused Haru of bewitching him before killing everyone Haru was supposed to protect…It made sense, it made sense, it made sense, it made sense and Haru had never _wanted_ it to!

“And you’re not bad off yourself,” Tashiya continued to say, almost appreciatively. The innocent smile was back. “I’d say your glamour is nothing to sniff at either. Not on the level of making a whole village mindless, but…Probably enough to enchant a few specific people if you spent enough time around them.”

Her words hit Haru exactly as hard as she’d been expecting them to, going by her anticipative grin, but Haru couldn’t think about that when the notion was still sinking through his mind and turning everything it touched to ice. If that was true – if his…glamour was active and if it charmed people the way Tashiya said it did – didn’t that mean…

“So really,” Tashiya laughed, and she didn’t even seem to mean it maliciously, “you’ve been benefiting from your glamour for a while! I dare say that’s what’s got your pet so tightly wrapped around your finger: good for you!”

Had Haru been right, then, a decade ago and more when he’d realised that no one could say they loved him and mean it? A lie to reel him in or sweet words under the influence of this power he’d never asked for, and in the end all of it would fall apart? None of them, not a single one, not before, not now, none had meant it: was that it? _Why was that it_?!

Haru was breathing heavily, losing control, and Tashiya watched him wordlessly. He didn’t know and didn’t care if she had told him knowing that this would happen to him, and he didn’t keep track of what she was doing, what expression she had, how she was going to play him next. In time, still without saying a thing, she left. Haru didn’t move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Designs for Ai and Tashiya can be found [here](http://eristastic.tumblr.com/post/133186312602/just-some-designs-for-lord-i-drew-ages-agomore)


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry...I completely forgot to upload this...  
> Anyway, one more part to go.

Kisumi and Ai got along just about as well as a social butterfly and a nervous wreck desperate for comfort could, which is to say one-sidedly. They sat at Sousuke’s fire and Kisumi got right to work on making the jittery god feel at home enough to introduce himself properly. The staring from everyone else didn’t help.

“So you say Haru sent you?” Kisumi asked, carefully staring at the fire instead of at Ai. “He’s so thoughtful…Have you known each other long?”

Ai seemed to be trying his best, but his voice still came out a tad reedy and nervous. “No, not at all! He came to find me the other day and he explained what was going on and asked me to help, but there was no way I could do that! I can’t stand up to _that_ sort of power! And then…I’m lower in the hierarchy than him but he told me I could do what I liked, and he left. I was going to leave it like that, but then his aura disappeared and…I started to worry…”

Sousuke was about to interrogate him on what he meant by saying Haru’s aura disappeared, but Kisumi seemed to expect that and got in first with a sunny smile. “That’s so kind of you! We’re actually in a pinch right now without him, so you’re saving us here.”

That seemed to boost Ai’s confidence for a second and it was like watching a flower bloom and suddenly wilt with anxiety. “A-ah, but I can only act as a defence against her aura, you know! There’s no way I can do anything more than that! I can’t fight at all, but…I’ll try my best, I promise!” He tilted his head down almost in a bow but probably more likely a way of avoiding eye contact.

“That’s brilliant! We’d never ask you to do more than that.” Kisumi clapped his hands together and the flower bloomed again.

Ai managed to look charming when he was smiling and not utterly on edge, it turned out. Everyone else was still staring at them, seemingly stuck between wonder and resentment that the two of them could be in any sort of good mood when the entire camp was under a cloud of despondence. And usually – _usually_ – Sousuke would have guessed that it was all a lie, that Kisumi was smiling out of habit and because he felt he had to for overall morale, but somehow Sousuke couldn’t tell anymore.

It was stupid: it was just something trivial and small (so he told himself) but he couldn’t let it go. He couldn’t tell anymore. Maybe Kisumi was just doing better at pretending, but Sousuke couldn’t pick out a single flaw in his countenance, couldn’t see the tiniest hint that their argument had ever affected Kisumi, and it was disarmingly frustrating: Sousuke couldn’t concentrate. He went through the decision process of keeping Ai safe only distantly, agreeing when Chigusa suggested the younger Mikoshiba guard him, but his mind felt mired in discomfort and annoyance. There was nothing he could do, nothing he could think of, and he was so swamped in mistake after mistake that it felt useless to even try. He was floundering.

Unfairly, things only got worse over the following days. With Rin and Gou at the helm, the villagers kept coming and fighting harder than before, and though reinforcements from other provinces were arriving steadily and the mental drag was lessened by Ai’s presence, it wasn’t easy. Sustainable, perhaps, but Sousuke wasn’t looking for sustainable: none of them were. Sustainable was possibly the most disheartening state of battle because neither side was giving, even though by all logical arguments the villagers should have lost days before. Sousuke couldn’t help thinking that Tashiya was using Haru’s power in some way to strengthen her army.

It would make sense, he thought (though after so much thinking and thinking and never talking to anyone about it, anything would make sense): Tashiya clearly wanted revenge for what had happened under Sousuke’s father’s reign, so it would make sense for her to take it out on him. He could handle that. What he couldn’t handle was the idea that she was using Haru in some way, any way: the god could express as much contempt of human methods as he liked, but after meeting Tashiya, Sousuke couldn’t imagine that she wasn’t capable of the same things humans were.

But what could he do? He thought about it constantly, and wasn’t that just convenient? It kept his mind off turning to the call of bloodlust – always so much stronger than Tashiya’s power – but it never came to anything. He was too easily distracted and it dawned on him that that was his saving grace because if he actually thought about it, he kept coming up with the same answer.

He was completely useless. No power, no leads, no ideas, no knowledge, nothing.

No wonder everyone around him was starting to doubt him.

It came slowly, in side glances and whispers, and he knew why it started: he had never managed to give a real reason for Haru’s disappearance, and it was affecting everyone. If he’d been around, Rin would have shouted his ear off telling him to shape up and be a proper leader. If they’d been talking, Kisumi would have helped him to come up with a believable excuse. As it was, Sousuke did nothing.

Life reached stability, leaving him behind. The sustainable fighting was apparently something the others could get used to: there were fewer injuries, they were getting better at learning how to fight these feral, mindless people, and it was getting easier. Sousuke didn’t agree; he could barely breathe.

 

It came to a head, as he knew it would have to eventually. At the end of another day of doing exactly the same fighting and holding his breath and hating how useless he was, Sousuke swallowed his pride enough to go and find Kisumi. He crossed the main clearing, nodding to Makoto and Chigusa and making sure to give some words of congratulations to Ai for another good day’s work (mostly because it was so rewarding watching the god almost sparkle in delight, assuring everyone around him he’d work hard). It didn’t pass by Sousuke that everyone was smiling more now: even the younger Mikoshiba had started to whine and mess around like he had before, curling up to Ai’s side as if to a comfort blanket, and that in itself was rewarding too. Sousuke kept walking.

He was nervous, unsurprisingly. It was like wading through mud, hoping that things would finally be better if only he could reach him and make things right with him, tell him the truth.

Whatever the truth was.

But it had to be better because Sousuke was having a hard time imaging worse. So he walked, one heavy step after another, until he reached Kisumi’s tent. Impractically, there was no door to knock on and he didn’t trust his voice enough to cough or make his presence more obvious than he was sure his pounding heart already did, so he just went in.

In retrospect, that wasn’t the best idea he’d ever had. Kisumi didn’t so much look up as jump halfway out of his seat when Sousuke walked in. He was hiding something behind him, eyes wide and terrified as he stayed frozen in place, and it didn’t take more than a second to see it was a letter, accompanying the similar one that had been knocked to the edge of the table.

The two men stared at each other and Sousuke couldn’t for the life of him work out why, but all his hope and goodwill seemed to have left him. Kisumi had calmed down now but he was still hiding the letter, and it irked Sousuke too much, far more than it should have.

“What’s that?” he found himself saying.

Kisumi had the grace to look embarrassed, but he tucked the letters away quickly into his jacket, shrugging. “Just personal correspondence…”

“Your grandmother?”

Embarrassment turned to annoyance. “Sousuke, we’ve been over this: _don’t_. Look, it’s just…it’s nothing, really. Don’t worry about it. Actually, I’m glad you’re here, because we…really need to talk. About us not talking, I mean, it’s just…” he scratched the back of his head, looking away, but something had snapped in Sousuke and he couldn’t fix it.

“Don’t bother,” he said, and he almost cringed at how hurt – how fragile – Kisumi looked, but he couldn’t help it. He was unreasonably, unfathomably upset and this was the last thing he needed to splinter it all and cut him in a million different ways. And then he was walking out, trying to escape as if the marginally fresher air outside would actually be able to cool his head.

It didn’t. It only brought him back to earth, and then he was running, running back up the mountain path he’d walked with Haru only days before, and hating himself more with every crush of his boots on the ground. The night was so dark he could barely see, but he could make out the edge and he could make out any obstacle in front of him and he didn’t need more than that: if anything, he wanted to see less.

It was his fault: he knew that. Through his steady, heavy breathing; through the desperate stretching of his muscles; through the images flying around his mind: through everything, he knew that. He was the one being unreasonable-

(He couldn’t control himself)

He was the one who couldn’t bring morale to his soldiers-

(He wasn’t fit to rule)

He was the one who’d thrown Kisumi aside like he was worth nothing-

(He could only be selfish)

He was the one being punished by Tashiya for his father’s crimes-

(He could never escape that)

It was all his fault.

Before, it would have been different, but it wasn’t ‘before’ anymore: he needed someone who would understand that and who would treat him how he wanted to be treated: he didn’t want to be wrapped in feather blankets and told everything would be alright, that everyone made mistakes, that he was a good person at heart and he’d just slipped up here or there. He wanted to be told he was wrong because he _was_ , he wanted to be blamed fairly and by someone who cared about him and who’d help him get back to his feet, and most of all he needed to think straight again for once, just once, he just wanted to _think_.

With sweat-soaked temples and a racing pulse, he skidded to a stop when he finally saw the moonlight’s glint off a mountain stream, falling from the crags above him into a channel a full stride across. It flowed gently and the light played across it like a white flag whipped about in the wind, and Sousuke knelt before it.

That was all he could think of: Haru had said he could communicate through water, and Sousuke wasn’t a god, he hadn’t pre-arranged it, he had no surety this would work, but it didn’t matter. He plunged his head into the icy water and screamed Haru’s name.

After maybe a minute of nothing he had to surface, gasping at the freeze of air on his wet skin, and then he went again. Again and again, over and over, with no idea what he was supposed to do or what he was supposed to keep on edge for. It felt hopeless, but Sousuke was used to that now, so he kept going.

Just as he broke from the fifteenth plunge, he heard something: the smallest flutter of a gasp. Taking a rushed gulp of breath, he pushed his head back underwater and something changed: he’d expected, if anything, that he would suddenly hear Haru’s voice in his head and they’d be able to talk that way, but it was nothing like that at all. His eyes were still squeezed together but he could see everything in a place he’d never seen before.

The vision was milky and wispy, warping capriciously just like how you’d expect when seeing through a layer of running water, but he could see enough. He could see Haru, for a start. The god looked dumbfounded in that special way he had of widening his eyes and keeping his mouth tightly closed, looking more than a little put upon, and Sousuke just felt so relieved that he couldn’t care about anything else. Not even the tremors of distress Haru was hiding so well.

“You’re alright?” he managed to say without opening his mouth, and Haru nodded.

“…yeah, I’m fine. She won’t hurt me.” He sounded cornered, and Sousuke realised the stress must have been getting to him too. “What about you?”

“We’ll manage, since Ai got here. Thanks for sending him.”

“Mm.”

It felt strangely distant, but Sousuke still couldn’t care. A rich, full-bodied smell he couldn’t place had permeated into the vision and it was filling his head like cream into a bowl. “I’ll come and find you, I promise. I’ll get you back no matter what it takes, and I’ll kill her, I’ll stop her, I’ll do anything, I swear it.”

Haru looked like he was about to say something but before he could, Sousuke choked, feeling the burn on his lungs, and they both knew he wouldn’t be able to keep it up for much longer.

“I’ll be fine,” Haru said hurriedly, “so you need to go. We won’t be able to do this again: she’ll know. But I can handle this end myself, so just…concentrate on yours.”

Sousuke had imagined this conversation too many times to count, but there was only one way he could respond to how unnerved and _wrong_ Haru looked. “…if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” Haru said, and there was a slight curve to his mouth, just enough to assuage Sousuke’s doubt, but he didn’t have the time to think on it before he was being pulled out of the water forcibly.

Spluttering and rasping in air, he looked up to see the pink of Kisumi’s hair under the moonlight.

“What were you _doing_?!” Kisumi shouted, his face crumpling, shock and horror written all over it.

Sousuke turned over to sit cross legged, shaking the water from his hair and trying to process what was happening. “I needed to speak to Haru.”

“Okay, okay, hold up right there!” Kisumi put his hands out, looking far from reassured. “You needed to speak to Haru? So you _drown_ yourself?! Why would you do that?! Do you have any idea what it was like, seeing you break back in the camp, then coming here and seeing you…I was so far away and you were under there for so long and you weren’t coming up…” he sat down heavily, curling his legs to his chest and hiding his face with his arms. “Do you have any _idea_ …?”

 It finally dawned on Sousuke what Kisumi had seen. He felt unburdened now, or at least as if he could reach out without getting tied up in anxiety and self-loathing, and he stretched a hand out to Kisumi’s hair.

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t like that: remember he said he could hear that lizard god through water? I thought there might be a chance, so…it worked. Just for a minute, but it worked.”

Kisumi said nothing.

“You were right: he’s fine. I was killing myself over that and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Kisumi seemed to bury his head further into his arms.

“Look, I don’t know what else to say!” He hated that he was, but he was losing patience.

“No, you never do, do you?” Kisumi’s voice came out muffled until he raised his head enough to rest his chin on his arms and glare in a way that gave the impression he’d shatter if you so much as touched him. “I’m happy for you and I’m glad you’re feeling better, but if you don’t mind I’d really like to be left alone right now.”

“Why?”

“Why do I have to give a reason? You never seem to. It’s always so much more important that you get your way, isn’t it? Screw the people who get trampled under your feet: so long as you’re doing things your way, it’s all good.”

“Kisumi, if this is about-”

“ _Yes_ , it’s about that! Why would it not be about that?! Did you think I just got over you telling me you can never feel a thing for me?!”

“You certainly didn’t give the _impression_ that-”

“Do you know me at all or am I seriously just a stranger at this point?” The resentment and raw confusion on his face silenced Sousuke better than the constant interruptions could. “You know what? Forget it. Just leave me alone to sulk. Haru’s fine, so you’re happy now aren’t you? And I know you’re annoyed. Just go: I don’t mind. I won’t be offended that you need to leave because you can’t stand the sight of me.”

Sousuke steeled himself and moved over to sit next to Kisumi, making sure not to touch him.

“ _Go_ ,” Kisumi repeated.

“This is doing things my way.”

“Ohhh right, okay,” Kisumi said bitterly. “I’m so pleased you’ve managed to make peace with yourself, that’s brilliant, that’s just wonderful, now would you please leave me alone? Because as I recall, you can’t start loving me, and I’m pretty sure that there are other people back in the camp who could handle you better right now.”

Sousuke waited patiently until he’d finished, then reached out and cupped Kisumi’s cheek in a hand. Kisumi didn’t move, and Sousuke leaned forwards to kiss him. It was soft and sure, but even though Sousuke didn’t feel any resistance, nor did Kisumi move with him anymore than opening his teeth when prompted. His expression hadn’t changed from glass-like reproach when Sousuke pulled back.

“I still care for you,” he said, giving Kisumi the only compromise he could.

“Forgive me for saying that’s not enough right now. Or ever.”

“You said it was enough once.”

“You said you’d try to love me. We both lied.”

Sousuke sighed, raking his hands down his face. “Be that as it may, neither of us needs this argument right now.”

“No, what you mean to say is that _you_ don’t need it and you want me to stop being so annoying. To that, I repeat what I said before: just go.”

“I’m not leaving until you feel better.”

Kisumi laughed like it was choking him, dry and hoarse. “Better settle down then.”

So Sousuke lay back, trying to find a comfortable spot on uneven stones and failing, and looked up at the stars. Beside him, Kisumi’s breathing was all he could hear apart from the ambient rustles and flow of water. At least he was trying, Sousuke thought. He hadn’t been able to _try_ for what felt like too long, and he needed to show it, to prove himself.

Time passed slowly, and it dawned on him that maybe – even though he was so proud of that fact that he wasn’t bristling with anger and irritation at every turn – ‘trying’ wasn’t what he needed to do here. Kisumi still wasn’t saying anything.

“What do I need to do?” Sousuke asked the night sky in a manner that implied that if Kisumi happened to overhear, he was welcome to answer as well.

“Nothing. Just keep loving Haru and find him and be happy together. Beat Tashiya and be the king you always wanted to be.”

“I can’t do that: you know I can’t do that. But let me rephrase: what do I need to do to help you?”

“My answer’s going to be just the same, you know.”

Sousuke got up on his elbows and narrowed his eyes at Kisumi even though they could barely see each other in the dark. “That’s not true.”

“I promise it is,” and, in a half-hearted attempt at normality, he winked.

“So you’re saying you’re giving up?”

“Okay, that’s not _fair_. You can’t accuse me of giving up on something I don’t have a hope of getting! Give me a break…” Like gears turning and creaking into life, Kisumi was regaining his spirit. Sousuke didn’t have much time.

He grabbed Kisumi’s hand. “I didn’t realise that this was hurting you so much.”

“Did you not? Weird.”

He was bad with words, he was so painfully, hideously bad with words and Kisumi wasn’t playing along with him anymore.

“I’m sorry, and I know I can’t take that back and make it better, I know I can’t promise you anything about the future, but…whatever we end up as, can you promise me you’ll talk to me when you need to?”

A number of emotions seemed to flit over Kisumi’s face, or maybe it was a trick of the light, such as it was. “How selfish can you get?” he eventually said, a strained smile in his voice.

“As selfish as I need to be. Promise me.”

“Yeah, I’m not going to do that.

“Why not?”

“Because you never say anything either. It’s got to be mutual or it’s just going to hurt; if nothing else, I learnt that much from being with you.”

Sousuke sighed exasperatedly. “Then fine, I promise too. Even if I can never love you, I don’t want to lose you as a companion, so promise me, would you?” His grip tightened on Kisumi’s hand.

“Ugh, fine. Fine, I _promise_.”

“And no more sulking.”

“A little more sulking.”

Squeezing his hand, Sousuke smiled. “A little more, then.”

 

“Oh, that was thoughtful.”

Haru was used to Tashiya appearing unexpectedly so he didn’t even startle at her voice. He just looked up, raising himself out of the water enough to talk to her properly. At his request, she’d moved him to a cave with a much deeper flow of water going through it so he could actually soak, and she came to sit at the rocky banks, rolling off her tights and cringing when the cold of the water hit her legs.

He couldn’t place exactly why, but she always seemed gentler in the water. Watching her swirl a finger around near her knees, humming idly, he couldn’t feel hostile towards her despite their positions. But then, he hadn’t been able to feel hostile – not exactly – towards her even when they weren’t in the water. Wary, yes, but not hostile.

“How’s he doing?” she asked conversationally, still watching the water under her hands.

Haru shrugged. He’d learnt quickly that she wasn’t the type to force answers out of him, nor did she always expect them, so he was free to stay as silent as he liked.

“Well, I was watching for some of it,” she admitted bashfully.

Haru didn’t comment.

“I’m glad he thinks he can save you. Loyal pets are fun, aren’t they?” She seemed to be making something of a joke, and Haru didn’t understand it. It would have been easier for both of them if she just came out with layers of contempt and disdain to lavish on him, but she didn’t. Instead she played these games, looking so sincere that he wanted to believe her.

“He’ll get you back when they leave, anyway. I just want a peaceful life, remember? Don’t look so gloomy.”

Haru continued to look gloomy and Tashiya pouted at him in a helpless, ‘what are we going to do with you’ way.

“Are you alright? You’ve been looking peaky these last few days…I’m worried about you. You know I don’t really want to do this, and you’re not a prisoner, as such…”

“Am I not.”

“You’re really not! Once they leave I’ll give you back, but for the time being I can’t risk you being out there.”

“Why not?” He felt angry now: there was nothing he could do, cooped up in a cage of mountain and stone, and he needed to know. “You said you don’t want them or care about them: why can’t I be out there so I can help release your hold on the villagers?”

Tashiya frowned. “That wouldn’t work. Like I’ve been telling you, glamour doesn’t work that way. They have to escape mine without coming into contact with another god’s or they’ll just become enraptured by you, and do you really want that?”

“So let them go.”

“I can’t! Are you listening to me at all? It’s their fault and I’m not leaving my territory just so some weak-willed humans can break free! They should be the ones to leave.”

“So let me go, and I’ll take them.” He really was grasping at anything he could here: since when did he want anything like that?

“You’re desperate, aren’t you?” She leant back on her arms, tilting her head backwards to look up at the light filtering through chinks in the stone above them. “I don’t want to let you go. Not yet. Just…I don’t know what to do either, and I want company while I figure it out. I’ll release them if I work out how, but right now…I can’t do it.”

Her voice sounded small and impossibly fragile in the vast expanse of the cavern, and any hot-headed retorts Haru might have been trying to come up with left him. He wanted to shout at her; if he’d been Sousuke, he would have. He wanted to show her how selfish and wrong she was being, how she was going about everything the wrong way, but he didn’t know anything either. The two of them were holding different pieces to the puzzle and refusing to show each other, but even if they had, Haru thought they wouldn’t have been able to solve it. Something had gone dreadfully wrong far too quickly and he couldn’t work out _why_.

“Let me go and I can explain it,” he said, matching her tone. “We can help. Things can go back to how they were before.”

It was like teasing a rabbit out of a hole, coaxing and moving so _slowly_ towards it, towards her, and then she was looking at him with a guarded expression and he knew he’d lost. The rabbit scurried away.

“How would going back to before help?” she muttered, almost to herself. And then, louder, “I’m not letting you leave.” With smooth movements, she pulled herself up and stood, turning and disappearing from the cave before her foot touched the ground.  Haru was left alone to wonder how he’d be able to convince her the next time. He didn’t have much hope, but she never dissuaded him outright, so he kept trying.

There were times when she never spoke. Few and far between, but they were there: she’d come to the cave and sit, staring at him or a wall or a pebble she rolled around on her palm before exploding it into dust, and if he tried to talk she’d ignore him completely. Haru’s permanent objective was to get on her good side enough that she’d let him leave, so he tried to fake concern when what he really felt was confusion; imitating Makoto as well as he could remember, he asked her about it once, when she was back to normal.

“Sometimes I just don’t feel like talking,” she replied simply. “I would have thought you’d understand that, given what you’re like.”

He did, but the way she said it annoyed him and they spent the rest of the evening pointedly not talking to each other. And yet she didn’t leave the cave. True to her word of wanting company, she stayed there far more often than he’d ever expected her to. There was enough space for them to co-exist (even though everything around her filled up with the smell and feel of her aura, soaking him to the bone) so he didn’t mind, but he still couldn’t understand what she wanted.

There were better times too, when Tashiya hit upon a subject that Haru actually didn’t mind talking about: once, she prompted him to talk about his own territory and listened to him as attentively and with as much interest as someone who really had never left the mountains before. He began to believe her when she said she’d never left her own territory or ever met anyone else, and that just confused him more. There was something so wrong about the whole situation but he couldn’t put his finger on it and that stressed him enough to want to forget all about it. So he did, repeatedly. As many times as it took, in fact.

Tashiya talked to him even – especially – when he was in no mood to talk back. Without apparent bad feeling, she’d tell him what was going on at the barricades, how each side was doing, what the kill count was like, how his ‘pet’ was faring, and all the other little things he was doing a shoddy job of convincing himself he didn’t need to know. Weak as ever, Haru wanted the information enough that he didn’t stop her, but he never stooped to responding to most of what she said. And though it was insulting, it never felt like she was actually trying to insult him. Haru wasn’t the best judge of character in the world, but he thought he understood that much.

“Were you friends with those red-haired siblings?” she asked one day. Haru nodded noncommittally and she grinned. “Then you’ll be glad to hear they’re doing _so_ well leading the villagers! Even caught under my glamour, they’re a force to be reckoned with.”

Haru sank lower into the water.

“W-wait! That’s something to be happy about!” Tashiya said, panicking a bit. “Come on, don’t go sulking over this: it’s not like it’s permanent, so be happy that they’re flourishing under the change. Gosh!”

“You don’t understand.” How could she understand this constant wanting, needing, yearning to know, but also wanting with every fibre of his body to forget about it so he could leave the human world behind if he had to?

“Well, you don’t understand anything either!” she sighed, utterly exasperated, but she still sat next to the stream and watched him for hours afterwards, occasionally offering a new topic of conversation to pass the time.

 

“Pink hair’s quite unusual in humans, isn’t it?” she said another time.

“He’s not fully human.”

“Ah, I thought so!” She looked so pleased to be right that Haru couldn’t find it in himself to ignore her. “I knew that was something of an aura I could feel coming off of him. He’s doing really well at using his glamour, did you know? You did? You know, I’m finding it harder and harder to believe you managed to be ignorant about glamour this long, with people like that around you.”

Shrugging, Haru turned away from her. It was a sore subject.

“Don’t be like that!” she laughed, rolling onto her back on the stone she’d smoothed down to make it halfway comfortable. It was strange how considerate she could be sometimes but then spend so long pinning him down with her eyes at others.

“Is that an order?” he asked drily.

“If it was an order you’d feel it, idiot. And I didn’t mean to insult you, I was just pointing out that it’s weird.”

“What about you? You’ve never left your territory or seen another god. How is that not weird?”

Immediately she clammed up. “That’s different.”

“Is it.”

“It is!”

“Huh.”

“You just don’t get it, that’s all,” she sniffed.

“You could try explaining it. Might help.”

He’d thought irritating her might get her to open up and let something slip, but she glared at him and spoke in a voice he couldn’t disobey. “Drop it.”

So he looked away sharply and sunk down into the water so he couldn’t see her anymore. Only in the water could he escape her aura.

 

“No one died today.”

That one caught him by surprise. It sounded more like a report than an attempt at small talk to fill the cave up with sound. She’d caught him at one of the few times when he wasn’t soaking in the water (making up for Toumura, he liked to pretend, as if he hadn’t done it more since Sousuke had made contact with him just in the slight _hope_ ), and she sat opposite him.

“Isn’t that great? Are you happy?” There was something dangerously impatient in her voice, but she seemed her usual cheerful self so he didn’t pay it any mind: her unspoken threats hadn’t amounted to anything that he could see, so he felt it might be alright to drop his guard.

He nodded, and she smiled brighter.

“It’s really unusual, isn’t it? I kind of wish I could have shown you: it’s the oddest thing to watch two armies – of no insignificant number of soldiers, by the way – fighting for hours without anyone dying. I’m almost proud of them.” She put a hand to her mouth thoughtfully. “Humans are pretty fun to watch, I’ll give them that.”

_And nothing more?_ Haru wanted to ask, but he knew she’d just brush it off. He settled on “That’s good.”

Tashiya muffled a laugh and he shot her a look.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” she said, giggling. “It’s just that I think I’m getting better at telling what you mean now, and I find it stupidly funny how much you hide. You don’t have to be afraid of showing emotion in front of me, you know? I’m not going to use it against you. Or are you always like this? It’s fine if you are, of course.”

She was trying hard, he could see that much. It was obvious she desperately wanted to be friends with him, or at least desperately wanted to be closer and to have him open up to her and he just didn’t know how to respond to that. There was every possibility she was biding her time before she did something awful so he shouldn’t tell her a thing, but he also had no proof for that and he didn’t want to think that badly of her. She’d kidnapped him and wouldn’t let him leave, but she was being frighteningly kind and friendly in the meantime and had all but told him when she’d release him.

So he just said nothing.

 

 “He’s got a good roar on him,” she commented once.

Haru looked up disinterestedly. Tashiya was playing at carving patterns in the rock with a finger, grooves opening up with the barest touch of her skin.

“Your pet, I mean,” she clarified. “He was even more pet-like yesterday, actually, what with all the roaring. I forgot to tell you, but I couldn’t stop watching him. Come to think of it, he looked like he was going berserk at points. I’ve never seen a berserker before, but I know vaguely what they’re like…I think…I mean, I have approximate knowledge of basically what one should be…?” She was wrinkling her nose in confusion and Haru decided to do the kind thing and put her out of her misery.

“He is one.”

“Oh, really?”

“Mm.” It wasn’t as if Haru would be able to forget how he’d found out, so at least he was sure in that.

“Oh _good_.” Tashiya actually looked relieved. “I wasn’t certain and I was getting all anxious over whether it’d be rude to ask or not.” She hesitated. “Although I suppose that means I’ve been especially rude for asking indirectly, huh? Sorry.”

Haru shrugged. He was going to feel uncomfortable and invaded either way, so she could be as rude as she liked, frankly.

The conversation faded out then, not in a way that suggested neither of them had anything to talk about, but more that Tashiya had chosen to stop talking deliberately. After waiting a few minutes to see if she’d do anything else (she didn’t), Haru sunk back down into the water and let his thoughts drift.

He was getting used to living with her. Yes, he craved freedom, but he was getting used to this life of soaking and thinking and tolerating her conversation, and that worried him. Because when he thought about it – and he’d really prefer not to think about it – he realised he was beginning to think like her, just a bit.

Too long away from humans (and it had only been days, or weeks, or…) left him wondering if it was all worth it. It was easier here, and it would be easier still if he could go back to his territory and stop worrying that things were going awry while he was away. Simpler and cleaner and easier because then he wouldn’t have to worry that humans were so fundamentally different from him and Tashiya and everyone; he wouldn’t have to worry that their emotions didn’t work the same way his did. But those thoughts were like burrs: spiky and spiny and unpleasant to touch, but sticking to him so he couldn’t lose them no matter what he did, and they were always there. Was it really worth it? If he couldn’t be sure anything was real, or anything was shared between them, why even bother? Why not just leave, if it would save him pain later on? He hated it, but he’d already started planning for it anyway. It hurt, but…if he had to…maybe…

“You’re frowning again.”

Haru opened his eyes and tried to smooth his expression out while Tashiya watched him, amused. She’d joined him in the water and everything was different about her now, just slightly. It was the difference between a normal stone and one smoothed out by the sea, enough that the edges were pleasantly soft and calming to feel.

“Are you worrying about something? You can tell me.”

No, he couldn’t. He didn’t understand why she’d say that when they weren’t close, they weren’t friends, he was only there because he had to be because of her power, and yet…she was smiling at him and her eyes seemed to be glinting blue – was it the reflection from the water? – and he felt like he was drowning in her aura.

She looked kind. She looked trustworthy. She looked like someone who would unravel every part of him and stitch him back together better than he was before, and even though he never would have accepted that before, everything was different here under the faint flush of sunlight and her gentle, gentle, far too gentle smile.

“You really shouldn’t keep it bottled up,” she said in a softer voice that just wasn’t _Tashiya’s_ , not from what he knew of her, but it made him feel like a child. It made his mouth itch to tell her, to just let it out, even though he knew full well he couldn’t trust her.

But apparently he couldn’t trust anyone, so what was one more person?

“You call him my pet, because you say he’s under my…glamour.”

“I do.”

“Is it impossible that’s not what’s happening?”

She looked at him with the sorrow of the one who has to break bad news. “I highly doubt it’s not, I’m afraid. Is that such a bad thing, though? As long as you stay close to him, you’ll have him forever. Isn’t that something you’d like? You can get rid of him just as easily, if he bores you: just leave and he’ll eventually fall out of it.”

Burrs (and thorns and needles and nettles) stuck in Haru’s throat and his voice was croaky when he spoke. “But is it impossible?”

“No, not impossible, I just wouldn’t count on it if I were you.” She tilted her head questioningly, her hair falling into those eyes that were now almost mirroring his in colour. “But why does it matter? He’s just a human.”

“Not all gods hate humans like you do.”

Tashiya blinked once, then again, and again, and finally her mouth widened into an O. “You don’t…You’re not…oh, that was stupid. The chances of him reciprocating sincerely are…not good.”

“So you’ve said.”

“You still have time to leave him, you know. Get out and forget, avoid being hurt…”

Haru shook his head. He’d already considered that. He’d considered it and planned for it but he couldn’t do it, if he was honest with himself. He wouldn’t be able to pull himself away from everything he was used to, all the warmth mingling with his chill, not now he’d managed to delude himself into thinking he knew what being loved back was like.

Tashiya’s face crumpled in sympathy, and she seemed so different from usual that Haru thought it might be genuine. “Then there’s no advice I can offer you. That’s what you get for falling for a human, I suppose,” she said, not as flippantly as she might have. “Is it a preference? Have you got some experience with it that could help?”

Was it a preference? Now there was a good question. Two humans and one almost-fully human in a lifetime shouldn’t have made it a preference, but compared to one god decades and decades previously, maybe…He didn’t want to consider that. He said as much. He didn’t know why he did, but he said it. She just seemed so welcoming here.

Tashiya nodded in understanding. “Disregarding the god, were the other two recent? Do you mind me asking how they ended?”

_In blood_ , he didn’t say.

“One was many years ago. The other’s now as well.”

“Pardon?” Something in her voice sounded frozen. “As in, currently going on? And…you said a quarter divine, didn’t you? He’s not that pink-haired one down at the camp now, is he?”

Haru nodded miserably, for as much misery as he was ever able to show.

“Three of you?” Tashiya’s voice was suddenly so different: not like usual, not like just before, but deeper and smugger and full of all the contempt he’d been waiting for her to strangle him with, but why _now_? Why after he’d finally given in and told her everything?! He backed up against the wall behind him, a shiver of fear catching him off guard.

She laughed briefly, mirthlessly. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

He couldn’t understand it – and why were there so many things he couldn’t understand?! – she was almost like another person and he couldn’t work out what had triggered the change, what had forced her to put up walls of superiority to protect herself.

She didn’t waste any time in letting him know. “Nothing works with three people,” she scoffed. Haru didn’t reply: all he could do was watch. Again, he felt like a child before her but it wasn’t because she exuded comfort anymore.

“I thought you were weirdly naïve, but this is just embarrassing,” Tashiya said, smiling unkindly and leaning back against the banks so she could lift a hand palm-up. She shrugged as if in amused despair at how little Haru knew. “You’ve got your pet, you’ve got your prince, and you’re telling me you expect it to work? You’re just going to find yourself alone, come on. There’s a way this scenario plays out and it always ends with one person alone. Not unloved, perhaps, but loved a little less. And sure, maybe it might not be you – if you’re lucky – but can you really say you’re sure about that when you’re crumbling at the very idea that your glamour’s the reason they love you in the first place? Take it away, and you’re left alone. Simple as that.”

“You’re wrong,” he said, shaking his head.

“I’m not. Take it from me as some friendly advice: it’s going to end in tears.”

“It’s _not_.”

The contempt on her face ripped into anger and suddenly Haru had the fury of ruddy soil-coloured eyes on him, Tashiya’s aura tinging with iron in his nose. “Don’t talk back to me. You don’t know anything! Just looking at you makes me sick. You think you can hide under layers of silence and straightforwardness and you’re so fucking wrong that you can’t even _see_ it! You can’t see that nobody could put up with that! There’s always one left out, and it’s going to be you so just accept it and realise that nothing works out when there are three of you! You’ll just be left chasing after something you can never have for the rest of their lives.”

“You’re wrong!” Haru shouted, surprising himself, but he couldn’t stand to see her like that. Her aura was everywhere, spiking and peaking like lightning and it was beginning to have a physical effect on the cave.

“I’m not!” she snarled, eyes an explosion of cherry red. She climbed out of the water and stood, legs shaking and cracking the stone beneath her. “I’m not wrong about this!”

“That’s not always how it is!” he protested, staying as deep in the water as he could because water was safe, water was his element, water was everything, and she was losing control.

“It doesn’t matter how great it feels, no matter how perfect your bond – and yours is far from perfect, isn’t it?” she spat, her aura crackling with energy now, clawing at the cave walls in a way no aura should have been able to. “It _doesn’t work_!”

Haru’s mouth wouldn’t work: she wouldn’t let it, but suddenly he didn’t care about that. The raw power in front of him meant nothing, the fury she bared at him wasn’t important. He couldn’t stop himself from sucking in a shocked breath as he finally put the puzzle together and realised what was wrong.


	25. Chapter 25

This battle was nothing like the others. It had started out the same, but without warning everything had changed: inconceivably, the villagers were fighting with everything they had and more, with inhuman determination and drive. The whole battlefield was swimming in the smell of something rich and cloying and it didn’t take too long to work out that it was the aura that was now hooking into Sousuke and persuading him to give in. Everyone around him was having the same problem, the same fierce concentration on their faces as they struggled to ignore the pull and just keep fighting. This time it wasn’t sustainable.

Sousuke could already hear his own soldiers falling to this sudden change of currents, and he leapt back from the fray just for a minute, just to take stock of the situation. As he’d thought, it wasn’t anywhere in the range of ‘good’, or even ‘acceptable’. They’d lost ground already, and Ai’s protection was nowhere to be felt, not against what he now realised was a spike in Tashiya’s aura. How could he fight against that? They were outnumbered now – and they shouldn’t be, they should have had more than enough but _everything was different now_ – with no chance of reinforcements and people were already dying.

He sought out Chigusa, Makoto and Kisumi in the crowd and found them in no better state than himself. They were trying, just like everyone was trying, but it was unfairly hard trying to avoid the pull and avoid killing and avoid falling prey to the bestial attacks of the mindless villagers, and it wasn’t possible anymore. He had to-

No, he had to think about this. Without reinforcements – and where could he find _any_ at this point? – it was doomed, he could tell that much. There was no way they could keep this up. So thinking about it didn’t help, it just made him realise how hopeless it really was.

But there was one thing he could do.

He _had_ to.

He barked an order, taking back the rule of not killing the villagers (because these were not normal circumstances, he told himself: they didn’t have a choice). The order was repeated again and again, passing down the army and bringing relief as the soldiers finally had one less thing to worry about. But Sousuke wasn’t finished: that wasn’t going to be enough. Stuck between the wretched pull of a god’s aura and the familiar temptation of bloodlust, he let himself fall into thirst.

It wasn’t something he’d ever done willingly before, but it came so easily he couldn’t imagine why he hadn’t. Wasn’t this better? Wasn’t this easier? Wasn’t it so much more satisfying, cutting down everyone in front of him without a thought because he needed to, rather than being plagued with reminders that they were people, not targets? This was nothing like before: this was relief, not anger. This was how it should have been from the start.

Red clouded his vision again and he welcomed it, drinking it in as he let his arms and legs take him where they would, allowing everything to flow seamlessly into flawless attacks, into perfect murders. The Guard was still losing ground and he knew instinctively that they were going to be ripped apart by the villagers, but to him it didn’t matter anymore. Battles and peace were secondary: all he cared about was releasing the frantic, hungry energy that shook him to the core. Everyone could die for all he cared. If anything, that was his plan to start with, and the screams and the blood at his hands grew with every strained second.

Sousuke lost track of where he was going. Everything had filed down to single destinations, single aims that he couldn’t hope to see beyond, so did it really matter? From the corner of his eye, he could see more and more of his soldiers trapped by their own unwillingness to fight, weakly fending off attacks they couldn’t hope to best like that, but what did he care? He knew what he was doing. He was the tide; he was waves and waves of thirst that couldn’t be quenched.

By chance, he looked to the side and brilliant pink cut through red. It had happened like this before, and he hesitated from the memory. That was enough to let proper vision fade in and for the briefest second he saw that Kisumi was cornered, just like everyone else. Two men from one side, and another coming up in his blind spot. Sousuke didn’t think: he just moved, ran and ran until he felt the sickening crush of his sword going through a human chest.

He was blind from it, deaf to anything else, and in that moment he knew he was the one carried along by the current, not the current itself. He couldn’t stop himself, he couldn’t stop, he couldn’t stop, he-

“Sousuke!”

Everything went cold. Sousuke screwed his eyes closed, opening them to see it all with perfect clarity. Kisumi’s arms were shuddering, his shield trembling under the weight of Sousuke’s blow.

“A-are you back?” he asked, voice fraying at the edges.

Sousuke couldn’t find it in himself to speak, and before he had the chance they were being attacked again and he could feel himself slipping back, swinging his sword back to land it in the woman’s neck. Kisumi’s hand on his arm froze him.

“You need to stop,” he said in between heavy breaths. He stood in front of Sousuke, doing the fighting for him and that didn’t make any sense strategically, but for the first time in almost an hour it gave Sousuke a chance to calm down. The sharp points of rock at his back, the stingingly cold air, the cloying smell that wanted to drive him to madness: he took them all in, and breathed. Looking down at his hands, he struggled to find words.

“I…I meant to do it.”                         

“Huh?” Kisumi kicked a man’s legs from under him, pushing him back into the fray and away from their corner, then spun to face Sousuke. He looked absolutely stricken. “What do you mean?!”

“I couldn’t…I didn’t know what else to do. So I gave in.”

Kisumi swallowed heavily. “W-why would you do that?! You didn’t need to!”

“We’re losing, Kisumi! Can’t you even see that much?”

“But we’re _not_. We can still do this, but you…” he turned away again under the guise of parrying against a young woman with a pickaxe. “You killed so many people. You knew you would, and you still gave in?”

“I did.”

Kisumi’s back grew tense. “ _Feel_ something, for fuck’s sake! Show some regret!” Landing a blow on the back of the woman’s head with the hilt of his sword, he rounded on Sousuke. “All this time you’ve been worrying about this stupid nature of yours and that’s fine, you’ve been trying to get rid of it, but what about now? You’ve just undone all your work and you’re telling me you feel nothing?”

“Winning this is more important than my humanity.”

Kisumi opened his mouth to argue but he seemed to think better of it for a second. “Fine. If that’s the way you think, fine, but really think about this. Don’t brush it off as a necessary evil: think about what it means for you personally, for who you are. Yes, your personal problems affect more than just you, but it goes the other way too. You can’t just pretend that because you did it for your country, it has no effect on you as a person!”

“Who said I was going to?!” Sousuke roared back. They glared at each other, daring the other to say something else, and as usual Kisumi looked away first. Still ‘protecting’ Sousuke, he went back to fighting and gave Sousuke the time to lean against the stone behind him and actually think about what they’d said.

It was neither the time nor the place to be worrying about what he’d done, but he could still feel the blood on him, the sensation of killing in his muscles, and he couldn’t ignore it. He knew he shouldn’t have – he knew that it made him no better than his father – but he knew there hadn’t been a choice. He knew he’d do it again, and live with the guilt.

In front of him, Kisumi grunted as two villagers tried to beat him onto the ground and he only stayed upright because his heels were dug into the earth. He shook them off and whirled round to meet the next attacker, but there was another, and another, and Sousuke realised everyone was in the same situation. Too many soldiers had turned, too many were turning as he watched them, and those who still had control over themselves were completely outnumbered.

_He knew he’d do it again_.

“I’m going to turn,” Sousuke said in a low voice, feeling for the familiar tug of bloodlust just under the surface of his reason. It would be the work of seconds to go back, but then Kisumi shouted his name.

“No!” he screamed. “You can’t do that! It was bad enough once, I can’t…” His body was heaving with exhaustion.

“We don’t have a choice,” Sousuke said with finality.

“We do! Just give it more time, just a bit more _time_.” He looked desperate enough to stop Sousuke in his tracks.

“For what? What could possibly save this?”

“Reinforcements could,” Kisumi said, his eyes wild before he had to turn and block another attack. The villager had only put force into it, leaving too many openings to ignore. Kisumi didn’t take any of them.

“ _What_ reinforcements?!”

Kisumi was swept into the battle again before he could answer (of _course_ he was, though Sousuke doubted that was completely unintentional). Sousuke watched for a second, two seconds more, and he hesitated. Doubt gripped him. There…there would be time to turn later-

(There wouldn’t: everyone was going to die, because of him.)

-so he could trust Kisumi this time, just for a few minutes. Just enough. He repeated it to himself as he fought as if he wasn’t scared, when really he didn’t want to turn again at all and this was just an excuse. The minutes ticked by. He had to do something more than this!

There was no prologue to it, no crescendo of action and terror, not in the end. One minute Sousuke was looking down, then by chance he raised his head and he saw them cresting the main road into the village. Suihou banners flapping manically in the wind, rows of soldiers in formation, stretching all the way down the side of the mountain as they marched to Iwatobi’s aid.

As with the peak in Tashiya’s aura, the course of battle changed abruptly. With more soldiers and with more time, orders quickly fled down the ranks to subdue and restrain the villagers, one by one, and, unbelievably considering Sousuke’s luck, it was working. Peacefully and efficiently, everything was working.

He remembered the bloodlust boiling under his skin, how close he’d come to killing thoughtlessly again, and he kept his mouth shut. He didn’t waver, and his expression gave nothing away.

When he saw that Rin and Gou had been restrained, he gave in. Quickly letting the Suihou general know his plans to take out the leader, he grabbed Kisumi’s arm and headed for the path heading further up the mountain. Kisumi didn’t resist: he just sheathed his sword and ran too, following the heady fog of aura to where they could feel it was strongest.

“You knew,” Sousuke said in between steady breathing.

“Yeah.”

They slowed down to a walk, running getting more risky as they climbed higher and the fog around them grew thicker, obscuring the way.

“How?”

“I asked them to come.”

Sousuke turned on him. Kisumi was looking away, down the steep fall beside them, as if he was expecting the full brunt of Sousuke’s anger but couldn’t bring himself to face it. That was his problem.

“And you didn’t think that I might need to know about that?!”

“I didn’t know if they’d come or not! I couldn’t get your hopes up.” His eyebrows were scrunched together in an expression Sousuke couldn’t read, bordering between sadness and fear, and yet being neither.

“Suihou shouldn’t have come. If I’d asked, they never would have come.”

Kisumi shrugged slightly, still avoiding eye contact. “I made a good contact out of Ishika, and did her a few favours. She agreed to bargain with King Samanya for me.”

Sousuke considered this. He wasn’t angry: he was just frustrated at himself, hating himself, hating what had happened, and he knew he couldn’t continue to take it out on Kisumi. Even if he should have said something, Sousuke doubted they would have won so ‘cleanly’ without him calling in the favour. And there were things Sousuke should have said too.

Throwing away mountains of concerns – if only for a minute – he rested his head on Kisumi’s shoulder, hugging him loosely enough that he could pull away if he wanted to. He didn’t: his breath stopped for a second, and then his arms were around Sousuke’s torso. Scared and unsure, but there.

“Thank you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything.”

Sousuke grunted, not quite able to say the same thing himself, not when he was wound so tightly already. They stayed like that for a minute, then broke apart and met eyes, mutually agreeing that they needed to go now. There were still things left unfinished, and Sousuke didn’t like where his imagination was taking the peak of Tashiya’s aura, the images of what could be happening between the two gods.

It took some searching, but after a quarter of an hour they found the place where the aura felt the strongest: a seemingly uninteresting rock face with cracks all up and down it, as if lightning had hit it and perfectly carved the fact that it had been there. The cloying smell was so strong Sousuke could barely breathe without his head swimming, and Kisumi was worse off, but they nodded to each other and were about to look for a way to break in when everything changed, too suddenly to notice it at first.

The rock face cracked fully, splitting open in a rumble of dust and flying stone, and when Sousuke had pulled his arm away from his eyes, the cold mountain air cut into his nose like a knife. Tashiya’s aura was gone.

Sousuke and Kisumi jumped into the cave without a second thought, taking stock of the situation and running to Haru’s side without hesitation when they saw him. He was standing with his back to the wall, watching Tashiya on the other side and she shook, crouched with hands clutching her hair. She didn’t even look up as they came in.

“What’s going on?” Kisumi asked while Sousuke hugged Haru, breathing in his scent and burying his face in his hair. Haru froze up at his touch.

In a strained voice, he said, “Sousuke. You need to stab her.”

Sousuke pulled away, frowning. “You said this sword doesn’t work on spirits.” Not that he was in any way opposed to killing her, and he sent her a filthy look that she might as well have been oblivious to.

“It’s not to kill her. If…I’m right, it might work…please.” Haru looked too haunted to say anything more, so Sousuke decided to trust him on this. He understood nothing of the situation, but he wasn’t going to give up a free attack when just a day ago he’d have done anything to strangle her with his bare hands.

Raising his sword above Tashiya’s trembling shoulders, he plunged it down between her shoulder blades without hesitation. She didn’t defend herself or dodge: she only choked, shuddering despite no blood spurting from the wound, and as he drew his sword back, she got to her feet. Raw terror had twisted her face, tears welling in her eyes – and they were strange eyes, flashing different colours like moving water reflecting a rainbow – and then she closed them. Her aura cracked with the sound of an avalanche, and it was like everything in front of Sousuke’s eyes warped for a moment. When it came back to normal, there were three people standing in front of him.

 

Sousuke backed away towards the others, spreading an arm in front of them as if he could do anything to defend against the gods before him.

The three of them looked dazed, uncertain of what was going on. Sousuke could relate, but he was too fixated on waiting for them to make a move, not that any of them seemed ready to do that yet. The middle one was an exceptionally tall, slender woman with skin darker than Niro’s and short hair the colour of moonlight. With her inherent poise and grace, the sapphire held on her forehead by a circlet of thin chains, and the flowing blue robes she wore, it was obvious from a glance she was a water god, even without the fierce, icy blue of her eyes.

Clinging to her arm, the shortest god looked like a mouse trapped by a fox. Their skin was even paler than Haru’s, with cropped light brown hair that looked more like fur if not for the fringe completely covering one of their ash-grey eyes, and everything about their loose, green and brown leaf-dusted clothes made their territory clear as well.

But the third was nowhere near as calming or non-threatening as the other two. She was shorter than Tashiya was – _had been_ – and far more toned, wearing brown and red leathers lined with thin green vines. Her hair was as red as the rose at her neck and it was tied into a high ponytail, accenting the sharpness of her face and her eyes the colour of dried blood. There was something under the surface of her expression like the calm of a predator just before it strikes and Sousuke tensed up for a fight he knew he couldn’t win.

The other two gods got there first. Before Sousuke even realised what was happening, the shortest had the red-haired woman by the neck, shoving her against the wall and glaring up at her. The tall woman followed, looking visibly shaken.

“Reiya,” she asked in a voice like the dull patter of rain heard from inside, “what did you _do_?”

With no threat immediately obvious, Sousuke lowered his stance and turned to Haru for answers. Haru didn’t look like he had any to offer: he was staring intently at the trio and frowning. Kisumi looked just as blank, if not blanker. That wasn’t going to work.

“What’s going on?” Sousuke hissed at Haru.

“I…I think Tashiya was created by these three. I don’t know, I’ve only heard of this happening once, I didn’t think it was _possible_ …”

This was just getting more and more unbelievable, but Sousuke decided to lower his standards for believability when it came to spirits. He turned back to look at the three gods.

“You killed us!” the tall woman was saying, thoroughly upset. The shorter god’s grip hadn’t loosened for a second, but Reiya wasn’t putting up a fight. “You killed us and you think a simple ‘I was jealous’ is going to make us forgive you?!”

“I was _hoping_ …”

Reiya was promptly slapped.

Holding her cheek, she looked even more outraged than her natural state seemed to be. “Shizuku, would you listen for one fucking second?!”

“No! No, I’m not going to listen because you _killed_ us. Is that making its way into your head yet, Reiya? Typically you don’t kill your lovers: I thought that was common knowledge!”

“I couldn’t help it!” Reiya shouted back. “You two were always so happy together, and I was-”

“Just as loved!” Shizuku screamed. “If you don’t think so, you were utterly blind! And it wasn’t even enough to kill us, you had to create that poor girl too. Did you even feel her confusion, how lost she was, or were you selfish enough to ignore that too?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake Shizuku, she was _fine_.”

This time the shorter god slapped her.

“Yuuta!” Reiya growled, her aura spiking in anger. Sousuke could see it now, like a mist around all of them, and he tensed up into a fighting stance again even though he knew his sword was useless: it was just an instinct.

Reiya noticed and she glared at him, her scowl darker than even his was. “Get fucked, human,” she snarled.

“Reiya!” Shizuku said despairingly, on the verge of tears. “You don’t even understand, do you?”

Like a spoilt child, Reiya turned her scowl away, wrinkling her nose but saying nothing. Shizuku watched her for a second, and everything felt still in the cave, waiting to see what would happen. Still Reiya stayed quiet, her lips pursed like it would sacrifice all her dignity to open them.

“Fine.” Shizuku touched Yuuta’s shoulder gently and the god immediately let Reiya down, moving to Shizuku’s side. “You wanted to wallow in how unloved and spurned you are? Go ahead, we won’t stop you anymore.” She turned away and Reiya grabbed Shizuku’s hand, horror spreading across her face.

“W-wait! I love you, you know I love you! Both of you, I love you both more than my own life, you can’t-”

“You killed us out of jealousy, Reiya,” Yuuta said in a small voice. “Forgive me for saying your words ring a little hollow here.”

“But I can’t live without you!”

“You did before, for hundreds of years,” Yuuta shrugged. “Just do it again.” With their hand on Shizuku’s back, the two of them disappeared and Reiya stumbled, staring at the space where they’d been. Nothing made good sense and it was already over; Sousuke felt he’d been watching something worlds away from him even though all that separated him and Reiya was that thin, cloying mist.

He, Haru and Kisumi stayed very quiet, unwilling to set off the glowing furnace of Reiya’s rage, and still too hazy on what had happened to do anything about it. Reiya seemed to take a few moments to compose herself and then, that plan evidently failing, she rounded on the three of them and bared her teeth as if they were fangs.

“Well, would you look at that,” she said drily, staring pointedly at Haru with her arms crossed. “I was right.”

“Only because of your own mistakes,” Haru retorted, grasping the situation by means unknown to Sousuke. “You brought this on yourself: you were selfish.”

Sousuke, for his part, was confused, and increasingly worried about how brash Haru was being towards someone who looked ready to rip them all apart. But apparently Reiya wasn’t in the mood to debate.

“Asshole. You don’t know _anything_ about it.”

“I know enough.”

“And what, you’re so fucking wise, with your wild beast and pampered pet? Disgusting. Have you told them how you’re manipulating them yet or is that going to be some fun pillow talk for another night?”

Haru blanched and Sousuke decided it was his turn to cut in, ignoring everything about what Reiya had just said because it was _not_ the time.

“Are you going to stop taking your frustration out on us anytime soon or should we just go?”

Reiya raised an eyebrow, actually seeming happier to be challenged. Sousuke had only stoked her flames higher. “And who the fuck are you, might I ask? Do you seriously think you can just speak to me? Pathetic. You’re just a weak replacement king, aren’t you? Running around on that berserker blood and completely incapable of doing anything by yourself, does that sound about right?”

Sousuke was about to shout back at her when Kisumi put a hand on his side, shaking his head. Reiya turned her flames to him in delight.

“Oh, does our little prince want to avoid conflict? How fucking precious.”

“Please stop…Shouldn’t you go after them?” It was a valiant effort, and completely in vain.

“Don’t talk back to me.” She glared at them until a new idea seemed to come to her, bringing satisfaction to her expression and dread to theirs. “Actually…since that ice block isn’t going to tell you anytime soon and you lot are seriously pissing me off, I’m just going to tell you.”

Haru went white and he looked about to say something but a single look from Reiya silenced him. Apparently the hierarchy was still in full effect. Sousuke glowered and promised himself he wouldn’t let anything she said get to him.

But what were promises worth, when faced with something you hadn’t ever wanted to know? Gleefully, Reiya told them about glamour with as much contempt and as many expletives as she could manage, and Sousuke couldn’t believe a word of it.

But he also could: it made all the sense in the world, and it was all the more dangerous for it. So he listened, feeling Kisumi stiffen up beside up, knowing Haru wouldn’t even look up at them, and he refused to show any expression at all.

He remembered his blood mingling with Haru’s, dripping down their hands. He remembered the reproach and betrayal in the god’s eyes in Toumura, but how he’d reached out for Sousuke even so. He remembered a vow: he remembered every promise they’d made to trust each other, and he steeled his expression into neutrality.

_‘If you’re sure’_

He’d never been so sure in his life.

 

Reiya left them without ceremony and without a word: when she’d had enough, she just sneered and left. Sousuke thought she was probably at her limit as well, but he didn’t care enough to discuss it. She could break a hundred times over, and good riddance. There were more important things on his mind: as he’d thought, Haru wouldn’t look at either of them. In the dark cave exhausted of life and aura, Sousuke locked eyes with Kisumi and they both knew what the other was thinking. There was no point in doing it here. They needed time. Haru needed time, most of all. So Sousuke put an arm around his shoulders and steered him out into the sunlight again.

Kisumi was holding up surprisingly well, but then, he was only a quarter divine. His charisma and the strange effect he had on people had been explained, but no one was accusing him of fabricating emotions in the hearts of those he loved. It was such a bizarre thing to think about that Sousuke’s immediate reaction was to dismiss it as impossible: he felt the way he felt, and that was all that mattered. Not where the emotions came from, not who had brought them on, because that meant nothing in the face of what he _felt_. Haru could cut open Sousuke’s chest to reveal nothing but cogs and springs, and what he felt would still be real because he felt it. There was nothing else to it in his mind.

The path was clear of fog now, and they walked together in silence. There was too much to think about to talk, even though the words Sousuke wanted to say were burning his tongue. He wanted to confirm what they’d seen, what they knew: that Tashiya was gone, that the three gods had disappeared and wouldn’t come back, that the glamour had lifted, that everything was back to how it should be.

That he’d been wrong in assuming this was just another crime to add to his father’s grand total. That there was so much he didn’t know, and that this mistake was making him doubt all the assumptions he clung to with ferocity he never wanted to admit.

That he was weak in the face of the bloodlust he couldn’t control or master, couldn’t harness or use. That he’d killed too many innocent people to count, out of desperation, not necessity.

That this didn’t feel like a victory, somehow.

The three of them stopped when they crossed a bend in the path that lay the village out below for them to see. The villagers had clearly come back to their senses, and they and soldiers milled about in the camp, faceless. There were so many injuries that the infirmary tent had spread out into the open under the slowly warming sun. Towards the edge of the camp, Sousuke could see Chigusa and Gou sitting close together, hands clasped, across from the equally attached Ai and younger Mikoshiba. Rin and Makoto weren’t anywhere to be seen, but Sousuke didn’t think he was worried about that. They’d be together, somewhere.

“It feels kind of unreal, doesn’t it?” Kisumi laughed softly. There was still blood drying on his armour.

Sousuke murmured a response but didn’t say anything. There was a feeling like loss sending his thoughts into tangles: it was stupid, since they’d _won_ , but it didn’t feel like they had. There wasn’t anyone to lay the blame on: no enemy he could fix in his sights to kill (not when Tashiya was already gone, and Reiya apparently not responsible for what had happened), and he was only left with the consequences. From the hollow neutrality on Kisumi’s face, he probably felt the same way.

They were both of them hyper-aware of how stubbornly quiet Haru was staying. They couldn’t push him, but it didn’t feel like it was shock or mourning that was silencing him. Sousuke thought he should probably say something about the glamour: pull it out into the open and into a chokehold, but he couldn’t find the words. All he could do was pull Haru closer instead.

For now – with the chilly air warming around them, the memories of blood and aura mixing between them – that would have to be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it, then!
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me for this. I had a lot of fun and got to create Tashiya, and I'm just very grateful you all supported me through it (even the maybe/maybe-not official threesome). Thank you for all your comments and kudos!

**Author's Note:**

> My chapters aren't usually this long, but I really wanted to get Haru introduced, so here we are.


End file.
